The Game of Gore and Heartache
by ThatNorthwestGirl
Summary: It wasn't rocket science that Madi Delaine dreaded the life she was living, but what happens when she gets visits from a white rabbit and strange dreams that leave her questioning her sanity? Wonderland holds the life Madi always wanted... or does it?
1. Red and White

Never once in my fifteen years have I seen something so un-desirable. When I was told we were moving into a mansion I expected a big grand entranceway and marble columns on the front porch and a butler named Sebastian who I would grow fond of and he would sneak me sweets from the kitchen. Not an old decrepit thing that slightly resembled a house with a rotting gate that looked like it could give me tetanus or a number of other diseases. No butler named Sebastian. No hope of having a friend.

"So what do you think?" My less than appealing step-father, Mitchell, asks as a hairy un-groomed arm wraps it's way around my shoulder. His breath washes over my face and it's enough to send me reeling back and stumbling over my heels. His breath is already rank with the smell of hard liquor even though it's still early in the day and I could have sworn that there were bits of food stuck in his un-tamed black beard. What my mother sees in him is far too complicated for me to understand.

Now that I was an agreeable distance away from Mitchell, I took his words into thought. I looked back at the building trying to sort my thoughts.

"Well it's… big." I say trying to be optimistic. He twists his face in such a manner that I might as well have smacked him.

"Big?" He repeats slowly like he might've heard me wrong. I roll my eyes growing irritated that he just couldn't take my compliment.

"Yes. It's a word meaning grand, tall, large in size." I tick off one by one. I don't know what it is about Mitchell, but I can't be around him with out being in a sour mood. Mitchell's face grows angry as he trudges up the path towards the house grumbling about me being a "smart ass" or about my "un-gratefulness" or one of the many other things that make me a an incompetent child.

Mother shoots a glare at me with her dark hazel eyes. Deep and trustworthy, people say. I have the same rusty lake water colored eyes, but while my mother's seem tired and clouded over, mine are bright and open, searching for questions that need answering.

"Must you treat your father that way?" She sighs as she always does. A dull throb makes it's way into my chest as I lowered my eyes to the ground.

"He is not my father." I whisper and I could feel the hazel eyes upon me grow enraged. I've hit my mother's weak spot; the sanctity of her home and family.

"He _is_ your father and always has been." She hisses as she walks past me, disappearing into the house leaving me to stand silently and in the shame she's created.

I wanted my mother to be happy, but Mitchell certainly is _not_ my father. My father was a kind, joy filled man that had such a creative mind that most people thought him to be crazy. I thought he was brilliant though and I've tried my very best to follow in his footsteps. To follow the man that smelled like organic produce. The man that ate grapefruit with sugar on top every day for breakfast The man that called me Pumpkin no matter how much I loathed it. The man that died when I was seven. _Never _in this life will I see Mitchell as my father.

The relationship between my mother and I has never been the same since my father's death, but it's been worse lately. She claims it's because I've reached an impossible age, but it's not like she ever says that about Joy.

Joy is Mitchell's seventeen year old daughter and her name is hugely un-suited for her because she brings me nothing but un-happiness. She is stuck-up, lazy and selfish. She has dark and ugly personality, but people tend to ignore this because she has a beautiful appearance. She's a typical beauty. Long blonde hair, sun-kissed skin, womanly curves and eyes the color of blue cotton candy. She's really quite lovely and she's extremely popular because of it. Everyone wants to be friends with the pretty girl, but I personally don't understand it. What's the point in being loved only for your looks? What a dreadfully materialistic world we live in.

Speaking of Joy, she's been texting this entire time and chewing her bubblegum incredibly loud. The combined sound of clacking keys and gum popping is driving me insane and just as I'm about to turn around and politely tell her to stop something rams into my shoulder. Hard. Sending me flying towards the ground. I throw my hands in front of me in an attempt to save my face. I could feel the rough surface of gravel digging into my hands on impact. I look up just as Joy rips her attention from her illuminated phone screen looking frustrated.

"Watch where you're going loser!" She spits before going back to attempting to text and walk at the same time. I scowl at her back as she walks away. _Well eff you too. _I swallow up my hatred towards Joy as I scramble onto my feet. I stare at me hands. They're rubbed raw and thin red lines are starting to run across my palms. They sting, my feelings are hurt, I want to cry, but I'll be sixteen in two days. Everyone agrees I should stop acting like a child and begin acting like a young lady. Even if I don't want to.

I push my feelings down and start moving towards the front door. The last thing I want to do is go in, but the weather is un-bearably hot even though spring has just begun. The strangely hot sun is beating down on my ivory skin like a hammer and sweat is starting to pour down my face in streaks. I figured I might as well be miserable and cool than miserable and dying of heat stoke.

I placed my hand flat against the stained glass of the front door. The picture of beautiful imaginary like flowers detailed into the glass. It looked like something dreams are made of. I wondered if such a wonderful dreamlike place existed and if I could go there. I heard a rustling behind me and I turned swiftly to catch a blur of red and white race into the bushes in front of me. I stood there wondering if I had even seen anything at all. My final declaration was that I had been in the sun too long and it was messing with my vision. I then walked into the house, leaving the thoughts of imaginary worlds and blur of red and white behind me.


	2. Madwoman

I'm on the third floor making my way down a long hallway with a countless numbers of doors. The floor is caked in dust and old leaves that crunch under my feet have somehow made their way into the house. Most likely through the gaping hole in the roof right above me. I keep walking until I reach an opened door (Probably thrown open by Joy for inspection) and I peek my head in. The room is awfully cramped, musty-smelling and is painted the most cheerless grey that I had ever seen. There's a large cat sized water stain on the peeling walls, a small iron bed against the wall, a shredded arm chair and a dark stained wardrobe with it's doors hanging by a bolt on it's hinges. Awesome. I wander over to the one large window in the room and rub a finger across the nook under it. I frown as I hold up a dust covered finger.

"Well at least there's a good view." I say pushing the window open and letting th first fresh air that this house has seen in awhile.

My window faces the back of the house, right above a large green field with a dying garden. There's a lush forest beyond that, it's so thick and vast I couldn't help but admire it. To be so alive and powerful to not be touched by man-kind for centuries, it was beautiful. Yet my attention was turned to the dying garden again. It looks like it could use the help of a teenage girl. I turn away from the window and leave the room. I hop down the creaking stairs and make my way out back. Almost immediately I regret coming out in the heat again, but I have a mission that needs to be fulfilled.

I search the edge of the house until I come upon the hose. I unravel it slowly and throw it on the ground before turning the knob on the side of house to turn it on. Slowly but surely, rust colored water makes its way out of the mouth of the hose. I let it sit for a minute as the water becomes a little clearer and less un-healthy looking. I pick op the hose and sprinkle water over the garden.

When it's healthy again it'll be a lovely garden, full of hydrangeas, lilies and roses. I started humming a little tune that I've always known to myself was I gave the flowers what they most thirst for. My mind started to wander and began thinking what it would be like if flowers could talk. What silly things they would say. _Oh my, do my petals seem to be wilting? This ground is much to hard I could never sleep! Have you seen that odd looking weed? The one that walks around on her two stems and waters us often? What an odd creature! _I giggle at the thought of it all.

"I'm not a weed, I'm a girl." I whisper to the flowers, trying to correct their silent questions. A soft swaying sound sings in my ears and I feel as if the flowers are arguing with me. I was about to argue back, but then I realized that the sound wasn't from the flowers in front of me, but more behind me. I arch my neck to investigate, but I have to turn all the way around to make sure my vision wasn't playing tricks on me.

About fifteen feet in front of me on the forest's edge was, or at least what I thought was a pure white rabbit. But that wasn't what was making me question my vision. This rabbit was standing on it's two hind legs proudly and sporting a red checkered waistcoat. I know this shouldn't be my first thought at seeing such a strange sight but I'm thinking, _A waistcoat? Who wears those things anymore? _And out of all things the rabbit pulls out a gold pocket watch from his waistcoat and points to it hastily. Something gathers deep in the pit of my stomach. It felt like I was forgetting something. Like I was late for something. Something very important that could change the course of my life as I knew it. I take a step forward ready to follow this rabbit to where ever it must take me.

"Madi!" A voice shrieks. It startles me and makes me stop dead in my tracks. I turn towards the voice. It's my mother, leaning out the kitchen window with her tired eyes narrowed at me. "I need your help in here, stop screwing around!" She orders. I turn back to the spot the rabbit was in, but he's long gone. I can't stop staring at spot, waiting for him to come back. Was I imagining the entire thing? No it couldn't have been a hallucination, it seems so real. The feeling that I was being pulled was so strong. But the voice in the back of my head is nagging at me, _Of course it wasn't real, you've gone around the bend thinking that you're seeing such peculiar things._

"Madi, what are you staring at?" Mother asks_. _The sound coming out of my mouth is a cross between a laugh and a cry, the sound a madwoman would make.

"Nothing." I say as I turn and run into the house. What a great early birthday present. I'm almost sixteen and being plagued by hallucinations.


	3. Certainly Not Perfect

I flop down face first onto the hard mattress of the iron bed in the cheerless grey room. I'm exhausted. My mother and Mitchell pretty much made me furnish the entire house. For hours I had been moving and re-arranging furniture until my mother approved of their position all though I thought the living room would've looked fine if we had left it in the first arrangement opposed to the fiftieth. My legs were on fire and my arms were threatening to fall out of their sockets. There's nothing I want to do more than sleep right now, but a sound in the hall strike my curiosity. I sit up painfully and watch Joy applying final touches of make-up in a pocket sized mirror through the opened door. She was dressed up for something. Wearing a little black dress that was far too short and showed too much of her chest, and dark make-up adorned on her face.

"Where are you going?" I ask her. Joy looks at me from the corner of her eye before deciding she's un-interested and goes back to the pocket mirror.

"Out." She says proving no help to my question. She closes the pocket mirror shut with one hand and purses her lips together and smacks them so loud that it echoes through out the house. She turns to me and pulls up down the top of her dress a little to show more cleavage. "How do I look?" She asks, but she could care less of my opinion. _Like a five dollar hooker. _I think honestly, but I put on a fake smile.

"Perfect." I say. Joy smiles a triumphant smirk to herself before walking off looking pleased. I could laugh, it's such a lie. Everything is certainly not perfect, but I know it's what Joy wanted to hear. Because that's what living in her world is like-Perfect. An illusion where everyone looks the other way and pretends nothing terrible exists at all, no monsters hiding in the dark, no ghosts to haunt your thoughts

I release a frustrated sigh before falling onto the bed on my back. I stare at the ceiling with un-blinking eyes. I start to wonder exactly when I started seeing this world as something so un-desirable. I want to find something good here, be optimistic, but my open mind has been growing thin over the years. I sigh again and close my eyes. I may not see anything wonderful in this world, but in my dreams I might find one that could bring back happiness.

…

"_What's wrong?" An un-familiar male voice asks. _

"_None of your business." A strong female voice spits harshly. I'm standing on a ledge of some sort, watching a an argument of two people, a man and a young lady it seems like. I can't see their faces, only the backs of their heads. The girl has long golden hair and the man has white hair and what appeared to be rabbit ears. I look at my surroundings, nothing at all looks familiar and I feel awful for eavesdropping, but I don't want to wander off and get myself lost. The man turns towards the girl in a rush, gloved hands grabbing her shoulders tightly. The man's white hair covers his face still as her forces the girl to look at him._

"_Why is it that no matter how hard I try, I only make you cry?" He asks frantically, but the girl is having none of it. She shakes his hand off her shoulders harshly._

"_Oh I don't know! Let's think about it! You kidnap me, forcibly kiss me, and made it so I'm stuck in this stupid world! Why do you think I'm upset!" She yells at the man in complete hysterics. The man's rabbit ears flatten against his head showing his hurt expression even though I couldn't see his face._

"_Tell me what I must do, to make you love me as I do you!" The man pleads. If I could see the girl's face I'm sure it would be twisted into a scowl._

"_I don't want your love, I don't want anyone's from this stupid world!" She yells grabbing him by his shirt and trying to shake him. Even I had to flinch at this. The poor man, having his feelings chewed up and spit back at him so harshly must feel like the worst pain imaginable. I look back at the girl who's head is now hung and he grip slack on the man's blazer. "I'm lonely." She says finally before letting her hands fall to her sides and turning away from the man. The man stands still, not knowing what to say._

"_But-" he tries but the girl cuts him off._

"_I know." She says like she already knows what he was going to say. "But I miss people from my world, I need some normal contact every once in a while." She sighs as her thoughts overwhelm her. Her world? Where exactly is she and where is she from? All this conflict was to complicated for me to understand. The man seems to brighten up a little bit._

"_So if someone form your world became your friend you're sadness would end?" He asks hopefully. The girl almost laughs, she probably finds the notion so ridiculous._

"_Yeah, I suppose." She waves it off and continues walking down a the path she was on. The man follows after her and she becomes annoyed again. "And stop following me." She orders. The man doesn't listen and the began bickering again, but they were now too far away for me to hear. I wanted to follow them, ask them questions. Who were they? Where are we? What did the girl mean by she's trapped in this world? But my legs wouldn't follow my command. And suddenly the sun was far to bright and I couldn't see. I put my hands in front of my face trying to shield my eyes and they were getting away. For some reason it made my heart ache, like someone dear to me was dying. The light was growing more intense and I could feel myself fading away._

"_Wait!" I scream so loud my lungs could've exploded and then I was enveloped into the light, alone and left without answers._


	4. An Excuse for Toffee

It's the light that wakes me. My eyes flutter open and my hand shoots up to my eyes to block it out. I sit up in a daze and try to evaluate my situation. I'm in the cheerless grey room, sitting on the hard bed facing the window which is blinding me heavily. I blink several times as my eyes adjust before it all hits me.

"A dream…" I mumble un-surely taking another look at my surrounds. I was very skeptical of what I had dreamed of was actually a dream. It all seemed so real and vivid and I just had this _feeling_ that it I was actually there.

I shake my head and slap my cheeks a couple of times, re-assuring that I was awake. _Of course it was a dream, Madi. Look you're back in your cheerless grey room. There's no rabbit men or lonely girls. Just your sad reality. _I get up from the bed and change out of the clothes that I had fallen asleep in. It looks like it'll be hot again so I put on a colorful flannel and grey shorts. I sat on the bed again as I slipped on a pair of pure black flats.

I smile to myself slightly as I realized something. Tomorrow's my birthday. My hopes were that my family was busy planning a surprise party to celebrate me becoming a year older. It was then I decided that I was going to stay out of everyone's way so that I don't ruin the surprise. I head out the back again and stop for a moment as Joy comes into view. She's laying on an outstretched lawn chair in a skimpy bikini trying to work on her tan. I frown a little at the sight, preferring to have walked in on her blowing up balloons or something but I brushed it away. What was I thinking? It's Joy. Of course she's not going to lift a finger for anyone but herself, but that doesn't mean that my mom or Mitchell weren't working themselves to the bone to do something for my birthday.

So I ignore Joy as my attention gets snagged on something interesting just to the left of her. There's an old tire swing that I must've missed when I was outside yesterday. I wander over to it and place a hand on the fraying edges of the rope. _I wonder if this will support my weight. _The soft swaying of the tire moving in the wind was too hard to resist. _Well I suppose we'll find out. _I swing one leg onto the center of the tire and the other soon follows. A few still moments pass by and I'm just waiting the rope to snap and me to get a concussion. But it never comes and A big smile stretches across my face. I start swinging my legs back and forth and rocking the tire swing. Like I'm five years old I start giggling as I'm swinging wildly through the air. It's sad to say, but I haven't had this much fun in a long time. I felt… happy. Actually happy. I haven't felt like I've been in my own skin for such a long time, and it felt wonderful.

"Oh my god, shut the hell up!" Joy screams as she sits up in her chair. My voice drops dead and my misery re-enters my body. I let the tire swing come to a stop slowly. Joy and I stare quietly at each other for a moment before she scoffs and flips over on her stomach. I stick my tongue out at her childishly.

"Fine. Be that way." I sigh as I lean my chin on the top of the tire swing. I stare at the forest in front of me in silence. I begin to think maybe I should go exploring to take my mind off of things. Escape for a little while. Then I catch sight of something odd.

It's the rabbit in the waistcoat again, but un-like last time he doesn't stop to pay attention to me and disappears behind a bush. I turn towards Joy in a hurry.

"Did you see that!" I exclaim hoping that I wasn't going crazy and she had seen the strange creature too.

"See what?" She asks in an annoyed tone as she sits up on her elbows so that she can see the forest. I know she's just asking me out of pity's sake, but hey, I'll take it.

"The rabbit!" I say as I turn back towards the bushes that were still shuffling from being run through. Joy makes a gagging sound next to me.

"Ew! Really! I'm going inside. I don't want to catch anything from a disgusting wild animal!" I watch as she makes a beeline to the back door. I scowl at her choice of words. She didn't have to like the rabbit, but she didn't have to call it disgusting either. I climb off the tire swing and kneel beside the bushes. I look around to make sure no one's around to watch what I'm about to do.

"Don't worry about her Mister Rabbit. She probably has more diseases than you do." I take a moment to laugh to myself about my accurate description of Joy, before continuing. "But, I'd best stay away from here unless you want to see the heel of Joy's precious Prada shoes." I'm taking to a hallucination. It's ridiculous, but I find it strangely comforting. But then I get the feeling that brings un-easiness that sends me running for the house.

…

I'm being watched. The feeling stays with me through a tedious dinner of Marie Calendar's country fried streak. This rabbit just didn't seem like a hallucination anymore, I just knew that it was showing itself to me for a reason. It's trying to show me something and it and it both fascinates and frightens me. But a tiny insignificant part of me keeps telling my that I've gone absolutely mad and I should be on the waiting list for a mental asylum. Feeling un-settled I make my way into my mother's study, searching for comfort. She's leaned over her desk with her shoulders hunched and her brow furrowed.

"Hi mom." I say happily. She looks up at me for a moment before going back to her work. I frown. Not even a hello back. I stand in the doorway awkwardly. I try to remember the last time my mother and I had an actual conversation. It was so long ago, it seems like we're two strangers living under one roof with nothing to talk about.

"So my birthday is tomorrow." I say trying to strike a conversation. Not a sound is made besides the scratching of my mother's pen writing furiously against paper.

"Is it?" She asks like this is the first time she's heard of the topic. It hurts. Not being acknowledged as a daughter to my own mother. I lean against the doorway and cross my arms over my chest, attempting to keep my heart from falling out. I nod to my mother regardless.

"I was thinking that we could all go out tomorrow. Do something fun." I proposed. My mother looked like she had stopped listening altogether and I was determined to get her get out of this cramped office. "We could have a picnic! With lots of balloons, and a big birthday cake-" The idea I was giving myself sounding promising and fun and I began getting over excited. "The picnic could be at the beach and we could go swimming and make fresh barbeque and get soft serve ice cream!" My mother began rubbing her temples, probably trying to think of great ideas the would surpass mine. "Oh! And music! Lots and lots of-"

"Madi!" She snaps so loud that it startles me and makes me jump a bit. "We'll celebrate tomorrow! I'll buy you some toffee."

_I'll buy you some toffee. _It's not a promise. It's an excuse to get rid of me and out of her sight. She knows that toffee is my weak spot and she could pretty much persuade me to do anything with it. There was a time where we did everything together, now we can barely have a conversation without it ending with myself in tears. I am an embarrassment and disappointment of a daughter that she does not want to show in public.

Hot pools of tears gather in my eyes and a sob gathers in my throat. I open my mouth to say something. Something hurtful, something that will make her feel as awful as I feel every goddamn miserable day of my life. But I can't find the words and all I can do is run from the room with tears spilling down my face and my heart in my throat. I run to the third floor and slam the door shut as hard as I can. I stare at it for a moment before opening it and shutting it repeatedly, pouring all my frustration and sadness into my actions.

"Why! Why! WHY!" I shout as loud as my little lungs can before slamming the door closed one last time. My breathing is heavy my face numb and wet. My legs suddenly can't support my weight as I turn and fall towards the door. I slide down it to the floor as my knees curl up to my chest and my hands make their way to my over flowing eyes. "Why?" I whisper again. There was one question and one question only running through my mind. Is a girl born un-loveable or does she just become that way over time? But I did know one thing, I'm sick of this town and the walls in this house and everything in this world as far as I'm concerned.


	5. Nothingness

I'm sitting in the corner between the door and the wall of the cheerless grey room staring at a digital clock I've placed on the opposite side of the room. I've quieted down and now I'm doing nothing more than a pile of dirt. I'm starting to doze off, but every time I start slumping over to one side and my eyes drift closed I bolt up straight and force my eyes open. I just have to stay awake a little longer. The red numbers of the clock hurts my eyes in the dark. Through squinted eyes I can see that it reads 11:59. It's mocking me. One minute couldn't seem any longer away. In one minute it would officially be my birthday. I would be sixteen at last and I don't know why it's such a milestone for me, but it is. Like I should be grateful being alive and healthy for so many years. I begin slumping over again and I groan as I pull myself up. I'm so very tired and my eyes are still tingling from crying, but I'm determined to stay awake. A sleep fogged idea pops into my head and I utilize it. I start singing to myself.

"Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me…" My tone is off and my notes are lazy and I can feel sleep is winning me over. My eyes start fluttering and I know I'm almost done for. "Happy birthday dear Madi…" I lean to my side but this time I don't catch myself, and I fall comfortably to the floor. In a weak attempt, I open my eyes to look at the clock. 12:00. I sigh as my eyes snap shut for good. Happy birthday to me.

_…_

_I'm standing in nothing. I wish I could describe it better, but that's what it is. Nothing. I'm just in a big black space where I can't tell where the floor stops and the ceiling begins. I'm alone. And it terrifies me._

_"Are you sure?" A voice asks. I whip around looking for the owner, but I'm still face to face with nothing. _

_"Who's there!" I yell into the darkness, but I'm only met with the echo of my own voice._

_"You don't have to be so snappy, I've told you before I'd do anything to make her happy!" It's a slightly familiar voice, like one of a friend that I haven't seen in many, many years. I turn again hastily looking for a face to a voice but I see nothing. The a chuckle filling the air and echoing of the walls around me._

_"But if you change the rules when the players are already in play, that's bound to cause trouble amongst them sooner or later don't you think?" The first voice asks. There's something about it that makes me shutter. It's a menacing voice that most likely has a menacing appearance behind it. And what's all this talk about a game and changing rules? Oh, this is making no sense at all!_

_"Why should I care you damn Nightmare!" The second voice argues. Nightmare? Is that what I'm in right now? It isn't a very scary one if I do say so myself…And out of all things, the nothingness seems to be smirking. Right at me. I take back what I say about not being scared. The nothingness opens up, tears in such ways that shouldn't be possible. A scream escapes my throat as it crashes down on me like a tidal wave. I can't escape it. No matter how much I thrash and kick and scream for help, I can't escape. The feeling of drowning settles in. My body goes numb, my lungs give out and my vision is getting away from me, but before I black out for good, I hear something whisper quiet in my ear._

_"Then let her come to us."_

_…_

I bolt up in a fright, clutching my throat and taking deep ragged gasps of air. The air singing a constant never ending lullaby of _Come to us_. I look around for the nothingness, ready to run from it, but the red numbers from the clock are blaring at me and a faint moonlit light is streaming in through the window. I'm back in the cheerless grey room, but it's not much of an improvement from the nothingness. I crawl over to the window on all fours and push it open. The fresh night are is cool and refreshing on my sweat covered face. I try to shake the remnants of my nightmare, but thinking of it scares me even further. I look up at the night sky trying to distract myself. It is all black besides the moon, which is full and ripe like a melon. Lavishing my face with its pale light, welcoming me into safeness. I shutter to myself regardless. The words Come to us is still buzzing in my ear ever so quietly like a pesky mosquito with too much time on it's hands. I need focus on something different. Anything, to forget the words in my ears. I start doing ridiculous things. Tying to find mars, counting the number of leaves on every tree in the forest out back, trying to find shapes in tree trunks. I'm about to start trying to differentiate the sizes in bushes when I see the last thing I ever wanted to see tonight.

The rabbit is back, jutting it's pocket watch out at me insistently. I'm growing used to seeing things, but I could have sworn that I seen it's mouth moving like it was trying to tell me something. I close my eyes for a moment and talk down my craziness.

_There is nothing there. I'm just tired. I will open my eyes and there will be no rabbit._ When I open my eyes he's still there, looking as insistent as ever. I knew it! He wants me to follow him, there's no denying it! But, my head is still telling me different. _Go back to sleep Madi, it's just your vivid imagination._ It's my conscious, but my conscious can't overcome my curiosity because I'm already at the back door ready to confront the rabbit.


	6. Come to Us

I'm sprinting across the backyard as fast and quietly as I can. I don't want to wake anyone. If someone comes out the rabbit will run away and I will begin doubting my sanity again. I skid to a stop a few inches in front of the rabbit, breathing deeply in amazement that I was so close that I could almost touch it. The thought crosses my mind and my fingertips ache to touch it's soft fur. My hand starts drifting towards him slowly. If I could just touch him I'll know that he's real-

"Finally!" The rabbit shouts in a harsh male voice and I recoil my hand in shock. I knew it! The rabbit was trying to talk to me when I was in the cheerless grey room. I stood with a big, dumb smile on my face and bright eyes as I gawk at the rabbit in amazement. "Well come on, We're very quite late!" He exclaims as it makes a come along motion with his paw. I tilted my head and looked at it questionably.

"Whatever am I late for?" I ask it, curiosity thick and clear in my voice. I mean my family doesn't even acknowledge my existence nine out of ten times and I don't have any friends so I couldn't possibly fathom anything I would have to attend. It looked at me as if I should already know.

"We're late for a very important date with Alice!" It says before taking off into the forest, not waiting for me to even understand what he meant by that. I shift on my feet trying to spot him though the trees.

"But I don't know any Alice!" I yell in a hushed whisper. It was quite clear that he wasn't going to come back and explain any of this whole situation to me. Which meant I had to chase him. I take a self-conscious look at the mansion. I almost laugh to myself. No way I'm going back now. Not after what I've just seen. I take off running into the forest, kicking up dirt up after every step I took.

I know it's a bad idea, I'm not that naïve. Following a strange talking rabbit in a waistcoat after only a few words have been passed between us wasn't my smartest idea, But when I catch sight of the rabbit flitting across the forest floor a few feet in front of me there was no hope of me stopping. The deeper we trailed into the forest, I could almost swear the trees were whispering to me. _Idiot_, they say. I ignore them and continues chasing the rabbit. _Moron. _I trip over a tree root that makes my feet slide out from under me and I fall on my knees, catching myself with my hands. _Turn back now. _The rabbit is getting away and the trees are starting to persuade me to return to the house, but then I hear _Come to us._ Those words send me scrambling to my feet in a hurry and continue my pursuit.

"Mister Rabbit! Where are we going?" I ask as I push a tree branch out of my way. The overgrowth was growing much thicker the further we go into the forest. It's getting difficult to navigate around. The rabbit finally decides to pay me some mind as he looks over his shoulder at me.

"Into the hole of course!" It says. My first thought was, _why would we go into a hole? _There's never anything good at the bottom of a hole. They're always filled with things like snakes or alligators which I would think a rabbit would be terrified of.

"What hole?" Was my second question. This question the rabbit decided not to answer as it ran ahead of me. The foliage was really becoming a problem by now. The trees seemed to be closing in on me and I had to shuffle sideways just to keep going. Branches keep smacking me in the face and my shoes threaten to fall off with every vine of root I step over, but I'm determined to see what the rabbit needs to show me. We finally arrive at a wall of trees that would be impossible to get pass unless you jumped over them. The rabbit slows to a stop and wanders over to the trunk of a tree, one that's slightly bigger than all the other's.

"In there." The rabbit says pointing to the base of the tree trunk with an outstretched paw. "Hurry up, we really have no time to spare." I wander to the spot in curiosity and peer over the spot he's pointing at. There's a dark hollowed out hole beneath us, but it was somehow emitting a dimply lit light like a dull star. I lower myself down onto my knees beside it and peek my head in slightly trying to see the bottom.

"What's in here?" I ask as I pull my head out of the hole and look at the rabbit who has a very serious face on.

"Alice, of course." He says in a very matter of fact tone, but something changes about him when he says_ Alice. _His eyes dance and sparkle behind his circular glasses.

"I'm telling you. I don't know any Alice." I inform him very sternly. I wasn't about to jump down a hole for a stranger. The rabbit smiled at me in the darkness.

"Oh, you will." He said. I opened my mouth to argue with him, but something else escaped from my lips. A scream. The earth had given out beneath my hands and I was sent tumbling face first into the hole. I had flipped myself over in the open air, up towards the hole I had just fallen through. The rabbit stood at it's edge smiling down at me. I reached my hand out in a plea for him to catch me, but he shook his head and jumped in after me. I entered complete hysteria and I began shouting a long string of profanities mixed with screams and sheiks. I'm stopped when something hard strikes my head and that caused me to black out. My last thought being that I'm sixteen, and a dead girl.


	7. Drink Me

My head hurt. Bad. The pain is nagging at me to do something about it. I sit up with a groan as light floods into my eyes that have fluttered awake. My hand goes up to trace over the goose egg sized bump forming on the back of my head trying to remember how it had gotten there in the first place. I blink slowly, as my face grows into one of horror as I began to recall the recent events I had gone through. Frantic hands went to work, looking for some sort of deformity like a broken arm or a missing leg.

"I'm not dead?" I whisper both in question and relief. "But.." A sudden un-easiness washes over me as I look around. "Where am I?" I ask to the empty air. I evaluate at my surroundings, trying to figure out what exactly was at the bottom of the hole I fell down. When I look up the sky is a cherry blossom pink that turns a light blue the further up I looked. _Sunrise? How long have I been knocked out?_ The roof of a building peeked it's head into the sky. Upon further inspection I learned that the building was a clock tower. My fingertips traced across a cold rough surface and I look down. It was concrete. It seems that I somehow landed on top of this clock tower after my fall. My hands flutter up to the bump on my head. _Is this what I hit my head on? _

I shift my weight attempting to get up, but I notice something roll out of my pocket and make it's way in front of me. It's nothing I've ever seen before and what it was doing in my pocket was an other mystery. It was a tiny yellow vile. Carved out of what appeared to be crystal and filled to the brim with clear red liquid that was prevented from flowing out by a heart shaped stopper.

I pick it up somewhat gingerly, scared that even touching it would break the delicate looking thing. I turned it in the sunlight, inspecting it. There's a blank label wrapped around the neck by a thin almost invisible string. I grab the paper between my thumb and index finger and flip it over. In quick last minute looking cursive the label reads _Drink Me. _Now that the subject has been brought up I was rather parched.

It did very well say drink it, but I'm even wise enough not to drink a suspicious looking drink that I found in my pocket with no recollection of how it got there. For all I could know it could be poison. So I told myself I would inspect it and see if it was marked as such. You hear stories all the time how people get hurt or get themselves in a sticky situation because they didn't take the time to listen to their common sense. And just like you will be burned if you hold something hot for a long time and if you cut yourself very deeply with a knife it will most likely bleed, if you drink a liquid marked poison it is almost certain that it will disagree with you at one point or another. But this drink was not labeled poison so I didn't see a problem with drinking it.

I stared at it for a moment longer before shrugging. The ache in my throat was urging me on to just drink the thing already and it was growing more and more persistent the longer I didn't. I pulled the stopper from the vile and lifted the mouth of it to my lips. I drank it hastily, letting a few drops slide down my chin. I gave that sigh that most people do after they've just drank something to their liking and wiped the excess liquid off my chin with the back of my hand. I cocked my head to the side as I realized something.

"Strange." I say simply as I stared at the empty vile in question. "I was so thirsty a moment ago… who would've thought so little liquid would quench my thirst. This is just getting curiouser and curiouser!" I wish I wasn't alone, but I'm almost glad no one was here to hear my mutilation of the English language.

I stood up and pocketed the vile in my shorts. I didn't know why, but I felt like it was important to keep the vile on me. Like it was part of me. I wandered over to the edge of the building we were standing on and took a peek at what exactly I should expect in this crazy place. Mainly I saw forest, but if I looked further I could see the faint outline of a castle and… an amusement park? Wherever should I go? Part of me wanted to stay right here and wait for somebody to get me like a good obedient child. Unfortunately, I'm not a good a obedient child and I was convinced that I was needed to find someone and ask where I am. I spotted a pair of stairs and made my way towards them. I stalled at them for a moment, pondering where I should go.

"I think I'll start at the amusement park." I say absent-mindedly as I began hopping down the stairs. I'm getting into a habit of talking to myself. Maybe that will stop when I can share my voice with another person.


	8. Murder Over a Pocket Watch

I gave a long hard stare at the forest around me before giving a long questionable hum.

"Well I'm lost." I announce to the trees as I laugh to myself. I suppose it's my way of coping for the fact that I'm actually quite worried about the situation. Okay, maybe it wasn't the smartest idea to waltz into a forest like I owned the place, but I didn't very well know where else to look for the amusement park. Not knowing what else to do I started walking in a random direction hoping that I'd stumble upon someone or something.

A few moments later of wandering aimlessly through the forest, I did. Out of the corner of my eye something was shining and reflecting the light of the sun in my face. It was such a bright light that it shined brilliantly even though it was concealed behind a bush. I walked over to the spot the strange light was in and dove my hand into the bush it was hiding behind and my fingers wrapped around something circular and cold as ice. It was a pocket watch. A broken one at that. The face cracked, the hands un-moving and the ticking stopped dead. I hold it up to the sky, placing it exactly where the sun was hovering, blocking it out.

"I wonder who could lose something as big as a pocket watch?" I ask myself. If it were me, I find it near impossible to lose something so cumbersome. Just then I heard I twig snap behind me and it's just human nature to turn around and investigate so I did. The last thing I expected to happen when I turned around was to be pinned between a tree and a strange man with a sword pressed up against my neck.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you right now." A voice that could only be produced by the man who was holding my life in his hands. I was trying to escape, but the more I struggled I realized that my flailing feet were nothing more than empty air. The man had somehow lifted me off the ground and the only thing keeping me suspended was the tree and his body weight crashing into me. My breathing is frantic and I'm making short panicky frightened sounds as my hands try and push the sharp blade against my neck away from me.

"I… I didn't do anything!" I yell in a desperate attempt to get him to let me go, but the pressure of the blade only increased on my neck as another terrified squeak erupts from my throat. The man leaned in close. His blood red eyes staring right into the deepest reaches of my thoughts, twisting and distorting them until there was nothing but fear. He leans in close despite my struggling and raspy screams and sheiks. He's close, We're sharing each other's breath.

"Maybe not yet, but we all know what you were going to do to that clock." He breaths onto my lips softly and quietly. _Clock? Wait… Did he mean the pocket watch I just picked up? _I shove the watch that I had been gripping onto dear life with in between our faces.

"Here!" I choke out since the sword to my neck is cutting of my air circulation. "If… If it's yours… Then take it…" I can feel my consciousness fading and my breathing getting shallower and shallower. I clenched my eyes tight as I tried to block all the events that were happening out. I'm scared. Terrified. But maybe it's for the best. Maybe if my life just ends now, nobody will look the other way. After all my family wouldn't even noticed that I've disappeared and what's the difference if there's just one less girl in the world?

But just as soon as all this mess began, I felt the air returning to my lungs and my body fell limp as I was released from this man's grasp. My eyes shot open and my hands clasped around my aching neck as my throat struggled to take short ragged breaths.

"You really weren't going to destroy the clock?" The man asks. His voice has changed. It's softer, almost playful. My gaze shifted from the ground to peer up at him as he inspected the clock, much how I did just a moment ago. The sword that had been used to nearly kill me was nowhere to be seen like I had been imagining the entire experience.

"Why... Why would I want to break that?" I ask as I release the grip on my neck, my voice still sounding like a had swallowed an entire dessert. I pop my flannel's collar up though, like somehow that will stop the man from going for my neck again if he changes his mind about letting me go. The man looked at me skeptically as he towered above me before his face upturned into a smile.

He dropped to his knees and encased my hands in his. Of course I started screaming my lungs out, I mean the man just had a sword to my neck for Pete's sake. I twist and kick and scream in his grasp, but he refuses to let me go.

"You don't know about clocks! That must mean you're a foreigner!" He exclaims so excitedly you could have sworn he was a kid in a candy shop. The silly, amazed look he had face slowly made me stop struggling until I'm just heaving large breathes of air, staring at him in both horror and confusion.

"Foreigner?" I repeat breathlessly. He nodded happily with his crimson eyes beaming at me.

"Foreigner." He says again slowly like I don't understand English and as he points a black gloved at my heart. I don't like the way he says this. Foreigner. Like I don't have any other aspects to me. Like I'm an object. Something that doesn't have a personality or can distinguished from a crowd.

"Madi Delaine." I say trying to give a name to my face as I yank my hands back from him and hold them protectively near my heart. His hand reaches out toward me again, this time towards my face like he wants to see if I'm real. Just as his fingertips brush my cheek I jump and as if he were a contagious disease, I scramble to my feet and pressed my back firmly against a tree trunk breathing heavily again. The man stares at me for a moment before closing his eyes and laughing to himself about something and standing up straight, brushing the dirt off his knees as he did so. His eyes open and he shoots a happy smile at me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you miss, but it isn't everyday a foreigner arrives." He tries to explain to me. I'm hesitant of this man. He seems like an okay guy, but I can't get over the fact that he nearly got away with chopping my head off. "And to have two at once…This surely is something…" He mumbles towards the end. Before I could get to questioning this "two at once" business, I had another question eating at the corners of my mind.

"Why do you keep calling me a foreigner?" I ask as I take a few tentative steps towards the man. He points an index finger at me which makes me flinch back in reflex. I feel like a gazelle trying to make friends with a lion.

"You're not from around here right? That makes you a foreigner." He says all in smiles. I take his question into deep thought as I looked at the sky and forest surrounding me.

"You're right. I'm not from here." I say as I look into his eyes. "But exactly where am I?" I ask as I throw my hands up in the air to emphasize the space. He grins a lopsided smile at me.

"This is the Country of Hearts. You're in Wonderland now." He says happily. I figured being a foreigner must be a pretty big deal around here. I mean this man was ready and set to kill me, but once he figured that I was a "foreigner" he acted like he was meeting a potential new best friend.

"The Country of Hearts?" I repeat after him, letting the grouping of words roll off my tongue experimentally. Now it may just be because I have never paid attention in geography, but I am almost certain I have never heard of The Country of Hearts that is in Wonderland. Where is Wonderland by the way? Perhaps its by Australia or New Zealand. I ought to have fallen long enough to go all the way to the other side of the earth!

"But what are doing in the middle of the woods foreigner?" The man asked with his hand on his chin in a thinking position and his eyes focused on the sky. I could feel my eyebrows twitching with my growing anger.

"I've told you before my name is Madi and I'd really prefer that you call me by it." I tell him. I look him up and start inspecting him . Definitely an out of the ordinary fellow. "Speaking of names, do you have one stranger?" I ask him with a strong curiosity. He laughed before jabbing a thumb in his direction.

"My name's Ace. I'm a knight at Castle of Hearts." He introduced. My mouth dropped open and my eyes grew wide.

"Wow! A real life knight!" I exclaim as a big, bright, amazed smile breaks out unto my face. He was awful kind and carefree looking to be a knight with his messy caramel colored hair and that goofy grin, but he looked scary in the same sense. After all, with the entire almost killed me over a pocket watch thing, he was frightening. His broad shoulders under his red trench coat and his eyes that seemed to be bloodstained weren't taking away that feeling. The sword tucked into his belt made my throat ache by just looking at it. "This is so cool." I mutter in spite of my fears.

"Alice is going to lose her mind when she hears you're here." This Ace fellow says under his breath. The name _Alice _floats in my ears like a million lily pads in a still lake. Why did that sound so familiar? _You're late for a very important date with Alice! _A spark ignited in my head and I practically threw myself at the knight.

"I'm was told I needed to find an Alice! Can you tell me where she is?" I asked hopefully. Maybe I wasn't an idiot. Maybe walking into the forest was going to work to my advantage after all. Ace raised his eyebrows at me like he was surprised at my reaction.

"Well Alice tends to wander around a lot, but she should be at the clock tower." He explains. My face sunk at the same time my heart did. I was giving a pleading look, praying that he was messing with me, but his expression was un-wavering.

"Are you serious! I was just there!" I groaned as I knocked my head against a tree. I was an idiot. Of course I should've checked the clock tower first to see if anyone was there, and to have learned that Alice, the girl who the rabbit said I needed to find was there made me feel even more like a airhead. "I'll never find my way back now! Whatever will I do!" I'm whining. It's un-attractive, but I find it futile to stop. I just can't stop myself from thinking if this continues I'll be lost in this forest forever until I'm an old woman and no longer will have the will to find this Alice or I will be eaten by a wild beast and that will be the end of Madi's short time in Wonderland.

"I can take you there." The voice behind me says. I look over my shoulder to see Ace with a look of pure sincerity on his face and it makes my mouth turn up into a smile.

"Really! You can?" I ask hopefully. He an enthusiastic nod in my direction. My smile stretches into a great big grateful one, but I couldn't help but be a little weary. "Are you sure? I don't want to impose." I tell him.

"Don't worry about it. I was on my way to pay Julius a visit anyways." He says waving my concern off like a fly. Before I could even have time question who this Julius guy was or way Ace was going to meet him, Ace was already taking off in a random direction. And like a eager puppy, I followed right after him.


	9. How to Stop a Break in

"Are you sure this is the right way?" I ask for nearly the millionth time as I trotted behind the caramel-haired knight. He shot me a glance from over his shoulder.

"Of course I am!" He calls confidently to me as we continue walking on the so called path to the clock tower. I sighed as I ran to catch up with him. I thought Ace was completely lost. So far we had changed our direction completely three times, dove through two bushes, and had even crossed a river. I began to think I'd never arrive at the clock tower if we continue on this so called 'short cut' as Ace called it.

"But I'm almost certain we've passed that tree a great number of times already." I say pointing to a tree. It was a very Unique tree. It was burnt and split right down the middle. It must have been struck by lightning many years ago and is still fighting to stay alive. It was admirable so I gave the tree a encouraging pat to hang in there.

"No, I'm absolutely positive we are going the right way." He answers quickly with out even looking. I sighed again knowing that I wasn't going to change his mind on his direction even if we were about to fall off a cliff. I had to give him some props though. It was obvious we had come to the forest's edge and had ended up at a building. But not the building we were looking for.

"A mansion?" I ask and before I can tell my feet to behave themselves I'm already at the building's gates, gaping like a common carp at it's size. _Now this is a mansion. _I admire in my thoughts comparing this magnificent one to the old crusty mansion I live in. It looked like the home of a duke or a duchess or someone's forgotten castle, with it's grand tall walls and it's impressive iron gate that had card suits wielded into them. It would take a girl of my age a whole year to explore all the rooms, no doubt. I stopped my bustling thoughts before I decided to act on them. "This isn't the clock tower." I inform Ace as I looked back at him. He looked utterly baffled.

"Huh? You're right. I could've sworn I was going the right way this time…" He trails of looking at his surroundings like he just now realized where he was.

I looked at him as if he had just lost his head.

"This time!" I exclaim. "Don't tell me you're as directionally challenged as I am!" I say in a somewhat pleading voice. His smile gave it away. I hung my head my head as I realized that I was even further from meeting this mysterious Alice girl than I was before. I raised my head and looked a look at the mansion again.

"Well maybe we can ask the people here for directions." I say to Ace. I look to my side to see him looking at the wall questionably.

"I guess you're right." He hums and out of all thing he places a hand and foot on the crooks of the wall and starts scaling it. I rush over so that I'm directly under him.

"Ace what the hell are you doing!" I yell up to him in a hushed whisper. He stalls for a moment to look down at me.

"I'm going to ask someone for directions. Do you have a better idea?" He asks me.

"Well I was thinking about knocking or using an intercom or something! Not breaking in!" I reply. He shrugs and continues climbing up the wall. "Ace!" I yell trying to get him to stop again. He ignores me and keeps doing what he's doing. I don't like this idea very much. There's got to be guards around here somewhere and they wont hesitate to hurt him if they catch him breaking in, no matter his reason. And I couldn't let that happen. I jumped up and caught a handful of red trench coat in my hands and pulled with all my might. Ace stumbled on the wall, but caught himself.

"What are you doing!" He asks as he struggles to keep on the wall from all my persistent pulling.

"Trying to stop you from getting yourself hurt! Now get down!" I order giving another swift tug on his coat, but he was sticking to the wall like he was made of glue.

"No!" He answers stubbornly.

"Yes!" I repeat. This goes on for quite a while and my arms start to ache like I'm moving furniture in our house all over again.

"See! This is exactly why you need to be doing your jobs!" A voice yells. It's a different voice, one that did not belong to me or Ace. So we both stop dead like deers in a headlight and turn our heads towards the voice. It appears to belong to a very angry looking man who was pointing at us and that had orange sunburst hair, and you'll never believe it! A pair of brown rabbit ears protruding from his head!

"Shut up newbie-hare! We were just having fun!" A boy who seemed to be about eleven in a red uniform argued at the hare.

"Yeah! An old prune like you wouldn't understand!" A similar looking boy in blue argued who could only be the boy in red's twin.

"I may be older than you two, but staring at a butterfly is not fun." He says this like it was the most shameful thing he has ever heard of and it caused a small giggle to slip out of my lips. "And because you were slacking we have trespassers!" The hare focuses a stare right at me. "Who are you anyway." He asks. I let go of Ace's coat so I can face the three strangers head on.

"My name's Madi!" I chirp. The twins stared at me with pure curiosity on their face, but the look on the hare's face did not change and I could feel an uneasiness growing in my stomach.

"So Ace, what are you doing trespassing on our territory?" The hare asks shifting his gaze to the knight behind me. I look at Ace just as he hops off the wall. He chuckles slightly to himself and wipes his hands together like he's clearing the dust from his hands.

"I wasn't trespassing-" Yes he was." We're headed to the clock tower." Ace says, seeming surprised that he was asked why he was climbing into their territory. The hare sighed with annoyance.

"Then you're lost again." He groans as he threw his arm towards the mansion. "This is our turf! How many times do I have to say this!"

"I told you this was bad idea." I whisper to Ace as he places himself next to me.

"But. I could've sworn-" He starts, but I cut him off.

"Just admit that you were wrong and apologize before the hare decides to do something much more threatening than just scolding you!" I hiss through my teeth. The second I said this the hare pulled out a golden gun which was pointed straight for Aces heart.

"I'd listen to that girl of your's, knight of hearts." The hare says, but all I can pay attention to is the barrel of the gun. My wide eyes shift upwards for a split second to Ace's face to evaluate his expression. His face still had the same care free smile on his face.

"But I like getting lost." Ace announced before a small smirk settled on is face. "Because I get to meet nice _rabbits _like you." I looked back at the hare who had the scariest aura floating around him. It looked if you walked into it you would die on the spot.

"Uh-oh…" The boy in red mumbles taking a look at his mirror image.

"You said it brother." The boy in blue says like he had read his brother's thoughts. I was upset that I wasn't part of this telepathic warning. Then the twins had made their way a good distance away from him.

The hare was shooting the most terrifying look I had ever seen at Ace.

"I am not a rabbit!" The hare yells at the top of his lungs. A single gunshot rang through my ears and for some reason I was falling face first towards the ground. The only plausible reason for this is that Ace must have pushed out of the way so I wouldn't be hit. And then it hit me as hard as I will be hitting the concrete in a few seconds. This is the second goddamn time I've had a weapon pointed at me today. If I don't die someone is going to get a piece of my mind. As I neared my date with the ground I closed my eyes and waited for the pain of collision to come. Waiting, waiting, waiting- Oh this is nonsense! Seriously how long does it take to hit the ground?

It dawned open me that something was cradling me ever so gently, like I hand fallen into a spiders web that kept me afloat. I could feel myself being placed upright again and I was being placed against something very solid. And warm. I opened my eyes a bit reluctantly to see I was in the arms of the most beautifully bizarre man I had ever laid eyes on. He appeared to be in his early twenties and he was a good foot and a half taller than me. He had a the strong face of a man and deep blue eyes that looked like they could strike you down at any moment. To match his very swanky taste in clothes, sitting upon his long black hair was an extravagant black top hat adored with roses and what appeared to be playing cards. One in particular stood out to me. One that read 10/6. Such a strange fraction that had no need to be on a playing card made my mind buzz with questions.

"If I didn't know better Elliot, I'd say you get a thrill at shooting at foreigners." This man says with a voice so warm, he could melt the polar icecaps. I looked back at the group to see that he seemed to be addressing a now flustered hare.

"F-foreigner?" The hare who's name I assumed was Elliot questions. His ears flattened across his head in confusion.

"That is what you are, isn't Miss?" The man with the top hat asks. Still in a daze I had failed to notice that the very solid thing I had been pressed against was this man's chest and that the man had settled his arm around my waist comfortably. Embarrassed by the action I pushed myself away from him.

"Apparently so." I answer simply, too flustered to think of anything more detailed. "But people should really stop addressing me as that. I have a name and it's Madi." I say in my stubbornness. Suddenly my arms were attacked by a blur of red and blue and it felt like I was holding two sacks of potatoes. I looked down to see the twins looking up at me excitedly. I was entranced by how much they looked alike. Completely identical, only to be told apart by the color of their eyes.

"Whoa! You're a foreigner too!" Red exclaims. I felt a tugging on my opposite arm that grabbed my attention.

"Yeah you're just like big sister, Missy!" Blue says a state of wonder just like his brother.

"You'll be our big sister too, right Missy?" Red asks. I cocked my head to the side, I was beyond confused. Who on earth is their big sister and how am I like her? And did they mishear my name because my name is most certainly not Missy. Before I could bring up any of my concerns the man with the top hat spoke again.

"Well Madi, my name is Blood Dupre and if I may ask, what are you doing out here? Besides capturing my eyes that is." He says with ease. _What a dreadfully cheesy line._ I think to myself before answering.

"Well Ace and I searching for a apparently _very _allusive clock tower-" I say as I shoot Ace a glare. He began to whistle as if he had nothing to do with the matter. "And we wound up here." I explain to the man that called himself Blood. "Would you mind giving us directions?" I ask hopefully.

"Better yet, I could give you an escort." Blood offers with a slick grin on his face. "That is if Elliot doesn't mind taking you." Although he appeared to be asking, the authority in his voice made it quite clear that Elliot was going to join us if he wanted to or not. The hare on the other hand still looked like he was still in a stage of stand still at the news of me being a foreigner.

"U-Uh yeah." He stammers out. "I don't mind taking the girl, as long as this one doesn't wander off." He says a bit more sturdy as he jabbed a finger towards Ace who held his hands up in innocence.

"When you say it like that, it makes it seem like I get lost everyday." He says. Judging from the looks of everyone's faces, Ace did get lost everyday. I could tell Elliot was trying to bite back his opinion.

"Well you better be on your way before the next nighttime arrives." Blood says as he tries to usher us off. I agreed trying to be on my way, but I still had two potato sack weights on my arms.

"Aw, but we want Missy to stay longer!" Blue whines. His brother nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, we wanna go to!" Red argues as they latched onto my arms tighter. Blood sighed.

"Don't you two have a gate to guard?" He asks in an annoyed tone. The two's grasps both slacked slightly as they began grumbling about Blood being "a hard-ass" and such. Now I was about to scold them about using that type of language at such a young age, but then I thought if I was a kid with such a grown up job I would be using grown up language too. I leaned down so I matched the twins height.

"Listen… Um…" I stall not knowing either of their names, but thankfully they both seemed to catch on.

"I'm Dee!" The boy in blue beams.

"And I'm Dum!" Says the boy in red. I found it hard to not hug both the boys for they we far too cute to resist so I smiled brightly at them instead.

"Well Dee and Dum, I promise with all my heart that next time you see me I'll play a game with you two, but you must do you job right now." I tell them. The two let go of my arms and exchanged a look before looking at me skeptically.

"Promise?" They ask in unison. I stood up straight put on a serious face.

"Cross my heart and hope to die!" I swore as I wrote an X over my heart. The two looked absolutely ecstatic and they wrapped their arms around my middle.

"Aw, thanks Missy! We're super excited!" They exclaim as they hugged me tight. I was a little taken back. I can't remember the last time I received a hug from someone. Let alone someone I've just met. My hands hovered behind them for a hesitant moment before my hands floated gently to their backs and embraced them in a hug. Letting a smile stretch across my face.

After my tiny moment of happiness, the twins had torn themselves off of me with some persuasion from Blood . Now I stood at the foot of the forest's edge beside Elliot and Ace waving in big grand motions to the mansion's crew.

"Bye you guys!" I call happily. "I promise to visit soon Dee and Dum! And Blood, thank you for the directions!" Dee and Dum were waving just as spastic as I was while Blood just gave a slight nod acknowledging my thanks. And once again entered the forest. One step closer to finding Alice.


	10. Alice at Last

My eyes kept shifting from the hare to the ground as we walked side by side. During our trip through the forest, Ace had fallen behind leaving me and Elliot, who I was very intimidated by, to walk side by side in awkward silence. I looked over my shoulder once more just to see that Ace didn't wander off on his own and

"I'm really sorry about shooting at you." Elliot says suddenly. I looked up at him, surprised that he had broken the silence. I suppose one of the reasons I was so intimidated by him is because he was so much taller than me. It looked like if he so much tripped and fell on me accidentally I would be smashed like a bug. "It's just he shows up nearly everyday asking for directions and I just kind of snapped." He looked completely embarrassed for losing his cool over something so simple and decided to look at the sky instead of looking at me. I shifted on my feet nervously. He didn't hesitate once about shooting Ace and that shouldn't be forgivable, but he looked truly and sincerely sorry about it. And really, I didn't know anything about Elliot. He could be a really top notch guy and I could just be making assumptions about him from this one experience.

"It's alright." I said forgiving him as he looked back down at me. "That is if promise not to shoot in my general direction anymore." I add with a small laugh, as I try to lighten the mood. A faint pink line traced his cheeks as he stuttered out an _of course_. I smiled knowing that I was now on good terms with Elliot. I looked back at Ace seeing that he was still following us, but he was spacing out so it was a given he would be lost any minute now. I sigh knowing there isn't much I could do just like from our last adventure through the woods. I look back at Elliot.

"Even if he is hopeless on getting to the place he actually needs to be, you shouldn't pull a gun out on him." I scold lightly. Elliot didn't say anything so I just kept talking. "Even if you don't like someone you shouldn't treat life so recklessly. You could've gotten hurt too you know." I say recalling the sharpness of Ace's blade against my throat. Elliot gave me a surprised look.

"Y-You were worried about me?" He asks a little hesitantly. Even though that wasn't really what I was getting at, I nod.

"Of course. I mean a life is a life no matter who it is. Besides I think we'll get along quite well, so I would be sad if you weren't around." I say a before really thinking about it and once it was said, both mine and Elliot's face were heavy with embarrassment.

"Th-thank you." He says quietly and I nod still looking at the ground. We were silent for a few more moments until Ace jumped on both of us which nearly made me jump out of my skin.

"Look you lovebirds, we've made it." He says happily. Despite the embarrassment of being called a _lovebird _along with Elliot I was so very ecstatic to be looking at the massive building I recognized as the clock tower.

"Thank goodness!" I say happily as I hop onto the first of many stairs and began walking up them. I felt like something was off though. I stopped completely as I watched Ace pass me on the stairs, but saw that Elliot was still on the forest floor. I looked back at Ace to see that he was not stopping before running down the stairs to Elliot. "Are you not coming?" I ask him. He shook his head.

"Uh… no, lets just say I'm not on the best terms with the clock master." He says uncomfortably. My face fell a little and he noticed. "A-And besides I have some work I need to take care of." He says trying to make me not worry. It didn't help much.

"Oh… Well that's too bad." I say sadly, but I soon replaced it with a smile. "But I'll make sure to visit really soon okay!" I promise him. I got an encouraged nod from Elliot. So we said our goodbyes and I raced up the stairs to catch up with Ace.

By the time I did, I was ready to give up and die. Each step felt like I just had climbed over a mountain. _Stupid stairs… Has Wonderland never heard of an elevator before? _Stairs have always been my worst enemy mainly because of my strong hatred towards physical exercise. Ace seemed to notice.

"What's wrong with you? Depressed that your boyfriends gone?" He teases as my face flared up at the fact that he just called Elliot my boyfriend.

"N-N-N-No!" I stutter out. "That's not it at all! I just really hate stairs!" I explain. He let out a sarcastic _uh-huh _which said he didn't believe me. I huffed and continued my painful and now embarrassing trip the stairs.

As we reached the final step I sighed a sigh of relief to finally be over with such a difficult task. We made our way over to a door and Ace walked in without even knocking and I was hesitant to follow, but I did in the end. I was careful to be close behind him so I didn't get lost in this building. What a crazy moment that would be if I had to explain why I had gotten lost in here! It made my face red just thinking of it.

"Look Julius I brought you a present!" Ace calls out happily as he stops abruptly. I had been spacing out so much that I ran straight into his back. As I held my face in pain I peeked around his shoulder curiously.

"What are you shouting about now?" Asks a man as he turned around in his office chair. He was a very serious looking man with his oddly long purple hair pulled into a low ponytail. Ace grabbed my shoulders and whipped me out in front of him. The serious man's eyes widened greatly as he saw me.

"Happy birthday!" He says as he showed me off. I felt my anger growing as he began treating me as an object again. As I was about to scold him a voice distracted me.

"Oh? Is that Ace?" A feminine voice asked from a different room. We all watched as a girl entered with a cup of coffee in hand. "Oh… And a friend of his?" She asks questionably when she saw me. I stood frozen in the spot I was in.

She was strangely captivating, though she couldn't have been that much older than me, maybe only by a year or two. Her straight gold hair cascaded down her back and settled itself at her waist, a large blue bow with gold trim and a purple heart sitting upon her head contently. She's wearing a dress that is the same color as the blue bow on her head with exquisite gold circles tracing the edges of her sleeves and the bottom of it. She wearing a white apron with frilly sleeves as well, but the thing didn't have a stain on it. Underneath her dress she wore striped black and white stockings and slightly scuffed red shoes. It suited her well, but I could never pull such an outfit off. I direct my attention back to her face, Her big bright sea foam eyes staring back at me. It almost seems like I could get swept up in them, like being swallowed into the ocean. But there's something that interests me more than that in her eyes. They questioning and scouring for answers. Just like mine.

"Alice, you'll never believe it! She's a foreigner just like you!" Ace says happily, but everyone else in the room literally stops breathing. My eyes widen slightly as I realize what I've found.

"Alice." I whisper so low that it's only audible to me. I can't believe it. The girl that the rabbit said I had to find, was right in front of me, but now that I've found her… What do we do now?

Even though I was admiring her every aspect just a few moments ago, she looked at me with pure horror written all over her face. Suddenly the mug she had been holding slipped from her fingers and shattered on the ground sending coffee and ceramics flying. I rushed over to her to make sure she didn't cut her foot or anything.

"Oh my god, are you alright!" I ask from her feet as I begin to pick up broken coffee mug pieces. She blinked and looked at her empty hand and looked surprised as she just realized what she had done.

"Oh! Yes, I'm fine! I was just very surprised!" She explains as she fell to her knees next to me. "I can clean this up. Please don't bother yourself." She mumbles out as she drop coffee mug pieces into her outstretched apron. I shook my head.

"It's not a bother really. I mean I'm the one who surprised you right?" I said as I laughed nervously to myself. While the two of us picked up the rest of the mess in silence, Ace and the other man could be heard bickering intensely. The least I can say is that all in all, I'm feeling about as welcome as a dose of badly flavored children's cough medicine.


	11. If Someone Told You

After everything calmed down considerably, I had been sat at a table with an entire audience of people looking at me. Needless to say, I was uncomfortable.

"My name is Julius Monrey and I'm master of this clock tower." This comes from the purple-haired man. "And this is Alice Liddell, a foreigner like you." He says as he points to the girl I had picked up coffee mug pieces up with. She still looked like she thought she was dreaming.

"Oh, my name is Madi Delaine. It's very nice to meet you both." I say this stiffly trying to be as polite as I can, but I was never very good at formalities. Ace chuckled at my behavior and I shot him glare from across the table.

"Madi Delaine, you are a foreigner not from this country." Julius said and I almost rolled my eyes. I had decided that this whole foreigner business is a terrible label that I did not enjoy. "But the question at hand is how you got here." He says, waiting for an answer from me.

"Well there was a hole in the forest behind my house and I kind of…" I stall searching the faces surrounding me, all expecting some dramatic answer from me. "Fell." I state lamely. Ace tries to control himself, but fails miserably as he bursts out laughing. I slink down in my chair in embarrassment.

"Stop laughing. It was _traumatizing._" I mutter half-heartedly, but it seemed to make Ace only laugh harder. Julius gives him a long hard stare.

"Yes, Ace could you please control yourself?" Julius says sternly. It takes a few moment, but Ace finally quiets down. Alice has been silent this entire time, just quietly observing me.

"Madi." Alice says my name cautiously and experimentally. I sit up straight, startled that she took notice of me. "Are you sure no one brought you here?" she asks through her slight English accent. I ponder to myself as I remember a little white rabbit.

"Well no one physically brought me down here, but there was something quite odd that led me to that hole. A rabbit in a waistcoat." I tell them. Alice clenches her hand into a fist, scrunching the tablecloth in her hand so hard that her knuckles turned white.

"Peter." She spits under her breath. I'm confused. Who's Peter? And why did Alice have such an obvious hatred towards him? Julius seems upset about this too and he places his hands on the table and leans towards me. I flinch back.

"Did you drink the potion yet?" He asks, his eyes wild almost furious looking, I sink further into my seat.

"Potion?" I squeak out quiety. I don't believe I have drank any potions because when I think of potions, I think of witches and I don't think I've come in contact with any witches. Alice seemed to notice my confusion and tugged on Julius' shoulder to get him to ease up on his staring at me.

"What Julius means is did you drink anything anything? Anything you know… out of the ordinary." She asks. Her eyes are frantic almost pleading me to tell her no. I think about it for a second, hoping that I can tell her what she wants to hear. Then the sudden weight in my pocket makes itself known. I shove my hand in my pocket as I grasp the vile I drank out of ealier. Slowly I extended my arm across the table and held the vile between two fingers by the stopper.

"Only this." I say. Alice goes as pale as a ghost as she stares at the vile, her eyes completely blank. Like she's a shadow of herself no longer in control of herself. Her right hand inches toward her dress pocket. Her hand emerges and I almost gasp at what she's holding. She's in the same position I am holding a replica of the vile I'm holding, only blue instead of yellow. There's another difference. Her vile is filled about a third of the way with red liquid.

"What have you done?" She whispers to me. The color in her eyes have returned. A look of sadness and registration weighing heavy in them. That was the question wasn't it? What exactly did I do? I recoil my arm at the sound of Julius sighing. It was one that sounded of both annoyence and sadness before setting his attention on me.

"Miss Delaine, why did you drink that?" He asks as he glares at me with cold eyes. His face expressionless.

"Because it said _Drink me_." I admit a little shamefully. The three look at me like I'm the biggest idiot in the world. I probably am. Ace was merciful and gave me a smile.

"Sounds like a good reason to me." He laughs. Both Alice and Julius send a warning glare at him to not give his opinion. Julius looks back at me.

"If someone told you to jump of a cliff, would you?" Julius asks, questioning my self-control. I think before answering.

"Well that depends, Do I get a safety rope? Or am I jumping into the ocean? Because then I might. It really depends on the circumstances." I tell him. Julius' emotionless expression doesn't change, but I can tell that he's annoyed that I simply didn't answer _no. _At least Ace is getting his laugh in as always.

"I don't think you understand the situation you're in." Julius says in a dark tone. It makes me gulp as fear creeps into my system. "Because you've drank the contents in that vile, you can't go home." Alice lowers her head at this. Pain clear on her face as she clutches her dress under the table.

It's funny though. Not once had I thought of getting back home since I've arrived here. Did I even want to go back? The thought of crawling out of the hole and going back to the house only made me think of my mother/Mitchell/ Joy scolding me on getting the floors muddy. It did not sound desirable.

"But why can't I go back?" I ask him, curious as to why this potion enabled me from going home. He gives a quick glance to Ace for some reason.

"It's complicated, but the game you're in is supposed to be." He says under his breath. I tilt my head to the side as I take in what Julius had just said.

"I'm in a game?" I ask slowly like I've heard him wrong. He gives me a slight nod. "Which one?" I ask because I didn't recall any games that involved falling down holes and weapons being pointed at people like clockwork.

"The rules are simple." He says answering a question that I didn't ask. "You can not play alone, meaning you can't go home alone and you can not return home until the vile is re-filled." My thoughts wondered to Alice's vile a third of the way full. "The only way to do that is by interacting with the inhabitants of this world. Only then can you return to your world." I sat quietly with my head hung clouded with my thoughts. What was troubling me was how Julius kept saying _this world _and _your world. _Did I really fall off the face of my world and into another?

After all, I did sort of wish for it. I can start over. Have a new life. Full of all sorts of fulfilling things that I was deprived of in my world. A small smile makes it's way onto my lips as I look at the three.

"I've always liked games." I say as my smile widens.


	12. Let's Be Friends

"I have work to do." Julius announces, clearly annoyed at my constant questioning about the game I was apparently playing and what exactly the point of it is. I was simply voicing that if we're playing a game, the rules need to be written somewhere and that I wanted to read them. After Julius said that's not possible I asked if he had lost the rules and said that he should look under the couch for them, that was the end of that conversation. I never did get really any clear answers to any of my questions. "Alice will you explain the territories to her." He wasn't asking, he was pleading for her to take the burden of me. Alice nods willing to take the challenge of explaining to me Julius then leaves the room with Ace close on his heels. Apparently he works for Julius even though he's a knight at the castle. I wondered if he was doing this in secret because for some reason I thought like he wasn't supposed to be doing it.

"Bye Madi! Make sure to visit the Castle of Hearts soon!" He calls to me. I turn in my chair in such a way that I'm now on my knees, fingers curled over the back of the chair and my head peeking up over the chair towards the door and Ace.

"I…" I stall, searching the knight's face. A smile painted on his face like always. A quality that I admired. "I promise!" I say as my own smile makes it's way onto my face. He gives a slight wave over his shoulder and disappeared behind a closed door.

Once he was gone I returned to my regular sitting position and saw Alice walking towards the table struggling with a large map in her arms. With a huff she throws the map onto the table and un-rolls it, smoothing out the corners with her hands. She re-seats herself and gives a long hard look to the map.

"Let's see where to begin…" She mutters to herself as her eyes shift quickly across the map. Her finger finally lands on a southern point on the map.

"This is the Hatter's mansion, it-" I cut her off as excitement overcomes me.

"I was there! I met a very cute pair of twins and a man named Elliot with rabbit ears, it was a very peculiar sight but he turned out to be a big help because he helped me and Ace get here. Oh! And there was a man named Blood. He was especially nice." I say happy as happy can be, but Alice looked at me as if I had a death sentence written across my forehead.

"Blood Dupre?" She asks with her eyesbrows furrowed and a skeptical tone in her voice. "The mafia boss?" She almost laughs, but I nearly fell out of my chair with such startling news.

"Mafia!" I whisper in shock across the table at her, like if I had said the word to loud the mafia might come after me. She knodded as her eyes turn serious.

"The twins and Elliot are fine" She stalls and mutters out "At least most of the time." Before continuing. "But don't ever trust Blood Dupre." She spits his name into the air like it was poison. Now Alice seemed like a girl with a reasonable head on her shoulders, but I couldn't ignore how kind Blood was to me either. A gave a hesitant nod to Alice trusting that her opinion was best to be followed. Her face softened and seemed relived that I was heeding her warning.

She pointed to the very northern corner of the map. "The Castle of Hearts is ruled by the queen of hearts." Her finger moved slightly to the right. "And the amusement park is ruled by a man named Gowland." I watched as her finger moved to the center of the map. "And this clock tower is the center of those three territories. This is the only neutral area. The other three are having a power struggle." She finishes. This was a lot to take it. I mean I get why the mafia and the queen would be fighting, but why is an amusement park caught up in all this?

"A power struggle! That explains why people are aiming weapons at each other." I say recalling Ace pointing his sword at me and Elliot shooting at Ace. She seemed surprised.

"…Well that too. I suppose you'll figure out soon enough." She says somewhat absent-mindedly. Again we sat in awkward silence not knowing what to talk about now that we had got past what was needed to be said.

"Um… Madi. If it isn't to much trouble could I ask you something?" She asks. I can tell her hands are fidgeting under the table and she looks un-comfortable about asking something so suddenly.

"Of course. Go ahead and ask anything." I tell her trying to re-assure her that it really wasn't a bother. Another moment of silence and fidgetting.

"Well you didn't seem very fazed when you were told that you were stuck here…" She says and I instantly know what she's going to ask. A soft smile breaks out onto my face.

"You want to know why I didn't fight and question why I couldn't go back." I say. She gives a slight nod suggesting that I was assuming right. I lean back in my seat and look at the ceiling, as if the answer would be floating above me.

"I figured that I'd just accept it." I say finally as I looked back at a surprised looking Alice. "Being stuck here isn't nesacceraliy a bad thing. It's like a vacation. So I decided that I'll enjoy my time while I'm here until the time for me to go home arrives." I explain with a smile on my face.

Alice is looking at her hands, her eyes clouded over with thought. A look of pity almost painted across her face like I had walked straight into a trap after the promise of candy. But I could have sworn I saw the tiniest of smiles forming on her lips.

"I never thought of it that way." She almost whispers. "But I think you're an idiot for going along with this so willingly." She's contradicting herself and I feel like I should be at least a tiny bit irritated about her calling me an idiot, but I admire her honesty. "Yet somehow… between you and me. I'm very happy that you're here." Her voice is almost impossible to hear by this point, but that doesn't stop my breath hitching in the back of my throat.

"Really?" I ask my voice matching her whisper. She nodded as her eyes finally meet mine.

"You'll see soon enough how crazy this place is and how insane the people are." She explains. "Some people are more irritating than others, but I was about ready to pull all my hair out-" And I was glad that she didn't because it would be such a shame to not see such pretty hair on her. "So it'll be nice to have someone to talk to that's in the same situation I'm in." And the look of sadness returned on her face. Then it hit me like a fish to the face. Alice must've drank the potion like me a and for some reason unknown to me, she hated being stuck here. Alone. With out anyone to understand what she's going through. Without thinking I stood up with so much force that I knocked over my chair.

"Alice, let's be friends!" I propose with my hand outstretched for her to take and a blush riding heavy on my cheeks. I didn't know what I was doing. I probably look ridiculous and strange to her saying such a thing after we've only just met. She just stared at me for awhile and I was about ready to give up and sit down in a shameful defeat, but to my surprise she started laughing. I couldn't tell if the silence or the laughing was more humiliating.

"You're very bold Madi. It's admirable." She comments softly and she looks up at me with big bright oceans. Gently both her hands wrapped around mine. "So please. Be my friend." She smiled and it felt great to know that smile was directed at me.

"A…Alright!" I agree nodding my head happily and we both started laughing for no particular reason. Just two girls that were happy to be in each others company. The only thing that could distract me at the moment was the amount of light in the room, or I suppose lack there of. "Wait! Wasn't it just sunrise a moment ago? Why is it night!" I asked as I tore myself away from Alice and pressed myself against the window trying to figure out how the sun had disappeared so suddenly. Alice came next to me and produced a curious hum as she observed what was outside.

"It seems nighttime arrived early today." She said absent-mindedly turning to me. "Don't worry about it too much. The time isn't consistent around here and the time of day is changes randomly. You never now what time is going to come next." She explains. I turned back towards the window and the familiarity of night made me feel drowsy and I yawn lightly.

"Are you tired?" She asks.

"A little." I say trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes. She motions me to come with her.

"Come on there's an extra room in the back." She says. I blinked at her blankly and she stared at me right back. _She can't possibly want me to stay can she? _"Come on you said you said you were sleepy right?" She asks from across the room.

"I can't stay here!" I say in a _duh _tone. "This is your's and Julius' home, I don't want to be a burden!" I tell her. She just rolled her eyes.

"You're way too modest Madi." She comments as she grabbed my wrist and literally dragged me down the hall. "And this is Julius' home, not ours and he wont mind if you stay here. After all it seems he has a knack for taking in foreigners." I sigh as she called me a foreigner like everyone else, but pushed it aside. I will never get used to being called a foreigner. I had almost forgotten that I even was one.

"Alice, I can't-" But she cut me off before I could even finish my thought.

"You are staying here and that's final!" She says sternly. I huff at her stubbornness. Being the exact same way I had to have the final say in this matter.

"Alright I'll stay, but only until I can find my own place." I tell her with all the seriousness in my body. She gives a very un-enthused hum saying that she wasn't listening to me.

We stop at a door and Alice walks in with out a hint of hesitance. It's a very quaint yet simple room. One with a bed with dark blue sheets and a big wardrobe and it looked very much like a quest room. One with no personal belongs messing it's space at all. Alice walked over to the wardrobe and swung it's doors open. She hummed to herself before pulling out a white night gown out towards me. I stare at it for a moment, questioning.

"E-eh? For me?" I ask Alice. She nodded as she pushed the white silk into my arms.

"Julius bought it for me awhile ago, saying my current night gown was too _shameless_." She huffs and says under her breath, "Seriously what does that even mean?" Before continuing. "But it turned out to be too small anyways." She pumped her fist in the air as an act of victory which makes me laugh. She closes the wardrobe and lead me out of the room again. One door down and across the hall from her room and ushered me inside. It was very similar to her room aside from the position of the furniture, the blue sheets replaced with pale green ones and a much smaller and less grand dresser. The room was also a tad smaller than Alice's.

"Well this will be your room." Alice says from the doorway. "Do you need anything? Hot tea or milk? Or perhaps more blankets? Oh! Or I could get you-" I laugh at her rambling and place a hand on her shoulder. I couldn't bare to tell her that I would much rather wear pajama pants than a nightgown.

"Alice, you sound like a mother." I comment and I watch as her cheeks turned red. She did sound like a mother. Not my mother. Oh no my mother would say something like _here's your room, try not to screw it up too bad. _Then leave without even saying goodnight. "Really, I'm fine. You've already provided a lot for me I couldn't possibly think of asking for more." I tell her holding up the nightgown just as an example. She lets out a small smile.

"Alright if you say so, but if you need anything remember I'm across the hall and Julius' room is right next to mine-" I laugh and pushed her out of the room lightly.

"Fine, fine. Goodnight _mother_ Alice." I tease as she twists her face into a scowl. I shrugged a sorry, but her face didn't change as she grumbled out a _goodnight_ and marched off to her room. I laugh as I leaned out the doorway.

"Honey, what did we say about never going to bed angry!" I call in fake shock. She turned towards me and it was obvious that she was trying to keep her face mean, but her lips began twitching upward and before she knew it she was laughing. This made me smile in response.

"Goodnight Madi, _dear._" She says. I give a short laugh and a salute to her before retreating back into my room and closing the door. I hum to myself happily as I kicked off my shoes and shorts and threw off my shirt. I wasn't humming to any song in particular, just a happy sort of tune reflecting my mood. I liked Wonderland. A lot. I couldn't tell for sure seeing as I just met them, but I feel like I'll have lots of friends here. People will like me just because I'm me and no one else. That's all I could ever wish for and because of that, I saw this world as wonderful.

I threw the nightgown over my head, pushed my arms through the sleeves and tugged on it to get it to fit properly on my body. I observed myself in a full body mirror in the corner. The nightgown was pure white and so light that it felt like was floating on my skin. It had a U-shaped neckline and the sleeves were big and tied with tiny blue bows that made them grasp to the tops of my arms. Even though Alice said it was too small for her it was still _huge _on me. The hem of the gown stopped down at the middle of my calves and the chest area was to big which made my right sleeve limp down my arm. This gown made my childish features seem abundant beyond what you think was natural for a sixteen year old girl. I shrug at my image in the mirror for I was more tired than I thought I was and didn't have the energy to deal with it right now.

I walked over to the bed and flopped face first onto it. I squirm my way up to the pillow and kicked my way under the sheets. Laying on my stomach, I sighed into the pillow I both had my face buried in and was hugging.

"Goodnight… Wonderful Wonderland." I mumble as my mind goes blank and I drift off to sleep.


	13. Dark Humor

I opened my eyes to find a myself in a very strange place. I was in a space that was completely barren and was nothing more swirling mass of color flying around me.

"Where have I gotten myself now?" I ask myself, some-what scolding myself at the same time. I was thinking maybe I had rolled out of bed fell down yet another hole. It wouldn't have been the first time I fell into another, much stranger world.

"My, my. If it isn't our country's new princess." And before I could even start to wonder who said this, an upside down man's face appeared inches away from mine. I let out a terrified sheik as I fall backwards onto the ground. Looking up I scowl at the man.

"Who exactly are you and where am I! I yell up at the man. He wore a playful grin on his lips and his posture reflected his smile. He somehow was floating ten feet off the ground, cross legged and upside down. He turned right side up and floated towards me again.

"My name is Nightmare and right now you're in a dream." He introduces. Not knowing very much about him, I would say this is a very suiting name for him because he had scared me greatly. I scramble back to my feet and dust off the nightgown. I inspected every inch of it looking for any specks of dirt. If Alice's present she gave to me were to be ruined because of this man I'd be sure to tear him a new one. I look around giving Nightmare the cold shoulder and looked around some more. I suppose this place did look rather dream like and I wouldn't put it beneath myself to dream up something so random. I look back up at the man. Other than being strange because he was floating, he had strange clothing and under peeking out from under his silver moonstricken hair was an eye patch.

"Why is there a pirate in my dream?" I ask to no one in particular as I came up with my brilliant solution on how to describe this man. The man named Nightmare eyes lit up with fury.

"I'm not a pirate! I'm an incubus!" He yells at me, with his eyebrows furrowed greatly above his eyes. I remembered learning something in school about incubi, something about how they have the ability to drop people into dreams. I blinked and then nod slightly.

"Oh… Well, what is a pirate incubus doing in my dream?" I ask and he hangs his head at me. I cocked my head to the side as an invisible question mark floated above my head.

"You sure are thick headed aren't you?" He mumbles under his breath. I puff my cheeks out angrily.

"Well you're no class act either!" I yell at him as I pointed a finger at him accusingly. "If your such a great incubus you would have me dreaming a much more interesting dream! In fact that's what I wish for! Chop, chop!" I say clapping my hands together insistently. His eyebrows twitched.

"What? Am I genie now too…" He mutters as he leaned back casually in the air. He propped himself up on an elbow to look at me. "Besides you're in know position to be asking favors from me. Now that you've come to us that is." He says all relaxed, but I stood as straight as a ruler as one sentence ran through my mind. _Come to us._

"YOU!" I yell at him which caused him to jump from his slightly relaxed state. "I've heard your voice before! Right before I came here… Did you make it so I could come to Wonderland?" I ask anxiously. A small smirk grew on his face.

"In a sense. The rabbit went to get you and I merely showed him the way." He says and I was sent further into thought. _Odd, how did a pirate know where I was?_

"I AM NOT A PIRATE!" He yells as he floated near my face again, so close I could see the veins in his head bulging. I gape up at him in amazement despite that.

"Wow, how'd you do that!" I exclaim, amazed at his ability to hear what I was thinking. His face grew from angry to sly.

"I can read minds." He says simply as he basked in the silent adoration I was throwing in at him. I mean what a cool power to have. Sure it would be troublesome to have all the time or if you were in a very large group of people, but it's still cool. Wonderland sure is full of strange and interesting people. Alice and I are lucky to have stumbled upon such a place. Nightmare hummed getting my attention.

"Call it lucky if you must, but the fact that there are two people playing the game it's almost certain to cause trouble." I got to wondering about this game I was playing. Now that I think about it, I don't even know what this game is about or what I'm trying to achieve. No thanks to Julius. "It is rare to have even one person to be playing the game, but its almost seems like fiction that you are here since Alice has yet to finish her game." He explains as he floated around in the air carelessly like a balloon.

"What exactly is Alice's game?" I asked Nightmare. He seemed pretty logical about things so I thought it best to ask him. He finally decided to join me on the ground as he landed in front of me.

"It's a game where foreigners are the main players, where every inhabitant of this world will fall in love with them at one point or another. Really quite a strange purpose isn't it?" He asks me. I agreed, it was a strange purpose. No wonder Alice was ready to pull her hair out. Knowing something like everyone loves you would be something that weighs heavy on your shoulder's.

"Yes. Whoever invented this game has a dark sense of humor." I say, but I was somewhat distracted. The walls were still swirling and changing colors and making my head ache.

"Are you sure you can't make this dream more interesting?" I ask him, thinking a crystal palace or a snow covered field would be fun to play in. He looked me as if I had grown an extra set of legs and me head had turned into a lobster.

"You sure are quite the character." He chuckles. _Is that supposed to be a compliment? _I wondered to myself and when I zoned back in Nightmare had his arm wrapped around my shoulder and was pointing to something in the distance.

"Can you tell me what's beyond a dream?" He ask. I stare at the area his finger was pointing, nothing new. Still swirling colors that were running together like a sloppy watercolor painting.

"A riddle? Hmm, let's see…" I say as I focused all my energy on thinking of the correct answer. I spent a long time thinking and staring at the spot where he was pointing trying to see if I could see the answer. But I didn't see anything.

"Nothing." I say finally and it almost comes out as a whisper. "When a dream ends you just wake up." I say confidently looking over my shoulder, but Nightmare wasn't there. Instinctively I looked up and he was indeed there, smiling intensely at me.

"When dreams end, reality begins." He says as he reached towards my face. I stood frozen, not even flinching as his hand made his way to my cheek tracing up my face, his hand gently covered my eyes, making my vision go blank. "Make sure not to lose sight of that, Madi." I heard him breathe against my ear.

My eyes shoot open and I am greeted by the sun's morning light and I realize I'm sitting upright in a bed. Not in the cheerless grey room. Not on a hard mattress. Not in _my_ sad reality. So exactly who's reality was I in?


	14. Cut Open

I walk out of my room a little hesitantly. I still felt like I was a fish out of water in the clock tower. Even though I have no where else to stay, I shouldn't be burdening Julius and Alice with my homelessness. I made my way out to the main room with my nerves so rattled that my knees were knocking together. I spotted Julius hunched over his desk working on something, but saw no Alice in sight. My first thought was to retreat to my room and hide under the covers because honestly, Julius scared me. A lot. I'm sure he was a very nice man once you got to know him, but his serious face and blunt way of speaking made me nervous. But I couldn't run away because of something so silly like my fears and besides, I should get to know the man that is offering his home to me. I took a deep breath and tried to swallow my un-easiness away.

"G-Good morning." I stutter out as I step out and make my presence known. Julius looked up from his work and just stared at me for awhile. After a while he gave a nod acknowledging I was there and went back to his work. I slumped in a chair glumly and I felt like crying. _He hates me!_ I wailed in my mind._ And I'm stuck here with him by myself! I will surely die of the silence!_

"Good morning Madi! How did you sleep?" A cheerful voice asks. I looked towards the kitchen and saw a smiling Alice with two coffee mugs in hand. I felt like getting up and hugging her. _Alice my savior! _I chirp at her happily in my head,

"I slept very well, thank you!" I say thanking her more for showing up than asking about how I slept. She smiled at my response and made her way over to Julius and leaned over his shoulder to place a mug in front of him. And when I thought nothing could break Julius' stone cold face, he watches Alice and the tiniest, most miniscule smile you will ever see breaks out onto his face. Suddenly I remember what that pirate Nightmare had told me in my dream. How everyone will fall in love with Alice and the look in Julius' eyes suggested that he was long past that point.

"And you Julius?" Alice asks standing up straight and Julius' face changes back to emotionless as he stares back down to whatever he was working on.

"Fine." He answers simply, but something about it made me smile. It was quite obvious that he was flustered around her even if his face didn't show it. He loved her yet Alice seemed clueless. She huffed to herself about something.

"Don't lie to me Julius. I know you were up all night working again." She yells at him. "If you don't get some rest you'll get sick and get me worried." She scolds, Her face showing tiny signs of distress as she walked over to me. Julius didn't answer and Alice didn't seem to mind so she turned her attention to me. "Madi I didn't know what you like, but I made you a cup of coffee." She says as placed a mug in front of me as well. The aroma of coffee swept over me and I felt relaxed at the familiar smell. I peer into the cup. The coffee was black. It wouldn't be my first choice, but I didn't have a problem with it.

"Thank you so much!" I say as I picked up the mug with both my hands. "I really love coffee. People keep telling me it's not very healthy, but I still would drink it every morning." I explain taking a sip. It tasted fine, but something was off about the flavor. Almost like Alice had somehow screwed up making coffee. I began to wonder what exactly she went wrong, when an over dramatic gasp distracted me. I look up to see Alice with her hands over her mouth and her eyes wide.

"Oh my god, what did you do to your neck!" She asks in a worried tone. This was enough to strike Julius' attention and he looks up at me with a somewhat quizzical expression on his face. My eyebrows arched in surprise as my hand flies to my neck instinctively. My fingertips trace a large and unnatural welt on my neck that stung when I touched it. My eyes drift to my coffee again and I could see in it's reflection that my neck was all red and cut open like a tomato. It occurred to me that this must be the result of Ace's sword digging into my neck yesterday. No one must've noticed yesterday because the collar of my shirt was covering it up and I must've just been to much of an airhead to notice the mark or the pain. Well I notice the pain now. And it's excruciating.

"Oh… I cut myself on a tree branch walking through the woods yesterday. I guess I didn't realize how bad it was…" I lie through my teeth. I decided I didn't want to say that Ace almost killed me since both Alice and Julius seem to be pretty good friends with Ace and I thought Ace was pretty nice too so I didn't want to rat on him. "I-It's fine though…" I mumble quietly wrapping my hands around it self-consciously. Alice still seemed worried beyond belief.

"Well, If you say so, but at least let me bandage it." And before I can even have time to disagree she's out of the room, off to get bandages. I reach out to the empty space where she was just standing, like I was trying to catch her by the sleeve and beg her to stay. I look over at Julius who has already lost interest in the situation and was back to working making him just as hard to start a conversation with, but the silence was scary.

"U-Um, thank you for letting me stay here." I say nervously. Not even a nod from him. "I promise to be out as soon as I can." I tell him. He faltered with his work for a moment.

"Do as you wish." He says finally. I look down at my hands as a feeling of sadness washed over me. It's always like this, no matter where I go.

"I… I'm sorry." I whisper out. I had no idea if he was even bothering to listen anymore, but I continued talking. "I'm always bothering people. Doing nothing of use to anyone. Not even my own family wants anything to do with me." I brought the back of my hand up to my eyes as I felt my eyes threatening to overflow. My thoughts wandered to Joy with her eyes aflame and her voice harsh. _Oh my god, shut the hell up!_ "I'm so sorry. Please don't be mad." I breathe out as my eyes release drops of warm liquid that lands on my lap in silent splashes as I start taking short ragged gasps of hair and begin sobbing quietly. My chest hurts like it's impaling in on itself and there isn't anything I can do to stop it. I know I must look like an idiot and I'm telling myself to stop, but my eyes and voice wont listen and I tell myself I'm a goner.

Suddenly I feel a hand being placed gently on my head and I look up to see Julius, but he was facing away with me. We just stay like this is silence for a moment, no sound being admitted from the soft hiccups escaping my throat.

"Listen you're not being a bother and I'm not mad." He says gruffly. I look up with wide eyes as he somehow had stalled my tears. "So…so just stop crying okay!" He says in a frustrated tone as he pulled his hand away from me. I stared up in wonder for a moment. Sure, his words weren't much nor profound in anyway but it made a warm feeling gather in my chest. The feeling of want. My face stretched into a big, bright smile.

"Alright." I beam up at him. He sighs looking relieved that I was no longer staining his floor with tears. He retreated back to his desk and went back to work like nothing had even happened. I smile slightly.

_Julius… is really a nice person. _

"I'm sorry it took so long!" I hear Alice yell as she comes rushing in the door with a first aid kit in hand and kneels in front me. She reaches her hands into the tiny white box and pulls out a spindle of some white gauze looking stuff. "I didn't put the first aid kit back in the bathroom so I had to go on a quest for it." She explains. I think she is trying to make herself out as a terrible person, but I find her choice of words funny and I laugh. And I wish I could feel this way forever

…

"Would you like to go anywhere today? I don't have any chores to do today so I can take you." Alice asks as she finishes wrapping bandages around my neck. My hand comes up and rubs my neck slightly. The bandages were itchy and Alice put this weird orange stuff on my cut that was making it tingle in an odd way. I think to myself for a minute trying to decide where to go.

"Oh, I told the twins I would visit them!" I say happily recalling the two cheerful twins. My face fell a little as I realized something though. "But, I know you aren't on good terms with Blood so…" I say trying to fit her feelings in too. She shakes her head.

"It's fine really. If you really want we'll go." She says confidently, but it still didn't keep me from worrying. The look on her face said she wasn't going to change her mind, but the look on mine said I wasn't comfortable with her being un-comfortable for my sake.

"I can go visit them later by myself." I tell her. She opens her mouth to argue, but I don't give her a chance to say anything. "How about we go to the amusement park! That's the first place I wanted to go when I first got here." I explain to her in hopes that she'll drop the idea of going to the mansion. She gives me a skeptical look , staring me down trying to break my spirit. I just give her the excited smile that I have on my face telling here that I was going to the amusement park with or without her. She sighs to herself.

"Get dressed and we'll go." She says this as if I'm still three years old and clinging to the bottom of her dress, but I nod excitededly to her as I rush away from the table and towards my room. I hadn't been to an amusement park since I was about six or so, so I was absolutely ecstatic about going today. I was trying to get dressed fast, hopping on one leg struggling to put one leg into the hole of my shorts all the while trying to button my flannel with on hand. Every second wasted here meant less time at the amusement park. What my mother would say if she say saw me. _Amusement park? Isn't that awfully childish for someone of your age? _Maybe it is childish to get so excited about it, but I don't see a single problem with that.


	15. So Let it Begin with A Rollercoaster

"This…is… AWESOME!" I yell as I open my arms out and over my head and turn towards Alice who is behind me using her fancy pass to get us in. We had arrived at the amusement park and it was much better than I imagined it to be. It had strange abstract looking buildings and screamed of carnival food and fast rides. I had done my best to contain my excitement, but I just couldn't stand still anymore.

"Amusement park, here I come!" I yell taking off into the park like no one's business. Assuming that my that my less impressed friend was close behind me, I raced through the crowd as fast I could. Ducking and weaving around people that threatened to get in my way of a good time. My attention was set on a big orange roller-coaster with lots of turns and loops. I was so engulfed in it that I had forgotten where I was looking and I smack into something that sends me stumbling back holding my aching face, scrunching it up like a used napkin and trying to remember my manners all at once.

"I'm so sorry!" I apologize with my eyes still closed. "I was so excited about this roller-coaster that I forgot to look where I was going!" I apologize. I expected to get a scolding to stop being so careless about my surroundings, but instead I heard laughing. Warm, sincere laughing.

"Don't worry about it." The voice says. I reluctantly peel my eyes and I saw quite a strange sight. "What's your name?" The man in front of me asks. Easily the strangest man I ever saw. He didn't seem to be a day over nineteen and he looked exactly like a cat. And I mean _exactly_. He had very strange pink hair and fancy this, a pair of matching cat ears with eggplant colored tips and an identical cat tail. He wore punk clothes including a large fur boa hanging lazily off his shoulder. There were various chains attaching to God knows where and he had more than a few piercings and even some triangular tattoos above his belly button and under his eyes. Amber eyes blinked at me in confusion at my lack of an answer to his question.

"Oh! My name is-" I get cut off by the feeling of something on my shoulder. I turn my head with eyebrows raised questionably. Behind me, Alice is hunched over breathing heavily, struggling to keep herself up by holding onto my shoulder with one hand. She looks up at me slightly through her bangs.

"Why… Why the hell… did you… run?" She asks between breaths and her eyes attempting to look furious at me, but she was to tired and gave up at the action.

"There was a roller-coaster!" I say happily. She looks at me like I've gone absolutely mad and it was apparent that she wasn't as enthusiastic about the orange roller-coaster as I was. "I just couldn't contain myself, but Alice I found a cat!" I tell her as I wave my hands in front of the cat man I discovered.

"Hey Alice." The cat man say casually. Alice finally musters the strength to stand up straight.

"Boris." She greets as breathing returns to normal. My eyes dart between the two in confusion before they go wide.

"You two know each other!" I ask, my voice high and confused. Alice simply rolls her eyes at my question.

"Why are so surprised? I've known Boris for a long time now." She explains. That was good question indeed. I didn't know why I was so skeptical of the two's friendship.

"Because pink doesn't suit you?" I answer questionably. It's true, the thought of Alice wearing a pink frilly dress made me want to fall over on the ground gripping my sides in laughter. The thought of her walking around with a giant pink cat seemed even more ridiculous. Boris the pink cat in question seemed to find it funny, but Alice again rolled her eyes.

"And this is Madi Delaine ladies and gentlemen." She announces slightly louder than she needs to. She's making fun of me. My personality. But it's not in a hurtful way like Joy would. More of a playful way of teasing the way I think and act. The way friends are supposed to.

"I didn't know you had a cute girl friend Alice." Boris comments as his eyes take another trip over me. I blush with so much attention on me and I step behind Alice in an attempt to hide myself.

"Oh? You didn't hear yet?" She asks. Boris looks at her completely oblivious to what she's asking as I do. "Madi's a foreigner." I open my mouth to tell her to stop introducing me as that, but Boris' face that is suddenly very close to mine distracts me.

"Foreigner? No wonder she smells awesome." He says from the position he's in. He's leaning over Alice's shoulder sniffing the air for an odor other than cotton candy and caramel corn, licking his lips like he's just trapped his prey and was preparing for his meal. I self-consciously bury my face in my shoulder trying to find the so called good smell he's taking about. I smell like dirt and old clothes.

"So what are you guys planning on doing today?" Boris asks as he stands up again with a smirk painted on his face, his eyes directed at me. They were a very bright shade of yellow. Like the sun or a freshly cut lemon. My face brightens as I voice my answer to the man with the dancing sunflower petals in his eyes.

"Roller-coasters." I say as my excitement resurfaces. A small laugh escapes the cat's lips.

"Good luck on getting that one to go with you." He says as he points a finger in a leather glove at Alice. I exchange a look with Alice and she shrugs.

"Let's just say roller-coasters aren't my favorite ride." She explains. My face falls along with my excitement. Going on a rollercoaster isn't nearly as fun if your friend isn't screaming their lungs out next to you. Alice's face suggested that she felt bad that about the sudden news she has entailed to me.

"You could go with Boris if you want. He loves roller-coasters." She suggests. I smile crawls slowly back on my face like a turtle crossing the desert.

"Really?" I ask hopefully. I get a enthusiastic nod from Boris. It's then I decided that if I wasn't on that orange rollercoaster I would rightly explode. My hand shoots out and grabs Boris' leathered one as I start dragging him towards the line as I attempt to walk backwards. "Mr. Pink Cat, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship." I say as I turn around swiftly and face the roller-coaster. Though I can't think about much other than how excited I was about this roller-coaster, but the stray thought of how warm Boris' hand was in mine arises. I blush and tell myself to stop thinking of such weird things and focus on the rollercoaster. How it'll make me scream and make me sick and make me want to go on it a million more times. I tear my hand away from his as we get in line and it helps brush away the thoughts I keep telling myself to stop thinking of.

…

"I'm telling you, I'm fine." I grumble, but my feet seem to disagree and they dance over each other in a dizzy waltz. I fall back into Boris' chest and he catches me by the shoulders.

"Maybe you should sit down." Alice says to me. I shake me head violently which was a terrible idea because it irritated my dizziness even further.

"No! I can go on more!" I tell them as I rip myself from Boris' hands and attempt to run towards another ride, but the second I do my vision doubles and I have catch myself on a fence as I hold my aching head.

"Seriously Madi, sit down before you have a stroke." Boris say as he grabs my wrist lightly and leads me to a nearby bench and presses on my shoulder to get me to sit down. I exhale upwards angrily and blew a lock of my dark blonde, almost brown but not quite hair out of my face in the process. I was fine. Really.

Boris and I had been racing from ride to ride while Alice watched from the bottom and the last one didn't particularly agree with my stomach, but I've tried telling them a million times that it'll pass and we should go on more rides, but every time they look at me like I've just told them the biggest lie in history.

"You guys are no fun." I mumble. Alice rolls her eyes, but Boris seems to take great offense to this.

"What are you talking about? I'm loads of fun!" He's defensive about it. I find it funny and laugh. His face scrunches into a scowl. "Who just took you on all those rides? If anyone's no fun, it's Alice!" He points to her and she scoffs at him.

"Who are you calling no fun!" She yells at him, seemingly mad at him when he said it but didn't give a second glance when I had called her that. The two bicker for a long time. The best remarks in my opinion, was when Boris called Alice_ a sixty year old man trapped in a teenage girl's body. _to which Alice replied _Well your just against the laws of nature! What the hell is up with the pink hair and cat ears? Here let me fix it! _Now Alice was attempting to rip the ears of Boris' head clean off. I try and push it down my throat but I don't have that amount of self-control and a pile of laughter erupts from my mouth. I can't stop it. It's like trying to stop a volcano that's alright erupted. I grip my sides which are about to burst and fall to the side on the bench as I continue to giggle like a giddy school girl.

The two stop to look at me how I expected them to. Like I had gone absolutely off the deep end and like they should probably start acting like they don't know me. I quiet myself enough to get a sentence out.

"You two have just proved to me that you are fun to hang out with." I explain. I'm crying, that's how hard I was laughing. I wipe wet face with the base of my palms and chuckle a few more times. Alice still looks confused, but Boris has a triumphant smirk on his face.

"See I told you I was fun." He gloats to Alice as I nod in agreement and I sit myself up straight again. He looks around like someone just tapped him on the shoulder. "Wait right there, I'm going to get you some water." He holds up a finger telling me to stay put like he's expecting me to run off for no particular reason. As I watch him disappear into the crowd I can't help, but be confused with his sudden epiphany to hydrate me. He probably thought I was still sick, but after that whole event I had laughed the sickness away. Yet a tiny happiness was gathering in the pit of stomach that he was worried about my health.

Alice sighs as she sits herself next to me. She rubs her temples like she's trying to ward off an upcoming head-ache.

"I should've torn his ears off when he was distracted." She grumbles to herself. I laugh and give her a re-assuring pat on the back, even though I would be absolutely mortified if Alice had ripped Boris' ears off. "I mean where does he get off calling me an old man!" She asks me her voice full of fury and distress. I shrug and make a note to myself never to get Alice angry because she seems to be the type to hold a grudge. Alice continues her ranting and my mind starts to wander until her voice was nothing but white noise. I nod from time to time or fake a look of shock, pretending that I was still listening to her.

Looking out in front of me I began to take notice something that was a little disturbing. All the people that passed us, on the rides, and even the workers that I had been able to distinguish from the bright yellow and blue abstract outfits they wore, had no faces. Not a single one of them. They had mouths to talk, noses to breath and eyebrows, I suppose to express their emotions that their non-existent eyes can't. They're like a picture that someone gave up on half way through. I tug on Alice's sleeve without tearing my gaze away from the faceless people.

"Alice why don't those people have faces?" I ask her. She stops complaining about Boris and looks out at the same crowd of people I am.

"Oh." She states as she realizes it might have been a good idea to mention the lack of faces on people _before_ we left the clock tower. "I'm not really sure of all the details either, but I'm told it's because they don't have a role." She says.

"Role?" I repeat in confusion. A hum rumbles in her throat as her eyebrows furrow, thinking of a way to explain to me.

"A role is somewhat like a really important job… I think." She doesn't know what she's talking about. I probably shouldn't have asked someone who was as new to this world as I was. "Role holders are people like Julius and Boris." That sent me even further into confusion. Julius fixes clocks, I had learned this from the conversation I had with Alice on the way to the amusement park and Boris was just a cat for all I knew.

How either of those were important was far beyond me.

"I guess I get it." I don't know who I was trying to convince. Myself or Alice. "People with faces have an important purpose to the world like the president and all the faceless people are just average Joes." I say. Alice seems to agree, but I start to wonder where that puts me and Alice. We're not a role holder nor a faceless, which is all is this world has to offer. We arrive out of no where, then after some time we disappear. I feel like nothing more than an outbreak of chicken pox.

Boris re-appears in front of us. I'm expecting water, but instead he's struggling to hold three ice cream cones at once. Alice and I exchange a confused glance.

"I can explain." He says. Alice and I sit silent ready for his story. He looks at his ice cream cones.

"Well I was on my way to find some water like I promised, but then I found an ice cream cart and thought Madi is the type of person that would want to eat ice cream even if she was sick." He explains. Alice gives me a flat look, mentally telling me to tell him he's insane. Sorry Alice.

"Well I _do _like ice cream a lot." I say with a guilty look on my face. Alice brings her palm to her face and sighs.

"What am I going to do with you?" She asks. I shrug my shoulders and reach out for an ice cream cone, but I hesitate.

"Alice what flavor do you want?" I ask her. I didn't want to take anyone's favorite flavor without asking first. I can tell she's mad with me changing the subject, but she can't bypass my question either.

"Strawberry." She grumbles with arms crossed. I take he middle cone from Boris' hands and jut it out at Alice who grudgingly accepts it.

"Boris?" I ask. He takes a long appraising look at the two ice cream cones left.

"Chocolate." He says finally before handing the vanilla one to me. I mentally curse at myself because I was hoping to get the chocolate one, but then I reminded myself that I can't get everything I want in life and that I should be grateful for the things handed to me.

We talked for a while and ate our ice cream slowly, to the point that it was melting in long white streaks down my ice cream and pooling at my hand. Everyone made fun of me when I freaked out about not having anything to wipe it on so I used the nearest bush as a napkin. I was happy though. To be with people that enjoyed my company. With people that I didn't push away with every action that I did.

Night suddenly arrives and I give an heavy groan, knowing what Alice is going to say next.

"We should probably head back to the clock tower Madi." She says and I almost mouthed her sentence word for word.

"But we haven't even gone on half the rides!" I whine. I feel like a child throwing a tantrum to their parents. Like a strong mother, Alice is un-fazed by my pleading to stay. "I haven't even finished my ice cream!" I tell her trying to sway her even just a tiny bit.

"I will walk home with out you." She warns. Honestly, I wouldn't have minded if it were not for the fact that I would get lost in the forest with in a matter of seconds.

"Fine." I mumble in defeat. "But let me finish my ice cream." I try and bargain. She sighs.

"Alright, I have to use the restroom anyway. I'll meet you by the exit in a minute." She stands and waves me off as she disappears somewhere in the night air. I look over at Boris as I stand up.

"She is so demanding!" I huff as I bite a chunk out of my soggy ice cream cone. Boris chuckles as we start walking towards the exit.

"But so are you." He says. I scoff at him and his comment.

"Am not!" I argue, feeling offended that he would compare me to Alice's strong demanding nature. His smirk grows as his arms go to rest comfortably behind his head.

"But let me finish my ice cream." His says in a high pitched girly voice that I assume was supposed to be me. I narrow my eyes at him.

"I don't sound like that." I grumble as I shove the rest of my ice cream cone in my mouth. He laughs again as the exit of the park comes into view.

"You're right. You're voice is much cuter than that." He says. My eyes avoid his as a blush creeps onto my face. He said something to this effect earlier but now I didn't have Alice to hide behind. I suddenly long for her to be near me again.

"I-It doesn't sound much different than any other voice…" I mumble through the cloud of embarrassment hanging around me. We're at the exit now, where near to no one passes us. Out of the corner of my eye Boris shakes his head.

"No it's different alright. It's fun and optimistic sounding. Pure like a child's voice." He's coming closer to me. With every step forward he takes, I take one back. "It's cute." He says again. My back hit's a wall and he raises an arm just above my head on the same wall. I feel like a frightened animal that has gotten backed into a corner. "You're cute." He says, his sweet chocolate scented breath washing over my face. I can hear my heart pounding hard and loud in my ears. I turn my face to the side to ignore the look he's giving me, but I can still feel his gaze on me. What I was feeling I didn't know. Either time was going to fast or slow, I would never know because I'm so flustered right now if you asked me what the color the sky is I'd probably say green.

And out of all things, for a moment just try and imagine all the outcomes of the situation and you will most likely not guess what happens, he licks my face. Actually _licks _my face. His tongue is warm and slick against my cheek as it makes one long fluent motion from the base of my chin to the bottom of my left eye. He pulls back and I look at him with the most confused expression I think I have ever worn in my life.

"You had ice cream on your cheek." He laughs and his arm falls to his side. I want to say, _As if that's an excuse for doing that! _But my throat has closed up and my mind is too fogged with my bustling thoughts to pick even one of them to say.

"I…Uh…What?" Is the most coherent sentence I can form. We stand in silence for what seems like an eternity, but it's broken by a voice that does not belong to Boris or I.

"Boris, did you know that Gowland put a bubble machine in the restroom?" Alice asks as she joins our group. As jealous as I was for not seeing this so called bubble machine in the bathroom, I was somewhat mystified that Alice had managed to not see any of what just passed between Boris and I.

"He did? I tell you that old man is off his rocker." He says as he turned towards Alice, acting as if nothing at all happened. I stay silent as a hand comes to rest on my still wet cheek in a daze.

"Where is he anyway? He likes to make a grand appearance every time I'm here, but I didn't even catch a glance of him today." She asks. Boris brings his hand to his chin and raises his eyes to the night sky in thought.

"I think he went to negotiate more territory issues with The Hatter again." He then groans and rolls his eyes about something. "Guess who's gonna have to listen to the old man's complaining afterwards?" Boris jabs a thumb in his direction and he's looking pissed about it. Alice giggles to herself though.

"Good luck, brave soldier." She jokes with a slight solute to Boris as she grabs by wrist and starts pulling me through the exit. My eyes are glued to Boris though as my feet move forward, tripping over each other not knowing what to do like I've reverted back to being a toddler. Boris gives me a big stretched grin across his face as he waves to me. My hand goes up in the air and shyly waves back seeing as I still can't organize my thoughts enough to do anything more complicated than that. My head turns robotically back so that I'm facing were I'm walking. I can finally think clearly enough to tell my feet to work properly and they steady into a steady rhythmic pace. Alice, seeing that I can manage myself lets go of my wrist.

"Are you alright?" She asks, suspecting that something has happened now. "You look really… I don't know. Confused? Flustered?" She asks trying to name my expression. I open her mouth to spout everything that happened at her like a waterfall, but my face heats up so much that it must've melted my vocal cords. I can't tell her. At least not now, it's much to embarrassing.

"You were right, that ice cream was a terrible idea." I lie as I pat my ice cream filled stomach for show. "I just need to lay down and it will pass." I assure her with a plastic smile. Lying down might erase my imaginary illness, but it sure wont erase all the strange feelings swirling about in my head, probably enhance them. I start thinking to myself that if this is only my second day in wonderland and it was already so crazy… Then what else does it have in store for me?


	16. Kidnappings and Safety Hazards

It's been a couple days since we visited the amusement park and nothing really extraordinary has happened since then. Now, Alice and I are walking side by side, both of our arms hugged around paper bags filled with clock parts. I've learned that like me, Alice hate being a freeloader so she became an assistant of some sorts to Julius doing small jobs like making coffee and retrieving parts that he needs for his work.

I told Julius that I wanted to help too, but he told me there wasn't anything for me to do and I would just get in the way. Alice that scolded Julius and told him that he was _being a terrible host and that her help would be appreciated. _So with a pat on the head from Alice she told me that I could be her assistant. I am very proud to own the title as the assistant's assistant.

"So do you have any siblings Alice?" I ask as I shift the bag in my arms trying to prevent them from falling asleep under it's weight. Even though I'm temporally living with Alice I know very few things about her except that she has a natural sense of worry for the people around her and that she has a hot temper. I wanted to have a better understanding of the way her mind works and of the life she came from. Her face lit up at the question.

"I have two sisters. My younger sister's name is Edith and I have a older sister named Lorina who I love very much." I had a feeling that Alice could talk about her sister for hours and never tire of it. The love she showed for her sister almost radiated off her skin. "She's so elegant. She wears nice, long, high quality dresses a lot and a bonnet when it's hot out. Her hair is long like mine, but it's always in the most perfect of curls and a nice shade of brown. She's very smart too, she's studying be a psychologist and I have no doubt that she'll become one very soon." The light in her eyes suddenly dims and releases a sigh. She must miss her sister a lot. It must be why she's so set on getting out of Wonderland.

I would give her a comforting pat on the back if it were not for the ten pounds of spare clock parts in my arms. I mentally curse at the thing before giving Alice a soft smile.

"Don't worry Alice. I'm sure she's missing you like crazy and when you go home, you can tell her stories of Wonderland that will surely amuse her." I say trying to be as comforting as I can but something about the phrase _when you go home _bothers me. I want Alice to stay here forever. I want to stay here forever. But I guess all fairytales have to end at some point. "And who knows?" I add with a shrug. "Perhaps you can write a book about all your adventures in Wonderland and it will become one of the best written stories of all time." We both laugh at the idea knowing that no one from our world would believe the things Alice and I have seen.

"You're right. That's one of the things I like about you Madi." She says and it catches me by surprise. "You always have an optimistic way of looking at things." She comments. A blush sneaks it's way onto my face. My nerves are un-rattled. I really should get use to compliments. Note to self, first get a notebook or tape recorder or something because I'll never remember all of these things. Secondly, go practice receiving compliments in the mirror so I don't just turn pink and stand there like a moron. Which is what I'm doing with Alice right now.

"O-Oh… thanks. I suppose I do, but I didn't really notice." I tell her. Right now we're passing by a fountain and the gurgling of the water spouting into the air is the only sound being passed around in the air.

"I suppose I've been talking to much, tell me of your family Madi." She says. I shrug knowing there isn't much to tell.

"My father died when I was young in a car accident and my mother re-married shortly after that to a very sloppy and lazy man named Mitchell. My step-sister Joy is very pretty, but don't be fooled because she is a mean stuck-up girl that re-fuses to admit we know each other in public. Then again all of them hardly acknowledge me at all anyways." Alice looks utterly baffled at the family I'm explaining to her and I feel somewhat the same. How anyone's family can be act that way towards someone that shares the same blood is almost un-comprehendible to me. I put on a smile trying to brush the subject away though.

"I guess that's why I like the idea of being here in Wonderland. People are nice to me here and I've notice that I've become more willing to act myself because no one really tells me that I should act different." And I'm really thankful of that. Finally I could have human interaction that wasn't met with a hateful remark or simply no remark at all.

Meanwhile, Alice seems to be pondering to herself about something and it catches my attention.

"That reminds me Madi, you said that a rabbit brought you down here." She says. I nod, but I didn't see how our previous conversation. She looks both frantic and furious at the same time.

"I have to warn you about that rabbit! He's a despicable, vile creature that-" She gets distracted by the same thing I do. A voice in the distantance that's shouting as clear as day,

"Alice!" She whips around, her eyes wild like she just discovered that she was being followed by a serial killer. I turn my head just enough to see her get pounced on by someone or something, her bag of clock parts go sprawling across the ground and a tousle of flailing arms and kicking legs.

"Speak of the devil! Peter get off of me!" Alice screams as she pushes the mystery attacker away from her, but it re-attaches itself to her in a tight hug.

"Oh, Alice my dear, it's been so long since I've held you near!" It's a man, but like Elliot he has rabbit ears. Except they're a pure shade of white that match his hair. Though all the movement of Alice trying to free her self I barely noticed that he had perfectly circular glasses. He wore a red checkered waistcoat and brown slacks that reminded me a certain white rabbit that I once met before that made me think I was going insane.

"I'm not your _dear _and let go of me before I rip your face off!" She threatens as she bears her fingernails like claws out at him. He doesn't seem to understand the threat.

"I see the lack of my presence has made you delusional and mean, that's why you should be living with me and the queen!" He spouts like a fool and out of all things, he throws Alice over his shoulder carelessly like a tarp and takes off in the opposite direction with Alice kicking and screaming the most colorful string of swears I've ever heard.

I realize I should have been freaking out from the very start of this strange assault of Alice, but now that I'm actually witnessing a kidnapping I lost every once of calmness in my body. I give a high pitch panicky sheik and look around like what I'm supposed to be doing in this situation is going to walk up and fix everything. It doesn't so I only have my wits to solve this.

"Oh! Uh… um… Rape? Rape!" I sheik at the top of my lungs at the at the man that's way ahead of me on the path. Un-fortunately no one was around to here my cries of help so I had to take this into my own hands. I take a few hurried steps forward, but I keep tripping over clock parts. It's a safety issue I had to make sure no one got hurt over it.

With the edge of my foot, I push all the clock parts to the side of the path I'm on and under a bush just in case someone thought of trying steal them. I pretty much throw my bag of clock parts into the same bush before shooting a glare at the red blur in front of me.

"Rape!" I yell again just for the sport of it and shake my fist as I run after the two.


	17. To Kill by Watering Can

I'm in a rose garden still giving chase to the rabbit man that kidnapped Alice who's right in front of me. I grown considerably closer to the two, but I was growing tired and there was no hope of me actually catching the rabbit man. My eyes begin searching around frantically for something to play out the plan I'm working in my head.

I race past a faceless woman, but I backtrack my steps so I'm now face to face with her. I rip a red watering can out of her hands.

"Sorry, but I really need to borrow this for the moment." I blurt out before continuing my pursuit. I think I hear the woman murmur out, _Uh… alright then. _I made yet another note in my head, to go apologize to her later.

"Give me back Alice you crazy kidnapping rabbit!" I order as I shake the half full watering can in the air as a threat. He ignores it, like all of the other things I've shouted at him.

We enter a big grand building that I had no time to inspect and we race through the halls, looking like a bunch of lunatics. The rabbit man carrying a screaming and furious Alice and me chasing after them, swinging a bright red watering can over my head. He makes a move to turn the corner and that's when I make my move. I skid to a stop and throw the watering can with all my might. The sharp bottom edge of it hits him in the side of the head right under one of his ears with a loud _clang. _The man loosens his just enough so that Alice can squirm out of his arms before he falls over as limp as a dead fish.

I'm breathing heavy with my shoulders hunched by my ears by the time Alice makes her way back to me. We exchange a _holy shit, that just happened _look before looking back to the rabbit man who's heaped on the floor a good three feet in front of us. Both of us take a few hesitant strides towards the man and peered over him.

"Oh my god! I killed him!" I wail after giving a good inspection of the lifeless body at my feet. Alice scoffs.

"Good riddance. I'm only depressed at the fact that you got to him before I did." She says flatly. I look at her with panicky eyes and she tries to ease my mind.

"That's who I was trying to warn you about! Peter White!" she shouts with a finger pointed at the rabbit man. "He kidnapped me while I was sleeping in my garden, threw me down a hole, forcibly kissed me and shoved the potion down my throat, made it so I can't go home and now he stalks me everyday!" Her face is bright red from shouting so loud and angrily. Wow, no wonder she hates the man with all her soul, but I still can't ignore the fact that I may have just killed a man with a watering can. I kneel by the man named Peter's side and raise an index finger by his head.

"Um… Mr. Peter. Wake up, wake up, wake up." I say as I poke his head repeatedly. "Wake up, wake up." I say again with a few more forceful pokes before my panic was set in stone. "WAKE UP!" I scream in a worried tone into the outstretched ear I had lifted up and I hit him hard over the head. The man emit's a soft groan, but does not wake up. I give a sigh of relief as I stand up, but Alice looks pissed.

"Damn, He isn't dead after all." She mutters sounding depressed and I give a nervous laugh because I don't know what else to do. A stampede of footsteps echoes through out the halls and Alice and I exchange a confused glance.

"Who is making such a racket in our castle!" A mature female voice roars. Alice and I turn around, scared right out of our skins at the sudden noise. Behind us is what seems to be an army of faceless soldiers with a woman leading them, who I assumed had a role because of her lavender colored eyes that were narrowed right at me.

She was so beautiful it hurt. Her eggplant hair hung in perfectly coiled ringlets around her thin, mature face. She wore a long elegant yet strange red and black dress. The torso of the dress look like a black corset with red lace tied tightly the it accentuated her large full breasts which had a red heart shaped tattoo resting between them. The long ribbons of the large black bow tied around her neck attempting to hide it. Her sleeves hung far past her wrists in a curtain of red and her dress puffed out at her waist making her hips look large and her stomach flat. Behind her head, her dress somehow stood up in the shape of heart making her seem larger and much more intimidating. The was so much black lace and hearts on her dress making it too difficult to even fathom a guess at how much there actually was, But I did notice the large scepter she held proudly by her side and the gold crown sat upon her head, which almost made me fall over at what I figured out what her role must be.

"You. Girl child." She states as her eyes wash over me again. I jump slightly and attempt to stand up as straight as I can. "Art thou a foreigner?" She asks. I give a short panicked look at Alice and she gives me an encouraged nod to introduce myself.

"Uh… It seems to be that way." I grit out. Why is it that no one can just ask my name instead of automatically calling me a foreigner? This is so irritating! "My name is Madi Delaine, miss… um…" I didn't know what to call this woman so I was hoping she would tell me or Alice would whisper it to me.

"We are Vivaldi." She says almost proudly. "We are the queen of hearts." I freaking knew it.


	18. On a Leash

My fingers keep twiddling with the handle of the porcelain tea cup that was placed in front of me. How does a normal girl on a normal day get invited to tea with the queen in a rose garden exactly? Well it went a little something like this…

…

_I watch as two soldiers pick Peter up, or rather drag him down the castle's hall after the queen of hearts ordered them to put him in his room. With a long annoyed sigh the queen looks at him with an un-readable expression._

"_That man can fight an entire army of men, but he can somehow get knocked out by a child." She brings her hand to cover her eyes and sighs again. Her attention is turned to me and she gives a soft smile to me with her red painted lips. "You must be a remarkable kind of young woman Madi. We request that you and Alice stay for tea." She purrs. _

_Alice claps her hands once happily next to me._

"_Oh good, I could use a cup of tea after all that!" She says the cheer returning to her voice as she walks past me to make conversation with the queen. Feeling awkward for staying rooted in the middle of the hall I chase after them and make my way next to Alice. There by, accepting the queen's invitation to tea._

…

"We see… Peter White kidnapped you while you were out shopping Alice." Vivaldi's voice tunes me back into reality. I look up from un-sipped cup just in time to see the queen scoff. "Really, does that man not value his head? How unsightly of him." She comments taking a sip of her own tea. Alice looks like she couldn't agree more.

"That man is so infuriating! If it were not for Madi, who knows what disgusting thing he would of done to me!" Alice cringes from her spot directly across from me. I hear a questionable hum to the right of me and I look back at the queen at the head of the large table we're seated at. She has put down her tea and now she's leaned towards me with her elbows on the table and her hands crossed flat against her chin with interest in her eyes.

"Yes, tell us Madi how you managed to knock out our prime minister." She asks. I expect her to be angry that I hurt one of her employees, but she seems almost excited to know the answer. I fiddle with my tea cup a little more.

"Well I didn't do much really… I stole a watering can from a maid of your's and kind of… well threw it at Peter's head." I still feel bad about it, even if he did just almost get away with kidnapping Alice. The queen throws back her head and starts laughing. Her voice, loud and powerful like a queen's should be.

"You are a remarkable young woman indeed, Madi." She chuckles. I'm slightly confused at this matter. Shouldn't Vivaldi be at least a little bit concerned about the fact that her prime minister hurt? Well Peter did seem troublesome… so maybe she just stopped caring about all the antics he gets himself into.

"Peter White could really use a restraint, perhaps you could keep him on a leash like he needs to be. How would you like to live at the castle?" She asks. I nearly fall out of my chair at the sudden offer. I send a look across the table at Alice she looks about as surprised as I do. I fix my composure a little before addressing the queen's question.

"Thank you for the offer, but I have to politely refuse." I tell her. I'm almost scared to say no to her offer, but so far everything's fine. "I'm already living at the clock tower with Alice and Julius." I say. I almost tell her that it's temporary until I can find a house to stay in, but I feel like that will persuade her to try and make me stay in the castle further. She sighs as she leans back in her chair and sips at her tea.

"That's a shame, but our offer will remain if you should change your mind." Vivaldi says and I nod, once again thanking her. Alice's sigh rips my attention from the queen.

"We better leave before Peter wakes up and realizes that we're still here." She stands up and motions for me to come with her. I look up at the sky. It's sunset, but the time before that was early morning. It's hard to tell how long Alice and I have actually been out with all these inconsistent time changes, but I feel like we've only just arrived at the castle.

"Leaving so soon? But you've only just arrived." Vivaldi protests seeing the same dilemma as I do. Alice shakes her head.

"Sorry, but we were out to get parts for Julius and he's probably worried that we've been gone for so long." Alice says as she walks around the table and grabs my hand and forces me to stand up. It's an excuse. Julius probably doesn't care how long we've been gone, Alice is just set on not running into Peter again. Vivaldi sighs as she brings one hand to her cheek and stares at something to her side with a far off look.

"If you insist, but we request that your next visit shall be longer." She says. Alice waves it off and starts pulling me towards a break in the rose garden, but I'm still looking at Vivaldi.

"U-um… goodbye!" I call over my shoulder. The queen smiles and gives a dainty wave to me. I dig my heels into the concrete for a split second so Alice will stop pulling me for a moment as I realize something. "If you see Ace, will you tell him I said hi?" I call, realizing that I have missed the knight of hearts. She looks confused for a moment before nodding. I sigh a sigh of relief. "Thanks!" I say before turning around to walk normally with Alice. I look at her.

"Remind me that I need to come back and apologize to that maid I stole that watering can from too." I almost order her. She agrees, but her tone is flat and suggests that she probably wont remember. I sigh. Today was complete chaos. I witnessed a kidnapping, stole from someone, probably gave a concussion to Peter, and met a queen who offered me to stay in her castle all in one day. I need a nap.

...

**I would just like to take a moment to thank all my beloved readers for all the reviews! Every time I read a positive review I get a big dumb smile and my face and I'll be in a good mood all day because of it. Anyways here's an important note: The new R.V. park i'm at right now has VERY sketchy internet, so it's going to be a challenge to post new chapters. Please, please, please be patient with me and once again I'm very thankful for your support on the story!-MadiTheMadness**


	19. New Found Violence

**I officially have one bar of internet access. Oh snap you guys. Anyways here's the newest chapter, enjoy!**

...

As of right now, I'm standing at the front gate of The Hatter's mansion attempting to fulfill the promise I had made to play with the twins, but A look of sadness and dismay was hung on my face.

"It seems like they're not here…" I say sadly to Alice, who was nice enough to walk me here after a small argument we had about whether or not she was coming to the mansion with me. We finally agreed that she could walk me to the gate, but she would not enter the premises so that she could avoid Blood. I still have yet to know why Alice dislikes Blood so much because I thought he was a very nice man the one time we did meet, but I thought that it wasn't my business to pry in Alice's personal affairs.

"They probably are, just wait for it." She says with a roll of her eyes. To my great confusion, she begins counting down from ten that made me think of those rocket launches on T.V. that everyone makes such a big deal about.

"Three, two, one…" And to add me further into confusion I'm nearly knocked over by something that latches onto both of my arms.

"Missy you came!" Two voices sing. I look down to meet the star filled red and blue eyes on the two little boys I had come to visit. A smile appears on my face as I beam down at the two.

"Of course! I promised didn't I?" I ask and I receive an enthusiastic nod from the both the boys. Dee's attention goes to Alice.

"And you even brought big sister!" Dee says as he points to my friend in the blue dress. _So that's who they were referring to back then. _

"Yeah, it's been a long time since you've been to the mansion big sister!" Dum exclaims. Alice puts on a sympathetic smile.

"Sorry guys, but I'm not staying. I have a lot of errands to run today. Maybe some other day." She lies covering up for the fact that she doesn't want to see Blood.

"Aw, no fair!" They whine together. I have to somewhat laugh to myself. They really are children, with their whining and short attention spans. Oh, how I miss the simplicity of it all.

"That stupid clock master hogs you all the time!" Dum argued.

"Yeah why do you stay with that stingy old clock master? You should stay here!" Dee adds. Alice looks furious that they are disrespecting Julius.

"He is not _stingy _and staying with him is very comforting!" She's strangely defensive about it and a stray question popped into my head. _Is Alice… in love Julius?_ Knowing Alice, she probably doesn't even know the answer to that question. I suppose if she does I'll figure out eventually, but I would like very much to see them end up together seeing as they act like an old married couple already.

"Besides, you have Madi to play with you today!" She adds and my thoughts are swept away by that one sentence. The twins release my arms only to claim both of my hands as there own.

"That's right! C'mon Missy let's go play!" Dum says as he pushes the gate open with his free hand.

"Yeah we don't need big sister, you're probably much more fun to play with." Dum adds as the two pull me inside the mansion's premises. Behind us, Alice can be heard yelling,

"Why does everyone think I'm no fun!" No one pays no mind to here, but I have a question for the two that can't be ignored.

"Wait! Don't you need to guard the gate!" I interject trying to dig my heels into the concrete with little success. Elliot would surely be mad if he finds out they're skipping out on work.

"Nope." They answer simply. That was the end of that argument.

…

I have learned something that I much rather preferred being in the dark about. The twins like weapons. A _lot_. They showed me their _prized _collection of weapons in their room. It looked like something out a horror movie and asked if I wanted to hold any of them. I squeaked out an _absolutely not _and the two exchanged a glance that just screamed that they were planning something amongst each other.

Now I'm chasing the two down a long path while they swing two giant scythes above they're heads trying to find someone to use them on.

"Dee! Dum! Put those down right this instant!" I shout after them for the billionth time. The two ignore me like every other order I've thrown in their direction. My flats are rubbing the band-aids that were protecting the blisters I had received from chasing Peter yesterday making my feet hurt in the most un-imaginable ways. I growl at the two flimsy torture devices that call themselves shoes before stopping momentarily. I hook a finger into the heels of my shoes and take them into my hands before taking off running again.

"I will throw my shoes at you!" I threaten. After all it seems that I'm a professional at giving minor concussions to people that run away from me. The two laugh like they don't take me seriously. I wind up my arm to show them that I wasn't fooling around about the shoe throwing, but the sight of orange sunburst hair just beyond the twins stops me.

"Oh! Madi, what are you doing-" Elliot calls when he catches sight me, but I cut him off.

"Stop those two!" I shout just as the twins approach him. Elliot gives me a quizzical expression before deciding to take my word for it. In one swift motion Elliot turns around and grabs Dee and Dum by the backs of their coats. The two are stopped dead in their tracks and are deemed useless as long as Elliot had a hold on them. My relief comes out in the form of a sigh as I drag my tired legs over to the three.

"Get your dirty paws offa us you newbie-hare!" Dum yells as his arms flail about, trying to get a good hit on Elliot.

"Let go you stupid chicken rabbit!" Dee adds, moving around much like his brother. Elliot doesn't even have to struggle to keep his grasp on the two squirming trouble makers.

"What are you pipsqueaks doing now? You better not be bugging Madi." He warns. I approach the three with my breathing heavy. The twins stop struggling and give me soft, innocent, pleading puppy eyes that are begging me to scold Elliot for being such a mean man getting in the way of children's fun. _Nice try you little monsters._

I raise a one shoe in each hand and smack them square across the head as hard as I can. They cry out in pain and shock and Elliot gets a look of _awe_ on his face.

"That'll teach you to stop when I tell you to!" I tell them with my hands on my hips. It's strange, I don't think I've ever been this violent before, but I feel a strange connection towards the twins that both makes me worried and pissed at them all the time. Is this how it feels like to be an older sibling?

"Ow! What did you do that for!" Dum whines as he holds his head. Elliot has let go of each twin confident that they wouldn't run off again.

"That can be considered child abuse. We'll sue." Dee mutters as he rubs the bump forming on his head. I roll my eyes.

"For what money? Are you planning to take the clothes off my back?" I ask as I tug at my flannel towards them. The two replace their look of pain with that wicked look that they had on when they were thinking of something devious. _This has to be bad. _

"That reminds me Missy…" Dum says with a glint in his ruby eyes and a smirk painted on his face. "Why do you wear pants?" He asks as he outstretches a finger towards my grey shorts. I tilt my head as confusion creeps up on me. _Is that all? What a weird question._

"We'll I can't very well walk around with out them." I say feeling clever. Dee shakes his head violently.

"No Missy! We think that you would look much cuter in a dress like big sister's!" Dee exclaims.

"Not happening." I say blandly trying to brush away the topic.

"Why not!" The twins whine like I had just stolen candy right out of their hands. I shrug.

"I just don't think they suit me very well." I say as I scratch an itch on my leg with my bare foot. It's true, they aren't very suited for me considering that the last time I wore a dress was before I could even stand on my two own feet. I don't know why, but my parents just stopped buying them therefore I didn't feel a need to wear them anymore.

"That's not true! Tell her newbie-hare!" Dum says as he shoots a look at Elliot. Elliot jumped slightly having all the attention directed at him.

"Yeah, newbie-hare tell her that she'd look cute!" Dee orders. Elliot turns a light shade of pink at the notion as do I. No way he'll do it. The thought of Elliot saying that I'm cute is about as crazy as me claiming to be the queen of England as I sport a bed sheet as a cape. I laugh nervously to myself anyways.

"No need to pressure the poor man…" I mutter to the twins, somewhat scolding them at the same time for even bring the topic up. My eyes scan upward to Elliot's face. "Elliot, you don't-" But I get cut off by him.

"It'd be really cute actually." He say quietly. His violet eyes refuse to meet mine and it looks like his tongue had just been scalded with a hot iron poker for voicing such a thing. My face heats up and I keep opening and closing my mouth trying to figure out the right thing to say. I probably look like a hungry catfish's long lost cousin.

"I… Um… Thank you." I say finally reminding myself of the note I made to myself about being better with receiving compliments. Elliot gives a slight nod and the awkwardness continued.

"See, let's go get you a dress." Dum says as he grabs my hand ready to pull me off.

"Our boss has lots of 'em, so you can have more than one if you want." Dee says as he grabs my other hand. As much as I wanted to ask why Blood has a collection of dresses I had to refuse before this went any further.

"Guys I don't need a dress! After all, the clothes I'm wearing now are perfectly fine!" I tell them with a laugh. The two stop and exchange a glance that makes me nearly terrified. The two of them raise there scythes and turn to me.

"You're clothes aren't fine." Dum starts as he takes a step towards me.

"Yeah they're all torn Missy." Dee finishes as the two identical boys close in on me, scythes gleaming in the sunlight.

"Hey what are you brats do-" Elliot gets cut off, by the sound of tearing. Rushes of wind brush over me and all I see is a blur of limbs and metal. "Do… ah…wow." I hear Elliot mutter.

Suddenly the sun feels like it's beating down on more skin then it should be. In a daze I look down and my face turns so hot that steam is most probably blowing out of my ears. Scraps of my flannel and shorts rain down from the air and I'm left standing there with nothing more than my light blue matching underwear, the bandages on my neck and the few band-aids clinging to my feet.


	20. Dress up Doll

We all just stand there. No one talks. No one makes a move. Elliot and I are red-faced. The twins looking accomplished. _Those little snot nosed brats I outta-_

"You are both dead!" I sheik as I drop my shoes and my arms wrap around my chest, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm standing in front of four guys almost completely naked. The two shrug like the did nothing at all. I try and keep my eyes furious and my brain trying to keep throwing threats at them, but I look at Elliot who just wont goddamn look away. I feel like suddenly the whole world is watching me. I'm embarrassed, mad, and depressed all at the same time.

Silently and slowly I bring myself to sit on the ground. I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms snuggly around them all the while burying my face in them. I feel like if I condense myself enough I'll just dissipate into dust and no one will ever see me again. I'll just be the dust that you sweep off your porch, no one even takes a second look at that stuff.

I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. No, wait something is physically on my shoulders. I look up with the eyes that are just starting to tear up to see Elliot crouched down beside me with a soft smile on. But something's different about him. His jacket is gone. I look back down to see that the heavy coat was now draped over my shoulders. My hand goes to hold the jacket shut as Elliot hooks his hand under my elbow and gently pulls me to my feet. My eyes flick up momentarily to read his expression. He's still a tad red in the face, but more than anything he looks absolutely and irreversibly pissed.

"Listen you little dip-shits, you better apologize to Madi right this instant or I'll make sure of it that you never make another dime for as long as you live." He growls at them. All I could do was stare up at Elliot in wonder. _Why is he acting so defensive for my sake?_ For some reason an immense feeling of happiness washes over me and I can't control it. It's like trying to stop a tsunami, impossible.

I look at the twins and they're both staring at the ground, shuffling their feet nervously. It's hard to tell whether they were truly ashamed about their actions or if they were mortified of losing their salary. They look up with regrettable eyes.

"Sorry Missy…" Dee says.

"Yeah we were just so excited to see you in a dress Missy." Dum tries explaining. My eyes narrow at them. _You cut my clothes off. _That's enough reason to not to forgive them, but they're just so… _innocent _looking.

"Please forgive us Missy." They plead in unison. I sigh to myself. I push my arms into the sleeves of Elliot's jacket and button it up most of the way. Young children must be my weakness because I already have my arms open motioning for them to fill them. They somewhat squeal to themselves as they wrap my arms around my middle and I embrace them. Their smiles have returned. I can't deny that they look best with them on. Elliot sighs beside me as he picks up a mutilated scrap of what was once my flannel.

"Well I suppose there's no avoiding that dress now." Elliot mumbles. It's odd. He still is refusing to look at me even though I'm all covered up. In fact, I'm more covered up than I was before. Elliot's jacket is so big that the bottom of it brushes up against my ankles and the sleeves fall far past my wrists. I can't ignore the scent of carrots that stick to his jacket that I find strangely comforting.

"Take her to our supply of dresses and if you so much as pull a hair off her head-" He doesn't even finish his sentence, the look on his face conveyed that he would not give a second thought about pulling his gun out using it on the twins. I was terrified about this, but the twins had the same scowl painted on their faces.

"Aye, aye captain." They say sarcastically. The two then grasp my arms and begin pulling me in a random direction. Off to get a dress that wont suit me. I want to argue, be strong-willed in this strange situation I've gotten myself into, but nothing escapes my throat and I succumb to their pulling with out a sound. I'm like a doll. Dress me up and re-invent me, I wont have a say in the matter because my mouth is sewn shut.


	21. Cinderella

I'm in a large walk in closet, one that's placed very oddly in the mansion's hallways. It's deep within in the mansion's walls in an empty hallway where no one dare's to walk. Hidden away like a deep un-speakable secret. The closet's walls are lined with dresses. Creating a rainbow of colors and styles. I don't know where to start. Luckily the twins seem to have seem to be deciding for me.

"I think Missy would look best in red!" Dum exclaims as he shoves a frilly rose colored dress in my direction. His brother shoots him a scowl across the room as he un-hooks a dress from the rack.

"Are you dense in the head! Missy would look so much better in blue!' Dee says as he juts a sky blue and just as frilly dress at me. The two shoot waves of hate at each other just through they're eyes.

"Red." Dum states simply as his eyes narrow.

"Blue." Dee retorts mirroring his brother's facial expression. For a moment nothing happens, but Dum springs from across the room at his brother and tackles him to the ground like a hungry lion.

"Red!" Dum presses again as he pins his brother's arms to the floor. Dee somehow squirms his way from under Dum and switches positions with him.

"Blue!" Dee yells again. The two argue and roll around on the floor a bit. It's nothing more than a clutter of noise and movement and it makes my head ache. If it were anyone else I would be pulling my hair out and be screaming at them to stop, but my ability to care is thin with the twins and it isn't helping that all I'm wearing is a giant coat that smells like carrots.

"Red" I hear Dum argue again. It's then my patience snaps. My hands shot out and grab the two by the scruffs of their collars and struggle to keep them apart. It doesn't stop them from baring their teeth and clawing at each other like a couple of feral cats.

"Both of you stop it or I'm not wearing any of them!" What a lie. I can't go around wearing Elliot's jacket for the rest of my life, but it seems to quiet the twins enough that I can let go of them. I sigh at the big deal they're making out of such a simple matter. I take a look at the abandoned red and blue dresses that lay in a heap on the floor.

"Sorry you guys, but I don't think either of those will look very good on me." I explain. Their faces drop and I feel kind of bad about pretty much saying their ideas of what I'd like were wrong. "Red never looked very good on me and Alice's dress is blue so I'd feel like a copycat." I tell them as I wander over to the racks that thousands of dresses hang on and start flicking through them. I didn't have the heart to tell them that I was terrified that a small girl like me would get lost in all the frills of those dresses.

But the more I looked, the more I realized all the dresses were that way. Long and frilly. Made of high class fabrics like silk, something a woman of high class would wear. But I'm not a woman of high class. I'm just a teenager girl with a lack of clothes. I knew it. Didn't I say these wouldn't suit me? I will be doomed to wear Elliot's jacket for the rest of my life.

"Missy, what about this one then?" One of the twins I ask. I'm thinking it's Dee's voice because even though they look alike, they're voices are slightly distinguishable once you've listened close enough. I turn around to the twins sharing a grasp on a lemon yellow dress.

I stay speechless as I walk over to them and take some of the fabric in between my index finger and my thumb, rubbing them to create a smooth fluent friction. It could easily be recognized as cotton. A soft smile breaks onto my face as I take the dress into my hands and hugging it close to my chest.

"I think I'll take this one." I say and the twins look absolutely smug at the fact that they got my tastes right.

"But Missy's going to need accessories too!" Dum says as he pulls out a pure black heard band and what appears to be a choker of some sorts.

"Here Missy, let us help you!" Dee exclaims as both of their hands attack me. Gracing over places two little boys shouldn't be allowed to touch. By the time the two have slipped one shoulder of Elliot's jacket off of me I had drawn the line.

"Guys, I can dress myself. Now get out." I order with my beet red face as I push them out of the closet by their backs. They turn to me in the doorway with a whine riding hard in their voices.

"Aw, why do we-" I slam the door shut before they can finish knowing that I will eventually give in to their pleading if I don't stop it early enough. I flip the littlie gold knob above the doorknob to lock it just in case the twins felt the need to come back inside while I was changing. The door pull and bang at the door from the other side just as I thought they would. I sigh and let Elliot's jacket drop.

…

I stare at the girl who is standing in front of me in the three way mirror. She's young. Only sixteen years old, looks like a thirteen year old to people none the wiser. A black headband sitting on her borderline brown shoulder length hair, trying to tame the unruly mess it' always been. White fabric that frills at the edges clings around her neck held together by a thin black ribbon tied in a bow in the front, replacing the bandages that hid a large pink scar underneath. Her yellow dress makes the contrast between the fabric and her almost translucent skin makes it seem radiant.

Her short sleeved dress hung in a deep U- shape along her chest. Soft white fabric cradling her adolescent chest ever so gently. The dress stopped just below her knees. She wiggles her still bare toes in the mirror. Her hazel eyes meet mine. Wondering who she's staring at.

This isn't me. I refuse to believe it. The girl I'm looking at looks like a girl who grew up in a quant little family who lives in a cozy brick cottage in a small town. Her father would buy her these dresses and her mother would compliment her and tell her she was her little princess. I'm suddenly jealous of the girl in the mirror's life, envy shoots thick and heavy through my veins.

A loud click rips my attention from the girl that looks suspiciously like me in the mirror. Even though I'm fully dressed I feel bewildered by being caught in such a state of un-familiarity. I turn red faced towards the door thinking that the twins had picked the lock with one of their knifes, but who's leaning in the doorway is much more embarrassing.

"B-Blood!" I squeak out in pure shock. He smirks at me as he twirls a metal ring full of keys around his index finger.

"I heard there was a little birdie in the mansion so naturally I had to come investigate." He says in a deep tone that rattles my bones. I blush as I lean down and pick up Elliot's crumpled jacket on the floor, placing it self consciously against my front.

"I'm sorry, but I… had some issues with the twins." I say, choosing not to tell him the whole story. He pushes of the wall and strides over to me.

"Yes I heard from a very flustered Elliot that my gatekeepers freed you from the restraints of your clothes." He says as my face turns the color of a shiny red apple. Of course he had to know. That's just how the world works. Against me.

My breath hitches as one of his broad hands grace passed my face and goes to stroke a wayward strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers brush though my hair gently, un-knotting it as he did so. He rubs the tips of my hair together curiously in his fingers.

"I have to admit I'm a tad upset that I missed that." He purrs as his blue eyes lock with mine. The heat in my face increase as I rip my eyes from his and stumble away from him.

"I-I'm sure it wasn't anything too amazing." I mumble. I want to be out of this stupid closet with this subject dropped. Buried so deep that it will never arise again like an expertly planned murder. _Now if I could just find my shoes... _Blood coughs getting my attention. In his hands he offers two black flats out to me.

"Looking for these?" He asks. I nod and reach out for them, but he recoils them and holds them over his head. Damn these short legs. "Sit." He orders. Like a dog I can't help but automatically flop down on the red ottoman that's placed in the room. I deemed useless around this man. He's just so incredibly hard to defy orders from.

He kneels in front of me on one knee as he slips one shoe onto my foot with care, like he's handling glass. I can't help but blush and think of Cinderella. Having her glass slipper slipped on by the handsome prince.

"I hear you are residing at the clock tower with Alice and the clock master." He says suddenly with his eyes still focused on my one shoed foot. I nod slightly in response.

"That's right. Both Julius and Alice have been very lenient with my residence." I say. A look flashes across Blood's face, but it disappears before I can decipher it.

"That man is so anti-social yet he attracts foreigners like moths to a light." He says. I twist my face into a disagreeable look. Mainly because he called me a foreigner, but he was also speaking ill of Julius and even Alice.

"Well, it is very re-assuring to know that you're in the only neutral area in a country that is having a power struggle." I say as Blood slips my other shoe on. He almost smirks as he looks up at me.

"That's a very good argument, but I would make sure that you would be safe if you took your residence here." He says as he stands up. I ponder to myself for a moment. _Is that his way of saying that he would like me to live here? He's trying to sound polite, but he sounds like he's ordering me at the same time._

"Um, thank you." I say decided that he was inviting me to live with him, but the thought of living with the mafia was just to heavy for me. "Vivaldi invited me to stay at the castle as well, but I'm not planning on living anywhere but the clock tower until I can somehow buy a house of my own." I explain. Blood's face suddenly falls as he leans against the three way mirror. Silence is the only thing that passes between us. _Was it something I said?_

"Tea." He says simply with his face still hidden.

"Huh?" Was my brilliant answer to that statement.

"Tea." He repeats. "Did you have tea with the queen?" He asks. I'm confused at his appearance. He almost looks… vulnerable. I give a kind of short laugh as my head goes to rub the back of my neck nervously.

"Well sort of. I was served some, but I didn't drink any." I explain as I stand up as well and lean against the same mirror he is. "I'd never had any thing even remotely close to tea before so I was afraid if I didn't like it I would've spit it all over Vivaldi's really fancy dress." I admit a little shamefully. I can't be sure because I can't quite see his face, but I think an almost amused smile is tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Then won't you stay for tea?" He asks as he leans down so he's eye to eye with me. "Don't worry, I'll make sure to sit Elliot across from you." I laugh at the thought of Blood deliberately sitting Elliot across from me so that I can spit hot tea all over him.

"I suppose that wouldn't be so bad, but I really should ask Alice if-" I'm cut of by the sound of his hand smacking against the wall above me. His blue eyes staring deep into the reaches of my soul.

"I don't think you heard me, so I'll ask again. _Wont _you stay for tea?" It's not a question this time. It's an order. His gaze is intimidating me, and I begin to get flustered by the lack of space between our faces.

"O-Okay." I agree against my better judgment. A satisfied grin appears on his face as he stands up straight again.

"Excellent." He says as he turns his back to me and starts walking towards the door. "I'll tell the servants to prepare the table. Tea will be served at midnight." He tells me before leaving the room.

It takes me a few moments for me to register this, but as soon as I did I sprinted out of the room to the nearest window. My mouth falls slack as I take in the scene outside. It's pitch black. Only to be illuminated by the night skies few stars, it's dimly lit moon and a few street lamps outside. Alice will surely kill me because I could easily be compared to her child that has stayed out past curfew.


	22. Canary

**DISCLAIMERS: I OWN NOTHING! THE SONG 'WORLD SPINS MADLY ON' IS THE WORK OF THE WEEPIES BUT I DEFINITELY WISH I WAS CLEVER ENOUGH TO THINK OF SUCH A GREAT SONG. ALSO, THIS LINK AT THE BOTTOM GOES TO KATEM3'S COVER OF THE SONG WHICH IS WHAT MADI IS SUPPOSED TO SOUND LIKE, BUT ONCE AGAIN THE WORK IS ALL HERS AND I ADORE HER BEAUTIFUL VOICE. PHEW, NOW THAT THAT'S OUT OF WAY, ENJOY THE NEW CHAPTER!**

**GRAWWRR THE LINK ISN'T WORKING SO JUST GO LOOK UP 'WORLD SPINS MADLY ON COVER' IN THE YOUTUBE SEARCH BAR AND WATCH THE FIRST VIDEO THAT SHOWS UP. SORRY I'M STUPID AT CAN'T DO SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS COPYING AND PASTING LINKS.**

...

I have four sets of eyes focused on me intently. None of them even bothering to blink. I slink down in my chair as I stare at the cause of all this un-wanted attention. A tiny ivory tea cup with gold trim sits in front of me with steam arising from the clear brown tinted liquid inside.

Sure I've never had tea before, but for the love of God everyone didn't have to make it seem like the fate of the world depended on watching me drink it for the first time. I take a deep breath and tell _myself _that it wasn't a big deal either. I apprehensively reach across the table for the sugar cubes that sat in a tiny bowl across from me. I plop one… two… seven into my cup, convinced that it will make the taste of a possibly bitter taste sweeter. I'm about to put in an eighth one in when Blood's voice stops me.

"If you put anymore sugar in, there wont be any tea left." He says as he takes a sip from his own tea. I slowly put the eighth sugar cube back in the bowl with a guilty look on my face. I just got caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

"Right." I say as I pick up my cup and swirl the liquid inside by shifting the cup from side to side. I take another deep breath and place the rim of the cup against my mouth. I let the liquid wash through the tiniest slit my mouth could manage.

"So?" Elliot asks from his seat which is right to the left of me. Blood didn't end up seating Elliot across from me, but the twins instead. I suppose he thought it would be funnier if I scalded their cute boyish faces if I hated the tea. I had to smile at the fact that Elliot would look me in the eye now.

"I like it." I say. It didn't taste like much of anything. Just like water and sugar and a faint trace of something earthy. but it wasn't a terrible taste. A big smile stretches across Elliot's face.

"Oh, that's good. People do like their tea around here you know." He says as he reaches across the table at the giant orange carrot cake that was placed oddly in the center of our tea party and cuts a big slice and shovels it on a plate. "Do you want some carrot cake? The servants do a really good job at making it here." He offers the plate out to me and I graciously hold my hands out to take it, but the twins had to have their say in this matter.

"Of course she doesn't you moron!" Dum voices from across the table.

"Yeah, no one else touches that stuff because it's gross you stupid rabbit." Dee adds. Elliot sets down the plate and slams his hands on the table and stands up with so much force that he almost knocks his chair over.

"I am not a rabbit!" He yells at them as he leans across the table at the twins. I recall that when I first arrived in Wonderland, Elliot got mad at Ace for the same reason. It must be the same annoyance I have when people call me a foreigner.

"Then what do you call those on your head?" Dee asks as he waves his hand lazily at Elliot's ears.

"And don't use that stupid, _they aren't rabbit ears. They're just longer than normal ears _line again." Dum says.

Elliot looks mad. Like really mad. I really should scold the twins later about name calling. Elliot takes his arms off the table and opens them out to the banquet in front of him.

"These are my favorite foods. Carrot compote, carrot cake, carrot cookies and carrot tea." So far, I didn't think Elliot was helping his case. "I love carrot dishes, but I hate carrots. Therefore, I am not a rabbit!" He says with a determined look on his face. I hear Blood sigh from the head of the table.

"If I had a nickel for every time I heard that…" He mutters before focusing entirely on his tea again.

"That doesn't make any sense you idiot." Dum says.

"Yeah you're totally a rabbit." Dee finishes. I felt bad for Elliot someone should really stick up for him.

"Um, excuse me." I say and everyone's attention gets snapped towards me. I play with my dress nervously under the table. "I think it makes sense. It's like loving ketchup and tomato soup, but not liking actual tomatoes. So I have to agree with Elliot." I say. Blood and the twins have a quizzical expression on their faces like I've made as much sense as a flying purple cow, but Elliot had grown a bit pink in the face.

"No one's ever agreed with me before." He mutters as his violet eyes look down and grow deep with thought. I can't tell if I've done him justice or confused the man. So I stand up and reach up on my tiptoes to place my hand on his shoulder and sit him down in his chair.

"Here have some carrot cake. I hear they make it really good here." I say as I place the plate in front of him. He looks up me from his seat questionably before smiling.

"Don't mind if I do then!" He says as he picks up a fork and scoops up a bit of the orange cake. I giggle to myself, gland that Elliot's back in a good mood. It probably sounds weird, but I watch Elliot eat. He grows happier and happier with every bite he takes, His ears twitch slightly I assume with his good move. My hand is still on his shoulder. If I could maybe just brush up against one-

"Is something wrong?" Elliot asks, concerned by my rude staring. It's then I wish I had the ability to hold back what I'm thinking.

"Can I touch your ears!" I blurt out and as soon as I do my hands flutter up to cover my mouth as if to prevent any more embarrassing words from spilling out. Everyone around me looks like I just asked the most un-speakable question known to man. My face grows red and my nerves come undone.

"I-I mean never mind! Just pretend I didn't say anything!" I say as I wave my arms frantically in fort of my face like it might just erase the embarrassing question I just asked. I'm sure I look ridiculous so I thought it better just to stop while I'm ahead and just shut up. I maneuver myself so I can sit in my chair, but just before I do something latches onto my wrist. It's Elliot's hand.

"Well I didn't say _no_." He says with his eyes on his empty plate. "As long as you don't pull them nearly off like Alice does every time she promises to be gentle then I suppose you can." I can't help but think of Alice. One, that she's going to kill me by the time I get back to the clock tower and two, how its so typical of her to be a brute while doing something that is supposed to be gentle. I then began worrying that I would do the exact same thing. Elliot seemed to notice my distress.

"Don't be shy, here." Elliot tilts his head offering the two soft items to me and raises my wrist and puts my hand gently on his orange hair. My hand lingers there for a second, unsure if I should continue. My hands lift themselves and my fingertips brush against Elliot's ears ever so softly. They reluctantly wrap themselves around them and a smile breaks out onto my face. They're soft and warm. So very, very warm.

"How are they?" Elliot asks looking up at me with another forkful of carrot cake in his mouth.

"I love them very, very much." I say as a giggle slips out of mouth and I place my face against his ears and stroke them against my cheek. I feel like a child who has just received their first puppy. I could be happy forever as long as I had a hold of these in my hands.

There's a soft, but not awkward silence. It's more just that everyone is happy with the way things are and no one has to say anything to acknowledge this.

"I really…" Elliot says breaking the silence. "Love Madi too!" He exclaims happily. My hands stop as I look at him questionably.

_Did he say he just loves me? I mean that's something friends say. Are me and Elliot friends yet? I guess we are, I mean he's very nice to me and helps me when I'm in trouble and I feel very at ease with him. Should I say it back? Wait, how did this subject even come up? I said I loved his ears, but-_

"It seems like you've forgotten we're here." Blood says bringing me out of my bustling thoughts. I feel bad because I _did _forget about everyone there besides me and Elliot. Ashamed, I take my seat. Out of the corner of my eyes I steal a glance at Blood. He looks mad about something. Furious even. I suppose I would be mad too I would be mad too if I was being ignored at my own event. I should really apologize.

"Yeah you stupid chicken bunny, you need to stop hogging all of Missy's attention." Dum says as he shoots a glare at Elliot.

"Not like she'd want to be with you anyway if you didn't have your ears." Dee assumes. I open my mouth to tell them that I would like Elliot even if he didn't have his cute ears and it was partly their fault that I wasn't paying attention to them because they weren't doing anything of interest anyway, but Dum sidetracks me with a question.

"What sort of things do you like Missy?" He asks. I tilt my head at the random question.

"Yeah do like games? Our favorite is _die or kill_." Dee says. I shutter at what _die or kill _could possibly entitle.

"I do like games, but not anything of that sort." I bring my hand up to cheek as I lean on the table and ponder to myself as I look at the midnight sky. "Let's see, what do I like?" I ask aloud like someone at this table would know the answer.

"I suppose I like the little things the best. Like how the earth smells right after it rains, or the first bite out of a carton of ice-cream." I close my eyes as pleasant memories flood into my system. "I really like how roller-coasters make you feel exhilarated and sick all at the same time. The smell of a never opened book. The smile of a good friend. And the amazing effect music can have on people. Yes, I think music is my favorite." I say dreamily as my eyes flutter open. Elliot shoves a fork in my direction getting my attention.

"Oh, music? Blood has a piano in is room you know. Don't you Blood?" He asks. All eyes turn to Blood, but he still looks pissed about the whole ignoring him. "U-Uh right Blood?" Elliot repeats. It appears that Blood is giving us the silent treatment, for he doesn't look at us nor even look at us as he sips at his tea.

"I do." he grumbles finally and everyone turns away, scared by the aura he's giving off. _Well, that was awkward…_

"You play piano Missy, that's so cool!" Dee says excitedly from across the table. I laugh and shake my head.

"I can't play very well. I can play a mean version of _Mary had a Little Lamb,_ but that's about it." I laugh again.

"Well can you play any instruments?" Dum asks and I shake my head again.

"I tried my hand at clarinet once, but I certainly don't have enough coordination for that." I wiggle my fingers to emphasize and I get a short laugh out of everyone except Blood. I draw little circles from a tea ring on my table with my finger in a bored fashion as my mood dampened.

"What I really liked to do is sing." I sigh quietly to myself. "My father used to sing me songs all the time before he died. He always said things like singing was an amazing thing. It can make even the coldest of people happy and it takes real life problems and makes them into something beautiful." My finger stops abruptly as sadness overwhelms me. I remember that say so vividly.

I was about six years old. That's back when we still lived in the tiny yellow apartment and I was still seeing the world through the eyes of a child. Innocent and had it burned into my mind that nothing bad ever happens in the world. I was sitting next to my father on the piano bench while he explained to me how music should not be taken for granted.

"I told him I always wanted to sing to him and everyone around me. That I would make any sad person smile just with my music. That was so many years ago though.." I sob is clawing it's way up my throat. I miss him so much. He was my father, someone no little girl should lose. So why did it have to be mine that got taken away?

"You should sing for us then Madi." Elliot says and my head snaps towards him in surprise.

"For once, the newbie-hare didn't say something stupid." Dum comments.

"Yeah you should sing for us Missy!" Dee says excitedly. My faces turns pink as my voice becomes squeaky and pitiful sounding.

"I don't know you guys, I'm not very good…" I mumble, but that's not the real reason I don't want to. I haven't sung since the day my father died, I believe I might just have forgotten how to. Dum rolls his eyes.

"It can't be as bad as the chicken rabbit's singing when he's drunk." He says, grinning as Elliot turns bright red.

"Sh-shut up! It's not like you're any better!" He yells from across the table. The twins and Elliot begin bickering like every other time I've seen them together. I take A shy peak at Blood through the wall of my bangs. His interest seems to have been peeked.

I really wish Elliot and the twins would stop fighting and I guess this was the only way to do that. I get up slowly out of my seat and give a soft cough to get everyone's attention. Immediately everyone falls silent, wondering what I'm doing. I barely knew what I was doing either. I didn't even know what I was going to sing. Until my father crossed my mind. How he never got to see the kind of woman I grown and will grow to be. Of all the things I wanted to tell him while he was gone. How the whole world seemed to stop for me when he died, yet everyone else carried on like nothing had happened.

_This is for you dad. _I think before my eyes drift closed and open my mouth as I begin to sing

_ Woke up and wished that I was dead  
__With an aching in my head  
I lay motionless in bed  
I thought of you and where you'd gone  
And the world spins madly on_

_ Everything that I'd say I'd do  
Like make the world brand new  
and take the time for you  
Just got lost and slept right though the dawn  
And the world spins madly on _

_ I let the day go by  
I always say goodbye  
I watch the stars from my window sill  
The whole world is moving, but I'm standing still _

_ Woke up and wished that I was dead  
With an aching in my head  
I lay motionless in bed  
The night is here, the day is gone  
And the worlds spins madly on _

_The night is here, the day is gone  
and the world spins madly on,and the world spins madly on,  
__and the world spins madly on_

_ And on,  
And on,  
And on,  
And on,  
And on… _

I take a deep breath as I finish and open my eyes. I instantly turn pink. Everyone is just gaping at me like some sort of circus freak_. _I knew this was a terrible idea. I sit down and slink in my chair like a turtle receding into the safety of it's shell. A small group of applause breaks out from across the table. I look up shyly in question.

"Wow, that was awesome Missy!" Dum exclaims.

"Yeah, it was really, really pretty!" Dee adds. They're clapping. And it seems like they truly mean what they're saying. Did I really sound that great?

"And you thought you weren't that good, That was amazing!" Elliot says with a big smile on his face. I feel like I should be happy, but it just sends me further into embarrassment and makes m want to hide in my shell more.

Blood sets his tea cup gently down on the table, but the sound is enough to grab me attention. He's smirking now. He seems to be out of his sour mood, but he still has a mysterious aura around him.

"Well it seems like we have a canary has made it's way into our premises." He says. I can't tell if he means it as a compliment or he's trying to spite me. I decide he's making fun of me when I look down at my dress which of course has to be canary yellow.

I can see why Alice doesn't like him now. He's a jerk. Just a plain old bully that picks on defenseless little girls. He probably beat kids up for their lunch money when he was younger too. I open my mouth to tell him he's being mean and that no one will ever like him if he acts like that, but he's already up from the table.

"It seems like this night is long. I'll have the servants set up a room for you Madi." He says as he walks away with out another word. I 'm about to argue with him and tell him that I refuse staying the night, but I already have the twins latched onto my arms screaming,

"Sleepover!" And pulling my off towards the mansion. Part of me thinks that this is Wonderland's punishment for me thinking it was all rainbows and butterflies and there is nothing at all wrong with it. Now I can't just stop wishing for this eventful night to end.


	23. Raising Interest

I had fallen asleep in one of the many guest rooms in the mansion and the twins insisted on sleeping with me. I didn't have a problem with that, seeing as I was just glad they didn't make me sleep in their room. With all the weapons hanging on the walls and God knows what else is in there I could never think of even closing my eyes.

But my dreams were a little different than they usually are. The walls were swirling and running together again and I knew I was being visited by a certain pirate. I hear a long sigh behind me as I turn around.

"Once again, I am not a pirate!" Nightmare shouts clearly annoyed. I shrug.

"I can't help it! You have an eye patch. All pirates have eye patches, parrots and/or wooden legs. Everyone knows that." I tell him in a _duh _tone. He rolls his eyes as he floats closer to me.

"You haven't changed much since my last visit I see." He says and I nod my head in one fluent motion. He hums to himself as he twists and flips in the air, pondering to himself.

"You sure are growing adjusted to our world quickly. Much faster than I expected." He says, but it seems more like he's just talking aloud to himself then actually to me.

"I don't see why I wouldn't, everyone's very nice around here." A sudden flash of Blood picking on me and Peter kidnapping Alice ghost passed my thoughts. "Well most people anyway." I say changing my mind. Nightmare smirks at me from the spot he's floating in.

"Yes it seems you've raised the interest of everyone at The Hatter mansion as well as The Cheshire Cat" He says. _Cheshire Cat? Who's that? _

"You mean Boris?" I ask as I make the connection in my head. Nightmare nods and a blush crawls on to my face as I recall the whole ice-cream incident with Boris. "What do mean I've raised interest?" I say thinking that Nightmare's choice of words was strange. He seems not very interested in my question.

"Well, I thought it would take awhile for the inhabitants of this world to fall in love with a second foreigner seeing as everyone is so captivated with Alice, but here you are showing me other wise." He explains as he stares at nothing in particular in the distance. _Fall in love…Second foreigner… _Elliot's face rushes into my thoughts, taking me back to the tea party. _I really love Madi too! _All the blood rushes out of my face as I realize something for the first time. Nightmare raises an eyebrow.

"Oh good lord, tell me that you didn't just now realize that your one of the foreigners that everyone is destined to fall in love with. Jeez, you're denser than I thought." He partly pleads, partly scolds. Everything's a blur. Everything makes so much sense yet at the same time it doesn't make any sense at all.

"N-No, I didn't just figure that out!" I lie as the blood returns to my face and forms into a dark blush. What am I thinking, I'm lying to a man that can read minds. He stares at me waiting for me to tell the truth. "Besides that's not the point!" I say brushing my thick headedness away for the moment.

"H-How could anyone… well, you know…" I look at my feet as the blush on my face consumes me and makes it so I can no longer speak. _Fall in love with me? _I finish in my thoughts.

"Well, it's said that foreigners can only come here if they possess quality's that can make us fall in love." Nightmare says. This does not help my question. I can see why people could fall for Alice. She's strong willed and has no problem with voicing her opinion, but has a very caring and sweet side to her as well. But why me? I'm just… _Normal._

I throw my face into my hands and groan. "What am I supposed to do! I can't love everybody!" I look up at Nightmare expecting him to help me. He seems just like the person who has all the answers and could fix any problem. He just floats there and looks at me silently. A deep un-easiness and anger gathers in my stomach. "Tell me what to do God damnit!" I snarl as I grab two fistfuls of Nightmare's jacket and yank him towards me. He isn't threatened, he just keeps on staring at me until-

_Splurt. _Nightmare makes this horrible gagging sound and a fountain of red erupts from his mouth and rockets down my dress. My grasp slackens as I try and figure out what just happened.

"B-Blood!" I say as I totally freak out at the substance on my dress. I look back at Nightmare with horrified eyes to see he has sunken down to his knees as he wipes at his mouth.

"It's because you yanked me so suddenly." He says with a raspy voice. "I'm a sickly incubus." He coughs again. As much as I'm grossed out my the fact that I have someone else's blood painted on my dress and it's soaking through so that it clings to my skin, I can't help but be incredibly worried.

"Oh my God, we have to get you to a hospital!" I say as I reach out towards his elbow. He jerks away from my touch and looks up at me from the ground with wild eyes.

"No. I absolutely hate hospitals." He says defiantly. I want to argue and tell him that's the stupidest thing ever because if he doesn't go he'll die of whatever he has, but a small part of me tells me that if I was being yelled at to go face something I really hate then it would just make me want to do it less. My face softens at him.

"Well not much we can do there then." I say quietly. He looks almost shocked at what I've said. "But if you change your mind let's go together." I propose. "I'll stay there as long as you need me to and if your scared you can hold my hand as tight as you'd like." I say as I hold my hand out to him and put a big re-assuring smile on.

He just stares at my hand for the longest time and it gives me time to think about how idiotic I must sound. _You can hold my hand as tight as you'd like. _What am I? His mother telling him that he can cling to me as tight as he wants while he gets his shots then promise him a lollipop and a trip to the toy store later? That's exactly what I sound like. I start to recoil my hand, but something catches it keeping it cemented in place. It's Nightmare's hand.

"What do you know?" He says quietly with a soft smile on his face. "You've gotten my interest too." My face returns to it's embarrassed state as I start to pull my hand away again, but Nightmare has a solid hold on it.

"You almost make me want to go to a hospital." His voice is quiet in my ear. "But it'll have to wait for another time because your time to wake has come." My vision blacks out before a light brushes across my fluttering eyes.

I sit up, back in the bed in the quest bedroom in mansion with the twins still dead asleep latched onto my arms. I blush reappears on my face realizing that I've woken up to a world of men that will love me whether I want them to or not.


	24. Born from the Shadows

"Madi wait!" Elliot's voice calls behind me. I do my best to ignore him as I make a beeline towards the gate with my face fuming. I just couldn't bring myself to face anyone after I woke up knowing that everyone would "fall in love with me" at one point or another, so I did my best to sneak out of the house. Un-fortunately I bumped straight into Elliot after rolling across the hall because I felt like I was a super spy being so secretive and such. Now I have even more reason to be embarrassed.

"Hey wait up!" Elliot calls again. I feel bad about ignoring him, but I couldn't stop either.

"I-I can't! Alice is bound to be very worried about me staying the night!" I yell back to him as I push open the heavy iron gates and squeeze my way through the tiny opening I've made. I could care less about what Alice was thinking, but I didn't want to tell him _I'm really actually kind of freaked about the feelings you may or may not have for me so I'm not going to even talk to you because I'm too embarrassed about it._

I'm almost at the forest's edge, when something catches me by the wrist and yanks me backwards so hard that I'm forced to turn around. Elliot's breathing hard and I'm not breathing at all.

"Why are you leaving? Did something happen? You're not mad are you?" He asks in hurried mash of words. He knows that I'm not leaving just for Alice's sake, but I just can't force the truth to come out. His violet eyes flicker over me with a worried tone in them. My face loses it's blush as my eyes take a liking to the ground.

"Listen. It's not like any of you did anything to drive me away." I say, my voice quiet as I watch my still feet "It's just that I discovered something that requires a lot of thought and Alice is the only one I can talk to about it." I tell him. Neither of us speak after that, but his grip on my wrist is burning a hole right through me. "I'm sorry." I whisper, slipping my wrist out of his hand and letting it fall limp to my side. With out even bothering to look up I enter the forest, leaving a speechless Elliot behind me.

The longer I walked, the worse I felt. Maybe I'm overreacting. Alice doesn't seem to give much thought to the men around her that will swoon at the very sight of her. She treats them all equally and sees them just as friends. Maybe that's how I should act too. Because if don't, I wont be able to force myself to even speak to anyone.

I sigh as a forced smile makes its way onto my face. I decided that I'll just look past the whole strange falling in love with me thing. I still like everyone around here as _friends,_ and I'm not going to something get in the way of how I see them.

I finally decide to look up and my heart sinks. I am in the forest. Alone. And with no clue of where I am or where I need to go. _I am so stupid! Why on earth would I go into a forest all by myself when I have the directional skills of a four year old? _I do a three-sixty of my surroundings trying to get a good idea about where I am. All the trees look the same.

I groan as I start walking in a random direction. I figured I'd run into someone I knew sooner of later and they could help me get back to the clock tower. Every fork in the path gives me a whole new strand of worries. It doesn't help that overhead the clouds are a dark shade of gray and are thick, giving warning that the sky was about to break open a spill it's contents on me in a matter of minutes.

I keep on moving through the forest though, my feet screaming at me to stop and tend to their blisters. I do my best to stop from just giving up and sitting in the middle of the forest and wait for someone to find me.

All of the sudden clouds block out the sun and the world becomes dim around me. A sudden fear rushes through my bones because I could of _sworn _something brushed against me. I can feel my heart pounding wildly through out my whole body.

I slowly back up until my back hits a tree. I feel safer this way, like I can be attacked from less angles. An eerie sound makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up and I turn around swiftly, peeking my head slightly out from behind the tree trunk.

A few feet in front of me is another pocket watch or clock as everyone likes to call them around here. My hand flies up to my throat instinctively as the memories of my first encounter with Ace ending badly because of the clock. I decided stay glued to my spot knowing now that they are not something to be handled unless you do not value your life, so I stay and watch from a distance. What I see terrifies me to a state that I have never been in before.

There's something coiled in the shadows in the foliage passed the clock. They begin to twist and distort and they begin to _move_. I know what you're thinking. That it's impossible, shadows cant move, but they are with an eerie quickness that makes me begin to shake un-controllably. A dark humanely shape emerges from the shadows and settles towards the clock. The dark figures multiply until the clock is surrounded from every possible side. The figures is swirling and fading and flitting in front of me and the sound… The most horrendous sobbing and moaning came from the figures.

A scream implodes from inside me as I run.

It doesn't matter where I'm going. Anywhere but there with those… those… _things._ The feeling of fear runs thick through my veins feeding my adrenaline, but something else was overpowering my fear. Something about them made an extreme sadness wash over me, like I had just witnessed the death of a dear friend. Tears roll thick and heavy down my face and I'm just sobbing and screaming and running and I know if I stop I will be engulfed by every dark thought that has every passed through my mind.

I trip through a pile of bushes and I run into something that encases me entirely. I scream and kick and throw my arms with all my might at what's holding me.

"No! Let me go! Stop! No!" I scream at the top of my lungs to the point they ache as I flail violently. Whatever has me refuses to let go of me and I know that one of the dark figures has caught me, but I can't stop fighting it.

"W-Wow… Madi? Hey- calm down!" The dark figure says in a strangely familiar voice. I stop my struggling just enough to peek upwards through squinted and tear filled eyes. Pink is all that gets through to me.

"B-Boris?" I ask in a strangled tone. Even though I can see it's Boris, with his pink hair and his cat ears and all his chains I can't stop pounding at his chest trying to get away from the feeling of be trapped. Suddenly, Boris' grip is strong and tight as he compresses me against his solid chest.

"Madi… What happened to you?" He murmurs softly into my hair as he tightens his hold around me. I give a few more strangled faint screams and weak poundings at his chest before I just stop everything.

I can't stop hearing the sound of clocks ticking and the images of the dark figures that were born from the shadows wont exit my thoughts.

A loud sob escapes my tired throat as I wrap my arms around Boris's back, having the need to have something solid and warm to re-assure that he's real. And that's how we are for a long time, I just cry and cry and cry and he just lets me as we cling to each other.

It's right at that moment that the sky decides to break open in a heavy rain as it attempts to wash away the never ending sea of tears that fall from my face.


	25. Sandpaper Eyelids

A sound doesn't pass between Boris and I besides the soft sniffles I had received as the aftermath of me crying and I cling to the back of his shirt as he leads me through the forest. The rain had slowed to a soft mist, but I was soaked to the bone because Boris and I just stood motionless out in pouring rain for what seemed to be a lifetime. After such a long time Boris asked what happened to me again and I had managed to stutter out _clock tower _and luckily he seemed to have understood that I wanted to be there.

My free hand comes up to brush my bangs that are plastered to my face out of my eyes. They're dark and cold and dripping like a leaky faucet. I have cried my eyes so raw that with every blink my eyelids felt like sandpaper scraping across them.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Boris asks. I don't bother to look up as my grasp on his shirt tightens and the dark figures re-enter my thoughts.

"Yes." I lie blandly. "No." I say changing my mind "I don't know." I whisper. Every emotion running through me was just a jumble and picking one to listen to was like picking a needle out of haystack.

Boris stops abruptly and I can tell from the position of his feet that he's turned around so he's facing me, but my gaze stays cemented to the ground.

"Tell me what happened." His tone is stern, but he's not trying to force anything from me. I stay silent as I watch a caterpillar struggle to wiggle it's way through the mud. That's what I felt like. A small creature trying to wade through un-familiar land just squirming to grow accustomed to the ever changing world around it.

Boris cups his hand under my chin and forces my gaze up. He's as equally soaked as I am, his hair matted in front of his face. His eyes take a long hard look at me. The empty shell I'm growing to be with my blank stare and my dull thoughts.

"Please… Tell me what's made you lose the light in your eyes." He almost pleads. The look in his eyes is genuine, worried. I can feel his breath brush warm air over my wet face and I feel something. Embarrassed. I stumble away from his touch as I realize the closeness between us.

I turn away from him hoping to hide my red face, but a slight happiness rushes into my system. I know now that I haven't lost the ability to feel. That I'm more than just a robot.

"I saw something." I say now feeling up to the task of facing what I saw head on. "Something…" I pause trying to place the best way to describe the dark figures. "Terrifying." I suddenly feel very vulnerable being in the forest so openly. I turn swiftly on my heels and practically throw myself at Boris.

"C'mon we should get out of the forest." I say as my hand shoots out to grab his and I take a weary look at the forest around me. I tug at Boris' arm, but he stays put in his spot. I give him a confused look as I pull on his hand repeatedly, beckoning for him to come with me.

"The clock tower is this way." He says as a grin stretches across his face and he pulls me in the opposite direction I was pulling him in, his grip on my hand tightening. I struggle to match his pace as he pulls me along, but when I finally do a question arises on his lips.

"So what did you see?" He asks. I look up to look at his expression. He's looking at the sky, but his eyes have a hint of distress in them. Like he's worried about my answer. My eyes furrow as I try my best to explain what I saw to him.

"It's going to sound crazy, but I saw something that looked like something out of a horror movie." I say preparing him for the upcoming speech. "I stumbled upon a clock in the forest, but I stayed away from it. Something had startled me before hand, but what I saw was next scared me into that state you witnessed earlier." I say trying to explain my hysteria. "It was like… the shadows were being called to the clock… and these people emerged from the dark part of the forest… but they weren't people. No, they were much to terrifying to be people. They almost flickered like a broken light switch, there for one second, gone another. They were like… ghosts." I whisper out as a shudder runs through the length of my spine.

I look back at Boris who's been strangely quiet the entire time. His eyes still focusing at some imaginable thing in the sky.

"You saw the afterimages then." He says suddenly. My curiosity is raised at this.

"Afterimages?" I repeat, the word feeling thick and new on my tongue. "So are they ghosts?" I ask anxiously somewhat thirsting for the answer. Boris looks like he's trying to find the best way to explain to me.

"Not really… They're just something that can't hold a solid form like a human body." He says. I twist my face until it was readable as a confused one. _That description doesn't make it seem like any less of a ghost. _"They're not really out of the ordinary here, but I guess you don't really have anything like that in your world." He says probably remembering about how badly I was shaken up about the whole ordeal. I shake my head in a prominent _no._

"Don't worry, you probably wont come in contact with them again anytime soon. But I have to ask why you were out in the forest all by yourself." Boris says, a tinge of worry written on his face.

I blush a deep scarlet. _Should I really tell him that I was running away from everyone at The Hatter's mansion because I figured out everyone was going to fall in love me? No that's much too embarrassing. _I peek up shyly at Boris through my bangs. _But I really should talk about this dilemma with someone._

"Well, I stayed at the Hatter's mansion overnight yesterday." I look up at Boris and he has a strange look on his face. Jealousy perhaps? No, I must be imagining things. "Anyways, I… um…" I start playing with the fabric of my dress trying to keep my hands from slapping themselves over my mouth to keep it from furthering my embarrassment. "Figured out exactly what being a foreigner means to the men in this country." I whisper like it's a curse.

Boris looks completely and utterly confused by my choice of words and you can tell he's trying to figure out what I meant. Suddenly it looks like he's figured it out and he turns his face so it's close to mine.

"You mean how everyone lo-" My hand shoots up to cover his mouth.

"Shh!" I hiss through my teeth. I feel like if it's spoken aloud it will just confirm this fact so that the small part of me that is just thinking Nightmare is a total liar will disappear forever. Once I'm convinced Boris has ceased to talk I lower my hand and sigh as I hang my head.

"I mean it's nice to know people like you and everything, but _love_? I've never even fathomed such a thing happening to me." I almost whine. It's strange how at ease I feel about talking about this with Boris out all people. I figured I would have buried my head in a hole like an ostrich and hidden myself away from the world by this point.

"So does that mean you don't want anyone to love you?" Boris asks. His ears are flattened against his head and I feel like I may have hurt his feelings. I shake my head hesitantly.

"Now I didn't say that. I suppose I would like to settle down and get married with someone _eventually, _but that doesn't mean I want an entire country going after me." I whisper with my face as red as the desert sun. "Besides the whole notion is ridiculous, what could possibly posses people to fall in love with _this_." I wave a hand up and down my body hastily trying to prove my point.

"Well I can think of more than a few reasons why people would." Boris says as his eyes roll in his sockets. I blush even harder and I'm about to argue with what ever reasons he has, but I'm stopped dead by the finger he's almost jabbing into the center of his my chest. "But this is the main reason." He says with a smirk on his face.

As we stand there I tilt my head trying to wonder what he's trying to tell me. I look down at where he's pointing and I raise my eyebrows.

"M-My heart?" I ask, but before I have time to even wonder about why my heart was such a big deal I was pulled into Boris' solid chest, his hand pinning my head to him.

"Tell me what you hear." His voice is confession quiet in my ear. I fall quiet, afraid to speak. I strain my ears to hear his heartbeat, but it takes me longer than it should. I could almost hear the time ticking away. More time passes and the ticking seems to quicken and become louder, but still no heartbeat. My face falls slowly as I realize why I can't find his heartbeat. My hand comes in between the two of us and I push off of him.

"Your heart! It's ticking!' I exclaim as I look up at him to see him nod before pressing my ear against his chest for another listen.

"My heart is nothing more than a clock, same as everyone else's here." He explains. My face pales as my stomach threatens to escape through my throat. Clocks. So the clocks that I found in the forest were actually… people's hearts?

I feel sick. My head is spinning and I think I'm breaking out in a cold sweat. The thought that I had actually _held _someone's heart on my first day in Wonderland makes me feel overly nauseous, but I can't tear myself away from the sound of Boris' chest because some small part of me is fascinated.

"Because of your foreign heart we're instantly drawn to you and Alice. Longing for something we will never have." Boris mutters into my hair. This is all too much to take in, I'm growing tired of learning things that I was happy not knowing about. I shake my way out of Boris' grasp and look up at the sky which is painted with the new sunrise and I spot the clock tower's roof peeking up over the trees.

"This place sure is full of weird things that I would rather have stayed in the dark about." I say in a cheerful tone as I begin to pull Boris towards the clock tower. "But what fun is life with out a few surprises here and there right?' I ask as I flash a smile over my shoulder at a confused looking Boris. I turn around to make sure I don't run into any trees, but I could've sworn that I saw a smile beginning to form on Boris' lips and my ears pick up on him muttering,

"Your optimism is one of the reasons."

…

We had reached the clock tower and Alice looked like she was about to have a heart attack. She bolts out of her chair and rushes over to me while she spouts excuses,

"Oh my God, Madi I'm so glad you made it back alright! I wanted to go get you yesterday, but Julius told me that you'd be fine on your own. I kept arguing with him and when you didn't' come back last night I was about to have a conniption fit, but he still wouldn't let me go! And look at you! Where'd you get that dress? And why are you soaking wet and…" She trails of as she stops in front of me, her eyes staring at something intensely at my side.

"And holding Boris' hand?" She asks aloud showing her confusion. I look down in a daze to see that our hands were indeed holding onto each other, our fingers laced and everything. I jerk my hand back like I was just holding onto acid as my face turns the darkest shade of red. I had just noticed that I must've been hanging on to Boris' hand the _entire _trip to the clock tower. I suppose I didn't realize it till now because… Because it felt so natural…

"Jeez, you don't have to act like I'm a diseased animal." Boris laughs with his catty laugh and I foolishly let a smile slip out.

"Well, you are a rather mangy looking cat." I retort with a smirk. He fakes a look of great offense and it makes me laugh. Alice's eyes give a suspicious glance between us again.

"Let me get you some towels…" She mutters before taking off towards the supply closet. I know she's thinking there's something going on, but what I don't know.

"Dang it, I'm never going to here the end of the hand holding thing." I say as I shoot an accusing glare at Boris. He holds his hands up in an _I'm innocent _pose.

"Yeah… good luck with that!" He says as he swivels on his feet and makes to go out the door. I take one huge step forward and grab him by the tail and yank as hard as I can. He turns around and hisses like an actual angry cat.

"I'm sorry!" I say feeling bad that I hurt him, but I couldn't help but be fascinated that I have learned that his tail is indeed real. "But why are you leaving?" I ask in a softer tone hoping that he'll forgive me. He gives a pained look at his mangled tail in his hands before answering me.

"I was actually supposed to do something for the old man at the amusement park and he'll probably never stop bitching at me for being late…" He says almost nonchalantly as he stares at the wall. I feel almost giddy and faint when I realize what this means.

Boris _didn't _have to walk me all the way to the clock tower. He _didn't _have to be worried about me. He _didn't _have to make me feel like I'm back to my good old self again. He had other things to do, but he took the time to make sure I was okay. I'm smiling like a fool and I can't stop it. It's just I don't think anyone's done such a nice gesture for my sake.

"Well, promise me you'll be safe on the way home." I tell him and he looks surprised.

"Promise." He says with a grin as he turns to leave, but then he turns around to face me again. "You know you should come by the amusement park more often. I know the old man is dying to meet you. And besides…" Now it might of just been the reflection of his hair on his skin, but if it wasn't there was a faint pink line forming across his face. "I like…miss you.. And stuff… It's pretty boring without you there. You know, it's just no one else rides all the rides with me so much that they almost puke their guts out all over the place." He says with his gaze on the wall to his left and as he scratches an invisible itch on his nose. I blush from head to toe at his wording.

"I told you, I was fine." I squeak out through my embarrassment and I hear Boris chuckle.

"So is that a yes?" he asks as he turns to me. I nod my head a little too violently and it causes his grin to stretch across his face.

"Sweet. Catch you later Madi." he says as he turns and gives a wave over his shoulder. I stand silently in the doorway and watch until Boris disappears from my view. I bring my hand up to my heart and feel the overactive organ beating at my chest. _Why is my heart beating so hard? _

"I got the towels!" Alice shouts and it scares me half way out of my skin. I turn around in a frightened state like I just got caught robbing a jewelry store. Alice gives a confused look over my shoulder.

"Where'd Boris go?" She asks as she throws one towel onto on a chair and blankets the other over my head. She starts rubbing it against my head trying to dry my soaked hair "More importantly, why is it that I dropped you off at the mansion and you came back holding hands with Boris?" She asks as she gets an evil glint in her eye. Now I know this is her form of punishment for me for staying out so all night.


	26. Our Favorite Maid

Alice and I talked late into the night about everything that transpired from the time she left me at the mansion to the time I came home. Like I thought, Alice just suggested that I think about the whole everyone falling in love with us as little as possible and then it usually doesn't cause any issues. Then she went onto rant about how of course Peter likes to be annoyingly obvious about his feelings no matter what she does and it reminded me that I had to go back to the castle to explain myself to the maid who I stole the watering can from.

Now that I've had a good night's rest, I'm trying to make sense of the gibberish on my hand. Alice was very weary of letting my go anywhere alone ever again, but once I brought up how much Peter was going to _cling _to her and _confess his love _for her and possibly try to _sexually_ _assault _her- She quickly dropped the subject on taking me to the castle. Though she was well aware of my lack of directional skills so she scribbled a barely legible map on my hand and part of my arm.

Even though it looks like something a five year old would draw in their free time, I had to give Alice _some _props. I've gotten as far as the hedge maze which I'm hopelessly lost in. Alice drew the hedge maze on my hand, but she didn't draw the path I should take. Just beyond that she drew the castle and stick figures of the queen, Ace and I looking happy and Peter in the corner with his face scratched out. I had to laugh at that.

I continued walking aimlessly through the maze hoping to run into someone and not another dead end. Though I hated being lost I wasn't dreading the situation I was in. I mean it's much better than being lost in the forest with the afterimages. A small shutter ran through me as unpleasant memories re-enter my thoughts.

I hear a rustling in the bushes and my senses turned extra sensitive. A pure horror rushes over me as I start to think there are more afterimages around here. I take a shaky breath trying to calm myself down. _Calm down Madi, remember what Boris said. That I probably wont come in contact with them again, besides they only come out when there's a clock laying around. _I scan the area surrounding me to make sure I didn't see one before continuing my un-certain path towards the castle.

The rustling seemed to grow louder and closer. _Could it be an animal?_ It would have to be a significantly large animal to make so much noise. My head began going through a list of plausible creatures. _Let's see there's deer, but it has to be much bigger than a deer. What's bigger than a deer… Bear?… BEAR! _I begin freaking out because it turns out I have a rational fear of being mauled by bears. I stand completely still because I heard somewhere that to never run away, but every piece of me was screaming to run away and scream as loud as I could. I heard a twig snap behind me and I came face to face with the dark figure that could only be a bear.

"GAH! IT'S A BEAR! GET AWAY! GET AWAY! GET AWAY!" I scream bloody murder while I flailed my arms at the beast. I keep my eyes shut closed, thinking that if I didn't see it, it couldn't see me and as I tried to back away my heel caught on a crack in the cobblestone path and I was sent hurling backwards toward the ground. And as I'm bracing myself for impact I feel the bear's arm snake around my waist, saving me from hitting the ground. Wait? The bear saved me! I open my eyes reluctantly to see a confused familiar looking man staring right back at me. "N-Not a bear?" I ask quietly. Recognizable crimson eyes blink slowly, inspecting me.

"I'm afraid not." The man says with a laugh. Completely red-faced I jump nearly three feet away from him.

"Ace!" I exclaim as I examine the caramel haired knight who's wiping off clumps of dirt and leaves off his coat. He sends me a smile.

"Hey Madi! Sorry if I scared you, but I was trying to get back to the castle and I ended up getting lost again." He explains. I giggle a little as I stand on my tiptoes and pick a rose petal out of his hair.

"Me and you both. I was trying to get to the castle, but I've been stuck in here for like an hour." I say. I have to be a little confused about why Ace decided to sneak around in the bushes. Ace decided to take a look at his surroundings.

"Well I'm almost positive that I know where I'm going now, so do you want to come with me?" He asks. I took a moment to think this over. Would I like to try my luck and try finding my own way to the castle or do I want to go with Ace and possibly get lost further? Knowing him, we might end up at the Hatter's again. But I would very much like to be lost with someone opposed to being lost alone.

"Okay." I answer thinking that such a seemingly simple question had so many trivial outcomes. And so we began walking in no particular direction at all. Ace was walking awfully fast though and I had trouble making my petite legs keep up with his pace.

"I came for a visit quite some time ago like I promised, but you seemed to be out." I say as I shuffled beside him.

"Oh, yeah." He says simply as he looks at the midday sun. "The queen told me that you had left me a message." He laughs to himself about some unknown matter to me. "It was weird because she wasn't yelling or ordering a beheading for once." Ace continues to talk and laugh to himself about how Vivaldi is such a cruel and gruesome queen, but I thought different.

Vivaldi was intimating to say the least, but I think she just has a rough outer appearance. She needs to be, after all she's the queen. She need to be frightening so her subjects would stay in line. I think she is rather quite pleasant when you got to know her.

"That leads me to ask why you're here today." Ace asks out of the blue and I jump slightly at being caught off guard. _I really ought to stop thinking all to myself while people are talking to me, or else I might lose an entire day's worth or conversation._

"I wanted to ask Vivaldi if I could see one of her maids." I say and I could tell Ace was wondering why I would want to do such a thing. "You see, I had stolen a watering can from this maid who was gardening to throw at Peter White who had kidnapped Alice at the time. And I thought it very rude to not apologize for disrupting the maid's work." Ace looked absolutely smitten with this bit of information.

"They said it was you, but I didn't believe it! Sir Peter was bed ridden for two whole days because of that! You my friend, are a hero." He laughs as he gives me a congratulatory pat on the back. I give a nervous laugh just to humor Ace, but my conscious is telling me that I should apologize to Peter as well as the maid.

"I'm sure Alice would be ecstatic with that piece of news." I say aloud knowing that Alice would probably throw a party if she found out of Peter's inability to get out of bed. She might even dance around a bit. The thought made me giggle.

"Oh yes, Alice would be so very happy." I say with a laugh.

It was a pendulum effect after that. Once the name _Alice _had been muttered there was no going back. A familiar rabbit man had run full speed from behind one wall of the hedge maze and skidded to a stop an inch worm's length in front of me.

"Alice? Where is she?" Peter asks insistently as I pull back from his face which is weirdly close to mine. "Is she here or there? Hide me from her if you dare!" He says as he grabs my shoulders and moves me every which way like somehow Alice (who is a good head taller than me mind you) was hiding behind me.

"U-Uh… Sorry Peter, but she's not here." I try apologizing. He shows a pile of emotions to me. First eagerness, then confusion, disappointment, and finally a glare straight at me.

"Impossible! If you're here than Alice must be near!" He says looking at me like I was responsible for Alice's absence. Which I kind of was. He was staring at me with so much determination to get Alice's whereabouts from me that I had to look away. I had looked to Ace for some help who merely shrugged.

"Well she… had some other business to take care of." I lie badly in order to spare Peter's feelings. I'm sure every time Alice doesn't want to see Peter she has _other business. _"Besides it's not like she has to keep watch over me, I can to places as I please with out Alice." I say feeling like everyone was assuming that Alice had to be my nanny since I was childish… and maybe a little clumsy… and can't ever tell which way I'm going… and a little absent-minded… Oh! None of that matters! I am quite old now and I can do things by myself.

"Nonsense!" Peter barked getting my attention again. "You're friends, aren't you supposed to be by each other's side till the end?" He pushed. I was quite taken with the way Peter rhymed his sentences. It would take a lot of thought before saying your mind, I could never do such a thing.

"Sir Peter's so pushy when it comes to Alice." Ace laughs as he wraps his arm around Peter's shoulder familiarly. Peter looks beyond annoyed as he squirms away from Ace. "We're lost. Can you show us where the castle is?" Ace asks changing the subject. Peter swipes as his shoulder several times with his hand like Ace had gotten his jacket dirty before sighing.

"You're right in front of it, you idiot." He snaps. I look up at the same time Ace does. _Huh, when did that get there? _I think as I marvel at the huge castle that I'm almost certain appeared out of no where.

"Whoa we made it! You must of preformed some sort of miracle Sir Peter!" Ace laughs as he tries to be overly friendly with Peter again.

"I preformed no miracle, your directional skills are just extremely dull." Peter scoffs. Ace laughs boldly at Peter's anger.

"But I like getting lost!' Ace explains with a smile .

"What sane person likes getting lost anyway? You're brain surely must have been tossed away!" Peter yells with a growl starting to emerge from his throat. Now this continued for quite awhile, Peter making his clever arguments in rhymes and Ace having a positive answer for everything. Despite the few _excuse me_'s and _um, you guy_''s from me they did not stop.

I knew I would get no where if I just watched this this play out, so I started walking to the castle by myself. I give them a self-conscious look over my shoulder. Still fighting, not even noticing that I had left. I sigh as I enter the castle.

"Let's see, if I were a queen where would I be?' I ask aloud. No one answered me beside my own echo. So I just kept walking in no particular direction hoping that my aimlessness would lead me straight to her.

Weirdly enough, it did. I had stumbled upon her after I had tripped down a set of stairs, but I had fallen right behind a pillar so no one could possibly see me. She was standing with a scowl on her face next to a older looking man, a few soldiers by her side and a group of maid's on the outskirts was starting to form. All attention seemed to be focused on a younger maid, maybe only eighteen, kneeled on the floor trying to pick up broken plate pieces with shaky hands.

"Insolent child!" Vivaldi shouts, her strong voice booming off the walls. The younger maid gets started by this and drops the piece of plate that she was holding, but hastily picks it pack up again. "Tell us how you have managed to mess up something as simple as moving dinnerware from one room to the next." Vivaldi orders to the maid as she glowers over her. The maid is certainly too frightened to speak and just continues picking up plate pieces. I'm sure if she had eyes she would be crying terribly. Vivaldi scoffs before turning her back to the maid.

"Off with her head." She orders to the soldiers. The two share a look of remorse before advancing on the young maid who is now emitting sounds that could be recognized as balling as she awaits her fate. I couldn't very well let that happen could I?

I take off from behind the pillar as fast as I could until I was between the maid and the two soldiers my arms outstretched to by sides in a protective stance.

"you mustn't!" I tell them, sounding braver than I feel. Vivaldi whips herself around as to examine who dares to question her judgment.

"Oh, Madi what a pleasant surprise." She says with a soft smile, completely changing her attitude. I don't let mine waver.

"You can't execute this maid." I tell her strongly. My ears picked up on the other maids on the sidelines murmurings. Their voices alive with gossip. Vivaldi almost smirks, accepting my challenge.

"Tell us why you care about whether she loses her head or not." She asks as he gaze shifts from me to the maid cowering behind my legs on the floor. "After all, she is just another maid. It's not her life is of any importance in the game." She says.

I almost don't believe what I have heard. My eyes lower to the ground as a mixture of sadness and anger flow into my system.

"Maybe that's true." I whisper as my hands tighten into fists by my side. "Maybe she's just a maid. Maybe you can have her replaced. But never say a life isn't important." I almost start crying as I jerk my head up to give a determined stare at the queen. "it doesn't matter who it belongs to, a common maid or a person with royalty… Every life is important no matter what!" I shout with all my might. The whole hall grows quiet while me and Vivaldi have a showdown with our strong stares. Another moment of silence follows before Vivaldi waves her hand in the air.

"We shall spare her for now seeing as it would upset Madi." She says, calling of the soldiers who had their weapons aimed awkwardly at me because they weren't quiet sure what to do. I look back breathlessly at the maid over my shoulder who's staring up at me with a look of wonder. I turn around and offer my hand to her without a word. Again she does nothing but stare at me with her non-existent eyes before she sheepishly grabs my hand.

"Leave us." Vivaldi's voice booms and I can hear the quickened shuffling of feet as everyone tries to pretend as nothing as happened and goes along with their business.

The maid in front of me scrambles to her feet which reminds me of a frightened dormouse, using my arm as leverage. Suddenly she pulls herself close to me and gives me a swift kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you so very much miss." She squeaks out as she scurries away. I stare in a state of confusion at the spot she was just a moment ago, Vivaldi's sigh being the only thing that takes me out of my staring.

"We would like it very much if you joined us for a walk Madi." Vivaldi says, her body slightly turned towards me. I nod robotically as I rush to her side. Vivaldi daintily hooks her arm though mine, making sure that we're as close as possible as we walked at a slow steady pace. Her face has softened out again as she looks down at me.

"We have to say that was quite bold Madi. Very few dare to defy us." She says and I can't tell if she's scolding me or complimenting me. I give her a nervous look.

"I don't think its bold, I just think it's the right thing to do." I tell her quietly. I receive a short one syllable laugh as we enter the rose garden.

"Righteous as well, we see" She says. My face grows pink from receiving so many compliments at once. I don't respond because I'm not quite sure how to so Vivaldi lets out another heart-filled sigh.

"But, we are quite stressed at the maids we're receiving lately. We are short-handed and we swear the king is just picking up anybody from the street and slapping a maid's uniform on them." She huffs. I give a nervous laugh. _Perhaps you wouldn't be short-handed if you stopped beheading people. _I tell her silently. Vivaldi's angry one is replaced by a happy one as she meets my eyes.

"We wish we had a strong-willed maid like you Madi. Yes, you would surely be our favorite maid." Vivaldi says some-what to herself as she continues talking about what a grand sight that would be, but I feel like I have just found gold. I can't wait to go home and tell Alice and Julius what I'm planning.


	27. Meet the Mentors

"I'm going to live and work as a maid at The Castle of Hearts." I announce to the clock tower's residences. Alice who had been drinking coffee at the time, gags and nearly spits it across to room at me.

"P-Pardon?" She asks holding her raw throat and she steadies herself on the table.

"I said I'm going to-" I start, but she cuts me off by waving her hands in front of her as to brush away my words.

"No, I heard you the first time. what I meant to say is _why_?" She stresses out through her confused expression. I smiled brightly as I strode over to her.

"Oh, Think about it Alice!" I say in a cheerful tone. "I will be helping Vivaldi and I can stop feeling like a burden to you and Julius! Isn't that great! " I tell her happily. She looks absolutely distressed.

"But…. You're not…. It's not…" she says in chunks like she cant focus on what to tell me. "Julius tell her that she can't!" Alice orders as she whips her head towards the clock master who has been as silent as always.

"Why should I tell her what she can and can't do? She's plenty old enough to do as she wishes." He says bluntly. Alice looks pissed that he didn't take her side on this matter. She groans as she slumps down in a chair.

"But… But…" She stutters as she tries to pick a reasonable reason for me to stay. Her eyes lighten up as she finds something. "But you'll be living under the same roof as Peter, isn't that at least a little worrisome?" She asks, trying hard to sway my decision. I sigh a little as I take a seat in the chair next to her's.

"Well… He is weirdly obsessed with you… and the rhyming is a little questionable, but think of it this way! I can keep an eye on him for you and this time I will have an un-limited supply water cans at my disposal in case he gets out of line." I joke knowing that it will put Alice in a better mood. A laugh escapes her mouth against her better judgment. She still is looking at me in a glum manner though.

"I will never change your mind about this will I?" She asks and I give her a far too enthusiastic nod. She sighs and attempts an encouraging smile. "But… no matter where you'll be living, this will always be _your _home." She says as she smiles and her sea foam eyes turn radiant.

I have to choke back my happiness that threatens to come out in the form of tears.

…

After I had packed my bag (consisting only of my too large nightgown and a tiny plastic plant Alice insisted we put in there so it will feel more like home at the castle.) I had made my way to the castle still using the map on my hand to get there, this time with out running into Ace or Peter.

"And this shall be your room Madi." Vivaldi says as she opens a door in the east wing of the castle which is far from all the other maid's rooms which are in the west wing. As I was told many times by the queen, I was _special _therefore I deserve _special _treatment. I am allowed to take any day off as I wish in case I wanted to go visit people as well a nice room in the role holder's quarters.

I take a few hesitant steps into the room an gasp at it's sheer size and set my bag down next to the door. It could be a small house all by itself. The long walls were painted a pale pink and the white carpet bounces like it's made of springs under my shoes. There's a little living room set up on the right side of the room with two armchairs and a a couch, that were all red and the backs shaped like hearts surrounding a coffee table which was across from a large bookcase lined with what I was certain to be every book ever made. Across from the back of the couch, was a large bed with a bright yellow comforter and the red metal legs of the bed grew above the bed and shaped themselves into a heart at the head of the bed. Two red, heart-shaped nightstands stood faithfully next to the bed and on the back wall was a large open wardrobe which hung what I assumed to be my uniform.

Vivaldi left me to get dressed privately even though she was only standing outside the door. I had snatched the uniform off it's hanger and ducked into the bathroom which made me laugh out in surprise because there was a huge running fountain in the middle of it. I adjusted the red head band made of standing up hearts on my heard a little before going out to meet up with Vivaldi again.

"So what do think?" I ask quietly as I hold out the skirt of the dress out shyly for her. The castle's uniform was black and was made out of a heavy material that surely become crippling after a long amount of time. It was long sleeved and high collared so it hid my scar nicely. All the trim was red and it made it's way to form a heart on the torso of the uniform. There was a beige apron with three large upside-down hearts on the bottom tied around my waist and there was a large black bow on the back of the uniform that I head trouble figuring out what it belonged to. I finally just decided it was for decoration. I look down at the spotless black buckle shoes nervously because it's taken so long for Vivaldi to answer.

"You look very cute, but then again you look cute no matter what you're wearing." She says as I turn as red as her dress. _Everyone sure is lose about their compliments around here. _I think to myself as I follow Vivaldi back downstairs and walk into a large room which could only be the kitchen. The only two people in there make a smile arise to my lips.

"These two will be your mentors of sorts." She says as she waves a hand lazily at them before giving a could stare towards both of them. "Even though Madi has volunteered as a maid she still has authority over the likes of you. Understood?" She asks sternly. The two give a frightened look before saying,

"Yes, your majesty." In unison and curtseying with their heads hung low trying to avoid that powerful stare. Vivaldi give a triumphant little smirk to herself before turning to leave the kitchen.

"Make yourself at home Madi and if you need anything we shall be in the audience chamber." Vivaldi almost coos in my ear as she left the kitchen. The two maids and I don't do anything, un-sure of what to do.

"Hello!" I chirp happily finally breaking the silence. The two seem a bit startled by my voice, but it's the slightly smaller one that seems truly frightened as she clings to the back of her friend's skirt.

"U-Uh, it's a pleasure to meet you miss." The taller one says as she bows slightly to me and brings her hand up to the other maid's head and forces hers down in a bow as well. I wave my hands frantically trying to get them not to treat me so highly.

"That's not necessary! And besides I know both of you so don't need to act like we're strangers." I insist lightly. The two exchange a timid skeptical look between them.

"I don't believe we've met, miss." The taller maid tries to inform me, but I shake my head.

"Nonsense." I say boldly. "You're the maid that I stole that watering can from when I was chasing Peter in the garden. I'm sorry if you got punished in anyway because of that." I say pointed to the taller maid, feeling a weight lifted off my shoulders knowing that I had finally apologized to her. My finger drifts to the shorter maid who takes a step behind the taller one in order to find herself a little. "And you're the maid that I defended yesterday."

"How did you know it was us!" The smaller maid blurts out and she squeaks as she hides behind the other maid's shoulder, looking like she just said something offensive. I give them a surprised look before I answer.

"Well, like those at The Hatter's mansion and everyone at the amusement park and all of the workers at the castle, you look very similar because you have no eyes, but when you look close enough you all look a little different." I explain as best as I can to the two. They began murmuring to themselves about something and I felt very out of the loop.

"My name's Madi by the way." I say happily as I lean over the counter towards them that separates us. "What're your names?" I ask eagerly.

It's true the two were easily distinguishable. They both had dark hair like the rest of the castle's staff, but their height was the first thing I noticed to be the difference between them. The taller one just looked older facial wise though she couldn't have been any older than her early twenties. Her face thin and long. Her eyeless stare knowledgeable and loyal.

The smaller one was much more timid, her face round as it holds onto the last of her baby fat. Cute button nose and hair that didn't behave itself in the pigtails she had on either side of her head. The two look at each other in a state of shock and my face falls a little.

"Um… I'm sorry. Am I acting too friendly?" I ask feeling a little self-conscious. The taller maid shakes her head violently.

"Oh no miss! It's just no one has ever shown us such kindness and it's been ages since anyone has asked our names…" She trails off with a small smile tugging at the edges of her lips. "My name is Adelaide and this is my younger sister." Adelaide says as she motioned her sister to step out from behind her and introduce herself.

"M-My name's Charlotte." She says shyly.

"Adelaide and Charlotte." I repeat so I wouldn't forget, but I couldn't help but think their names are a bit… _old fashioned_. Possibly the greatest idea I have ever had pops into my head as I smile at the two. "Say can I call you Ada and Lottie? I think they're grand nicknames if I do say so myself and then we can be more familiar with each other that way two!" I say excitedly.

"I-If that's what the young mistress would like." Adelaide/Ada says skeptically. I shake my head stubbornly.

"No, my opinion doesn't matter. What do _you_ think?" I ask the two. Adelaide/Ada stays quiet trying to examine the strange girl in front of her with that observing stare. I keep on staring back because I really want to know the answer. A small voice breaks the silence and we're all surprised who it comes from.

"I'd like that very much." Timid little Charlotte says quietly. I give an exited expectant look at Adelaide.

"I suppose I'd like it as well." She grumbles as she lowers her gaze. A smile stretches onto my face and I direct it at the two.

"Then it's settled. From today on you will be known as Ada and Lottie!" I say happily and then I change my mood a little bit. "I leave myself in your hands, so please be good to me." I say as I attempt my best curtsy. I keep my head down low to the two and I hear a laugh.

"You must keep your back straight when you curtsy." Ada's voice chimes in as she hits my curved back harshly with the back of her hand. I give her a playful smirk over my shoulder through my bangs that have fallen into my face.

"And your head up!" Lottie pipes up. I somewhat laugh to myself. Staying at the castle is surely going to be interesting.


	28. Roleplay

**Yes, I am still alive just terribly TERRIBLY busy. I had just started online school (it's terrible don't ever do it), so thats time consuming and my brother who I share a room with has just come home and he will make fun of me for the rest of my life if he saw this story so I have to write in secret. I feel like I'm letting you down in a monumental way, but that's the way it has to be, so my updates will be pretty spaced. So, So, So, So, So sorry :(**

**...**

I had finally gotten Ada and Lottie to stop calling me _miss _and by my actual name right after we had collected the ow dry sheets from outside. Ada had explained to me that there are five types of maids in the castle. The Gardeners, The Servers, The Room Keepers, The Cooks and The Laundry Girls. Ada said she was a Gardener and Lottie was a Server normally, but since the recent shortage on help all the jobs have been sort of running together. And even though this meant there was more work that had to be done I can tell Ada was very happy because she could spend more time with her sister because they could be doing the same job together.

From what I've collected Lottie is all the family Ada's got left so she is set on protecting her even if she has to die trying. Which is why I like Ada so much. She is skeptical about it, but she seems to understand that every life is just as important as the next like a do and I can tell that we'll be very good friends because of this.

I shuffle the mountain of sheets in my arms that are threatening to tumble to the ground. I give a quick glance to either side of me at Ada and Lottie who are as steady as a tree trunk with the pile of neatly folded sheets that nearly go passed their heads just as mine do. _How do they make it look so easy? _I huff as I encourage myself mentally to not give up.

I tell myself to focus on something different and I start to focus on the path in front of me. We pass a few maids who stop what their doing when they see us a start murmuring to each other secretly. I give a confused look to the two and they seem to get startled and rush off into a different hall. _Okay… Was it just me or were they whispering something about me? _I brush it off thinking it's just my imagination. But then we pass another group of maids that does the same thing… And another…. And another… it's then I just have to ask what's going on.

"Why are all those people looking at me like that?" I whisper to Ada as the gossip around us is growing larger and louder. Ada looks around like she doesn't know what I'm referring to.

"Oh." She states simply. "It's because you're pretty much like a legend around here." She shrugs it off like she had just said a completely non-controversial thing to me.

"Legend!" I nearly hiss, with my voice low so no one besides Ada and Lottie can hear. "What for?" I ask in a quizzical tone.

"Because you injured the prime minister of course!" She laughs at this. Loudly if I may add, focusing even more attention on us.

"And you saved me from being executed! No one's ever changed her majesty's mind about a beheading!" Lottie adds as her cheeks turn pink and she tries to hide her smiling face by burring her face into the pile of sheet's she's holding. You've got to love Lottie in this sense. Even though she's two years older than me, she's as innocent and cute as a five year old child. She's quiet and well reserved, but when she speaks up you just want to hug her all day long.

"Well Peter was asking for that injury since he didn't stop when I asked for him to give me back Alice and has anyone even tried to question the queen's judgment beside me?" I ask, knowing that I was reckless when I stopped the soldiers from beheading Lottie yesterday, but if I didn't stop them someone else should've. Ada shakes her head.

"No one cares about us faceless seeing as we're as easily replaced as a dead plant." Her words a harsh, spiteful. Lottie gives her a worried look and Ada takes a deep breath as she tries to calm herself.

"That is besides you and Miss Alice who saved Five quite some time ago." Ada says. Her and Lottie continue to talk about how Five is completely smitten with Alice or something along those lines as my mind begins to drift away from their conversation.

Who name's their child Five? I would find that quite troublesome at a lot of times. Here is the scenario running through my head,

_A woman had just walked into a principal's office in order to enroll her child in school._

"_Hello." says the principal. "How many children are you planning to enroll today?" He asks the woman._

"_Oh just Five." She replies sweetly._

"_Excellent. What are their name's? Asks the principal as he takes out a pen and paper, getting ready to write down all the names. The woman's face slackens._

"_Five." She says again. The principal doesn't look up from the paper he's looking at._

"_Yes I heard you the first time now what are their name's" He asks again._

"_I told you Five!" the woman says sounding irritated._

"_And I told you I heard you the first time!" The principal shouts now growing angry and the woman says-_

I'm brought out of my delusional scenario by loud ringing sound that echoed off every wall in the castle.

"What was that?" I ask Ada curiously.

"That was the dinner bell for the role holders, you best be on your way too." She says as she reaches out to take some of my armful of sheets. I yank them away from her hastily.

"What do you mean _I best be off too_?" I ask her a little sharper than I should of. "I'll just eat with you guys later." I tell them. Ada laughs as she makes a move for my sheets again. I try hard to keep the sheets away from Ada with her pushy grabby and keeping the sheets from falling on the ground. All the while Lottie watches us, distressed on which side she should be on.

"No you wont." Ada says sternly as she successfully steals two of my sheets. "We eat table scraps in the dead of night after everyone goes to bed and the queen would have my head if I let you do that." She says successfully stealing another sheet from my pile and putting it on hers. Lottie, the little traitor, steals the remaining ones leaving me with nothing but air to hold.

"But-" I try and argue, but it's apparent that no one's listening to my as Ada walks away and Lottie scurries after her.

"_Goodnight _Madi." Ada calls from halfway down the hall. Lottie looks over her shoulder and gives a slight apologetic look before she races to catch up with her sister.

I didn't have a problem with Ada ordering me around. I didn't have a problem with Ada leaving me alone in the middle of a hallway full of people gawking at me. However, I_ did _have a problem with Ada not telling me where the dining room was.

…

After asking several maids where the dining room I was certain of two things. One, that I am almost positive I'm going the right way this time and two… that I'm already so late that dinner most be over by now. I shout at my stomach to behave itself as I round a corner. I bump into something that sends me tripping backwards over my heels. The bright yellow suspect sends me into a long string of questions.

"Why is there a tent in the middle of the hallway?" I mutter to myself as I give the tent a questionable look. I have to say that it spruces up the castle's décor in an abstract kind of way. It's a nice change from all the hearts and red furniture. I can't stop myself from zipping open the tent just enough to poke my head in to investigate. I shouldn't be surprised who's in it.

"Ace?" I say slowly as to ask why he's sitting cross legged in a tent in the middle of the castle's hallway. His face brightens up as he sees me.

"Oh, hey Madi!" He greets cheerful as always. I un-zip the tent the rest of the way and step inside with out thinking much about it.

"Why did you set a tent up in the middle of the hallway?" I ask sternly as I give a lazy attempt to zip up the tent again.

"Oh! It's kind of a funny story. I was on my way to dinner and I got lost so I decided that I'll just camp out here tonight! He explains as he laughs to himself.

"You mean here?" I ask as I wave my hands in the open space of the cramped tent. "Why? Don't you have an extravagant room to stay in?" I ask remembering how nice my room is. Ace just grins at me and I nearly sigh to myself. "You don't know where it is do you?" I ask.

"Nope." He states simply. I roll my eyes. How it is possible for anyone to be more directionally challenged than I am is a miracle. "Take a seat." He says patting the spot next to him and changing the subject. It does sound promising since I'm slightly hunched over and craning my neck upwards so I can talk face to face with him, but I can't help but get the idea that this was going to lead up to something questionable. My aching back gets the better of my as I scramble to the spot next to him on my hands and knees.

"That's funny because I got lost too and now my stomach is punishing me for it." I say as I point to my stomach that is growling like a feral animal. I receive a few chuckles from Ace as he pulls a metal thermos from seemingly no where and pours a fragrant substance into the lid.

"You'd be surprised at how often it happens." He says as he offers the lid to me. "That's why I'm always prepared. Here since you missed dinner." He says with a determined look in his eye. I peer into the thermos lid he's pretty much forcing on me. It's soup of some kind. It smells like chicken and some sort of leafy vegetable. I blush a little as my stomach roars louder than normal as I take the lid in my hands graciously. We don't say anything for a long while as we pass the lid full of soup back and forth between each other. It may just be silent because we're both so hungry that we feel like we don't feel the need to speak or it may just be that we don't know what to talk about. Either why I'm starting to loath the silence.

"So, what's up with the maid uniform." Ace asks as he points to me. I'm thankful for a conversation and I'm about to pounce on the opportunity and explain, but Ace continues on talking. "Is it some sort of role play because it's sort of working." He says as he takes a long appraising look at me. My face turns as hot as the soup as I am rendered nearly speechless.

"N-N-No!" I squeak as my eyes dart to look at anything, but Ace. "I'm working as a maid here you moron!" I screech at him. I feel like I shouldn't be so temperamental, but once I'm embarrassed I have no control on any of my other feelings.

"Well that's boring." Ace says and I'm sure if I wasn't avoiding looking at him his lips would be in a childish pout. There's a silent moment between us and I feel like the subject is dropped so I bashfully try to meet Ace's gaze again, but as soon as I let my guard down I'm being attacked by something that sends me straining against the tent's walls.

Ace towers over me with on arm snaked around my waist one above my head against the tent's walls. His eyes giving off a wicked look and a devious smirk painted on his face. He face grows closer to mine and I squeeze my eyes and turn my head in fear of what comes next. "Lets make our own fun shall we?" He whispers playfully in my ear.

Scream. Kick. Refuse. Do _something. _My mind is too fogged to do anything except sit there lifelessly and keep my eyes snapped shut trying to block out the world around me. I can't do anything despite what I know what's going to happen. Ace is going to assault me and I'm just going to sit here because I can't chose something to do. Mostly because I can't believe that silly, easily excited, always smiling Ace is acting like this. Like this pervy maniac. All I know is that I want the real Ace back. I want the Ace that makes fun of me for saying something ridiculous. The Ace that laughs for no reason in particular. The Ace that is not touching my chest. That's what snaps me out of motionless. My eyes shoot open as I push on his shoulders and kick my legs trying to get him off of me.

"Get the hell off!" I screech as a thrash beneath his heavy body. He doesn't move, but that's want makes me calm down considerably in the end. He isn't moving anything. He's not founding my chest, just resting his head against it as his arms hold me tightly around my back. "A-Ace, what are you do-" I get caught of my him shushing me and I snap my mouth shut.

"I love this sound." He mutters softly into the fabric of my dress. I can hear nothing but my own heartbeat pounding in my ears. My softens as Ace turns his head so that his ear is pressed tightly against my chest. His face is what really astonishes me. He has a soft serene smile on his face and it gets me thinking that this is his real smile. Sure he always has a smile on his face, but it all seems like a charade compared to this one. He looks _truly_ happy. "Its like the sweetest most wonderful lullaby ever written." He sighs and I think for a moment that he's fallen asleep like that because he doesn't say another word. I grow un-comfortless with the position we're in and I try to get up as slowly and carefully as possible before Ace freezes me in my spot.

"Do you think people can change Madi?" He asks so quietly that I can barely hear him. I stare down speechless at him. Wasn't Ace just trying to _make his own fun _as he called it? Why is he asking something like this so suddenly? And such an awkward position none the less… Well I better answer since he's confiding in me.

"I believe they can." I say simply mainly because I'm confused still. I look at Ace's expression which hasn't changed and I feel like I'm not being much help to him so I try my answer again. "But I don't think it's worth it." I say. I swear I can feel Ace raise is eyebrows against my chest in question. "It can take days, months, perhaps even your whole life to be the person you want to be and by that time… Will it even matter?" I ask not even to Ace in particular as my eyes look upwards in thought. "Will your life be simpler? Will people think any different of you? Will you be happy knowing that you've left a part of you behind?" I feel like we're not talking about Ace anymore, but about myself. For years I've tried so hard to be the person that my family would love and respect. Fine tune myself so many times just to receive one _I love you _that never was muttered in my direction. That is until I discovered what a depressing person I was making myself in my world so that I could satisfy people that I shouldn't have to prove myself to in the first place.

"So I really think that it's best to be who you were born to be. Be someone that is loved by people because you _don't _have to change to accepted or loved or any other reason you may have. That's why I think change isn't worth it" I say as I look back at Ace waiting for his rebuttal to my ranting.

I watch his back move with his shallow rhythmic breathing and I groan quietly to myself. He's really asleep now. I must of bored him with my non-profound philosophizes so much that he passed out. I try and kick him off me gently. He's heavy, I'm weak and I am strangely tired after this whole ordeal. Before I know it, I'm asleep as well.


	29. Failed Plan

I fly on tiptoe down the hallway not daring to make a sound. When I awoke it was dusk, but I think I had only been asleep for a few hours. Needless to say, I was shocked to find myself in a bright yellow tent with Ace you hand rolled onto the floor beside me so I made a hasty attempt to get to the kitchen without being noticed.

I open the kitchen door just a crack and squeeze my way through as I close the door as gently and quietly as possible. I sigh as I rest my head against the door. It should be a few hours till Ada and Lottie start there shift so I should be safe from them knowing. I smile as I turn around so I can wait patiently for them arrive, but my face comes falling down faster than a plane with faulty wiring when I catch sight of Ada with her arms crossed and her foot tapping insistently on the floor and Lottie close behind with a wondering look. _Busted._

A colorful smile breaks onto Ada's lips as she rushes over to me and hooks a arm around my shoulder and causes me to hunch beneath her strength.

"C'mere you scandalous little flirt!" She laughs as she digs her knuckles into my head playfully. "Got down to some hanky panky last night didn't you! Aw, my little rookie is growing up." She sighs as she tries to sound sentimental and she brings me into a tight hug against her chest. After a few mouthfuls of her dress trying to argue I push out of her arms and take several deep breathes of much needed air. I shoot her a outrageously confused look.

"What on earth are you talking about!" I shout at her. Her smile does not fade as she slinks towards me. She puts her hand up next to mouth as not to inform Lottie of what we're talking about.

"Hattie said she saw you sneaking all quiet like out of Sir Ace's tent earlier today. Surely you must've done something to make you be so secretive, right?" She whispers and I could of sworn her non-existent eyes winked at me. Man, stuff gets around here fast. It's worst than high school. I go red as I try to get as far away from Ada as possible.

"A-Absolutely not!" I shout at the assumption she's making as my back hit's a wall. She makes the best of the situation and closes in on me.

"Oh, come on! Don't lie to your dear old friends Ada and Lottie! You got down to business didn't you!" She persists. I give a shaky glance between my dear old friends that I had met yesterday as my face flares up again.

"Y-You're wrong!" I stutter out. "We just talked and that's it!" Okay, maybe I'm _polishing _the truth a little bit, but it's not like we did anything along the lines of what Ada's imagining.

"Right. _Talking._" She says sarcastically as she backs away from me slightly. Great. Absolutely perfect. I'm here for one day and everyone thinks I'm fooling around with the knight of hearts. Can this get anymore embarrassing?

Ada motions me to come with her and Lottie which are making their way out the door so they can start on room keeping like she told me we would be doing yesterday. I have no choice, but to follow my torturer. Half way down the hallway she starts up again.

"I think it's bloody brilliant. You two would make the cutest couple." She says excitedly as the heat rises to my face.

"That's a down right lie." I say trying to sound fierce, but I sound like a trapped animal. And Ada goes for the kill.

"You've got to be kidding me! Sir Ace is one of the most handsome men in all the country no doubt! And it's no secret that you're a pretty little thing." She says as she pokes a finger at my cheek playfully. I swat her away like a fly that has no understanding of personal boundaries and compile my evidence to prove that she was wrong. Okay, maybe it was true that Ace was un-naturally cute and I will shamefully admit that I had in fact had almost been to the point of drooling over him, but now that I think of it everyone is scarily gorgeous around here. But that's beside the point. I wind up for the long strings of things that could be counted as flaws in my appearance.

"It's something in your eyes. The way you look at people is enough to make me just want to drop to your feet and beg you to be by my side forever." Ada explains, stopping me from saying another word.

My eyes aren't really _that _show stopping are they? I mean they're just hazel, normal-looking, regular eyes. And I certainly don't give them any amazing look that I'm aware of at least. I'm about to ask Ada to explain more in detail about what she meant, but it seems as if that conversation has been dropped.

"I think Madi would look best with Sir Peter." Lottie mumbles out like she does with everything, quiet and shamefully like she's just committed the most un-speak able sin.

My response comes out as a very un-attractive sounding snort.

"Now your just making up the most un-imaginable situations you can think up." I almost laugh and I can tell I've hurt Lottie's feelings a bit. "Have you not noticed how deeply in love he is with Alice? I would think the world was ending if he began to love anyone else." I say and I get a strong guttural laugh from Ada and Lottie tries hard to conceal the smile forming on her lips. We turn a corner and I'm surprised when my friends go dead silent.

Speaking of _Sir Peter_, He's standing in front of our small crowd with a frown sitting on his lips. Ada and Lottie take this as there cue to leave therefore leaving me to fend for myself. I should be slightly furious at their abandonment, but I feel concern running through my bones. The role holders make them nervous, scared to be who they are in front of them.

I focus my attention back at Peter who is glaring at me intently. Looking furious for no reason. Well… I did knock him out for two days straight. Even I'm mad at myself, but his penetrating stare is un-nerving.

"Hello." I say as a type of peace offering to the man. I'm met with cold stares and silence.

"Sorry about the watering can thing."

Silence.

"I'm working here now, isn't that something?"

Silence.

"The uniform is really heavy."

Silence.

"I like your shoes." I'm fishing for anything to start a verbal conversation with him.

Silence.

"Why do you hate me?" I say as the feelings he has towards me become brutally obvious.

Eyebrows furrow.

"I don't hate _you_." He emphasized in an annoyed tone that doesn't prove his point at all. "I just hate that you're not Alice." He says and I have to stop myself from being blown off my feet by his self centered answer.

"Well that's a shame and all, but I'm almost positive Alice isn't going to pack up and move to the castle anytime soon." I tell him blandly. He looks almost frantic.

"But she's meant to be here! Not in that stupid clock tower that's way out there!" he makes a dramatic hand gesture towards a random direction. "And you were supposed to influence her to love me and make our romance all happy and sappy!" I begin to zone out right around the time he starts to shake my shoulders like he'll shake his ridiculous beliefs into my body. He goes on about how he love for Alice is eternal and how I have ruined his plan that I had no idea about, but I'm too busy counting the tiles on the ceiling. When he seems to be calming down a bit I stop counting at tile number thirty-eight.

"Listen." I say sternly as I push away the closeness between us with a few mindful steps backwards. "It's clear that you have no clue who I am and I don't really like that you are labeling me as your _failed plan_." I raise my eyebrows waiting for his eyes to become guilty. They never do. "But I'm doing the same to you. In my mind you're just the crazy rabbit man who stole away my best friend on a shopping trip." My hand shoots out to hover between Peter and I in an opened position. He looks as about as confused as I would be right now if our roles were switched.

"Let's start over." I say and I can tell he's about to question my actions, but I beat him to it. "My name is Madi Delaine. What's your name?" I say happily as I shoot him a neighborly like smile. He stares at my hand for what seems forever before taking it hesitantly.

"Uh… Peter White?" He says skeptically as he shakes my hand. My smile widens as I snake my hand out of his.

"Nice to meet you Peter. I'd very much like to get acquainted and become very good friends, but I'm afraid I have to get back to work." I brush past him like a whisper as I try to follow and catch up with Ada and Lottie. I take a look over my shoulder to see Peter staring at his hand that I shook with pure confusion written across his face. "Goodbye, Peter!" I say cheerfully as I shoot him one last smile before I begin to jog down the hall. I will always wonder about the last look he gave to me before I disappeared.

A pained look of surprise.


	30. Tug of War

"It is so…." I trail off as I flip onto my stomach so the cool surface can caress my burning skin.

"Why is it so goddamn…." Ada grumbles as I feel another rush of cold air play at my legs.

"I wish it wasn't so…" Lottie adds quietly from her spot below me.

"Hot!" We all groan in unison.

It is summer in Wonderland.

I had been working in the castle for two weeks now. I had become what I considered to be friends with both the knight of hearts and the prime minister. Our relationships were… Abstract.

A normal conversation with Peter would consist of him either fantasizing/ plotting something/ or the reasons for loving Alice. I barely got a word in edgewise, but Peter seemed to like following me around all day and talk about his undying love before I tell him to kindly shut up.

And Ace… That's a little more complicated. He's fine when he's around other people. He's his normal happy, laugh about everything self. But once he catches me alone, he begins to frighten me. He is always trying to convince me to spend another night in his tent and we'll _do more than just sleep _as he says. I try not to be alone at any moment in the castle.

They refuse to admit it, but I know of Ada and Lottie's secret betting ring amongst the maids to see who I end up with.

But let us go back to the subject of it being hotter than hell, shall we? Apparently Vivaldi does not know of air conditioning so everyone concealed in the castle is burning up like overdone fish stick. So as of right now, Ada is practically trying to squeeze herself into the fridge, Lottie is trying to cool herself on the floor tiles and I'm splayed out face down on the counter in a pile of sweat.

We're an attractive bunch, I know. But It was a slow work day and lying about the kitchen is probably the most productive thing anyone in the castle could be doing right about now. If I wasn't dying of a heat related problems, I was surely dying of boredom.

"Can we at least go play outside with the garden hose?" I whine to the ever so stubborn Ada who wouldn't let me do anything because it wasn't _professional. ._Ada groans and abandons the fridge as she lethargically pulls herself to the counter and keeps herself eyelevel with me by holding herself up by the counter's edge.

"You know, if your really so set on playin' outside you should go to the amusement park. The water park ought to be open by now." She grumbles lazily as she slinks back on the floor. I prop myself up on my elbows to look at the heap she's made herself into on the floor next to Lottie. The thought of going to a water park after baking for several scorching days makes me want to dance around the room, but I couldn't be happy knowing that I'd be leaving Ada and Lottie, who aren't allowed to leave the castle, alone to suffer in the heat by themselves.

"Just go." Ada barks as she reads my mind. "It's not like this is the worst thing we've had to do here. Besides you haven't left the castle at all since you first got here. Not even to visit Miss Alice." She says as she gives me a judgmental stare.

"Miss Alice ought to be missing you very much." Lottie adds into the conversation. I want to roll over and impale myself on the knifes that all of us were too lazy to put away.

It's true that I have a long overdue visit that needs to be paid to Alice and an even longer one to Boris. I feel like a horrible person for not pretty much refusing to see them, but I took my temporary job very seriously. I can't just pick up and leave my work to some other soul just because I miss my friends.

"Well if I were to go-" I don't get a chance to finish my sentence because Ada and Lottie have whisked me away to make me society ready and before I know it, I'm face to face with the amusement park.

…

"How did this even happen?" I grumble to myself as I walk passed the amusement park's gates.

"Aw, lighten up Madi! Isn't it nice to be out of with your friends!" Ace says as he throws all his weight into me as he hooks his arm around my shoulder.

"Why does any of this concern me?" Julius murmurs, just as unexcited as I am.

"Because _you _need to get out of the house once in awhile." Alice pushes sternly as she gives Julius a judgmental glare. He doesn't answer.

I honestly don't know how this happened. When I found myself at the clock tower after Lottie and Ada somehow influenced me into taking the day off, I certainly didn't think it would've turned into this.

After Alice and I had celebrated being reunited, I was surprised to find Ace. After all, He's been missing from the castle for about three days now. I disregarded it and asked if Alice wanted to go swimming and Ace insisted that he came along too and Julius has somehow been roped into coming against his better judgment. No one is having fun so far.

I sigh and hang my head when Julius and Ace begin to bicker about something. I feel like Alice rolls her eyes as she wraps her hand around my wrist and pulls me ahead of the two men behind us so that we can be alone to some extent.

"Maybe, we should have thought this over better." Alice mumbles as she gives a disagreeable look back at Ace and Julius. I force a smile onto my face.

"It's not that bad. I feel like the heat is making everyone in a less than enjoyable mood." I say knowing that means myself included. Alice nods as she continues to pull me along as my legs lazily fall behind.

Alice looks different today. Her long hair is pulled back into a ponytail that sits high on her head and is held by her signature blue bow. She hasn't bothered to put a shirt on over her blue bikini top (to which Julius strongly disagreed with, while Ace was all for it.) and I watch as her long orange skirt nips at her ankles playfully. I'm not sure if I like different.

But I look different as well so I guess I shouldn't say that. Lottie did my hair, which is pulled into a loose messy braid on either side of my head while Ada picked out my dress and swimsuit. The dress is a pure white sundress that buttons up from the front and has two flimsy straps keeping it on my body. The swimsuit isn't anything too extravagant either.

It's a bikini. I didn't want it, but Ada always wins in the argument department. The top is all white with thick yellow straps that Ada has wrapped around my neck and tied into a bow on the front to cover up my scar which I have become strangely self conscious about and a tiny yellow bird is embroidered on the white fabric. The bottoms are simply white with tiny yellow bows that sit on either side of my hips.

"I don't like it when we fight honey." Ace's voice chimes behind me. I assume by _honey _he meant Julius.

"You are a moron." Julius sighs.

"Aw, c'mon lets kiss and make up!" Ace says cheerfully and I can tell that he's throwing himself at Julius playfully even though I can't see him.

"Don't touch me!" Julius almost screams. They are acting like a pair of manner-less children and if I do not get into a body of water pronto, I am going to melt right off the face off the earth. Alice keeps muttering for me to ignore them, but my heat delirious head tells me that it's impossible.

"If you don't cut it out, I'll take us all back to the clock tower!" I threaten. No one take me seriously. I turn on my feet swiftly and put my hands on my hips ready to gather everyone up and hurry back to the clock tower, but the second I turn around I'm hit in the face with a a considerable amount of what I hope to be water.

"Ugh." I groan sounding disgusted as I scrunch up the wet fabric of my dress in my hands. I give an accusing look towards the group of three looking for the culprit. Everyone looks away guilty looking, but at least it's quiet now. I stumble backwards over my feet as I pull my dress over my head, leaving me in my swimsuit. The wet fabric felt refreshing and cooling on my skin which was a feeling I thought I could never feel again after the recent heat wave, but I thought that I would resemble a wet wash cloth with legs if I left it on.

"Madi?" I snap my head turns the mention of name with my dress playing lightly on my fingertips as I think about dropping it all together. I squint my eyes as I try to make out the figure out in the distance.

"Boris?" I question back at the figure. He nods and jogs over to me, stopping a tad too close than what I found comfortable. For a minute we just stare at each other silently.

"Hey." He says awkwardly, but he's smiling like an idiot. My heart decides to skip a beat, just because.

"Hey." I repeat quietly. It's ridiculous. I feel like I can't breath and my skin feels all tingly and excited, not to mention my heart is threatening to make a cavity through my chest with it's heavy beating. The sun is really messing with me today.

"It's… It's been awhile." He says, reminding me of how bad I felt for staying in the castle all this time.

"It has." I say as cross my arms over my chest and looking away. _What's with this atmosphere? It feels… _I watch as a faceless child rips off a blob of pink cotton candy and pops it into her mouth. _Fluffy… _"I got a job as a maid in the castle of hearts and I've been terribly busy." I explain as I look back at him. I didn't know why I felt the need to prove to him that I wasn't avoiding him. His smile screams of relief.

"A maid? I would've never taken that you'd like that kind of stuff Madi." He laughs as he gives me a playful punch on the arm. My mouth twitches. _I have no idea what he means by that, but it sounds sexual…_

"You look good though." He comments as his eyes look me up and down, with my dripping skin and my egg shell white swimsuit. My eyes are focused on the bright orange water gun that he rests against his bare shoulder in an upward position.

"You too." I blurt out before I can tell myself that I'm going to sound like a fool. I squeeze my eyes shut as I register what I've just said and go into a long argument with myself.

Alice and I weren't the only one's looking the part of summer. Boris was wearing nothing but his black swim trunks and having so much skin revealed to me was a pleasing sight. I only wish that I could have enough self control to not tell that to the entire world.

"Sorry kitty cat, but Madi is _my_ date for the day." Ace says as he suddenly wraps his arms around my middle from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder. Heat rushes to my face at the sudden skin on skin contact.

"Your what!" All of us, including Julius to my surprise, exclaim in disbelief. I was especially curious to Ace's answer seeing as I was not informed of any of this. I feel Ace smirk into my shoulder.

"Well seeing as Julius and Alice would be glued to each other the whole day, I figured that me and Madi should do the same." Ace says leans towards my face with a suggestive look on his. I lean away with out question and look to Alice for help.

She's slowly inching away from Julius with her face pink and her gaze on the floor. Julius seems unfazed, but I know he feels the same way. Those two are no help which only leaves one person to rescue me. Boris.

"N-No way she would go out with someone like you!" Boris says defensively as he grabs at my wrist and tries to tug me out of Ace's grasp. Ace has a hold on my other wrist, so tight that he's almost crushing my delicate bones.

"Hmm? Do I suspect a hint of jealousy Mister Cheshire?" Ace says in a mocking tone as he pulls on my wrist so hard that I'm forced to take a step near him.

"No! But Madi would go out with someone much better than you!" Boris growls as he tugs on my other wrist and sends be stumbling towards him.

"Like who? You don't mean you, do you kitty cat?" Ace asks as he forces me back to his side of the imaginary property line between himself and Boris.

"Yeah!" Boris shouts and I can feel his grip on my wrist loosen a little. "Maybe!" He says unsurely as he pulls me on over.

It's a constant game of tug-of-war and comebacks after that. I groan as my body jerks from side to side spastically with every pull. I feel as if I'm a paper being ripped in two.

I just wanted to go swimming. Is that too much to ask? I'm reeled in by Boris again and I feel drops of liquid touch my face and arms and suddenly I'm freed of my men substituted handcuffs. I look forward, just as dumfounded as the soaked Ace and Boris.

Alice is standing in front of us with the loaded water gun with a look of pure rage on her face. She throws the water gun aside in one power fluent motion and it breaks apart on the ground. I don't know about everyone else, but I'm terrified of her.

"Grow up. Both of you." She orders angrily as she gives a furious look at the two men beside me before snatching my hand up in her's and pulls me away from the drama that likes to follow me around.


	31. On the Run

We aren't speaking to the boys. Well, that's what Alice tells me anyway.

I want to talk to them desperately because our fun day out has just made itself into the biggest elephant in the room. Alice and I are at one end of the pool. I'm resting my chin on my folded arms at the pools edge as I kick my feet lazily underwater and Alice is merely dipping her feet in. It's not very interesting.

I take another peek over my shoulder, carefully so that Alice doesn't catch me. Boris is floating lifelessly on his back on the other side of the pool. He looks like he's thinking about something really hard and I wonder if it had anything to do with what just happened. Ace has wandered off somewhere, and I feel like Julius had enough and just went back to clock tower.

"I can't believe how idiotic they are." Says a familiar drab voice. I stand corrected. I look just in time to see Julius take a seat next to Alice. Apparently he's allowed to have our attention.

"I know right!" Alice exclaims as she turns her focus to Julius. "That was so unbelievably immature I can barely wrap my mind around it!" She says. My eyebrows raise questionably as Alice gets completely absorbed into the conversation she's having with Julius. I seize my chance and bolt to the other side of the pool. I startle Boris as I latch onto his arm and try to pull him out of the pool.

"M-Madi? What-" I cut him off.

"Just come on!" I order as I take his hand and we run.

…

I'm certain that we have run all the way to the other side of the park before we finally stop. I hunch over with my hands on my knees trying to catch my breath, but I get just the opposite. I can't stop laughing.

"Why… Are… You…. Laughing?" Boris asks between breathes beside me. I slow into a giggle as I bump shoulders with him.

"That was perfect!" I laugh out as lean towards him as if that would prove my point better. "I feel like we're on the run from the law! It would be a shame if Alice found us and ruined our fun." I say as I flip my head to the side to make sure that I didn't jinx it and that Alice wasn't there glowering at me. She isn't and I look back at Boris with my overly excited expression. I'm surprised when I see that his face is serious.

"Madi, I…" He stalls as his eyes flicker across my face that I have just now realized is dangerously close to his. I feel like I should pull away, but I can't force myself to. My excitement turns into a different type. Instead of it being giddy like I felt at the thought of running away from Alice, it reflects my anticipation. I only wish I knew what exactly I was hoping for.

"Madi, I lo-" This time he doesn't stop because he's hesitant it's because he's cut off.

"Hello!" A voice belts out cheerily and a face appears between me and Boris. I scream and trip backwards over my feet and almost fall over and I could of sworn Boris hissed. I hold my chest where my heart is beating wildly at being frightened and try to catch my breath.

"Jesus, old man! Couldn't you have picked a better time?" Boris growls. _Better time? I wonder if what he was trying to tell me something important. _I decide that whatever Boris needs to say needs to wait for a different time th man in front of me is too interesting to ignore.

He's a new face. He's an older man with chocolate colored hair that is choppy in the front and is pulled into a single braid low on the back of his head. He watches me behind his glasses with a glowing look on his face, his outfit brightly colored and adorned with music related accessories. I like him already.

"Well how do you do! You're the new foreigner right? My name's Gowland! Nice to meet ya!" He says a mile a minute as he shakes my hands that he's snatched up in his own spastically. _Foreigner… Haven't heard that one in awhile. _

"Hey! Don't ignore me old man!" Boris yells somewhere in the background. No one decides to pay any attention to him.

"Uh… Nice to meet you too Mister Gowland. My name is Madi Delaine." I say , still a little baffled at all of the energy this man emits. He lets go of my hands and laughs loudly.

"It's just Gowland, little miss. Mister Gowland was my father!" He exclaims with another boisterous laugh. A giggle slips past my lips. He's cheerfulness is contagious.

"It was nice talking to you old man, but we're kind of busy here." Boris says nonchalantly as he wraps an arm around my shoulder and begins to walk me away from my new friend.

"Aw, c'mon Boris! I just met the girl, I didn't even get to play her a song yet!" He whines behind us. My excitement returns as I turn in Boris' arm to see that Gowland as pulled out a violin from seemingly thin air.

"Look Boris! A violin! Can we stay? Pretty, pretty, pretty please!" I plead as I hang on his arm. He's completely rigid and he looks truly terrified. I am thoroughly confused.

"See Boris? She's all for it. Let's give the lady what she wants hmm?" He says as he raises the violin into position and places the bow against its strings. I can feel Boris tense up.

"Oh God, please spare us! I'm begging you!" Boris yells frantically as he turns around quickly on his feet to face the violinist. It's official. Boris has lost his mind. Why is he so set on making Gowland not play? Violins make one of the most beautiful sounds an object can make, why would anyone not want to hear a free performance?

I understand when the most earsplitting sound I've ever heard pierces my ears. My hands shoot up to try and block out the horrendous sound, but it does little to nothing and a scream of agony escapes my throat. I don't know which is worse, Gowland's playing or his singing. It all just sounds like a clatter a screeching and disagreeable sounds and it is quite easily the worst thing I've ever heard. I look at Boris though eyes that threaten to snap shut as another defense to block out the pain. He's almost on the ground hunched over with his hands clapped over his ear, sounding just as in pain as I'm in. I'm certain of two things. My ears are going to start bleeding any second now and I'm about to faint if he doesn't stop.

I'm surprised when my prayers are answered and the screeching stops dead. I remove my hands hesitantly, ready to slap them back on just in case Gowland decides to start up again. He doesn't, but I don't think the ringing in my ears will ever stop.

"Are you trying to kill us!" Boris hisses next to me towards the amusement park owner. Gowland's all smiles.

"So how did you like it?" He asks me directly and a look of disbelief spreads across my face. _Is he serious! Is he deaf! _I look to Boris for help, but he's still in a foul mood as he tries to pick the ringing out of his right ear with his pinky.

"It was terrible. Give it up old man, no one likes it when you whip out that wooden death trap." Boris says _ver_y rudely which ticks me off. Sure I love honest people, but there's a certain limit of honesty before it just turns into being annoying.

"Well _I _liked it." I pipe up, a hint of annoyance directed at Boris. Boris looks at me like I've gone completely insane and Gowland looks completely flabbergasted. "Maybe it wasn't beautiful in the traditional sense, but I feel like there's something deeper than just how a song sounds." I'm still getting blank stares, so I explain further. "I see music as being a representation of your soul, something that you expose your heart through. And if you love what your doing and pour every fiber of yourself into your music than that's the part of the song I truly like." I say as a smile sneaks onto my lips.

Boris still looks like he can't believe who I am and what I've done with the real Madi, but Gowland looks like he's on the verge of tears.

"Uh…" Gowland trails off before clearing his throat. "Thank you Madi. You're a sweetheart ya know that?" He asks as his voice is thick with cheer. I'm sure my blush that covers me from head to toe is even more prominent with my white swimsuit on.

"Aw. How sweetly sickening." All our heads snap at that condescending smooth voice that I could recognize anywhere.

What is Blood and Elliot doing at the amusement park!


	32. Playing with Lightning

"Blood! Elliot!" I exclaim, surprised to find the two mafia members along with a faceless woman and man from the mansion in such a place like the amusement park. Before I know it I'm rushing over to greet them.

"What are you guys doing here? Did you come to go swimming as well?" Worry shoots down my spine at the realization that Alice and Blood are in a small radius of each other. I need to warn her as soon as possible.

Elliot is giving me a questionable look and it temporarily distracts me. My mind flashes back to the last time I saw him. That was when I had just learned of the minor setback of being a foreigner. I had just left him to worry about whether I was okay or not without a single answer to any of his questions. A whisper of a smile appears on his face and my heart hiccups at the sight of it. It gathers something warm in my stomach making me feel strangely happy and it would have raised a mountain of questions if a loud chuckle didn't gain all of my attention.

"You must be joking. We are here merely to negotiate territory." Blood says clearly trying to make me feel foolish. It works to perfection when I realize that both men are dressed in their bulky normal outfits. It's been so long I had almost forgotten about how blunt and how much of a jerk Blood could be. Something ignites an unheard of spark inside of me as smirk overwhelms my expression.

"Well, I would like to think that the mafia could take a day off, but I suppose that's impossible with a brute like you as the boss." I shrug as a fake sigh of sympathy passes through my lips. Blood raises an eyebrow.

"My, my this is interesting. I didn't know you had such an open mind Miss Delaine." Blood says taking a step forward, challenging me, his blue eyes inches away from mine. Tricky indeed.

"Well, you're a pretty shitty observer then." I point out smugly before turning my back on him, ending the conversation and rejoining the amusement park dwellers.

I feel like I'm unraveling when I see the looks I'm getting from Boris, Gowland and Elliot. Completely stunned by how I've just acted. I am positively horrified when I realize the person I had just become. It was completely out of character for me, but something unearthed itself inside of me when I was with Blood. The satisfaction that I received by acting rebellious in front of Blood was immense. I could only describe it as playing with lighting. Dangerous but thrilling.

I'm feeling pretty worried about my actions until I lock eyes with Blood again, who is staring at me with a mix of admiration and hatred. I've won this round and it makes me feel triumphant and giddy, but I must remind myself that this is the beginning of something. I may have won the battle, but I could still lose the war.

I jump nearly five feet in the air when I'm given the surprise of Gowland throwing his arm around my shoulder with much enthusiasm.

"I'm liking ya more with every passin' second Madi! Not many can get away with talkin' that way to that dirty criminal." He laughs and a faint blush makes it's way onto to my checks as I divert my eyes from him. My eyes land on Blood whose devious stare returns.

"I assume you have yet to learn of the park owner's full name, Miss Delaine?" Blood asks as his trademark smirk cements itself onto his face. I feel Gowland tense up before he drops his arm to his side and tightens it into a closed fist. He has a furious look growing on his face and I puzzled by it.

"No." I say simply, and everyone beside Blood looks scared out of their skin.

"That's our cue to leave Madi." Boris says frantically as he makes a desperate grasp for my wrist. I plant my feet to the ground as he tries to pull me away. I can't leave now that such a seemingly controversial topic has arose.

"It's quite an interesting name really. I'm sure _you _of all people would enjoy it." He purrs with eyes glancing between Gowland and I. Elliot steps in front of Blood looking worried.

"Maybe we should come back another day! Everyone seems to be in a weird mood today, so-" Elliot is cut short by Blood giving him a warning glance, Obedient Elliot has no choice but to stand down, but he looks truly troubled by it. Boris is tugging at my arm so hard now that I think that it's going to pop out of it's socket.

"Don't you dare, Hatter." Gowland snaps looking terribly angry, but also worried about something. I'm still confused about the entire situation. Every seems tense and on their toes about something so simple like a name. It can't be that bad, right?

"Don't do what, _Mary _Gowland?" Blood says acting completely innocent. It takes me a moment to take it in, but when I do I slap my hand over my mouth to stop the laugh that's forming there. Not only is Gowland's name extremely feminine, but what really gets me is that he runs an amusement park and his name is dangerously close to the popular children's ride, the _Merry-go-round. _The more I think about it, the less I can control myself. The short, loud laugh that escapes through my hand hangs in the air for an everlasting awkward moment.

Until the first gun shot rockets through the air. I shut down at that point, my mind only taking in certain things. Boris yelling at me. Being pushed behind a wall. People screaming. More gunshots. Boris yelling at me again. Blood making the situation worse.

Red. Dark, sickening red. Someone's been hit. My eyes widen as I run straight into the gunfire. Boris is yelling again, but I don't care. I run straight to the man with the rifle and latch onto his broad arms.

"Madison!" I scream as loud as I can as I get whipped around by Gowland's strong arms as he tries to shake me off of him. There's no stopping the tears that slide down my face in huge thick blobs. "Madison! Madison! Madison!" I cry over and over again trying to get to him. To anyone.

The air goes deathly quite and still as every stops to see the spectacle I'm making. Gowland looks down wearily at me as I continue to cry into his arm.

"Madison…" I choke out again because I'm having trouble finding my words. "That's my full name and just like you I hate it… But everyone knows now and I know it sucks to have people call you something you want to keep buried away, but at least you can know there's other people out there that feel the exact same way you do! So please… please stop fighting over it…" I plead as I burry my face into arm. No one makes a sound, but when I hear something fall to the ground I think that Gowland has dropped his weapon. When I snap my head up to investigate, there's a violin lying perfectly still on the concrete.

I will have to ask about that later, but I have much more serious matters to deal with right now. I turn away from Gowland with out another sound as I push people out of the way, I make sure to shove Blood the hardest, to get to the groaning body on the ground.

I fall to my knees next to the wounded male servant that accompanied Blood and Elliot here. It's not the sight of fresh mauled skin that makes me sick. It's the smell. The strong rusty metallic smell of fresh blood hits my nostrils and makes me sick as I move his uniform just enough out of the way so that I can see the bullet hole that pierced though his right shoulder. It's always been this way. The faint, woozy feeling I get when I smell blood. I would surely pass out if I wasn't so determined right now.

The man seems in the same state as I am. Delirious and on the verge of passing out. I slap his cheeks a few times lightly and hold his face gently so that he's forced to look at me.

"H-Hey, you can't fall asleep, okay?" I order, but my voice is shaky. He looks confused and in pain and still extremely tired looking. "Talk to me, say anything. If you just keep talking everything will be fine, I promise." I say as tears threaten to escape again. Out of all the things I thought I would see in my lifetime, this wasn't one of them. I'm holding someone's life in my hands. Someone who's on the verge of just simply giving up on breathing. I have never had come in contact with death personally. The only people I knew that have passed away were my grandparents, but I was to young to even remember what their faces looked like.

I know nothing of this man. I don't know is name of what kind of person he is, but if he dies I will truly be heartbroken. Because even though I didn't ever have the chance to become his friend, someone out there still is. Even if he doesn't have any friends, he's somebody's son. No matter what someone will never get to see him again. That thought is what's really tearing me apart.

"Please say something." I plead again, leaning in closer just in case he can't hear me over my quiet voice. I feel if he had eyes he'd be squinting.

"Are you…" He asks through a strangled tone. My joy could not be matched by anything, such is my happiness to hear his voice. "Are you an angel?" I can't help the relieved laugh that I produce.

"No, I'm just a normal girl. One who's extremely happy to hear your voice. What's your name?" I ask trying to keep him talking. It takes him a minute and a few pondering looks, but eventually he says,

"Travis. My name is Travis." A smile paints my lips as my hands float over his shoulders.

"Nice to meet you Travis, I'm Madi Delaine. You have pretty nasty wound that needs to be treated as soon as possible, so do you think you can walk?" I ask unsurely. He nods and it takes a few moments of struggling and wincing and stumbling, but I finally get him slung over my shoulder ready to help him walk to the first aid center that I noticed not far from here.

Before I leave, I make sure to give a long ashamed and disappointed look to everyone with a gun out. Elliot looked more guilty than anyone as my eyes met his, but he wasn't at fault. I glare at Blood for an insignificant amount of time before heading in the direction of the first aid center.

Travis kept his promise and told me many little, barely relevant information about himself while we walked. He's twenty years old. He likes chocolate chip cookies. His favorite color is blue. Sometimes he just sits and thinks about life when he has to much free time. He wishes he was a painter. And he absolutely hates roses. So many little details that any other person would take for granted, but I was completely absorbed in them. They may be simple little facts, but those are what I'll remember forever.

When we arrived, the first aid people kicked me out saying that I wasn't sterile and they needed to do surgery. I was stubborn, but they won in the end when the promised that they'll make sure of it that Travis will make it out fine. As I lean against a street lamp on the side of the concrete path I let out a relieved sigh knowing that the worst part of today has already come and gone.

That is until I feel myself being constricted and having something covering my mouth so that I could barely breath. I look around with panicked eyes as I scream, though it doesn't do much good because I noticed that I have a piece of thick cloth tied around the base of my head and covering my mouth. I try to free my arms, but thick rope is holding them hostage. I'm expecting a gang of huge gnarly looking thugs, but I surprised when I see the identical features of two young boys.

"Target-" The red gatekeeper says all though his smile.

"Captured!" His blue brother exclaims as they each take a hold of me and whisk me away happily. I've come to the conclusion that I hate Wonderland summers.


	33. All Fact, No Feeling

I've been kidnapped. Goddamn legitimately kidnapped. At least the twins had enough decency to explain their actions. I shouldn't be surprised that this was all Blood's doing. Apparently there have been promises of raised salaries if I'm delivered to him in one piece.

Now, I'm alone with him in his office pretending to be fascinated by the rows among rows of books. What I really want to do is bolt for the door, but I know that's not an option. My feet are getting tangled up just by walking slowly to observe book titles.

I've been given a dress to substitute for my swimsuit. It's strapless and as black as my mood right now. It falls in an ocean of frills towards the bottom and I'm not used to having fabric fall so close to my feet. The choker of pearls I'm wearing is cold against the skin of my neck. I give Blood another wave of silent hatred as I peek at him from the corner of my eye.

He's completely focused on a pile of paperwork on his desk and I'm starting to wonder why he had to go as far as kidnapping to bring me here only not to talk to me. I huff angrily as I tuck a stand of hair behind my ear. I've been told that braids are _unsuited _for a woman's elegance. Meaning Blood nearly ripped them out and left my hair to fall in mangled waves down to my shoulders.

"Do you like non-fiction?" Blood says trying to make conversation. I'm perplexed until I realize that to him it seems that I'm absorbed in the books in front of me instead of thinking of how my disliking for him grows with every passing second. I decide to pity him.

"No. I think it's a useless genre." I say without bothering to look at him as I run my index finger down the spine of a book and linger over the gold engravings of the title.

"Why's that?" He asks. I turn to him unsteadily on the red heels I've been provided.

"Because I don't see the use of a book without pictures or conversations." I'm expecting some smart response from Blood, but he just stares at me looking as smug as ever. I decide his attention isn't worth my time and I stomp further into the massive room, getting myself lost with in his library. I hear footsteps and I realize that Blood's abandoned his work.

"Tell me if I'm wrong, but I get the feeling that you don't like me much." Blood's voice hums from an unknown direction. On a hunch, I turn around quickly, but my instincts are proved wrong when I'm staring at air.

"I don't trust you." I call out, taking hesitant steps backwards. Strong arms snake their way around my waist as I bump into Blood. I am so stricken with fear that I am frozen in place.

"As you shouldn't. After all I'm a mafia boss." He whispers, quiet as death in my ear. His breath is warm and steady on my bare shoulder. A strange feeling bubbles inside of me. A new feeling of wanting and temptation that I've never felt before. It frightens me all the same and I turn on my heels, trying to make a clever escape, but it only results in my back being thrown into a bookcase with Blood's heavy body pinning me to it

"Alice is the same way. She hasn't been here in a while, would you like to know why?" He asks in a low voice. My stomach twists itself into a tight fist of fear and curiosity. Part of me wants to give Blood a swift kick in the shins for treating me like I'm a caged bird to play with as he pleases. I'm ashamed to admit that another part of me is dying to know why he treats me so and what he did to make Alice loath him so much. I cant choose what side to take, so I remain silent.

"I tried to kill her." With those words, I don't even think twice about digging my heel into his foot and making a mad dash to the door. Quick as a bullet, Blood's hand clasps around my wrist, turning my around to face those intense blue eyes. "I've always had the fantasy of killing a foreigner, destroy something that everyone loved. But I began to like Alice, liked her to the point where I couldn't kill her." I am mortified at what he's telling me, so much so that I feel sick. My free hand goes to work on clawing at his hand to release my wrist. His grip tightens as I cry out in pain. I'm bending at the pressure and I begin to fear that he's going to snap my hand clean off.

"Then you came along and I thought my fantasy would come true after all. You looked less interesting than Alice. A meek little thing that could be easily disposed of and everyone would soon forget little Miss-What's-Her-Name. Yet, I began to like you as well. Perhaps even more so than Alice. Funny how our perspectives on people change, hmm?" Almost like magic, he lets go, a satisfied smirk on his face. I pull my arm close and rub at the skin where a hand shaped welt is forming. I stare at him, unblinking. Running is useless, so I have no choice but to swallow up my fear and talk with this mentally insane man.

"H-How could you like me? You don't even know me." I say with as much venom as I could muster up. His smirk does not fade.

"I know plenty about you. I know that you like seven lumps of sugar in your tea, you're fond of simple things, you always take the underdog's side, you can't play the piano, you have a beautiful, but not extraordinary singing voice, and you think that non-fiction is a useless genre." I have to look away. How he remembered all of that is a strange and puzzling mystery to me. It would almost romantic in a way if it were not for one thing. He's all fact and no feeling. It serves him well for a man of the mafia, but not as a human being.

"That still doesn't tell me why you like me." I say as I cross my arms across my chest. The subject is awkward. As I keep my gaze trained on a row of books I'm starting to wish that we were talking about non-fiction again.

"Why indeed?" He hums. A wave of shivers travels through my body as one of his large hands cups my cheek. "But shouldn't it be enough knowing that you'll win over every ounce of love from our country's hot blooded men? Temptress." That ugly, excuse for a word sits in my ears for an eternity.

The loud smack of my palm against Blood's cheek echoes of the walls. My anger boils hot and thick in my veins while my heart beats loud and hard in my ears.

"You're sick! Don't speak to me ever again!" I order before turning and stomping towards the door. He doesn't respond nor follow me which is one less worry in my life.

_Temptress. _The word pokes at my ears repeatedly and painfully. I am monumentally angry that Blood called me this, but it makes my chest ache. I feel so… wounded. I've learned that I'm seen as nothing, but a whore in Blood's eyes. Pools gather in my eyes and slide down my face. I slam the door extra hard on my way out.

I spend several moments pacing outside his door, switching between extreme fits of anger and sadness. In confusion between the two, I rip off my stupid painful red heels and hurl them at his closed door with all my might.

"Screw you, you asshole!" I yell in hopes that my voice carries through the door before I fall limp to my knees in a puddle of my own tears. I'm sick of this feeling. The feeling of being lost. Like one minute I'm in a sea of love and joy and the next I'm marooned on an island with nothing but people's hate to keep me company..

"Madi?" I freeze at the mention of my name. I look up though blurred vision to see Elliot. I try to fix myself up as best as I can, though there isn't much I can do. I'm heaped on the floor, my eyes raw and red, my nose running. I try to dry my face with the backs of my hands to minimize the damage.

"Oh, hey Elliot. What're you up to?" I ask as if he had not walking in on me throwing my shoes in a rampage and crying my eyes out. He treads closer hesitantly, wondering how to proceed. He kneels beside me, his arm wearily resting on my shoulder.

"Are you alright? Why were you crying?" he asks. I try to laugh but it sounds like a sob. I'm so embarrassed. I hate for Elliot to see me this way, which is pretty much every time I see him

"No." I lie. Badly. "I'm absolutely ch-ch-ch-" my tears start to well up again as the word temptress reforms in my head. "Chipper." I cry as I try to hide my tears by burring my face into his shoulder.

"Whoa! H-Hey… Um…" He stutters. I feel even worse than I did before. I'm making Elliot feel uncomfortable with all my problems that I shouldn't be bothering him with, but I can't force myself to leave him and his familiar scent of carrots.

"Uh… Do you want to talk about it?" He asks unsurely. This makes me look up briefly, curious to what his expression is. I can't deny those worried violet eyes and I nod slightly and cry some more. He helps me to my feet and begins leading me somewhere. And I can't help but feel like I'm being swept up into the sea again.


	34. Memories

Elliot's room is modest and clean. Still, it feels strange being in his room. I feel as if I'm trespassing on sacred ground. Not to mention I look ridiculous. My face is numb and swollen, my dress is pooling at my feet and it makes me look like I can't walk properly, and I'm wearing no shoes. I've never felt so immodest.

I take a seat on the green couch in Elliot's room, he soon follows. We're sitting so far from each other that we could fit two more grown men of Elliot's size between us. My back is as straight as a ruler, my hands tensed up in nervous fists at my lap. I can't stop thinking that I'm alone. With Elliot. In his room. Neither of us knows how to handle this situation.

"Um… So… What happened?" Elliot finally asks breaking the heavy silence. I'm so happy for a conversation that I fear I shall never stop talking.

"Blood is such a jerk! He has no social skills at all and he's negative about everything! Not to mention violent! And he acts like he's a God and that everyone should fall like flies to his feet! He makes me so mad I could kill a person!" _What? _What am I doing? These are just Blood's unlikable characteristics. I'm avoiding the real issues. Say it.

_He tried to kill Alice. _"He's too rash."

_He called me a temptress. _"He needs to think before saying things."

I fall quiet at my own actions. Why am I sugar coating everything? Why aren't my words coming out the way I want them to? Why am I defending him? Why?

"Blood's not as bad a guy you're making him out to be." Elliot says suddenly, breaking my train of thought away from my silent questioning. I am surprised that the space between us has nearly disappeared, our hip's almost touching.

"That guy's my hero. When I was locked up, Blood helped me escape." He says calmly, but I'm so surprised I nearly jump out of my seat.

"You were locked up?" I ask, my voice too high. Elliot nods and I lean against the back of the couch, speechless. Elliot is so kind and gentle I sometimes forget that he's capable of being part of the mafia.

"That's why I hate the clock master. He threw me jail." The thought of it makes me laugh.

"Julius did?" I ask, certain that he is messing with me to put me in a better mood. "He can't even win a an argument against Alice, there's no way he could do such a thing." I tell him.

"Not him! His henchman!" Elliot scoffs at this. "He sulks around in a mask and cape and he's stronger than hell! He took me out and through me in jail, that bastard!" Elliot still looks terribly mad about this and I figure he always will be. _I've never seen him in a cape and a mask, but I wonder if Ace is the henchman Elliot is talking about? _Elliot is still droning on about his grudge, so I decide to move the conversation forward.

"Why did you get locked up Elliot?" I ask quietly. I wonder if I've gone too far. Something like that is really personal. I shouldn't have asked, I'll tell him that I don't need to know, all though I am rather curious-

"I had a buddy who died, and I made his death permanent." Elliot mutters.

"Permanent?" I repeat, not understanding. When you die it's already permanent. When your dead you're life is finished and there's no coming back from it. Is it possible that you can be more dead than some other dead person? I am so confused.

"He turned into a clock right in front of me. I didn't want to see him come back as someone else… So I broke his clock." Elliot tries explaining. A slick, icy fear shoots through my veins. _I didn't want to see him come back as someone else. _

"I know that's what he would've wanted, but that's the worse kind of crime around here. The clock master through a fit and it got me landed in jail."

_Clocks. _Julius fixes clocks. Clocks substitute for hearts in Wonderland- Oh, God. Why haven't I realized it till now? My hands go to cradle my stomach which is in a sick rage.

"If a clock gets repaired, it comes back to life- A _new _life. If you die, you're just replaced. But a lot of people don't want that, that's why the clock master has the most hated role in Wonderland." Elliot confirms all of my assumptions.

There is no such thing as _real _death here. Everyone's a replica of a past life. Julius' job is to revive people after they die. Day in, day out, with no choice on whether he wants to or not. I'm finally understanding why Julius acts as if nothing in the world can faze him. He needs to act that way, knowing that if he doesn't he can't force himself to fix clocks anymore. He's been alone all this time. No one understanding that he doesn't have a say in this twisted game.

"But-" Elliot chimes in a cheery tone that pushes down my sympathy for another time. "That's why I like Blood so much. Because when I die, he'll be the one to kill me." Elliot is all smiles and I have stopped breathing. "Smash my clock and end it for good. So no one can take my place."

It is the most messed up, beautiful favor I've ever heard of. I hate to admit it to myself, but this makes Blood the tiniest bit of admirable. He's cruel, moody and acts incredibly self-centered, but I have to wonder if part of it is all a charade. Killing Elliot, even though it could land him locked up for the rest of his life is the most unselfish thing I've ever heard of. My perspective on Blood a confused mash of clutter. I hate him, yet I like him at the same time. This is all too confusing.

My mind directs me to something else in an attempt to avoid thinking about him and I find that all the talk of death has me uneasy. Elliot and I have also stopped talking, the silence hurts like I'm being stabbed in the ear with a hot poker. I bring my knees up to my chest, trying to find some sort of comfort.

My eyes widen as I'm jabbed in the hip with the suddenly heavy item in my pocket. A panic hits me as I fish it out of my dress pocket. I can barely force myself to look at it.

The tiny yellow vile that measures my time in Wonderland is filled half way to the top with clear red liquid. A sob catches in my throat. I've carried me with me all this time, but this is the first time I've seen it after that first day in the clock tower. I will have to go home when it's full, but how far away is that? Months? Weeks? Perhaps it will decide suddenly that the day will be tomorrow. I feel so very empty.

"What do you make of memories, Elliot?" I ask as I set the vile down on the coffee table in front of me and twirl it slowly with my index finger.

"Memories?" He asks, clearly confused by my sudden question.

"I find them strange. How one day you can remember something and the next, it is as hard to see as air." I speed up my twirling slightly. "And at the same time you can not think of a certain memory for many years and out of the blue, it digs itself up again." I don't know where I'm going with this, I don't even know why I brought it up, but I can't stop talking.

"Such bittersweet things memories are." I whisper as my finger stops dead and I stare blankly at the vile. "When I leave will I be happy remembering the so many wonderful moments I had here or will I think back on them and be nothing but heartbroken because I know that I can never return to those times?" My heart has turned to stone in my chest, making feel dead and too heavy.

" Leave? You're going to- never mind…" Elliot says like he's not allowed to speak his mind.

"Wh-What if I forget everything as time progresses? What if all my memories fall like sand through my fingers? What if I forget you?" The last part strangles it's way out my throat. Tears fall like the beginnings of rain on the wood of Elliot's coffee table and my hand. Memories flick through my mind in a flash, all so close, but just barely out of reach. "I'll forget you! Everyone and I can't stop it!" I cry out as the rain escaping my eyes turn into waterfalls and I rock slightly to myself.

I'm losing it. My grip on sanity. It's silly to be so torn over the inevitable, but it hurts. I'm scared of loss, I've realized. I hate knowing that one minute you can hold something in your arms and the next it is torn from your arms from the cruel fate of the world. I'm also scared of the future. How it's not set in stone. Why do we always look forward and backwards, but never of what's right in front of us. Enjoy what today has given us and not have to think of how tomorrow it will be gone?

The pain in my chest is unbearable, making it hard to breathe. I will myself to stop thinking, but it doesn't work. All I can think of is how I am not permanent in this world. How I will leave this place and everyone I know will remain. _Everyone would soon forget little Miss-What's-Her-Name._

I am pulled in a jerky motion into something and I am so puzzled by this that it stalls my tears. The seemingly impossible task. My eyes widen as I take the situation in. Elliot has pulled me into a tight hug, the kind with no intention of letting go. One strong arm across my back, his other hand on the back of my head, keeping me close to him. I'm stunned to a degree that I can't even speak. Elliot doesn't either, but everything feels… _Perfect. _A sudden warmth radiates through me as I wrap my arms around him.

This feeling. What is it? It's similar to how I feel with Boris, but somehow drastically different. I feel safer than I ever felt before. Nothing can harm me as long as I'm in Elliot's arms and engulfed in the smell of carrots.

I feel as I always do after a hard cry- tired and cleansed. What time is it? I should go back to the castles soon. My body doesn't listen to my mind, I'm so very tired and comfortable I couldn't think of moving. My eyelids grow impossibly heavy as I bury my face into the crook of Elliot's neck.

"Please don't forget me." I whisper as I feel my mind slipping away from reality. It is the only thing I could ever wish for now. Now that I've made something of myself, if one person- just one person could hold onto the memories of what they and I made together, I could be happy.

"I couldn't forget even if I wanted to." He whispers those tender, beautiful words that hang in the air like the sweetest of perfumes. They drag me into a deep, peaceful slumber that leaves me smiling as I doze off.


	35. Pure

I open my eyes to find myself in a field. Vast and golden, swaying like the sea itself against the fabric of the black dress I still wear. The wind is sweet with the fragrance of chocolate and strawberries as it plays with my hair. How curious this place is.

I begin walking slowly taking in the scenery, Wherever I am is weird, but exceedingly beautiful. To my left, a sparkling river that sings it's soothing bubbling song that rides on the wind that changes it's scent frequently. It now smells of fresh apples and clean sheets, smells I love. To my right, a forest of trees with vibrant purple leaves and white trunks that glow like the moon.

I pass flowers and toadstools that grow incredibly tall, each one large and ripe like a prize winning pumpkin. The oversized flowers catch as my hands briefly I as I walk past them as if to say, _Hello, how do you do? Would you like to be my friend? _I have to shake them free and I am certain they are whining to me.

My fingertips run over a lonely willow tree. Under my touch it shifts, like water after a stone has been thrown into it and becomes a fountain of red camellias that rain over me, caressing my face and arms in a friendly gesture as they fall. My smile is far from controllable. How very curious indeed!

I laugh out in excitement as I hike up the bottom of my dress out of the way of my feet. Pools of dark fabric bunched in my hands as I sprint to the river, feeling alive and free. I peer over the surface of the river which is shiny and brilliant like a diamond. Bubbles of all sizes rise out of it at slow pace. I lean over carefully and pop one with the tip of my finger. A swarm of tiny gold fireflies explode from it and buzz around me playfully, ticking my neck and arms with their wings. I giggle as I dance in the field with them before they abandon me to fly off and become the stars above me.

Oh and the sky! Painted the most glorious summer night with a moon so large and close that I could brush my fingers against it's icing smooth surface.

"Oh!" I cry in joy, laughing and twirling with my palms out and open to the indigo sky. "It's so beautiful!" I announce to wonderfully, amazing mystery place I'm in.

"Glad it is to your liking, princess." I turn around quickly towards the familiar voice.

"Oh Nightmare, This place is simply amazing!" I praise, still in awe from it all. "Is this what you've been working on all this time?" I ask eagerly. I haven't seen him since I offered to take him to a hospital. I was beginning to think he didn't want to visit me anymore.

"Partially." He states as he lands in front of me in the grass. "This place-" He opens his arms to emphasize. "All of it is made from your imagination. I simply gathered it all into one stable space. You were always wanting me to make you dreams more interesting, so here it is." He says this as if he did something as routine of pouring a glass of water, but I see his true kind intentions.

I throw my arms around the man who still reminds me of a pirate to this very day. I can feel it in his posture that he's very surprised, probably confused as well. I pull back, a soft smile on my face.

"Thank you." I say quietly. I don't think anyone's gone out of their way to give me something that I would like. Nightmare seems as if he is searching for something to say, but quick as I flash, I'm running across the field.

"Nightmare! Watch me! Watch me!" I call to him like an attention starved child begging for someone to watch them. When I'm certain he's watching I kick of from the ground and I take my try at flying. I don't want to brag, but I am excellent at it.

…

I feel wonderful. Nothing in the world can ruin this for me right now. All acts of the impossible are at my disposal. All of them splendid and magical.

I had done many things. I've flown, made fire appear in my hands at the snap of my fingertips, had a conversation with a patch of flowers, turned rocks into candy, rode a dinosaur. That one nearly gave Nightmare a heart attack so I sent my T-Rex back into the forest from where he came.

Now, Nightmare and I are sitting on a floating island next to a waterfall that does not begin or end anywhere nor seems to be flowing in any particular direction. He is strangely quiet, but I'm far to excited to worry about it right now.

I tear a blade of grass from the ground and cup it in my hands. Closing my eyes I put all my focus it on the grass in my hand. When I open them, a tiny white kitten with the purest of blue eyes. I can't help but squeal as I nuzzle it against my cheek.

"You are adorable! The prettiest of all the kittens, no doubt! I shall call you Belle. It means beauty in French I do believe. Do you understand French, Belle? _Parlais vous Francais?_" I ask as I hold the cat eyelevel with me, my face serious. Belle mews at me as if to say, _You are insane._

I laugh anyways and bring her close to my heart, showering her in love. I pick up another blade of grass and turn it into a pink ribbon which I tie into a bow around Belle's neck. It looks smashing on her and I can't help but feel such affection for her.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Nightmare still watching me silently. I wonder what he's thinking, watching me talking to a cat I made out of grass and asking if it speaks French.

"Doesn't that bore you?" I ask I set Belle down in my lap. Immediately she prances in circles before she curls up on my lap, deciding to take a nap. Nightmare hums in question even though he knows exactly what I mean. "Just watching me. I mean you could be doing anything right now, but instead you just sit their quietly and watch whatever I'm doing." I scratch between Belle's ears as I say this. Her purring is loud and disruptive, but I can't will my fingers to stop.

"It doesn't bore me at all." Nightmare says looking at the endless open sky. "Your mind is a very interesting place." I blush as I rip my attention away from Nightmare and focus on Belle in my lap.

"Wh-What do you mean by that?" I ask, feeling incredibly shy all of the sudden. I forgot that he can hear my thoughts, but half the time I can barely tell what they are trying to tell me, so what must Nightmare think?

"You're very… Pure." He declares and my blush deepens. _What on earth does that mean? _"The way you think and act are very innocent in many ways. You are constantly looking for the best in people even though there may not be anything there to look for. You have many troubles, but you don't tend to dwell on them because you're a strangely positive person. You're always helping people even though no on asked you in the first place and you're sense of logic is somewhat childish, but not in a bad way. I think most of us forget that sometimes the world doesn't need to be complex in order for us to understand it. But not you, you take what is in front of you and try to make the best of it, because you believe time is meant to be cherished. You don't want to look back and realize what you should've done and that you've wasted you're life away. Something that many people could only begin to wish they could do."

I am completely and utterly flustered. Partly because Nightmare is being so flattering and sincere towards me lately, but mostly because I barely knew any of this information about myself. How is it that someone else can know more about myself than I do? I wish life had less questions and more answers, that would be magnificent.

If there is the slightest chance of me becoming a god I would make a machine that knows every question known to man and it would crank out had out answers like free candy. It's a brilliant idea, I have lots of them too. I'm surprised I haven't become famous from at least one of them yet. Nightmare chuckles beside me and it causes a smile to arise on my lips.

A royal blue butterfly flies too close and it wakes Belle quickly. She jumps off my lap quickly and trots after it, swiping at it in the air with her dainty paws. I'm up and chasing after them in a second flat as I swoop up Belle in my hands.

"No Belle!" I scold the kitten who looks mad that I've let her play toy fly away. "We mustn't toy with things that are weaker than us, understood? It hurts their feelings and it is just bad character! Er… Um… _Tres mal!_" I tell her in my terrible French. She seems to roll her eyes and I sigh. "You are going to be a difficult one aren't you?" I ask as I cradle her in my arms. She flips on her back, exposing her furry white stomach to me trying to look cute. It works as I laugh and bring her close to me in a hug again.

"Madi." Nightmare gains my attention as I set Belle free in the grass, hoping that she will heed my warning about bullying. When I look back up, Nightmare is next to me looking serious. "You are fitting in very well here. You've made your friends and you're enjoying yourself with them. You're _happy_." He pauses and it leaves me wondering what he's getting at.

"So are you going to stay?" The world seems to stop moving when he asks this. _Is this some sort of sick joke?_

"Stay?" I choke out. Nightmare nods slowly.

"Of course. You have the option to return to your world or stay here with your winner." He explains. I have no idea what he means by _winner_, but something in me gives away. I fall to my knees, sobbing, my tears bring up daisies where they fall.

I hear Nightmare stress out a confused sound and I feel the heat of his arm hovering hesitantly over my shoulders.

"W-Why are you crying, princess?" he asks. I swat blindly at his chest in an angry gesture. I don't know why he makes me answer things aloud when he can hear everything that runs through my head.

"Because!" I'm laughing and crying at the same time, such is my joy. "I get to stay!" I say in a _duh _tone as I wipe at my tears with the insides of my wrists. I resituate myself so that I can hold my knees to my chest, so that I don't just fall apart at the happiness of it all.

"I really thought I _had _to go home after all of this." I explain as I watch Belle confront a family of deer. She hisses a warning. The deer don't seem the least bit threatened, but they go on their way, uninterested in a fight. _Don't look so triumphant, Belle. _She prances, her head held high the entire way back to me. I stroke her back gently as I stare off into space.

"I thought that even though I had found somewhere where I belonged, I would be forced away eventually and everything I've done here would fade over time. It never even crossed my mind that I could stay… I'm really quite dense aren't I?" I ask as I turn towards Nightmare with a forced smile on.

His smile is a soft, understanding, genuine one that brings me comfort.

"No. It's just very like you."

…

I wake quickly and suddenly. I'm snuggled close to Elliot, sprawled across his chest on the couch we've both fallen asleep on. It's very embarrassing, but it will have to wait for another time.

"Elliot! Wake up!" I push excitedly as I shake him gently. It takes a moment, but those wonderfully purple shaded eyes flutter awake to meet mine in slight confusion. Remnants of sleeps still hang around him in a sweet, charming way and I feel like a barbarian trying to force it out of him.

"I'm here to stay!" I tell him with a ridiculously big grin on my face. As he registers this, he copies my foolish look and soon we are both laughing, high off happiness. And it's then I know all is well, whether it be right in this moment or in the future because these feelings of mine will not disappear. And neither will I.


	36. Playing Doctor

It's somewhat of a relief to be back in the hot kitchen of the castle and in my heavy uniform. I have missed it, surprisingly. My day out was surely more eventful than I expected and I'm telling all of the details to Ada and Lottie. And Peter.

"Then, Alice told me that we can't talk to the-" Peter leans over right in my face _again. _He makes something as simple as making tonight's dinner impossible.

"My dear Alice! Did she mention coming to the palace?" He asks excitedly, cutting me off from the pot I was leaning over. I huff and push him out of my way irritably

"No. Now like I was saying-" There it is. Peter's face in mine again. I usually don't mind him hanging around, but he's getting in the way of work and making Ada and Lottie uncomfortable. Neither of them has uttered a word since he came in here.

"Why? Is it possible that I make her shy? Would you ask her? She seems to like you a lot-" I hold the ladle I've been using to stir the contents in the pot between us.

"Peter, how would you like to end up in the stew?" I ask in a cheerful tone. He looks as if I had already dropped him in the pot. I laugh as I slide past him and scan over the spice rack. "Just kidding, Pete. You should loosen up a little-" _Where is the pepper? _"-I've never seen you laugh, why is that?" I ask curiously.

He looks confused by my question.

"Because you haven't said anything funny. Now back to talking about my sweet Honey! When do you think she'll fall in love with me?" He asks and I roll my eyes as I take the pepper shaker which I finally found and walk back to the stew. Just when I thought I had directed the conversation away from Alice….

"Do you really want to hear what I think?" I ask in a warning tone. He nods looking excited. I stare into the bubbling broth in the pot for a moment trying to sort my thoughts. "I think you are too self-centered about this." I say. I can tell he wasn't expecting that answer by the look on his face. I can tell Ada and Lottie are surprised too, the kitchen has gone still and quiet.

"You act like you've already won her over before you've even gotten to know her-"

"But-" I put a finger up to tell him to wait.

"Peter, love doesn't form on delusions and stalking. Build a relationship with her, don't decide all on your own that you two are in love or that she just hasn't realized it yet or that she's just hiding her feelings. You need to have to at least be _friends _before you can have a romance." I tell him. I expect him to be angry. He has a large amount of pride and telling him that he is self-centered may prove to be a problem. And yet he just stares at the wall with a far off look on his face, without a sound.

"How do I become friends with her?" He asks quietly. Oh my- He actually _listened. _This is some sort of miracle, I'm sure of it. The problem is I've run into a wall. I don't quite know how to answer this question. I tap my foot on the as I stare up at the ceiling in thought.

"Oh!" I say as my brilliance has made another appearance in my thoughts. "Just act like we do!" I tell him, feeling clever. He looks deeply confused.

"As we do?" he asks. I nod in a happy fluent motion.

"You and me. We're friends aren't we? If you act like the way you do around me, just subtract talking about all your feelings about her, maybe Alice will give you a chance!" I tell him. I expect him to be jumping off the walls with this brilliant plan, but instead he just stares at me looking very serious. With out another word he turns on his heels and walks towards the exit, mumbling something along the lines of _Friendships start romances?_

I'm dumbfounded by his reaction, how he looked at me with an expression I couldn't quite name. All of Ada's pent up words make her voice loader than necessary when she finally speaks.

"Ten dollars on Sir Peter!" She shouts to Lottie, overly enthusiastic. I blush snakes on to my cheeks at the mention of their stupid betting ring.

"Wh-What? Why!" I ask her with questioning eyes. She waves her finger like a metronome and makes a _tsk, tsk _sound with her tongue.

"Dear Madi, While givin' Sir Peter sound advice, you've also dug yourself into a pit." She chides. I tilt my head, thoroughly confused. "You said that romance stems of friendship. By telling him that you two are friends he is startin' to wonder if you two will fall in love." She gives me a strong pat on the back, congratulates me for _the good show _several times and her and Lottie go into a long discussion about it.

I tune it out as I look to the door Peter disappeared behind. _He can't really think that… Can he?_

…

I don't let Ada's words overwhelm me and I've told myself that they're all part of her wild imagination.

Dinner was loud as usual. Peter was practicing his friendship skills with me for Alice and it was determined by him that retaining his love is a mountain too high to climb and went on one of his rants of exactly how much he loved her. Vivaldi told him to keep his mouth shut and eat and Ace, who surprisingly found his way tonight, added nothing constructive to the conversation which just made dinner a string of several different arguments. All the while I'm trying to play peacemaker.

I feel like I should be unnerved by everyone's fighting, but I always end up smiling by the end. It makes me feel like we're one big family. It was a feeling that I loved dearly.

The warmth in my chest has remained far after dinner as I wander in the hedge maze in the still summer air. It's a perfect night for a midnight walk. I asked Ada and Lottie if they wanted to join me, but they teased me about how I surely would want to walk with Ace or Peter and refused to come with me.

Alone, in my usual yellow dress which I have missed dearly, I mill off the path and run my hand over the soft petals of a single red rose. A heavy sigh escapes me as I pick it and bring it to my nose. The fragrance reminds me of Blood. He always smells of roses and strongly spiced tea.

He's still such a mystery to me. He's a gentlemen, but pompous. Gentle, but violent. Levelheaded, but moody. I like one part of him, but hate the other. In a daze I rip the flower from it's stem. I take one look at the thorns and toss them to the ground unmercifully. I stare at the full, beautiful petals cupped in my hands. The look so much better with out those sharp ugly thorns. I only wish I could do the same with Blood, simply throw away the parts I didn't like about him.

A loud crash startles me and the mangled rose petals fly from my hands. Wearily, I turn around to investigate. A good ten feet in front of me is an odd massive heap of black and pink and red. I take a few hesitant steps towards it before full on running when I realize what it is.

"Oh my God, Boris!" I exclaim as I drop to my knees beside his broken looking body. Frantic hands go to work on hovering over the several wounds he has. Particularly the large one on his arm that starts at his shoulder and runs down to the crook of his elbow. He looks up at me through the blood running down his face.

"Oh, hey Madi." He says casually, even though he is so severely hurt and I'm freaking out. He's still smiling. Like always.

"Boris, what happened! Why are you here?" I practically scream because I am so panicked. He looks around dreamily, on the edge of passing out.

"I was playing some games with the castle guards, but I screwed up and got hurt. Whoops." He laughs slightly to himself, but it looks painful. I somehow get him to his feet and his arm around my shoulder.

"Come on, I'm taking you to my room." I say breathlessly, straining under his nearly dead weight. He laughs again.

"Whoa. I didn't know you were so forward Madi. Do you always invite boys to your room or am I the first?" He asks in a teasing, but slightly serious tone. I blush and look away.

"Boris, shut up before I hurt you even more."

…

I sit in front of Boris on the floor as I tend to the last of Boris' wounds, the one on his arm. He told me if he licked them they'd heal so I didn't need to bother. I told him he was delusional. I'm thankful that he didn't pass out, but I'm still so worried. His blood on everything. On his clothes, on the floor- On my hands. It makes me feel as if I'm at fault even though I had nothing to do with it.

"There." I say quietly as I finish wrapping bandages around his wounded arm and I can't help but look at all of the damage. One head injury, two pretty terrible looking leg injuries, a skim of a bullet wound on his shoulder, too many scratches to count, and a nearly recognizable limb known as an arm. I sigh as I trace my fingers lightly over his worst injury. "You should go to a hospital though." I tell him, worried. He waves the subject away.

"Nah, that wont do me any good. Besides I like it much better when you play doctor with me." He says. I roll my eyes and flick him in the space between his eyes to hide my embarrassment. He's been especially flirty lately, this does not help my, _be embarrassed with the slightest action _quality.

"Seriously Boris, you really freaked me out." I say in a small voice as my eyes take in his bloody appearance again. His smile fades as he takes in my reaction.

"H-Hey don't worry, I'll be better by the next two time periods, so it's all good." He says trying to be reassuring, He is not as I keep my eye trained on the ground in front of me.

"But you do this often don't you? Sneaking into the castle? You might be okay this time, but what if… what if… if…." I can't even finish my sentence before the tears free themselves from my eyes. I keep thinking of how Boris cold be dead right now if the guards had found him and I didn't. The pain twists itself into a dark, ragged space inside of me as I try to swallow back sobs.

"Wow! U-Um hey! Don't cry!" Boris stutters, not knowing what to do. I shake my head several times as I bring my hands to cover to my overflowing eyes.

"I c-can't stop wh-when I-I-I know your h-hurt!" I sputter, feeling weak and vulnerable. Boris brings me into an awkward, yet comforting hug and we stay that until I slow to a string of sniffles.

"Listen, sneaking into the castle is my favorite game, but I wont do it anymore if it makes you cry." He says in a soft, promising voice. I look at him with skeptically, hopeful eyes.

"R-Really?" I ask in a meek voice. He nods and that one nod gives me such comfort and happiness that I feel overjoyed. An idea pops into my head as I scramble to my feet.

"Wait right there." I order as I scurry away from him. It takes me several moments and makes me tear my room apart, but when I find what I'm looking for I hold it out to Boris like I trophy as I kneel beside him again.

"In _my _world, when someone has a cast on their arm it's sort of a tradition to sign it." I explain as I uncap the pen with my teeth and spit it out somewhere in the room. I lift his injured arm carefully and begin writing my name on the bandages. Boris looks perplexed.

"What a weird thing. Why do people do it?" He asks. I shrug my shoulders.

"Just because." I say as I finish writing the _d _in my name, but I quickly change my mind. "I guess it's so that the injured person can look down at all the names they've collected and can see truly how many people care for them and wish for a quick recovery." I say a little absent-mindedly as I admire my name on his arm. He recoils his arm gently and stares at what I've written with a sort of- Oh how do describe it. Sort of a mix between confusion, serenity and admiration.

"You care for me?" He asks suddenly. I think it's an odd question, but I nod regardless and brush his hair out of his face almost naturally.

"Of course I care. You scared me senseless when you appeared before me all beaten and bloody. You really are just like an ally cat." I laugh slightly at this, but my face is grim as my hands trace over the bandages of a wound on his bare chest worriedly, seeing that it is still bleeding.

"Madi," Boris says deep and serious. I look up in response with a quizzical expression and just like that, his lips were pressed lightly against mine, like a leaf floating gently on a water's surface. The sound that escapes my covered mouth is a mixture of surprise and a frightened squeak. And just as soon as it began, it was over. I had somehow managed not to faint by the time Boris' eyes met mine. "I really care about you too." he whispers, his eyes convey his truth.

I am speechless. My tongue feels like it's tied in many thick and tight knots. When I finally think of something to say, Boris is at the window, shirt in hand.

"I always have and always will. Remember that Madi." He says with that charming, trademark grin of his before saluting to me and throwing his strong legs over the window sill and droping two stories to the ground outside.

I am horrified at this and nearly through myself out the window after him. But when I see him hopping over a hedge and out of the castle premises I lean against the wall with a relieved sigh. It all hits me like a train as my fingertips rest experimentally on my lips which still feel tingly and warm.

My first kiss. I always thought it was supposed to be like a movie where you're standing on the Eiffel Tower and there's fireworks in the air and when your lips meet, one leg slowly curls behind you. I _never _thought I would have my first kiss given to me by surprise from a wounded man with cat ears.

I find that I'm laughing weakly to myself, still in shock from in all. My face is hotter than it's ever been and I have to fight to keep a ridiculous grin from surfacing. I have one giddy thought running though my head: Boris Airay, a boy of such wit and charm, _kissed __me_, the strange and vexing Madi Delaine.


	37. The Sad, Twisted Truth

**Wow, I'm really ecstatic about all of the positive reviews, thank you guys so much! I couldn't continue the story without you guys! This chapter is really depressing, just a head's up, but it had to be written. **

**Also, is anyone as excited as I am about volume 5 coming out in exactly 4 days from now? ****Four days people!**** I don't know about you guys, but my soul will be complete once I've held that masterpiece in my hand. Sorry I'm rambling, enjoy chapter 37 of The Game of Gore and Heartache!**

…

"What boy and when?" Ada asks sternly as she traps me in between her and the fridge. I freeze in place. _How does she already know?_

It may be because she has the ability to read people like a book or it may be that I've been radiating pure sunshine for three straight days now. Ever since Boris kissed me I haven't had one negative thought run through my head. I even spent three hours giving advice to Peter with out snapping at him once. This has Ada suspicious.

Thus, was how I got invited to my first sleepover. Apparently at these things you're forced into talking about boys and partake in questionable pranks. Ada thought this a reasonable plot to get the answer out of me. I am absolutely terrified.

So here I am in my too large nightgown with Ada and Lottie who are also dressed in their nightwear, sitting on my giant bed which can fit all of us on it, with their faces excited and anxious looking.

"So?" Ada asks as she leans closer to me, making the bed sink under her weight. I gulp as I swallow down my answer which feels as dry as sand. There's no way I can tell them, it's so embarrassing. Why would anyone talk so openly about such personal affairs? Let alone with your friends who could tease and ridicule you for the rest of your life? Ada keeps leaning, one eyebrow raised, trying to stare the answer out of me. It's beginning to work so I pick up a pillow and put it up as a barrier between our faces.

"You are trying to kill me, I swear! No way I'd tell you something so intimate!" I tell her as my blush that has been slowly growing throughout the day, darkens rapidly. Ada grabs my by both wrists and forces my arms and the pillow upwards. When the barrier is gone her face is an inch away from mine looking like she's won a teddy bear at the carnival.

"So it _was_ intimate?" She asks with a smirk on her face. _Crap. _Ada knows she has the upper hand so she looks beyond triumphant and Lottie's cheeks are tinted pick, uncomfortable with the subject, but there's a childlike curiosity in her stare. There's no escape from me telling them.

I fall back flat on the bad with the pillow covering red face as I mutter my answer into it quickly and quietly.

"What's that? Come on, say it loud and clear so that everyone can hear it!" Ada taunts. I groan as the feeling of wanting to disappear forever grows stronger. She's just plain torturing me now, and she loves it. I take a deep breath before lifting the pillow just enough that uncovers my mouth, but still covers my face.

"B-Boris… Kissed me…" I say in a whisper so quiet that I doubt that it's even considered audible. My answer hangs in the air for many awkward silent moments. It is broken by,

"Did he use tongue?" I didn't think it was possible for my face to get any hotter as I bolt up in shock.

"Ada!" I shout in a squeaky tone. She brings her hands up in innocence.

"I'm just wonderin! You can't expect me not to be wantin' all the details after I've heard that The Cheshire Cat kissed you!" She says, defending herself.

"Yes, you must tell us everything that happened." Lottie pipes up, more bold than usual. I hate sleepovers. They are out to embarrass me to death I am certain of it. I curl up like a roly poly as I rest my red cheek on my knee.

"I brought him to my room after he snuck into the castle- And Ada before you even say anything, he was hurt very badly so that's why I brought him there." I glare at Ada, knowing that she's going to come up with some ridiculous assumption about me bringing a boy into my room. Her spirits looked crushed as I inform her of this. "Anyways, we talked about some silly tradition in my world and out of nowhere, he kissed me and told me that he cared about me…" My thoughts wander back to that exact moment and several feelings stir inside me. "B-But it was just a peck! Not anything serious! Can we talk about something else now?" I ask, desperately wanting to change the subject. The two are beside themselves.

"Oh, how romantic!" Lottie sighs as she swoons to herself. Ada looks like she's about to bolt up and start jumping on the bed any second now because she looks so thrilled.

"So, what did you say? Did you tell him you cared for him too? Are you two lovers now?" She asks in a hurried mash of words. My grip around my knees tightens. Why do those questions bother me so much? Is it because I don't have a clear answer to any of them?

"Well… He jumped out of my window before I could say anything." I say as my eyes uncontrollably drift to the window. I wonder if he's slinking around somewhere outside right now in the shadow of the night.

"Well, then do you return his feelings? Do you love him?" Ada asks, her voice a little softer now. Serious. My heart stops at this question. Is this what this feeling is? This aching and wanting in my chest? Was I in love with Boris? No- That's silly. Love is a big word and I'm certainly not ready for it nor is it ready for me. I suppose I _liked _Boris in that innocent attraction sort of way, but why does it sound so wrong when I say it like that? To add to all the confusion, I have the same sort of feeling around different people. One example is Elliot. Did I like him as well? I feel a typhoon of guilt as my answer comes out in a quiet,

"I don't know…" A dark silence falls upon us in the room. Ada realizes that she has gone too far with her questions, but she's not quite sure how to remedy it. Lottie's begun stuttering useless things that do not help any of this, it's just part of her nervous tick. And of course there's me. Drenched in confusion and sadness as I always am.

"Well." Ada says with a clap of her hands, trying to bring a bit of cheer into the dark room. "Mister Cheshire has a lot of catchin' up to do if he wants to be on the same level as Sir Ace." She says. I blush slightly as I realize she's referring to what she thinks we did on the night I spent the night in his tent. I hurl the pillow I'm clutching at her face.

"I told you that never happened!" I repeat to her for the five hundredth time. She rubs her pink cheek from where the pillow hit her as she smiles at me.

"I know you keep sayin' that, but that don't mean I'm listening." She explains. This causes a buried down laugh to emerge from my throat as I try to glare at her at the same time. It fails miserably when I laugh again.

"U-Um, I'm still v-very confused. Did you d-do what A-Ada says you did t-to Sir Ace? I-I-If you did I promise n-not to tell anyone! I s-swear, but I can't tell if she's telling the t-truth or not…" Lottie asks, her face red and trying to stay serious. We're all silent for a moment before we all erupt into a string of giggles and collapse on my bed.

It is uncertain about my feelings I'm having towards boys, but I was one hundred percent sure of one thing. I love these two girls with all my heart. My friends, the people I can trust and be silly with and will be this way with forever. That's what I keep telling myself anyway.

…

The good mood between all of us carries into the next day as we tend to the roses growing on the hedge maze. Our laughter carries in the air as we playfully sprinkle each other with water meant for the roses. Cold drops of water slide down my face as Ada flicks another wave off her fingers at me.

Suddenly, Ada's face pales as she turns away from me quickly and towards the wall of roses. I look towards Lottie who has mimicked her sister's actions. Confused, I look for the reason. I understand when I see the familiar smile of a certain knight.

"Hey Madi!" He greets with a wave of his hand. I return it with a smile as I pick up my watering can that lays abandoned and tipped over on the cobblestone path.

"Hello, did you need something?" I ask, questioning why Ace decided to speak to me at this moment. Normally, he likes to talk to me when I'm alone in the castle and hardly even seems to notice me when I'm working. Maybe he needs directions because he's gotten lost again.

"Yeah, let's hang out. Come on." He says in a slightly ordering tone. I stand perplexed as I stare at him from the mindful distance between the two of us. Why does he want me to hang out with him all of the sudden? He's never acted like this before and it sends a slight worry to peck at me.

"Uh… Sorry Ace, but I can't right now. I'm working." I tell him, turning my back on him and pretending to water roses with my empty watering can in hopes that he would let the topic drop.

"Then play hooky." He suggests behind me. Ada's nudging my shoulder with hers trying to get me to go, but I refuse to budge. I turn towards Ace with my hands on my hips and a scowl on my face.

"I said no Ace! I will hang out with you after work, but right now I'm with my other friends!" I tell him in very matter-of-fact tone. His smile fades and I expect him to either to start an argument or retreat back to the castle with a smidge of acceptance. Instead he stays rooted as he looks to his feet, a dark shadow casting over his face.

"So you're just like the rest after all." He mumbles as an attempted smirk pulls at the corners of his mouth.

"Excuse me?" I ask, puzzled at what he's getting at. He looks up at me and fear washes into my system. He's giving me the same look that he gave me the first day I met him, when he was set on killing me. That sick, feral grin that suggests that he's a predator ready to sink his teeth into his captured prey.

"You've changed Madi. The old you would have never thought of refusing me." He says in a voice between a purr and a growl. What is he talking about? I haven't changed have I? Perhaps I'm a bit more confident, dare I say even a little more mature, but I'm still generally the same person.

"I saw something in you. Right after you told me that you didn't think change was worth it. You looked like you had experienced it first hand the way you looked so lonely and lost. I thought you were like me. You made me believe that perhaps, if I stayed by you, someone who was just as messed up as I was, you would make me forget why I felt so terrible." He takes fluent threatening strides towards me. With every step forward he takes, I take one back. What is this? Is this a _confession_?

"But you've changed just like everyone else. Frankly, it disgusts me. You foreigners show up and change everyone around except for me." He rips a single rose of the maze's walls violently as if to scare me and my friends even more. But as Ace stares at the fountain of crumpled and broken rose petals fall from his hand his expression is not terrifying. He looks so sad, so far away.

"Ace, I don't understand. Tell me why you need to change." I try asking him with true concern directed towards him, but my words seem empty and seems to bounce off him with no effect.

"I can't change. It's impossible." Another animalistic grin plays on his lips and I'm scared of what he's thinking. "But, maybe if I toy around with one of your _friends _as you call them, you'll go back to the way you were." His hand shoots out and pulls the closest person into his arms. Lottie.

Panic to the largest degree rushes through me as he runs the tip of his sword along the bottom of Lottie's lip in a tantalizingly slow gesture. Lottie looks as if her soul has left her petrified body as she takes Ace's game without a single sound or movement.

"You're a pretty little thing, so small and breakable. Just like a doll. It's going to be so easy it's almost a waste. I like a bit of excitement when I kill someone." He coos in her ear, whispering sinister words like a sweet lullaby. He brings his blade to her round cheeks, drawing a thin red line of blood.

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, oh my holy _fucking _God. He isn't messing around, what do I do! He's going to kill her and my body isn't responding! My words wont form, my legs wont move and I'm literally watching my friend moments before her death and I can't do anything! I have to be quick, but handle this very cautiously one wrong move and-

"Don't you dare touch her!" Ada growls as she emerges from her hiding spot behind me and charges full speed at Ace.

"Ada, NO!" I sheik, but it's too late. In one fluent movement. Ace shoves Lottie away from him in my direction and points his blade towards Ada. A sick, squishing sound fills the air. All the breath escapes my lungs as I stare upon the oldest sister who was so full of rage and moving so quickly just a moment ago, who is now gasping as she stalls in front of Ace, looking down at her stomach.

Ace straightens and pulls back his arm from the position he's in with a satisfied smirk on his face. Ada stumbles on her feet for several steps, making pained sounds and holding her stomach. What happened! I can't see her face! I'm so panicked and confused until she turns to me. She looks straight at me with her eyebrows raised too high in surprise and a thick string on blood comes out of her mouth as she coughs. And to everyone's horror, she falls over and everyone knows that she will not get up.

My legs cramp and tighten, go wobbly and I finally fall limp to my knees as I empty every bit of the content in my stomach.

My mind takes it in steps. Her face turned face down in the dirt. Red painted hands splayed with fingers going stiff. Blood pooling at her stomach. Her lips parted slightly as if she were trying to tell me something before she… Before she…. Died.

I am so sick that I throw up again which adds to the river of widening blood and bile seeping into the cracks of the cobblestone. I want to scream, cry, run, do _something. _But A heavy numbness weighs down on my body and I'm certain someone just plain ripped out my vocal cords. I don't think I can ever function again until out of the corner of my eye, I see Lottie rushing towards the clock that remains as the only part of Ada left, with a determination in her eyes.

"You can't!" I scream as I pounce from the position I am and wrap my arms around her legs, tackling to her to the ground. Her gaze is frantic as she kicks and claws for Ada's clock.

"Let me go! We have to break her clock! We have to!" She screams as she thrashes violently in my grasp, but I can't let her touch Ada's clock. Tears roll in waves down my cheeks as I think of what has happened.

"You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't…" I cry over and over again, feeling the most unimaginable pain in my chest I've ever felt. If Lottie gets a hold of Ada's clock, she'll smash it and be locked up forever. She's trying to save her sister from being reincarnated into a different person. And I'm stopping her.

Lottie has somehow managed to pull me and herself and inch away from Ada's clock, but just as her fingers graze against it's cold dead surface, Ace yanks it away with his usual charade of smile on.

"No, no little miss. This is mine now." He scolds playfully like he was ordering a disrespectful puppy. Lottie reaches out desperately and weakly for the clock which Ace holds just out of reach. Finally she collapses in the same pile of blood I'm in. Ace smiles at the sight of us broken and useless. He tosses Ada's clock and snatches it out of the air with a certain happy gleam in his eyes.

"Well that was exciting!" He says and out of all things, he laughs. I look up at him with the purest of rage through my tear stained vision. I want him to die. Have every one of his bones broken, and have him beg for mercy before I stab him in the clock with his own weapon. He smiles as he turns away from us, tossing Ada's clock up in the air several times like a prize.

"Do you still believe people shouldn't change, Madi?" He asks and it adds to the ragged feeling in my chest as he disappears for good.

I finally let go of Lottie who seems like an empty shell and sit up on my knees. I try to wipe tears from my face, but I just smear the blood of my friend on my cheeks instead. At least a new wave of never ending tears will wash them away.

"L-Lottie, I am so sorry-" I cry as the truth settles in further. Ada is dead. Ace killed her. She was laughing not even ten minutes ago. We had a sleepover just yesterday. She was always so alive… how did it all end up like this? Sobs claw up my throat and stick there painfully. "I am so-" Lottie bolts up and grabs me tightly by the fabric of my uniform.

"Don't even talk to me, you monster!" She sheiks as she pins me to the ground. Pain shoots to the back of my head as it comes in contact with concrete and she presses so tightly on my shoulders I think that she is going to rip right through me. I look up at her in shock as she keeps her furious gaze on me.

"This is all your fault! You should've just gone with him and none of this would've happen! You killed her! You killed her!" She screams with no mercy. Her words hurt me more than any weapon ever could. "She would've broken my clock if that was me and you if you had one! What were you thinking by stopping me!" _I wanted to save you even though I couldn't save Ada._

That's what I want to say, but I remain silent as her words make me hate myself. I killed Ada by acting so prideful and turned Lottie into the soulless angry person before me that looks ready to rip out my heart. It's too late though. It's already been ripped up and scattered across the universe in a million broken pieces.

Lottie lets go of me, stands up like she's not hurting like I am and speaks the most hateful words anyone could ever mutter to me.

"Go back to where you came from and stop ruining lives, fucking foreigner." I think she spits on me, but I am so numb I can barely feel anything. She leaves me alone to curl up tightly in my regret and sorrow in the blood of a massacre that was all my fault.

I stay there for hours and no one comes to fetch me. My beautiful, annoying, pushy, energetic Ada is dead. Her sister hates me for trying to help her and will never be the quiet, lovable girl she once was. I just wanted to start over and have a long happy life here in Wonderland, but I have made a mess of everything by being here. I don't belong here. I don't belong in my world. I don't belong anywhere.

That's the sad, twisted truth of it all.


	38. Puzzle Piece

After seven scalding hot showers I still don't feel clean.

It is clear that I shouldn't stay at the castle after all the events that have come to play, it would be almost disgusting if I did. So after a long discussion with Vivaldi, I had packed my bag and left, in hopes that Alice and Julius will take me back even though I'm such a horrible person.

Ada's death still seems like a sick nightmare. Where ever I turn I see her. She'll curl one finger towards herself beckoning me to play a game of tag then she'll slip behind a tree with the expectation of me to follow her. I don't. Because If I do, I will turn a corner in high spirits of seeing her alive and well, only to learn that it's all an illusion.

It takes me an eternity with my terrible directional skills, but when I stumble upon the clock tower I'm a little bit eased. I could use a warm smile from Alice right now, a reminder that I don't wreck everything I come in contact with.

I climb the stairs I hate so very much slowly, but surely. As I stand outside the slightly ajar door that leads into the main room, I stall with my hand above the door handle. I hear voices. Obviously it's Alice and Julius, but I can't decide on whether I should interrupt them or I should leave and come back later. Whatever they're talking about sounds really serious which strikes a curiosity in me.

I feel like an even worse individual as I set my bag down quietly and peek through the crack in the door to spy on them. I'm at the perfect angle to see both of them, Julius with his back to me, Alice facing me with a calm anger on her face. I strain my ears to pick up on Julius' words.

"-I wont interfere with your plans from now on. Decide where you want to be, and make your home there." Julius says sounding much colder an more cruel than usual. My face falls the same time that Alice's does.

What? What is this? Is he trying to make her move out? Why! The day Julius Monrey pushes Alice Liddell away from him, the girl he is _madly _in love with, is the day the world has been turned upside down. There is no reason good enough to explain this situation.

Alice lowers her gaze to the floor, hiding her face behind the curtain of her long hair. _Tell him. Tell him that he's an idiot and that you're going to stay. _I'm pleading in my head. I need to see that two people can have a mutual loving feeling towards each other and just stay that way forever.

"I…" She chokes out, keeping her eyes trained on the floor. A thick silence hangs in the air as her voice drops. My heart is pounding so loudly I'm convinced that they will discover me eavesdropping on them and all will be lost. "F-Fine." She says finally and my stomach sinks. _What are you doing? _"I get it. I'll leave." _Say you're joking, please. _She forces out a smile, but I recognize that look. After all I pretty much invented it. She's hurting. Bad. But she doesn't want to break down that wall that keeps us from causing others trouble.

I want to hurl myself through the door, bring Alice into a hug and scold Julius with no mercy about being such a heartless jerk, but It's almost like there's a hand on my shoulder that's holding me back. In my ear I can hear Ada's voice sing out in an excited whisper,

"_Hold on, the good part is comin' up."_

I freeze and will myself to hide out just a little bit longer. For Ada's sake.

Alice makes a move to turn and retire to her room, but she stops dead when she catches sight of something. I have to move so I can see what she's staring at with such wide eyes. A coffee mug. She just stares and stares for the longest time until she turns to Julius and I can see her strong will disappear of the face off the earth.

My eyes widen as she clenches two tight fist-full's of her apron and a single tear flows down her cheek, trying so very hard to keep herself steady. I didn't think Alice could be this way. On the brink of breaking down, I didn't think anything could make the headstrong Alice cry, but Julius has once again surprised me.

"I…I don't want to live anywhere else _but _here! Nobody in this world makes me feel as safe as I feel when I'm by your side!" _Ah._

So she's finally realizing it. How she has most definitely developed feelings for the dreaded clock master of Wonderland. The scene is subtly heartwarming for me. A relationship between these two might actually work. I'm happy that at least Alice still has a chance to make a life here for herself, something I've never felt further from.

""If you really want me to choose, then I choose here! That's what I want, all right? So is that okay with you?" She asks. I have to let the small smile on my lips slip. She's still trying to look so in control even though tears are dripping down her face and her lips are twitching, trying not to open up and cry out.

_Your move, Julius. _He flinches from the spot he's standing in. He's clueless about how to handle this situation.

"Er… V-Very well, do as you like! Just don't cry!" He says sharper than he should've. _Idiot. _This only seems to make Alice cry harder as the tears multiply and a soft hiccupping sound escapes her.

"But I…" _Hic. _"It doesn't matter what I want!" _Hic. _"I can't stay here. You want me to leave, Julius!" _Sob._ She brings the back of hand up to her eyes trying to stop herself from crying any further. Julius takes a hesitant step forward, Hands hovering unsurely over Alice's shoulders.

"Alice… That's not true." Julius says in an unconvincing tone, but I know he's trying his best.

"Then why do you keep-" In a flash, Julius grips her arm tightly and pulls her into a tight, comforting hug. Her eyes are so wide that I think that they will pop out of her head and for a moment, I am certain that she has spotted me, but when she buries her head into Julius' shoulder I let out a relieved sigh.

"I didn't intend to upset you. I'm sorry. Please… Please stop crying." I'm so touched by usually stone cold Julius' actions, that _I _even almost start crying. "I don't know what to do when you cry." He whispers as he brings her closer with no intention of ever letting go.

I want to jump for joy. I want to dance. I want to throw a parade. I want to do many things for this joyous occasion, but instead I walk out of the clock tower leaving no trace of me even being there besides my abandoned bag that I left outside the door.

As I walk aimlessly through the forest, I've never felt so alone. I feel as if I could take every one of the paths in the forest, but they wouldn't lead me to anywhere I would fit in. I'm like a puzzle piece that got thrown into the wrong box.

I can't stay at the castle for obvious reasons. I can't stay at the clock tower knowing that Alice and Julius' relationship is blossoming, I would just get in the way. Blood probably hates me to the largest degree, so that crosses out staying at the mansion. Perhaps the amusement park? Boris likes me right? But part of me knows that I will eventually screw that up as well.

I look to the sky for some sort of sign. A direction to where I should go, what I should do. Even the clouds seem to be running away from me. I finally fall to my knees and let the tears flow freely.

I cry for Ada's unnecessary death. I cry for Lottie's loss of a sister. I cry for my mother's deceased husband. I cry for Peter's one sided love. I cry in hopes that Alice will find happiness. I cry for the lonely. I cry for the outcasts. And I cry for everyone who's ever felt the way I do.

I want to know if our lives are challenging for a reason. Is it because these obstacles are trying to make us stronger and better people or is it because they are trying to break us down and make us give up? Who says life has to be confusing and heartbreaking? Why can't we just be happy and be that way forever? Why must we be tempted with Pandora's box over and over again when we know we can't stand the loneliness, the loss, the depression, the hatred, the let downs and the pain?

So many answers to be found that can't be seen with these questioning eyes. The air is a symphony of heavy winds and the sound of my strangled sobs. When the foreign sound of twigs snapping appears all falls quiet. I snap my head over my shoulder and I'm sure I resemble a frightened animal. Two identical frowns paint the faces of a pair of young boys.

"Dee! Dum! I… um… I just scraped my knee! It really hurt, so uh…That's why I was crying…" If there was an award for the universe's worst liar I would be a shoe in for first place. The gatekeepers see right through me as they take skeptical steps in my direction.

"Missy, what happened?" Dum asks, clearly worried as he kneels next to me.

"Did someone hurt you?" Dee questions as he mimics his brother. _To the contrary, I'm the one who's hurting people. _I shake my head as I muster up the best smile I can.

"It's nothing you guys need to worry about, I'll be fine. I always am in the end." I try to be reassuring. I am not seeing as that entire sentence came out in the form of a squeak. God, I feel so pathetic, Dee and Dum don't need to see me this way. It's bothersome for them, makes them worry. Why are they out in the middle of the forest any way? Probably skipping work again. Elliot's going to be so mad.

I'm thinking of running away. Just standing up and running to a place where I can hide and then I wont have to bother anyone ever again, but I'm taken by surprise when the two boys hurl themselves into my arms. Their faces buried into my shoulders, their arms locked tight around my middle. No one mutters a single word, but the message is clear. The twins are trying their best to cheer me up and it's working. I don't return their embrace, but they seem to understand that the situation is perfect just the way it is.

"We don't like seeing you sad Missy…." Dee says as he pulls back enough to look at me, but not enough to loosen his grip around me.

"Yeah, we like it best when you smile!" Dum adds. A warm feeling gathers in my chest as I look at the two concerned boys. The world is a tough place and it really shouldn't be, but in that moment I realized that with pain comes healing. And that truly, the best medicine could just be a small smile or knowing that somewhere out there, someone is worried just because you're feeling blue.

I peck Dum on the cheek, then Dee in an act of thanks. I pull back as I tousle their hair playfully.

"I really love you guys, you know that right?" I ask. Never have I seen anyone so red as the two scurry to their feet, acting like I had just infected them with something. I can't stop the giggle that slips though my lips. It's a nice change to be the one embarrassing someone instead of being the one embarrassed. Dee is a little bit more shy as his sapphire eyes lower to the ground while Dum looks a smidge accomplished passed his blush.

Dum clears his throat, trying to sound older than he is and I find it so cute that I laugh. He turns a deeper scarlet as he offers his hand to me. Dee soon repeats the action.

"Let's go the mansion, Missy." Dum suggests looking hopeful.

"Yeah, you haven't come to play in a long time! It's been really boring without you!" Dee almost whines. I smile as I place my hands in theirs and they help me to my feet. This terrible feeing inside of me will never fade, and I will always question why there are people standing by me, but I will keep struggling on this difficult path as long as I have at least one hand to hold onto no matter what happens.

And then we walk to the mansion like nothing at all is wrong. What a sham.

...

**When Madi is spying on Alice and Julius, it takes place during chapter 19 of the manga, if you didn't figure that out already.**

**That chapter almost makes me cry every time and then I thought of Madi hiding behind the door watching the entire thing and I thought it was funny.**

**I normally don't like rewriting what some one has already portrayed in the original version, but I thought this would be a good way to show where this story is time wise along with Alice in the Country of hearts. **

**So, we all know the ball is arriving shortly. Hmm… I'm thinking there will be around 8-10 more chapters in The Game of Gore and Heartache. I'm surprised it's held out this long to be completely honest, I'm not a motivational person and I give up easily, so 38 chapters is some sort of miracle I swear.**

**Psssttt, I'll tell you a secret :) The next chapter has a very lovely surprise in it.**


	39. touchdown

I sigh as I blow the large fan of a leaf out of my face for the umpteenth time. Either Dee and Dum are blind or I am an excellent hider.

We had decided to play hide and seek and I couldn't be any more enthusiastic about it. It was decided that I would hide and Dee and Dum would team up to try and find me to make it more challenging. I thought I would be found instantly behind a giant potted fern sitting on a table in the main foyer, but a stand corrected seeing as it's been at least fifteen minutes.

Just as I'm about to give up and go find Dee and Dum myself, I hear footsteps approaching in my direction. A giddy sensation washes over me as I wedge myself closer to the wall. There's always a certain excitement in being found in a game of hide and seek. I don't know why, but it always makes me want to pop out and scream _You found me! _because it's so much more interesting than just waiting for someone to discover you.

The leaf is swept out of the way by an unknown hand and I laugh as I expect to be met with ruby and/or sapphire eyes, but I turn red when I'm met with no eyes at all. A faceless servant with a watering can stares at me, I stare back letting an awkward silence form. He pales as he lets go of the leaf which smacks me in the face.

"I… Don't mind me. Continue whatever you're doing miss." He says calmly as he turns quickly on his heel and tries to make a quick escape. I push a mountain of leaves out of my face hurriedly.

"I… Wait!" I call after him as I make a move to chase after him. My toe catches on the leg of the table the plant is on and it makes me fall to the floor straight on my face.

"Ow…." I groan as I sit up on my knees and rub my sore face which I'm certain has skid marks on it. I cup my nose in my hands as I look shyly at the servant who is looking at me like I'm an absolute train wreck, which is a pretty good description of myself now that I think about it. Well, at least I got him to stop.

"Uh… Are you alright?" He asks skeptically. A blush forms on my face as I nod far too quickly and scramble to my feet.

"Oh, I'm fine! I mean… I pretty much kill myself getting out of bed in the morning, so that's nothing!" _Stop rambling, Madi. _"I… That's not important! What I should be asking is if you're okay! You were barely conscious last time I saw you." I inform the faceless servant who looks completely confused by the strange girl who he found behind a potted plant. I smile in hopes that he'll remember me.

"Travis, right?" I ask even though I am certain it is him. He doesn't reply so I keep talking. "Twenty years old, likes chocolate chip cookies, favorite color is blue-" I hold up a finger for every fact that I remember. "Wants to be a painter, doesn't like roses- Can I ask why you don't like roses? Or is that too personal? I'm sorry, forget I asked. Let's see, what else is there-"

"Well, you obviously know me, but who are you?" Travis asks and my face falls. Looks like he doesn't remember me after all.

"Oh… My name is Madi. I… Um took you to the first aid place after you were shot." I say as I point to the spot where a wound lies underneath his clothes. He flushes as he seems to recall slightly who I am.

"Oh! Um… I….shit..." He mutters as he tries to find his words. I smile. I'm glad that he's alright and is well enough to walk around. He runs a hand through his blond hair as he sighs. "They told me a pretty girl with kind eyes brought me to get fixed up, but I didn't believe them…." I don't think he realizes he's talking out loud, but it causes me to blush from my stubbed toe to my aching face. He called me _pretty. _Such a monumental compliment for such a simple world.

"Sorry Miss, but I don't remember between the time I got shot and the next day when I woke up, but I owe you my life. Just say the word, anything you wish is my command." He bows slightly and brings my wrist to his lips, pressing them gently to my knuckles.

I stand amazed and speechless. He's such a gentleman! My face is burning with such manners shown for my sake. Not to mention, I'm so frazzled! He's surprisingly bold for a faceless. All the other's I've met are fairly skittish about doing anything in public, let alone _kissing _my hand! My excitement has to be showing, I'm sure of it.

"Just Madi is fine." I say as I recoil my hand from him, holding it like a treasure with my other hand. "And you don't have to-"

"Found you!" Two voices sing out. I don't even have time to turn around before Dee and Dum latch onto my arms.

"You're a terrible hider, Missy." Dum comments as he looks up at me from my arm.

"Yeah, you were just standing in the hall. I'm pretty sure that's not how you play hide and seek." Dee adds. I scowl at the two.

"Excuse me, but aren't you two the one's that took twenty minutes to find such a terrible hider?" I ask them with narrowed eyes. They disregard it like it isn't the truth and begin pulling me off so that we can play another round. I arch my neck towards Travis who stays rooted to his spot, not bothering to come and whisk me away like the knight he pretends to act like.

"Bye, Travis! Let's hang out soon, Alright?" I call over my shoulder as I laugh with the twins who are pulling me in two different directions. Travis flashes me a smile and tips his hat to me before the twins drag me further into the house.

…

The rest of the day passes like a happy dream. The excitement proves to be to much for the twins. Nestled up against me, they sleep in front of the fire in a pile of scattered cards. We were playing poker and the twins won several times mainly because they were cheating, but also because I had no idea how to play. Finally they just leaned against me and passed out.

I smile softly to myself as I stroke Dee's hair gently out of his face. It's late into the night, but I could not even think of sleeping. Night has brought back the unpleasant truth of things.

I'm plagued by my demons. Ada's death, Lottie's new found hatred of me. When ever I close my eyes I see blood flowing thick and heavily in a waterfall portrayed on my eyelids. Lottie's words dig through me like a knife.

"_This is all your fault!"_

"_You killed her!"_

"_Go back to where you came from and stop ruining lives, fucking foreigner."_

I feel like crying, but I can't. So instead I just lace my fingers through Dee's hair as I stare blankly into the fire place, watching flames lick at the air, trying to find something to attach to. Huh. Just like me.

I maneuver quietly and carefully away from Dee and Dum as if not to wake them. I manage to pull myself out from between them so now they're sleeping against each other. They look so peaceful. Happy. I could stare at this scene forever if it were not for my restlessness. I have it in my mind that I was going to take a walk around the mansion's perimeter until sunrise.

I stand up and tip toe across the room and grab a quilt which hangs on the back of a chair. Shadows float into the room from the dimly lit hallway. I figure it's just servant making one of the nightly rounds and don't dwell to much on it as the shadows pass. It takes a moment, but they soon backtrack slowly so that they are standing in the doorway that leads into the hall. Two ginger colored ears make a familiar appearance.

"Madi? What're-"

"Shh!" I hiss through my teeth I hold my finger up to my lips then point to the sleeping twins, which I would like to remain that way. Elliot snaps his mouth shut and I'm relieved when the young gatekeepers don't even stir in their sleep.

I kneel down quietly and drape the quilt over them, tucking in the corners. I wish they were in bed because it looks uncomfortable having to sleep upright on the floor and bracing themselves on the front of the couch, but I don't want to move them so I guess it'll do for now. I lean over and kiss each of their foreheads gently.

"Sweet dreams, my troublesome twins." I whisper as I slip away from them and float over to Elliot. He looks like he can't decide whether it's alright to talk yet or not. It's a funny sort of look so I laugh quietly.

"C'mon, let's talk somewhere else." I whisper to him. We move to the closest room which happens to be the kitchen. I'm expecting their to be servants hanging out in their, but when the lights I turned on there is no one there besides Elliot and myself. I guess the workers here don't lounge around in the kitchen like…

I don't even finish the thought. It brings up too many memories of my two former friends.

"So, Madi…" Elliot says awkwardly and it pushes my sadness far down into a place that will be unearthed for a later time. "I didn't know you were here." He says as he makes his way to the kitchen island I'm standing by,. It is then I take in Elliot's appearance.

No shirt. Light blue pajama pants. Plate of carrot cake in hand.

A dark blush forms on my face as I divert my eyes. I slide to the floor, my back against the back of the island. It's much easier to stare at the floor when it's a few feet away from your eyes.

"I…Uh… Twins. I was playing with them." I grimace at the mutilation of my own sentence. I try to move the subject away from it. "Um, I didn't see you at all today either. Were you gone?" I ask still staring at the cracks in the tiles. I almost jump out of my skin when Elliot sits on the floor next to me. Our arms are almost touching.

"Yeah, we just got back." Elliot tells me. We. Meaning him and Blood. I wonder if Blood is mad at me for slapping him? What am I thinking? Of course he is. Maybe should leave before he discovers I'm here. But it's already night and I have no where else to go. What a trivial decision. Go try my luck out in the wild or try my luck with a cold blooded mafia boss? Either way, it doesn't sound like it will end well.

"Would you like some carrot cake?" He asks. This finally gets me to look at him as he offers the plate towards me. I go pink. I've been quiet for awhile now, caught up in my thoughts, Elliot seems to be searching for a way to get me to hold a conversation with him. I nod silently as I take the plate gingerly from him.

We stay that way for a long time. Just sitting on the floor, passing the plate between each other quietly. It was a little embarrassing sharing the fork, but truly neither of us really minded. I only wish we had something to talk about other than carrot cake.

"So…Um, when you were with the brats…" I look up from the cake which sits in my lap and raise a forkful into my mouth. The fork lingers there as I raise my eyebrows in question. Elliot is red about one thing or another as he stares at the floor. "You were really…. Uh…." He twiddles his fingers in his lap and I couldn't be more confused.

"I was…" I ask hoping that I could encourage him to finish his question. He looks me straight in the eye as his face reddens further.

"You would make a really good mother!" He blurts out far too quickly. I find the notion ridiculous and I want to laugh, but my body decides to disobey and makes my face flush instead. I move my gaze to my shoes as I pass the plate and fork to him.

"M-Me? A mom?" This is where my nervousness shows itself in several unstable laughs. " Are you kidding? I feel like I'm too much of a child myself and I can barely take care of myself let alone another life." This gets me thinking about the age difference between Elliot and I. How old is he anyway? Twenty-four? Twenty-six? God, he's about ten years older than me. I must look like such a kid in his eyes.

It brings an aching to my chest. How does Elliot see me really? Am I just some teenager that makes an appearance ever once in awhile in his life? Some one to eat cake with in the dead of night? Why do I have the feeling that I want to be so much bigger in his eyes?

"Well yeah, you're kind of childish, but I think that's what makes you fun. You're nice to everyone, but you know how to stand up for yourself, which are really admirable qualities. But how you act with those two pipsqueaks is really…. You know…. Motherly. You could've just left them to freeze on the floor, but you were caring enough to throw a blanket over them and kiss them goodnight and it looked really natural for you. I just know that I would want to raise children with a gal like that…" He scratches the back of his head nervously because he probably thinks it was a weird thing to say, but it was weird at all! It was a _beautiful _thing to say.

I am so happy I might just explode. He said I was _childish _not _a child. _They are two drastically different things. And what did he mean by raising children with a gal like that? The _gal _he's referring to is me, so does that mean he likes girls like me? Dare I say it? Does that mean he likes _me_?

I probably look borderline insane, with my ridiculous smile and my quiet excitement bubbling inside of me. So I say the only thing that can come to my mind that isn't questioning if he likes me or not.

"Elliot, how did you get all those scars?" I almost smack myself in the face at my own stupidity. This has nothing to do with anything, even though I had been wondering about the many healed over wounds on Elliot's chest and arms for a while now. Even Elliot laughs at my randomness. I raise my shoulders next to my ears as I slink into my shell.

"I'm in the mafia Madi, it happens." He says, stating the obvious.

"Oh." Is all I can say. It worries me how easy it is for Elliot to admit that's he's in such a shady business. How he can laugh about being hurt time after time. I wish he was doing something safer. Something that didn't have me fearful for his life.

"Madi." Elliot says and it snaps me temporally out of my thoughts.

"Hmm?" I answer simply.

"You have frosting on your lip." And let the awkwardness begin.

I turn the darkest shade of red in the book as his words sit in my ears. My lip suddenly feels heavy with creamy orange frosting. How long has that been there! Never have I felt so _stupid_! I could just die right now, I am so embarrassed. My hand shoots up to take care of the problem, but I surprised when Elliot catches me by the wrist, stopping me.

I take a sharp inhale of breath as the pad of his thumb is suddenly grazes across my lower lip. His face is so unbelievably close to mine with only a whisper of a space between us.

"You are so cute sometimes." He mumbles with a soft laugh. His breath smells of carrot cake and… more carrots. It's wonderful though. I want to fall back and bathe in that strangely comforting smell that I always associate Elliot with. My eyes keep flickering across his face. We're are so terribly close, but not close enough. I want the space between us to disappear and never return, but I am frozen in place. Waiting for Elliot's thoughts on what he wants to do with the unused space between our faces.

Elliot's face falls a little as he notices the same closeness between us that I do. His eyes seem to darken a shade as his thumb disappears from my tingling lips. He brings hand to my cheek to soothe the feeling of wanting to be touched on my skin.

"Madi…" He whispers and his breath plays on my lips as a form of torture. In his eyes in an emotion I don't think I've ever seen before. It confuses me and excites me. Suddenly the space between is growing smaller. I don't know what to do. I know what's going to happen, but I don't know how to bloody handle it. So I just close my eyes and let it happen.

And… Touchdown. His lips meet mine. The same feeling is fluttering around in my stomach like when Boris kissed me, but the kiss itself is different. This one is firmer, longer. Not rushed and sudden. It comforting, makes me feel like I'm floating.

Elliot pushes his body into mine, an attempt to keep me grounded. I'm leaning on my elbows, Elliot's warm heavy, body is on mine, his lips begin to move on mine. I am on fire. Every inch of me is screaming for more. I am dizzy. When was the last time I took a breath? The answer is when Elliot entered the room, because the sight of him leaves me breathless. Yet I'm paranoid as I begin to try to move my lips in sync with his. I don't have the slightest idea what I'm doing. What if I'm bad at this? Ugh. Can't think. Elliot's lips on mine. Good. Too much. Not enough. What's my name again?

I feel like this could last forever, perhaps even turn into something more, but we are interrupted by a terrifying force.

"Well what do we have here?" With those words, Elliot and I break away instantly and scurry as far away as we can. I stare at Elliot for a moment who's red faced, completely dazed and looks absolutely scared out of his skin. Good, we're on the same page.

My eyes slowly move upwards, then lower quickly again as meet the eyes of the one and only Blood Dupre. Why did I feel so… Scandalous? Blood's cold glare makes me feel ashamed and embarrassed. Which it shouldn't.

"Oh! U-Um, Blood! I-I-I thought you went to bed!" Elliot blubbers from across the room.

"Cleary." Blood says calmly, but I know he is pure rage on the inside waiting to erupt at any given moment. I can't bare to look up from the floor

.Elliot just kissed me.

I kissed back.

Blood caught us.

I don't think I've ever been in such an adult predicament. I didn't think I _could _be in a situation like this. It's all so new and sudden, these changes in my life.

"Leave us, Elliot." Blood orders. My eyes widen as I shoot a panicked look at Elliot. _Oh God, please don't leave me alone with him! I'll be dead for sure! _

Elliot seems to understand the message I'm saddening though my eyes as he takes a few quick glances between his boss and I.

"B-But, Blood-"

"Now, Elliot." Blood snarls, his face still composed even though he is clearly furious. He is fooling no one. I send one final silent plea to Elliot who looks torn, but in the end he chooses the only available option.

Elliot stands up, giving me the most apologetic look I've ever seen some one wear, ears drooped significantly as he slips past Blood and out of the kitchen. I should be mad, but I'm not. After all, I'm always abandoned in the end.

I lower my eyes again as I await my fate with the Mafioso. I squeeze my eyes shut as fear slams into my system when the sound of his footsteps near me.

"You've got some nerve coming back to this house, Miss Delaine." He purrs as his tea scented breath washes over my face. He's trying to get me to open my eyes, I just know it. He wants me to see that smug, arrogant look on his face. He wants me to feel like I'm a bad person. Get in line.

I bite down hard on my tongue as he strokes my chin with the tip of his index finger. A shiver travels through out my body He's trying to get me to squirm. To cry out for help. To _scream_. I refuse to lose to him. I need him to see that I'm not just some weak plaything for him, I am dying to prove to him and only him that I can withstand his stupid threats. Although, something about them excites me like nothing else- Wait. _What the hell am I thinking!_

"You're such a rude child. I offer my company and my home to you and what to I get in return? A smack across the face and the accusation of being an asshole. That I could forgive, after all I found it interesting. That you- Such a cute, and harmless little girl could act so fierce. I liked it." He smirks into my neck. I gasp and my eyes snap open at the sudden touch. His lips graze up the length of my neck, leaving a trail of fire.

I'm a lost cause. My mind has shut off and my body is reacting on it's own. My arms have wrapped themselves around Blood's broad shoulders as I cling to two fistfuls of his jacket, urging him closer.

His slightly parted lips sit on the lobe of my ear playfully.

"I had a feeling that you threw your love around carelessly, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't seduce my employees. You'll distract them from their work, you see, when there's a slut running around." He whispers huskily in my ear.

That's when I finally come to my senses. I bring my knee swiftly up to Blood's stomach and hit him as hard as I can. In his moment of weakness I push him off of my and scramble to the kitchen door as I glare at that stupid excuse for a man.

"Are you looking for an ass kicking?" I shout at him, my face red with fury. Blood sits up holding his stomach as he smirks at me with a certain hate in his eyes. He lets out a single mocking laugh.

"Do you really think you could take me on, Madi? If you've forgotten I'm a mafia boss, I think that outnumbers you." He laughs again just to piss me off further.

"I know I wouldn't win in a fight against you, but I'll be damned if that means I'm not going to try. And who knows? There's several sharp knifes in here, maybe I could win myself a finger or two." I'm sure I look like a feral dog right now. The thought of cutting off some of Blood's fingers sounds is such sweet revenge in my mind.

"You are so…." Blood trails off as his eyes linger over me with a calm and unreadable expression. I put my hands on my hips, preparing myself for whatever he's going to throw at me. He's going to say something negative about me. Say I'm violent, rude, disrespectful, a child, a whore, crazy, selfish unlovable-

"Oddly fascinating." He states simply as stands up slowly, wiping invisible dirt off his clothes. The comment leaves me confused.

"What-" He doesn't give me time to ask about his strange answer.

"I take it that you're staying here for the night? I suggest you retire to your room before I change my mind." There he goes again. He tries to act all gentlemanly, but he just enjoys ordering people around. It adds to my anger.

"I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to." I inform him in a harsh tone. This is how all this mess began isn't it? If I had just fallen asleep with the twins, this how argument could've been avoided altogether.

Blood is giving me a strange look. Almost like he's pondering to himself. With a final _humph, _he turns his back to me, raises his hand over his shoulder like he's dismissing me.

"Goodnight, Miss Delaine." He says blandly. The jerk doesn't even have the decency to face me. I release a frustrated scream as I turn quickly on my heels and stomp all the way to the quest room I stayed in last time.

God, I hate him sometimes.

…

**GAH! Blood, you cock blocker! Elliot was on a roll and you ruined it! Grr, that man irritates me to no end.**

The sixty one/ roaming royalty

**See those underlined words right up there? Type that into your google search bar. Or not, whatever floats your boat. That's a link to my brother's band, Roaming Royalty and I think they deserve more recognition than the have. Also I'm responsible for advertising them in the teenage community, so I thought this would be a pretty good way to get their name out there. Also is possibly one of the greatest websites out there, if you love music you will understand it's greatness when you get there.**

**Lyrics to killer;**

"**If I'm not crazy then just give me some time,****you won't be waiting for long,****if I'm a lunatic then you better hide,****I wont stand waiting too long."**

**Reminds us all of a certain psychotic knight, Hmm? See this isn't all spam, some of this is relevant to the story… kinda…. I'll shut up now.**

**But before I do,**

**Drop me a message if you like my brother's band. Or if you hate it. We live only to please you guys, so critics are welcome. **

**Thanks~**


	40. Sleep Aids

Stupid, egotistic, moronic, nosy, rude, Blood!

Who does he think he is? Does he think that handsome face of his can make him get away with anything? Thinks I'll be fazed by that smooth voice and those large hands that graze over my skin so expertly. Well, let me tell you that I am not an easy woman, he'll have to work harder than that to win me… over….

"GAH! WHAT AM I THINKING?" I yell at the top of my lungs, my voice echoing off the four corners of my room. I kick over an ottoman to vent my confused frustration.

It's always a matter of why with Blood. Why is it that no matter how much I tell myself to hate him- And I have every right to! There's always some part of telling me differently? Why does every moment with him seem open ended? Unwritten? Why doesn't it make any sense!

I give another swift kick at the ottoman, but with so much force this time that I send it flying across the room and it hit's the wall with a loud, _thud_. I'm so angry. Merely because I'm so confused. And it's all Blood's fault.

I'm about ready to set the mansion on fire when I hear a knock at my door. All feelings of negativity flush out of my system as a hopeful smile plays on my lips. Could it be Elliot? I am so excited at the thought of that kind rabbit eared man to save me that I nearly trip over my own to feet on my way to the door and land on my face. Madi Delaine; Sixteen years old and still hasn't mastered the art of walking.

When I reach the door, I pull it open with much enthusiasm only to try and slam it back closed. Guess who? I'll give you a hint: It isn't Elliot.

Blood places on hand flat against the door and despite all my efforts, there is no way in hell I'm strong enough to get that door closed again. So with a sigh of defeat I open the door just enough so that Blood can see my irritated stare.

"What do _you _want?" I snap. I say _you_ very bitterly. Like the first bite of a freshly sliced lemon. He completely ignores me and tries to look into my room which results in the crack of the opened door separating us decreasing.

"What are you doing up here? There's a lot of crashing… And shouting." I'm sure he means to be merely curious, but he sounds as cold as ever.

"I was moving furniture." I say with venom on my lips. I'm sure Blood will be pleasantly surprised when he realizes that I trashed his guest room. Imagining the look on his face brings a certain joy to my dark mood, but I can't focus on that right now. I muster up my best glare and direct it at Blood.

"Anyways, if you don't have a good reason for being here then I would like to finish my redecorating in peace." I say as I try to close the door again, but he puts his weight into it and ends up pushing it all the way open. Why do I suddenly feel like my life is in danger?

Instead of rushing into my room like I assumed he would, He stands motionless in my doorway jutting a glass towards me, his expression unreadable. All my guard disappears as I am my mouth and let out a,

"Huh?"

Blood doesn't answer, but just keeps silently trying to force the glass on me. Before I know it I have it in my hands and I'm peering into the creamy liquid inside. It's warm milk.

I _loathe _warm milk. No way I'm drinking this.

"Well don't just stand there, I went to the trouble of preparing this for you. You could at least have the decency to pretend to drink it." Blood says. My glare hardens. What is he? Five! He acts like such a spoiled child when things don't go his way. And it takes like ten seconds to make warm milk, he makes it seem like he just moved a mountain for me. I push the glass back in his direction in defiance. Blood suddenly catches me by the wrist and brings his face closer to mine.

"Drink. It." He orders. I gulp and he looks satisfied with the obvious fear he's brought to my system. He lets go of my wrist and backs up a little bit. There's no way around it. I grudgingly force down the entire glass of chalky liquid in one gulp. When the last drop slides down my throat I'm left surprised. It tastes strangely sweet.

"Peppermint." Blood announces as if he's been reading my mind as he takes the glass out of my hand "It aids sleep." I feel my heartbeat quicken in my chest.

"_I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to."_

Was Blood… He couldn't…. But… He was concerned about my rest. That has to be the reason. Why else would he do something so thoughtful for me? Well if that is the reason, he'd never show it. He's already turned his back to me.

"Not that I care about your personal matters, but if your alternative to sleeping is destroying my house then I'd much rather you be asleep." He says. _Crap. He saw. _I take a look over my shoulder at the damage. Ripped curtains, knocked over nightstands and ottoman, bed sheets ripped off the bed and strewn across the room. I really have anger management problems…

I look back to notice that Blood is missing from my doorway. I hurl myself into the hallway and before my mind can catch up with my mouth, I'm shouting,

"Thank you! I really appreciate it!" For some reason I can't catch my breath after releasing it. I stare at Blood's back as he walks away from me. I can't explain it. I want him to turn around and walk back towards me and after that is up to him. But he doesn't turn around. Doesn't walk back to me. Doesn't even stop walking. But I swear he mutters something along the lines of,

"Thank goodness." I'm certain I've heard wrong though. Blood isn't the type to thank anyone for anything. Soon he is gone from my view and I have nothing else to do, but retreat to my room. I stumble and catch myself on the wall.

Strange… My body seems heavy all of the sudden. Was it the warm milk? The peppermint? Has Blood poisoned me? _Certainly not out of the question._

I open both windows, letting in the cold night air. I move around the room in large paces. I band at my waist and touch my toes. At last I sit on the bed, singing peppy songs hoping to jolt me awake. It's no good, my song trails of and I fall into a forced sleep.

…

My dreams were no longer the wonderful place they used to be. They have gone south with my emotions. The grass is dead. All the flowers are wilted and sad looking, the toadstools rotting and the river dried up. The forest of glowing trees has lost it's glamour and appeal. It's merely a forest now. The air has a putrid smell hanging in it that tastes metallic-like on my tongue. I sit on the floating island where the infinite waterfall has formed into a monstrous grey cloud that rains black tears that dissolve into a clear slimy substance on my skin.

In my lap sits Belle where I stroke her compulsively as I stare blankly at the depressing land. Even she has lost her luster. Now a faded grey color and with eyes that have gone bluish-white like bad milk, she lays motionless in my lap like a rock. She might as well be dead. Dead like Ada.

"I'm sorry about your friend." Nightmare says quietly behind me. Some spark ignites in me as I snap my head towards him, eyes wild.

"Are you?" I ask harshly. What does he know? He wasn't her friend. He didn't know how she was so beautifully bold and how she could get her hands on any secret she wanted. He didn't feel the pain of her death, he's only seeing it second hand through my thoughts.

Nightmare flinches back from my outburst as I frown paints his face. I'm suddenly not angry anymore as I peer out over my sad world again.

"I'm sorry, You did nothing wrong. But I'm not really in the mood to talk or have my thoughts read." I apologize quietly. The pain in my chest is unbearable. I miss her smile. That guttural, meaningful laugh. Her pushiness. Her warm touch on my skin-

"You can cry if you'd like." Nightmare says as he appears beside me. He knows I want to. I want to open the flood gates and never stop. Regardless I shake my head slightly.

"No." I say firmly, which clearly raises some question in Nightmare because my thoughts are different than my words.

"It feels like I've done nothing but cry the majority of my life. I don't want to anymore. It doesn't fix anything, doesn't make the pain go away. I want to be the one assuring that everything will work out for the better and believe it for once." That's it. I won't cry anymore. I want to be strong, not break down anymore. I set Belle on the grass next to me as I turn my body towards Nightmare, my face serious.

"Maybe that makes me a bad person. Not mourning over Ada properly, but I feel like she won't want me to stop my life for her. I guess what I mean is that she would want people to remember her for who she is and not who she was. Even though her clock has stopped ticking, she's still alive. In here." I tap the spot where my heart beats gently and I'm surprised when hot drops land on the skin of my hand. My fingertips touch the stream forming on my face and when I pull my hand back it is glistening with tears.

"What is this?" I ask quietly, a crazy kind of forced smile forming on my lips. "Even though I said I wasn't going to cry anymore… Even though that's not what Ada would want… Why am I still crying?"

It's weird. I'm not feeling anything. No pain or aching or even joy. I'm empty, but how can tears still form out of nothing? My mouth becomes a tight line that tries to not quiver. It's as confused as I am. Can't decide on whether it should stay closed or cry out for all the world to hear.

"Because you're _human. _dear princess." Nightmare says softly as he floats down in front of me. I'm taking by surprise as the soft heat of his thumb swipes the tears of my face gently. "You have learned to love and felt the pain of that love. This is the way of this world, princess. Please understand that before you make any hasty decisions." He says in a tiny pleading voice.

Not decisions, _decision. _I can't dare to meet his gaze as my thoughts turn specifically to the matter he's talking about. I have been considering going home. To _my _world. I tell myself that such dangerous thoughts are just a reflex of the heightened stress in my life, but a tiny part of me knows that I'm truly considering it. I'm an interference with this stupid game they call life.

I'm already bending the rules by sharing a game with Alice. That's what I'm guessing anyway. I'm still so confused.

"You pent up your feelings one on top of another until you don't know what to do with them all. We all cope differently, but crying is you specific. You know you can't stop or you'll find some other outlet that you wont be happy with." Damn him. He's always so right about everything. Even the things I'm unaware about.

I'll show him. I scramble to me feet and dash over to the very edge of the island, my toes hanging of the edge and then I just scream. A truly, grotesque horrifying scream. Think jetliner crash, ear bleeding worthy. I haven't yelled this loud since grade school. I've forgotten how good it feels. The twisted singing sound that has been coiled, waiting for so many years.

I quiet myself just enough to look over my shoulder at Nightmare who looks just as out of breath as I am.

"What… Was that?" He asks looking dumbfounded. A subtle grin forms on my face.

"Not crying." I say as I look back towards the sky. It has stopped raining black. "I'm thinking of every hard, confusing, heartbreaking moment that has ever made me feel like I don't deserve to live and letting it out." I say and I swear I can feel Nightmare smiling behind me.

I open my mouth and pour my everlasting soul into the next scream. I scream until my lungs ache, my heart aches too, but something about it is cleansing. And I scream and scream, till the light returns to the forest, the grass has sprung up in thick healthy patches , Belle is rubbing against my leg trying to get my attention, and everything is once as it was and I have regained my right to smile. Ada would be proud.

I hope.


	41. Dance Lesson

When I finally woke up it was still night on today's cycle. That's Blood's favorite time of day I've noticed, so naturally we had a tea party. I was expecting it to be awkward with Elliot and Blood, but everyone continued on like normal like nothing had happened last night. I did find it odd how my seat was significantly closer to Blood's today though. I shrugged it off thinking that whoever set the table was too lazy to make the seating arrangement clean and precise.

Things went as usual. Elliot offering me carrot cake while I sipped on my special seven sugar cubed tea, Dee and Dum calling Elliot a rabbit, Elliot's denial. Fight ensues, Blood complaining, me freaking out about everyone fighting. You know, normal stuff

When midday suddenly appeared, I took it as my time to leave. It took awhile considering the twins are as clingy as ever, but something truly strange happened when Elliot offered to walk me back to the clock tower. Blood outright ordered him to stay away from me. If that wasn't weird enough, Blood had a crazy kind of look on his face, one I couldn't quite put my finger on. He was angry of course, but there was something deeper behind it. Why wouldn't Blood want me to be alone with Elliot?

_Because you made out with him on the kitchen floor in the dead of night, _

Oh yeah…

Trying to avoid an unnecessary fighting and hide my embarrassment, I told them I could take care of myself. I then backed up that statement by turning too fast on my heels and smacking straight into a street lamp.

Now I stand alone in the forest, rubbing the bump on my forehead with a tight frown on my lips as I stare at a stray, rust colored leaf floats softly through the crisp air.

Fall.

When did it arrive? It snuck up on me as quiet as a ghost ship floating over the horizon. I have nothing against fall, it's a lovely time of the year. Everything has a soft brightness about it and it the world smells of crisp earth at all times.

It's the change that comes with fall that I hate. The leaves are changing colors and the trees shake bare themselves till they're only a lonely skeleton. The temperature is getting colder and summer memories seem to be fleeting with every passing moment.

What happened to the summer of hanging out in the overly hot kitchen of the castle with my friends, nearly being ripped in two, my first kiss and countless good memories? It brings a wanting to my chest as the wind whistles through my hair and sends leaves flying for cover, the skirt of my dress as well and my hands go there to keep it from exposing myself to the world, but that's the least of my worries.

"Why so serious?" Asks an all too familiar catty voice as his face appears suddenly upside down in front of mine. Probably the most girlish squeal escapes me as I jump backwards in fright. It takes me a few moments for my heartbeat to return to normal.

"Jesus," I gasp looking up with a somewhat angry expression at Boris who grins at me as he lounges on his stomach on the tree branch above me. "Way to scare me half to death, Boris!" I yell up at him. He shrugs playfully as he jumps down from the tree branch in a fluent motion.

"Why are you in a tree anyways?" I ask as he positions himself in front of me. He gives me that famous smile of his. _He is so very handsome when he smiles-_

"I'm a cat, Madi. Why do _you _think I was in a tree?" He jokes. I'm still mad at him for scaring me, but I laugh. I'm always like that around him, he makes me want to smile. I want to make him smile too.

"So I answered your question, so it's your turn to answer mine. Why so serious?" He asks as he points to the trees that I was staring so intently at. I wave it off as I begin walking. I don't know where I'm going, but I hope it's remotely close to the clock tower.

"Nothing really. Just about how weird it is that it's already fall." I say, hoping he doesn't notice the glumness in my voice. He doesn't seem to as his eyes wander around our surroundings a bit as he catches up to walk next to me.

"Huh, I guess it is weird. It seems like just yesterday you bumped into me because you were too excited about a rollercoaster to pay attention to where you were going." He wags his finger in front of me playfully. I flush recalling that, that was the first time I ever talked to Boris. I must've made such a weird first impression because of that. "You were seriously too cute." He laughs and my face burns up.

He didn't just say that did he? I am certain my ears are filled with something that is preventing me from hearing things right, so I discreetly shake my head to the side trying to dislodge them. Before I can control myself I'm asking,

"How?" _Stupid girl. Don't ask things you don't want to know. _Boris of course takes it as the most serious question in the world as he hums to himself in thought.

"Well, I thought that those little blonde streaks in your hair were really pretty, and your eyes are really big and expressive. You're also tiny which is a plus because I can do this." I am certain I'm gaping at him like a moron. Do what? That's very open ended and it cant's be good.

In one motion he literally sweeps me off my feet. He lifts me by the waist, suspending me against a tree as his mouth crashes against mine. It's not rough like I expected it to be, He's surprisingly gentle for assaulting me all of the sudden. His lips are almost hovering away from mine, like I might break if he presses any further. I am almost ashamed to admit that I yearn for more. I want to press my mouth rough against his, claim it as my own, feel every crease and contour of his upturned lips-

Before my mind could catch up with my body, Boris has pulled away which causes a slight sadness to stir inside of me. He's still so close, his eyes half lidded, he looks almost tired, dream-like. I think he's leaning in to kiss me again so I close my eyes, but the heat never returns to my lips. I feel his steady and heavy against the lobe of my ear.

"Who are you going to the ball with?" He asks in a low and serious voice. My eyebrows raise in surprise as I tilt my head slightly.

"Ball? What ball? There's a ball?" I ask feeling much like a curious puppy. Boris pulls back with a surprised look on his face.

"What, you haven't heard yet? It's coming up really soon and you _are _going right?" He asks, narrowing his eyes. The expectant look makes me nervous and turn away so I wont give in to it.

"I… Well, I don't think so… I mean I haven't even been to a high school dance before, so a ball seems kind of extreme for someone like me. Besides, I don't have a dress or…. Anything…." I trail off as I take a shy peek at Boris. His mouth is a tight line, his eyes calculating some sort of plan in his head.

Wind rushes around me as he swings me over his shoulder with no understanding of personal boundaries. I puff my cheeks out as I pound on his back with my fists.

"Hey! Put me down this instant!" I demand as he trudges through the forest like he's cat of the walk. He turns his head towards me with a smile stretched across his face.

"I can't let you down because you'd run away." He says as he clicks his tongue and turning his focus back on where he's walking. I scoff as I try to free myself again.

"I promise not to run away, but could you at least tell me where you're taking me?" I ask irritably, laying exhausted from struggling so much on his shoulder. For some reason his grip tightens around my waist.

"I'm taking you on a date!" He says happy as happy can be. I, on the other hand have never felt such fear as I try to squirm out of his firm grasp.

He was right, there is nothing more I want to do right now than run away.

…

Boris somehow managed to get me all the way to the amusement park and convinced me to stay for this _date _thing. But I'm not happy about it. Okay- maybe a little happy, but so completely embarrassing. I didn't think I would be practically be forced into going on my first date ever. I am so nervous I might throw up.

The amusement park is even more eccentric than usual. The streets are decorated with colorful tents and the joyful faces of venders. It reminds me of the open markets I used to go to with my mother and father when I was younger. I remember I hated and loved it at the same time. I loathed the big crowds and people always seemed to be stepping on me on purpose, but I remember I loved the smell of the pacific northwest's sea air and all the wonderful things you could buy that you couldn't anywhere else. Such happy days those were.

"Is this ball always such a big thing?" I ask motioning the certain excitement the market radiates. Boris shrugs next to me, seeming uninterested by all the glamour.

"Not really. I mean every year it's the queen's job to gather all of us Roleholders and talk about stupid game stuff. This is the first time it's been a ball and faceless are invited." Boris explains. "But this game is special after all, they should have a special event for it." he grins leaning towards me. I turn away quickly to hide my red face.

How does he do that? Make me flustered with a single sentence. I wish I could do such a thing. It would be nice to have the upper hand for once. It's such a ridiculous dream that I almost laugh.

I become captivated by a tent that I've been staring at for quite some time now. The vender notices my staring and waves me over with a bony hand and a promising toothy grin. I make a beeline towards him with out a second thought.

This all seems vaguely familiar. I used to get lost frequently when I went to the market as the kid because I would get distracted by something and stray from my parents with out telling them. I'm one of those kids who's name is announced over the loud speaker pleading for the parents to come retrieve their kid from the lost and found. Hopefully that will not be the case today.

"My what a pretty girl. What is your name dear?" The vendor asks. She's an older faceless woman, her face worn and wrinkled from age. Some of her teeth are missing, but despite that she still has a wonderfully big smile on. She grips to the magenta shawl draped on her shoulders with one bony hand and curled around the handle of a cane with the other. She looks so very breakable.

"Thank you very much, miss. My name is Madi." I introduce. Her gap filled smile widens as I lean down to look at what she has displayed on the table in front of me.

"These are all very beautiful, did you make them?" I ask looking up at the old woman. Her merchandise consists of very lovely looking hair accessories. Hair pins made of gold with expensive looking jewels adorning it, some made of large peacock feathers, veils made of mesh and black pearls. None of them would suit me, but they are hard not to admire

"Yes. It took me many years to make them all, but it's nice to finally have people buy them for such a grand event." The old woman says still smiling. I smile back, but something changes in the woman's face. She now seems to be eyeing me suspiciously.

"No, no, no. These wont do at all!" She suddenly yells which startles me. She wobbles towards some boxes in the box and starts rummaging through them mumbling furiously to herself. Okay… She's a tad bit senile. I'm thinking of wandering off, but she's already back before I have time to.

In her hands she holds something covered in cloth which she sets on the table carefully. Her shaky hands go to remove the cloth slowly.

"I've been saving this for some one very special, I think that's you, miss" She mutters quietly. My breath is taken away when the cloth is removed.

Nothing special. Nothing extraordinary. Just a simple pink plastic butterfly attached to a hair clip. It looks almost realistic despite it's size which is about the size of my hand. I touch it's diamond shaped wings with the tip of my finger. It's so simple that it's the most beautiful of them all.

"My deceased daughter, Carolina made this when she was little…" The old woman sighs as she looks down at the delicate butterfly on the table. I instantly recoil my hands as a distressed look paints my face.

"Then why are you showing it to me?" I ask in a panicked tone. The woman give a strangled chuckle.

"It looked great on Carolina and it will look great on you." She says trying to hand it to me. I shake my head violently.

"I can't take that! It's your daughter's!" I explain trying to push it back in her hands. I receive another laugh which suggests she isn't paying attention.

"Come now, be a good girl and let Mother Freya dress you up." The old woman practically sings as she places a fragile hand on my shoulder gently and something washes over me. Such a motherly aura she gives off makes me want her to bring me into a hug and stroke my hair as she whispers words of comfort. I wish she were my mother. I nod giving her permission to bestow her daughter's hair piece to me.

Mother Freya weaves it into the strands of my hair, securing it firmly on the right side of me head. She takes one step back, observes me for a minute or two before clapping a hand over her mouth.

"You… You look so much like her." She nearly cries. I can't help but think of Mother Freya's little Carolina. Did she have the non-appealing muddy blonde hair color I have, a childish figure and knobby knees? Did she also go through the same hardships that I have in this strange game? I never knew her, but I suddenly feel a sadness pulling at my chest. I wonder if she was my age when she died. Because of this I will never know what it was like to know her. If she truly looked like me. To be her friend.

I bring Mother Freya into a tight hug, surprising her. I want her to feel as if Carolina is here, even if it is just for a moment. I know what death of someone close to you feels like, both with my father and with Ada. It makes you feel like giving up on the world, but you know you must continue so that you can keep them alive through your memories.

It takes a moment, but Mother Freya finally responds by wrapping her arms around my back, her fingers clenching at the fabric of my dress. She cries with her non existent eyes and I just stand with the most comforting smile I can. We stay like that for a long while, not saying anything, just standing in an embrace.

Finally she pulls away, kissing my cheek as she does so. She looks at me one more time before whispering,

"Goodbye, Carolina." Such a look of relief crosses her face. It brings a tenderness to my heart. Mother Freya has said her finally farewells to her deceased daughter, accepting that what done is done. I only wish I had the chance to part properly with Ada.

"Goodbye, Mother." I say turning my back to her a rejoining the mass of people on the streets. I begin looking for Boris, suddenly feeling bad that I ditched him.

"You're not getting away from me that easily." Boris says suddenly appearing, his eyes narrowed. I frown as I look at my feet, feeling guilty. He thinks I ran away from him. I most certainly didn't mean to. I want to tell him this, but my tongue feels thick and dry in my mouth.

"Hey, where did you get this?" He asks and I feel the butterfly shift under the weight of his fingers. I bring both hands to rest on my hands as I strain my eyes trying to see it.

"Oh, from…" I look back in the direction of Mother Freya's booth, but I can no longer see her. A warm sort of smile crawls onto my face. "Some one very dear to me." I say looking back at him. Boris couldn't look any more confused. But he quickly dismisses it.

"Jeez, do I have to worry about you getting kidnapped by a stranger because you wandered off with out me?" He asks sternly. I let a small laugh slip out. He sounds like a father. It doesn't suit him at all.

He huffs to himself before his hand suddenly wraps around mine. My laugh dies quick as I turn red. Boris starts walking and drags me behind him, his grip tight.

" What are you doing?" I sheik as I match my pace to his, so that we're now walking side my side. I try to rip my hand away from his with no success.

"You have lost your privileges to walk around on your own. Now I have to hold your hand like you're still five years old." He says. I look to his face for a challenge, but I'm surprised that he's looking at the sky. Even more surprised that his face is pink. Actually pink. He doesn't _have _to hold my hand, it's all a ploy because he _wants _to. Did you hear that? I made Boris blush. What a joyous day indeed.

"Right." I say quietly as I squeeze his hand ever so lightly.

…

I take one look at the long crimson colored dress in my hand and my face falls. It has rhinestones on it. Honest to God, rhinestones. Not in this lifetime. I hurl it to the ground and stick my head through the flimsy curtain that is separating my nearly clothes-less body and Boris.

"I'm not even putting that one on!" I shout to him as I keep the curtain close to my body so I don't expose anything unnecessary. "I'll look like a bleeding disco ball!"

"Aw, but you said you'd show me all of them!" Boris whines with a frown. It's true, this has been said, but it wasn't my idea. Boris insisted that I go gown shopping even though I explained to him that I don't have any money. He said it doesn't matter and we should go anyway. Now I'm trying on the entire store and Boris is judging them as if he were a professional fashion designer. This one is too complex, that one doesn't have enough flare, most of them aren't suited for me. I'm glad we're on the same page.

It's irritating and embarrassing, but I can't stop the stupid smile that's been plastered on my face the entire time. I'm having fun. A lot of fun actually. I don't remember the last time I felt this way, like nothing bad can ever reach me.

"C'mon, let's have a look!" Boris says with a devious smirk as his hands try and yank away the curtain. I blush as I wrestle him for it.

"No! I'm not wearing anything now, you idiot!" I squeak, determined to win this battle. No way I'm letting him see me in my underwear, it was bad enough when Elliot saw.

"Even better!" Boris laughs. I hold onto the curtain harder as I try to hide my embarrassed face.

"No it isn't! I'll rip your tail off, confiscate your piercings, and lock you in a room with just Gowland and his violin if you don't cut it out!" I yell, thinking of any threat to get him to lay off.

"You are so not fun, Madi." Boris sighs as he let's go of the curtain and resumes leaning against the back of a wall casually. My relief comes out in the form of a sigh as I disappear behind the curtain again.

"Yes, I am dreadfully dull." I call to him as I pick up a new dress and pull it over my head. "I think I shall glue my lips together and write terrible poetry for fun. While I'm at it, I'll throw out all the color from my wardrobe. What do think of beige pantsuits?" I ask jokingly.

"Start wearing beige pantsuits and we are no longer friends." Boris states, sounding more serious than I think I've ever heard him be. It raises a laugh to my lips as I pull on a pair of black heels. The image in the mirror puzzles me.

It's me of course, but it would take several moments to realize the girl behind this beautiful dress. It's a strapless deep evergreen, like the trees of the forests where I grew up. It have a black chocker which falls in a V and connects to the actual dress. Ominous black vines with sturdy fabric leaves wrap around my slim figure and ending at my shoulder blades and the hem of the dress which is right above my knees. A large black mesh rose rests on the front of my right hip as well as four smaller flowers that hang off vines that stem off the skirt of my dress. Mother Freya's gift still sits in my hair beautifully like a still life painting. I look as if I am a wood nymph that has sprung right out of the earth.

I look so… Mature. This dress makes me look mysterious, elegant. Two things that I am not by nature. I lean in closer to the mirror. I could pass as pretty or cute, but never captivating like Alice or alluring like Vivaldi. Perhaps if lower my lids like I'm lusting after something, part my lips slightly, I could be seen as a sexy woman that every boy would love to dance with at the ball.

"Hello, I'm Madi Delaine. You can dance with me, but you must get in line behind my many suitors." I say in a low purr to the imaginary boy in front of me as I use my new sexy expression. I almost immediately burst out laughing. This is so wrong. This side of me, I mean. It's like a barking cat, it just shouldn't exist.

"You've been quiet for awhile, you didn't slip and knock yourself unconscious did you? Seriously, I wouldn't put it beneath you to manage something like that." Boris chides. Startled by the fact that I just thought that entire scenario in my head while Boris was within a close perimeter of me, I jump nearly ten feet in the air and actually hit my head on a metal hook on the dressing room wall. I curse to mask the pain as I slide down the wall in a pathetic gesture.

I hear swishing and I look up to see Boris with a curious and slightly worried look on his face. I expect him to be laughing at me for being such a klutz, but he has a funny sort of look in his eye. Before I know it his hand latches unto my wrist and I barely have time to gather all of my things before we are already out of the store.

"Boris, What the hell are you doing!" I ask as I juggle my yellow dress, shoes and other normal attire in one hand, all the while trying to not trip in these stupid high heeled shoes.

"We're taking this!" He calls out. I don't know who he's talking to, me or the many disgruntled shop keeps behind us. He then proceeded to drag me all the way to the clock tower

When we get there, we're both hunched over, gasping for breath. My feet ache terribly. Running in them should be against the law. I shoot Boris an accusing stare.

"What was that about!" I snap.

"I was just trying to make the day a tad more fun." He says. His lips jut out in a pout, his ears flatten across his head. How can I possibly stay mad at that? I sigh as throw my normal attire in a heap on the floor. It's dirty anyway because of running through the forest. Leaves and twigs, possibly bugs making a home in them

"It was already fun, we didn't have to _steal _anything." I point out.

"You had fun?" He asks, perking up a bit. I nod leaning against the edge of the clock tower on the tiny concrete half walls that separate me from falling five stories onto the forest floor. I kick off my shoes and I sigh from the sweet release of torture.

"A lot of fun actually. I don't remember the last time I smiled so much." I admit honestly. Boris looks pleased as he crosses his arms on the concrete wall next to me, staring at something in the distance. I turn my body as if to find what he's looking at with such a happy expression.

"Kinda… Makes you want today to never end, right?" He says. I take note of the time of day. A romantic twilight hangs above us which leaves my heart to beat heavily and freely.

"Of course I want it to end." I say firmly which obviously raises an eyebrow or two from Boris. I have killed the mood, but I smile anyway. I swing my feet in the open happily as I reach above my head and I look towards the reddened sky. "Because what if tomorrow is just as great as today? We'll never know if today never ends." I peer at the red light peeking through the spaces between my outstretched fingers. It looks as if I'm holding the sky in the palms of my hands. It's such a marvelous feeling, it makes me feel as if I can do anything.

I lower my arms and look at Boris who has said nothing to add to the conversation. He has such an intense look on his face which quickly goes to look else where once I've caught sight of it. Was he… Staring at me? My skin tingles with the familiar feeling of blush.

I look at my bare feet, and slowly come to realize something. I am plenty ready for the ball. I've got my dress, a nice hair piece, stupid useless shoes, but what I'm missing is the most essential of them all. I hop of the wall and face Boris with a serious look on my face.

"Boris, how do you dance?" I ask realizing that I know nothing of formal dancing other than what I've seen on TV. Boris looks like he doesn't know any more than I do, but that doesn't mean he isn't going to try.

He turns his body to me and offers his left hand to me. He world be a perfect prince if it were not for his cat ears.

"We hold hands and look at each other," He pauses a moment so that I can slip my hand shyly into his. He pulls me close after this, making it so that I had no where else to look but in his eyes. And just to be a daredevil testing his luck, he slips his free hand around my waist. We're so close I'm scared that he can feel my heart beating in my chest.

"Then we go in circles until we get tired." He says leaning in just enough to rest his forehead ageist mine as a swaying motion kicks into both of our bodies. We spin in circles in silence, but I can't ignore the thumping in my chest.

"And what if I never get tired?" I don't mean for it to slip, but it does. I could never get tired of Boris. His quirky smile, his weird pink hair, his whole being. I want him by my side always because of this feeling he gives me.

"Then we'll dance until we die." He whispers before his mouth covers mine. I accept it without a squeak, widened eyes and/or a blush. I welcome the warmth of his lips on mine. I stumble backwards, feeling the need for something sturdy to help me not faint. Boris follows without our lips ever parting. I feel my back hit a wall, it might even by the door. That's when all hell break's loose.

I feel something run across the lower lip of my mouth, several times. It's needy and anxious, like its searching for something that is only a fingertip's length away. My eyes snap open in surprise when I realize what it is. His _tongue. _Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no absolutely just straight up no!

I am not ready for anything this… this…. I don't even know what to call it! All I can focus on is his tongue and how it's trying to sneak into my air tight shut mouth. I try to push lightly on his shoulders to signal him to slow down maybe just a little, but this only seems to excite him further. He pins his leg between mine and forces me a little bit closer to the wall. His hand that _was _resting on my hip starts to sink lower. _Much _lower.

I make a muffled sound with my covered mouth as if to say,

_If you please, sir. Take your hand off my ass. _

But in a much angrier and curse filled version. To make matters ten thousand times worse, his hand gives a firm squeeze which causes an involuntary gasp to form on my lips. Boris doesn't hesitant one second to dart his tongue into my unintentionally opened mouth.

With my face fuming, I let loose and start vocalizing every swear word I know because, this sadly the only way I can think to show my unwillingness for this situation. Of course none of my words are heard seeing as the only place they have to go is Boris' mouth. In fact, It may seem like I'm reacting positively to him. Never have I felt like a stupider person.

I can't think anymore, Boris tongue is far to distracting. It's wet, and slimy and… weird. Not bad, just…. Weird .I'm starting to think maybe even a strange type of enjoyable. Maybe just this once I could play along, just see what it's like-

"_I had a feeling you threw your love around easily"_

Something inside of me breaks away, as my had shoots behind me to find the knob to the door. As soon as I find it, I twist it hastily and fall through the doorway as I rip myself away from Boris. The first thing I do is slam the door in his face and sit on the floor in front of it so he can't get in.

_What _am I doing! I've kissed two different men within two days without a second thought. I feel like the lowest kind of person. Who does that kind of thing? What would Boris and Elliot think of me if they found out their lips aren't the only one's I've touched? But I like them both so much, I can't help but want them to show such affection for me. I know can't have them both romantically, it's one or the other. Or neither of them.

Boris is banging at the door and asking me questions and I don't have answers to any of them. I bury my face in my hands as confusion twists itself to a twisted pain in my head.

"I…. I'll see you at the ball!" I call through the door, just hoping that he'll let me think for awhile. When I take my face out of my hands I see Julius looking at me like I'm going to lose my mind from his desk.

It's good to be home.


	42. The Downfall of Remembering

Boris gave up and went home eventually, but it was no easy task. I doubt he'll ever want to talk to such a confusing girl like me ever again. I hope I get to see him at the ball though.

I walk over to the table, sit myself down and groan as I bury my face in my folded arms. I need to figure out this whole mess before I end up ruining everything. How can I though? How can the world expect me to give myself to one person only when I've just barely realized who I truly am. Time is running out. I have to recognize my feelings as soon as possible or else I'm going to have to leave.

Nightmare told me something that just now is settling into my thoughts. He said this game can only have one winner. I have no idea what that means though. By winner, does he mean that out of only Alice and I, does only one of us succeed and the other fails? Or does he mean winner as in who earns the love of a foreigner. Will I have the will to stay here after all that has happened? Will I make the right choice? Or will the whole house of cards come crumbling down after I've tried so very hard to stack them up?

"Why are you sulking? You'll dirty up the table." Julius says being his usual unsympathetic self. It doesn't surprise me, So I don't over analyze it like I would with any other person.

"Hey Julius? Can I ask you something? Feel free to not answer though." I say straightening myself out so I can actually have a face to face conversation with him.

Not like he's pay attention anyways, he's hunched over his clocks like usual. Reviving People.

"If that's what you want." He says. I smooth out the wrinkles in the table cloth halfheartedly as I ask a question that is far too personal.

"Do you love me?" I ask. I knew it, it shouldn't have been asked. I startle Julius so badly that his hand slipped and he's knocked several of the clock pieces he was working with onto the floor. As he tries to regain his nerves, I flush and look at my lap.

"I-I-I mean, because I'm a foreigner. Does that mean you love me like you love Alice?" My face falls at this. It's a question that has been eating away the back of for a long while now. If what they say is true, that all the inhabitants of this world will fall in love with foreigners, then there is no difference between Alice and I. We are not seen as the two different people we are, we are merely tools. Shiny playthings that everyone loves because they are told to. If someone loves me, they are also in love with Alice. Which is similar to the feeling of not being loved at all.

"Don't be ridiculous." Julius says gruffly. I don't know if he means "don't be ridiculous I don't love you." which is just a smack in the face, or he's denying his obvious undying love for Alice. A silence lingers in the air as his precise hand movements return to his clocks. I feel like this is the end of the conversation, but I'm surprised when Julius speaks again.

"I love both of you, it's inevitable, but I love you in two in _drastically _different ways." He stresses out. Well, isn't this a sight. Julius talking about his feelings! What has this world come to?

"I love Alice as a man would love his wife, I love you as if you were a troublesome teenage daughter. You are irritating and have the mood swings of a toddler, but you bring a certain light into this house. More importantly you make Alice happy, which makes me grateful towards you." He pauses for a long moment, before looking out the window. "I may love you, but I'm not in love with you." A sudden pain squeezes at my heart. The pain of happiness.

My, how naïve I have been. Love doesn't have just one definition. It doesn't mean that you have to feel connected to a person romantically. It could simply be the mutual feeling of liking you have for a good friend. I love Alice and Julius in this way. I can say this for all my wonderful friends, even Boris and Elliot. I love them, I'm just not sure what kind yet.

When I find my words all I can say is a simple thank you. Nothing less, nothing more. It gives me hope that I wont have to share my heart along side Alice's. That someone will be in love with me someday, and only me.

"Very well, if you're finished talking about nonsense will you prepare some coffee? Alice has been sleeping in all day." Julius says clearing his throat as if to brush away my foolishness. I automatically turn my head towards Alice's room.

"Really? Is she sick?" I ask as the beginnings of worry cross my mind. This is unusual for Alice. She tends to always be on the move, also she looks forward to making coffee every day with the hope that she can trump Julius' grading scale. So the thought of her being in bed all day is worrisome.

"I don't think so. When she found your stuff outside she was in such a craze that I assume she stayed up all night for you to come back." He says. A thorn of sadness stabs at me as I lower my gaze.

Sometimes I can't believe how selfish I am. I don't tend to my friendships like I should, I feel like it's always about me. I always focus on my problems instead of those of others. I was so lost with my emotions that I left all my stuff here after not talking to Alice for several days. I at least should of left her a note, and not left her here to worry.

"She misses you, you know." He says suddenly, which surprises me and I give him a questioning look. Behind his glasses, his eyes have an empty look in them. "Alice is a complex woman, It was harder to understand her when she first arrived here. If you'd ask her if anything's wrong, she'd say something like "I'm fine, don't worry so much." and smile, but something was always so hallow about it. She could have everything she possibly wanted here, yet it seemed like she was missing something."

The worry grows in my chest. Alice was kidnapped by Peter and forced into playing this game. I suppose our means of getting here are relatively the same, after all Peter brought me to this world as well, but much less forward than he was with Alice. But I had nothing to lose by coming here, I was just another useless person sitting on the sidelines in my world, a waste of a soul. Yet Alice had someone that cared for her from what I can tell from the stories of her elder sister. Alice was torn away from the only love she had left.

"When you magically showed up on our doorstep, I saw her show a great amount caution towards you. She was probably worried that you were just a figment of her imagination, that she had finally lost her sanity. But ever since you've been around, she seems happier. She worries when you haven't visited in a while saying stupid things like, "She probably got kidnapped walking over here! Are you sure we haven't received any ransom notes?'" Julius takes a moment to sigh loud while he inspects a newly intact clock.

"You have proved to be a dear friend to her and now she's more willing to express her problems. She's getting used to this world and I don't think she would've otherwise if you two didn't meet… So…. Thank you." He says as he takes of his glasses, gets out of his seat and starts mumbling about coffee as he walks towards the kitchen.

The room stays the same as he leaves. It seems as if he were never here in the first place. I take it we wont ever bring up this conversation again, we'll pretend it never happened. The only thing that suggests that this just happened is the fully restored clock gleaming on the desk. Something more than a faceless' life has been revived in this moment.

It seems that me and Alice and I are a pair, one could not function without the other. I would have never been able to come here without Alice and Alice would have been lonelier if I hadn't of come. Our lives have changed, or perhaps this is the way it was meant to be from the beginning, we were simply living in false lives until now. By coming to Wonderland, we've been born again.

I then turn to the kitchen and say something I don't think I've ever had the opportunity to before.

"You're welcome."

…

Something is very, very wrong.

It's been hours. Three time periods have passed. Julius and I made idle chit-chat in the main room. With out Alice.

She still hasn't come out of her room. Julius pretends not to care, but he's just as concerned as I am. Neither of us knew hat to do. Is it our right to ask what is going on if she hasn't come to tell us herself or is it inconsiderable to ignore that she's locked herself in her room? The passing time without her breaks me in half as it consumes me. I need to see her and confirm that she's okay as Julius keeps insisting she is.

I stand outside the closed door of her room with a prominent frown on my face. She rarely closes her door all the way. Even when she sleeps, she'll keep it open just a crack. Why she does it is a mystery, but it's a warning sign now that the door is closed. I give a few soft knocks on the white painted wood with my knuckles.

"Alice?" I call gently through the door. No answer. It terrifies me. "It's Madi, can I come in?" My question is a borderline plead. Still no reply. I groan softly as I rest my forehead against the door.

"Can you do something so I know that you're not dead?" I say grimly. I can't stop imagining some freak accident happening to her. Like the wardrobe suddenly collapsing on top of her while she was getting dressed, or the curtain rod impaling her, or her bed suddenly came to life and it decided to have a afternoon snack of Alice- Oh my God, all of those could've happened! Well… Maybe not the bed thing, but still!

Just as I'm about burst through the door, the strangest thing happens. The door swings open just a crack. Not enough to see into the room, just enough that you can tell that it was opened from the inside. I stand outside for a few hesitant moments before walking in.

When I close the door behind me, I can't stop the shocked gasp from escaping my lips. The whole room looks like the inside of a shadow. The curtains are closed, letting absolutely no light in and the room just gives of a certain dreary feeling. On the bed is a figure facing the closed window, staring at nothing at all. Still and cold like a statue. _Alice_.

I take careful steps towards her like I'm walking on a bridge of ice. One wrong and hasty move and it all breaks away.

"Alice?" I ask quietly as I try to hand my head in such a way to read her expression without standing full on in front of her. Slowly, she turns her head towards me and the sight of her makes me want to scream. Such empty eyes, such a forced smile, such a broken person.

"Welcome back." She greets, feigning cheerfulness. I step awkwardly in front of her. I'm scared of how far away she seems. It doesn't look like her. With her darken grey-green eyes and weak smile and emotionless aura. Where's Alice?

"Alice what happened?" I ask in a terrified quiet voice. Alice just smiles. She shows no teeth, just upturns her lips and smiles. And smiles and smiles and smiles and smiles- Oh God, Make it stop!

"Nothing, I'm fine. You worry too much." She says. A cold fear shoots through my body.

"_If you'd ask her if anything's wrong, she'd say something like "I'm fine, don't worry so much." and smile, but something was always so hallow about it."_

I see exactly what Julius was talking about now, but according to his explanation I made it so she doesn't do this anymore. Why couldn't… I fix her?

Her fake smile is giving me the chills so I turn my back to her so that I don't run out of the room with fright. I stare at the dark curtain in front of me as I try to figure out what to do.

"What happened." I repeat shakily.

"Is that your gown for the ball? You look beautiful." She chimes behind me. I clench my fists by my side in frustration. Why is she asking about a stupid dress at a time like this? Why she pushing me away like I don't care for her?

"What are you doing with the curtains closed, silly?" I say returning her fake happiness. "It's sunrise right now, you should see it-" I reach to up the curtain, but something clamps hard onto my wrist almost pulling me backwards. Shocked, I swivel my head quickly towards Alice who hangs her head low, her long fare hair falling in front of her face making her look sadder than ever.

"Please don't." She says sternly. "Just… don't" Her hand trembles around my wrist before she drops it like dead weight into her lap. I fall weakly onto the bed beside her. Why can't I comfort her? Shouldn't this be somewhat natural? When you see someone you love in pain shouldn't you know instantly what will make them feel better? I'm coming to a blank on everything because… Truly… Do I even know Alice at all?

"Tell me. Please." I choke out. I feel so bad that I can't do anything other than plead for an answer. Alice always listens to my problems, but I never once thought of asking her what she's feeling. _Are you confused about love like I am? Is Peter bothering you lately? Can I do anything for you? _All questions I should've asked before it was too late.

"I had… a dream." Alice whispers. When I look at her, she's staring at the blank canvas of the curtain again with a scared look in her eye. "She said she wouldn't forgive me." She strangles out. Before I have time to question who, she replies by saying.

"Lorina."

Lorina. Her beloved sister who wears bonnets and wants to become a psychologist. Possibly the only person that could ever tie her to our world. Make her want to leave this one.

"I…" I close my mouth shortly after opening it. I hardly could even fathom what to say. What wont her sister forgive her for? Could it be that Alice wants to stay here, but her conscious is telling her that Lorina would never accept her leaving our world?

I suddenly despise this woman I've never met. She's trying to take away Alice from where she belongs. I know it's selfish to say someone belongs to you, but it's the truth. Alice belongs to me and to all of Wonderland. She isn't Lorina's any longer.

"It's just a dream right?" I ask more sharply than I ever should've in this situation. I can't help it though. I can't stand that Alice would leave us all for a loveless world because of one person. What is this monster I'm becoming? Full of jealousy and spite? It's consuming me whole.

Alice looks at me with wild, wide eyes. Her teeth look shiny and sharp in the dull light and I see that she has become a monster too, a different sort.

"Don't you see? This stupid place is all in my head! It's all just a dream!" She snarls while throwing her hands up in the air angrily. She stares at me with a harsh expression before her face softens. She looks regretful as she stares at the floor. "Nothing is real. Not you… Not Julius." She whispers the last part like I was not intended to hear it.

_It's all… Just a dream? _

Where have I heard that before?

A sudden pain rips through me as a long lost memory coils around my mind. I grab my head as I sheik in agony. It feels like my head is made of glass and someone is stomping on it with a steel-toed boot. I barely hear Alice calling out my name before I'm thrown into a vision of a five year old version of myself.

_The night was cold and wet tonight. Like every night. It was quiet too. I don't like the quiet. It's scary. It's not like There._

_Daddy went to make me warm milk. It's so yucky, but I drink it because it makes him smile. Mommy tries to offer me toffee, which I do like, trying to make me settle down. But I don't feel like toffee, even if she is giving me the entire bowl. I'm much to sad._

_I pushed away the bowl as I bring my hands to my eyes and cried loudly. Wet streams dirtied my face and sheets and I sounded like a broken police siren. I thought crying was stupid, but I did it often and I can't stop now._

_"Honey, I can't help you if you don't tell me what your nightmare was about." she coos softly, forcing a toffee into my hand. I take it and hurl it across the room. Mommy's pink lips frown and she sighs. I love her so very much, but she doesn't understand the way daddy does. _

_"I lost." I sob over and over again into the night air. I didn't know why I keep saying that. I don't remember my nightmare, but it was really scary. And sad. It made my heart hurt._

_Daddy comes in and he switches spots with mommy beside my bed. Mommy left the room and it instantly smelled of warm milk as he set it on the nightstand. _

_"Tell me about your dream, Pumpkin. Take as long as you need to remember. I'm not going anywhere." He says with a happy voice. He crosses his legs, so that I'll believe that he really wont leave. And I do. _

_I sniff back tears as I make my brain remember why I had woken up crying and screaming so late in the night._

_"I… Um… I was somewhere…. That's not here. I think it was a different planet or something. And… I played with a lot of people… There was a castle… And people had animal ears!" This makes me excited as I remember that part and I put my hands up behind my head to make cat ears. Daddy laughs and it makes me feel better. Daddy had the best smile, it seemed to be better than any other smile in the world. But my faces falls as I remember more of it._

_"It was really fun…But then… Something happened… Something really bad… More than one thing, I think. Then I lost…" I repeat as the tears start again. Daddy reaches over and messes up my hair with his hand, giving me a smile._

_"Don't be sad, Pumpkin. After all, you seem to have your own little wonderful wonderland in here." He says as he pokes me in the forehead. I giggle as I squirm away. But when I look back Daddy looks serious. Serious is strange for him. _

_"You don't have to lose, Pumpkin. It's all about strategy. If at first you don't succeed, try and try again." He says before kissing my forehead and leaving the room. Strategy? That's a big word, I wonder what it means., but I'm glad he said that I don't have to lose. What am I losing though?_

_I pull the sheets over my head and close my eyes. I'm really sleepy, but I don't want to have bad dreams again. I hear mommy and daddy outside my room. I don't think they have found out that I can hear them through the walls yet. I like it. It makes it not so quiet in the house. I don't feel so alone._

_"What's the big deal?" Daddy says. He's mad, I can tell. His voice is scarier when he's mad. I pull the sheets closer as I get ready for one of their few fights._

_"you're telling her nonsense again, Mark!" Mommy yells quietly like she doesn't want me to hear, but it doesn't work._

_"I was just giving her advice how to win." Daddy argues._

_"About a game in her head! I don't want a daughter that can't tell reality from fiction." Tears start at this. Mommy's a real meanie sometimes. She acts like if I don't act one way, then she doesn't want me at all. _

_"What's wrong with having a daughter who dreams?" Their voices aren't even trying to be quiet anymore, they're just screaming now. "What if one day all she has left is the dreams she holds in her heart? She'll never be happy if she has only one path to take in life. If that day every comes, I want her to be prepared!"_

_I squeeze myself into a tight ball as I cover my ears with my hands. I can hear them again. They're saying that I should come play with them soon. Not now, I can't. They won't let me. The voices that I don't tell mommy and daddy about. Suddenly everything's quiet. The voices. Mommy and daddy. Please, someone talk so I don't have to hear the silence!_

_'I don't even know what you're talking about anymore, Mark…" Mommy sighs for a long time. "But I don't see why you're so angry. It's all just a dream." then it's quiet again._

_Always quiet._

The memory breaks and I'm back in the darkness with the most excruciating pain in my head. I can't think, but I have to. What did I lose eleven years ago in my dreams? The pain increases and I scream as my legs start convulsing. I… Need to… Remember.

"_Forget your pain." _

Nightmare? I can't forget, I need to… forget. That word rings in my mind and it numbs my body like morphine. I blink several times as I look around. Where am I? Oh yeah, Alice's room. What did I remember just now? I can't remember, my head ache's though. Remembering sucks.

I notice that Alice is gripping me by both shoulders with a worry in her eyes. She looks breathless and shocked.

"It happens to you too?" She asks shakily. "It hurts to remember." She guesses. I nod my head in a vague agreement. She stares at me for a moment longer, before letting both her arms drop as she stares at that goddamn curtain again. She brings the back of her hand to her eyes as she lowers her head.

"What's happening to us, Madi?" She asks as tears flow off her face and onto her lap. My own heart clenches tight in my chest at the unexplainable life's of two seemingly normal girls who just happened to fall down a rabbit hole.

I reach over and place my hand gently over her's on the bed. I curl my fingers under her hand and she squeezes mine tightly in return.

"I don't know." I say as my own tears break out and that's how we stay for a long while. Just crying nothing more, but as that hand unknowingly squeezes mine, I knew I just wanted to hold it...forever.


	43. Why We Must Wait

**Song: A beautiful mess**

**Artist: Jason Mraz**

**not mine, catch my drift?**

...

Ah, a ball! Who would ever want to pass up such a wonderful experience?

"What do you mean you're not going!" I exclaim as I slam my hands down on the table an lean towards the side Julius and Alice are sitting on, my face painted with sheer disappointment.

"I'm not going if Blood is going." Alice huffs stubbornly.

"It's a useless affair. I'm going to work instead." Julius says.

I jut my lip out in a childish pout. These two are hopeless. It's almost time to go and they lingering around the house like it's a normal day. I look foolish being the only one in their dress clothes, and little Carolina's butterfly I slapped in my hair that I made look nice for the occasion. I didn't know how to do anything else so I just made it likeably wavy. I wish I could manage something more extravagant, but that isn't the issue. The issue is that I have two of the most uncooperative friends in the world. How do I fix this?

"Oh! Julius, you're a Roleholder right? Aren't you required to go?" I say, my frown turning into a triumphant smirk. He tenses as he looks away from me with a grim face. One down, one to go.

"See, now you _have _to go." I say to Alice, trying to persuade her using Julius as my tool. Alice looks between Julius and I with a frightened look on her face.

"Well… I can't because…" She elongates her vowels as her eyes shift around the room trying to find a worthy excuse not to go. Her gaze lingers on me for a moment before a wide smile breaks onto her face.

"I don't have a gown!" She shouts in a merry sort of fashion. "Yep, can't go to a ball without a gown. So you two have fun and tell me all about it later. Now if you excuse me-" She tries to get up from the table and run to the safety of her room, but Julius catches her by the shoulder. He doesn't say anything, just glares at her with the utmost determination in his eyes.

A blinding light breaks out into the room and I'm forced to shield my eyes with my palms, even then it still hurts my eyes. Just as quick as the light appeared, its gone without a trace. Alice is the first to respond.

"Julius, what the hell!" Alice shouts. Quickly I lower my hands to investigate. What I see makes me absolutely ecstatic.

"Wow, Julius! How'd you do that?" I exclaim pointing to very disgruntled Alice who's signature blue dress and bow has been swapped with a powder blue ball gown and matching shawl. Her now gloved hands claw at the foreign dress as if she means to tear it to sheds.

"If I have to go, I'm bringing you down with me." He deadpans as he tugs his gloves on, also equipped with a new suit. I don't take kindly to being ignored so I try again.

"Are you secretly a part-time magician, Julius? I always thought the way you fixed clocks was inhuman-"

"That's so self-centered! I refuse to go!" Alice huffs with a stomp of her heel.

"You are going and you're going to enjoy it. End of story." Julius states.

"Julius, can you teach me how to do that-"

"Don't tell me what to do! You aren't my father!" Alice yells, stomping towards her room. Julius catches her by the arm and yanks her towards the door.

"Are you a rotten child around him as well?" He scolds. She rips herself away from him and marches out the door trying to distance herself from Julius.

"Where were you hiding the dress?" I ask as I follow behind them.

"I am not rotten! You're just pushy!" Alice states, her face is turning red with anger by now.

"I wouldn't be so pushy if you weren't so stubborn!" Julius rebuttals.

"JULIUS!" I whine, starved for answers.

The whole way to castle they bickered and didn't answer a single one of my questions.

Ah, a ball. I am starting to see why people would want to pass up such a wonderful experience.

…

Currently, Alice and Julius are not speaking to each other. Which leaves me to be the awkward third person in the party. I'm mad at both of them for acting so childish over nothing, but I'm absolutely furious at Julius .And not just because he didn't revel his magician's secrets to me.

I had worked out in my head that with the fluffy, carefree atmosphere of the ball would persuade him to give a much overdue confession to Alice. They would be awkward, of course. Julius would somehow reject his feelings of love right after he said them and Alice would do much of the same, but the message would be conveyed. They would announce their relationship eventually, and get married and have a million little cynical babies running around and I would be announced godmother, naturally. But no. That's not going happen because_ they are not speaking to each other_. Stupid pair of love struck morons.

"Just apologize." I whisper in Julius' direction even though I know quite well that Alice can hear us. Her ears seem to perk at this.

"Why must it be me to apologize? She's just as much at fault." He huffs, refusing to look in mine and Alice's direction.

"Of course she is, but you have to take all the blame. It's rule number one in the men's handbook of getting girl's to forgive them faster." I say very matter-of-fact. Julius raises a skeptical eyebrow as he finally looks at me with a look of disbelief.

"And may I ask how you know that?" He sounds like he's scolding me, he's so serious. I lean against the wall we're standing by. Apparently even at balls you can't get in if your early. I sure hope they open them soon though, My feet are already screaming from the hike through the forest, I don't want to stand longer than necessary, let alone dance.

"I don't know, that's what I always see people doing in movies and read in books and stuff." I ramble with a laugh. Julius and Alice share a simultaneous sigh at my foolishness and it causes their eyes to meet for a split second. They both look away quickly and it was strange the look the shared. A quiet desperation.

"Silly child, that's not how things work in the real world." He says crushing all my well known facts into dust.

The doors to the ballroom creak open slowly, yet none of us move. Crowds of happy and excited people push past us in the middle of the hall while we all stand still. Waiting for something. I'm not sure what though.

"You two too young to know anything about love. I hate naïve people." He mutters before leaving us to follow the mass of people into the ballroom. Something brings a painful realization to Alice and I as we watch him walk away.

I can see the heartbreak in Alice's eyes. I know her and I have the same thought process in this moment. Alice and I are young. Young people are naïve. Julius doesn't like naïve people. In that moment, only when Julius has shown the ultimate rejection, that he feigns absolute no interest in children like us… It is then Alice Liddell realizes that she is in love with Julius Monrey.

Alice holds her hand over her heart, looking mortified. I want to stomp through the ball and make an entire angry, curse throwing scene with Julius, but I can't help but think of the truth of his words. Because we are foreigners we will never fully understand this world, nor will it understand us. Would it be different if we weren't in the midst of such a difficult age? If we had come as fully sensible adults with our feelings sorted out and our hearts less damaged from old scars? The sound of it all sounds so glorious right now. _Hurry up and grow, body._

I feel the curious stares of people wondering what Alice and I are doing moping in the middle of the hall. I stare at my feet as I shuffle them side to side.

"Should we go home?" I ask, sounding dreadfully dull. Alice is silent for a long moment which causes me to raise my head and look at her. To my surprise she turns towards me and gives a soft smile.

"No. You came here to have fun, right? Then fun we shall have." She says with pure sincerity. I find I am smiling because of her smile. With that one smile I feel as if I could survive ten balls.

Pushing down the shared sadness we share deep down as we always do, a new found panic seizes me as we walk through the ballroom's door. The anxiety of a teenage girl.

What if I look ridiculous, not elegant? What if something- My hair, my dress, my bearings- is out of place? I am so very small. I wish I were taller. Pretty, fearless, polite, a long lost princess. Is it too late to run home and hide in the dark?

All thoughts come to a sudden halt as I catch sight of a certain someone. I spy Boris towards the back of the ballroom. He is remarkably handsome in his clean cut suit, but I would take his beautifully outlandish punk style any day over this. He looks terribly bored as he stares into space with a piece of the table spread's bread hanging halfway out of his mouth. I wonder if someone like me could entertain a boy of such charisma?

Alice seems to notice the way I'm looking at the infamous Cheshire Cat and gives me an encouraging shove in his direction. I will have to thank her later because I could've never gathered up the courage to go speak to him without a running start first. Getting to Boris is all I'm focused on right now- That means walking like a civilized person is blown out the window. I land wrong on my heel and it sends me hurling forward towards the ground. Amazingly, I somehow managed to fall only hallway between the floor and the position of me fully standing. If only I could figure out what I have my face buried in.

I slowly turn my face upwards to inspect. A pair of confused violet eyes meet mine as a wide smile breaks onto my face.

"Elliot!" I exclaim happily. I am glad to see the familiarity of his ginger hair and long ears. He laughs slightly as he places his hands on my bare arms, helping me up gently.

"I see you are as graceful as always." He jokes. I take a moment to observe him in his new attire. Stark white suit, black undershirt and purple tie. No one but him could pull it off and I must admit the sight of it makes my heart beat faster.

"Being clumsy is overrated." I say returning his playfulness. "And vastly unattractive." I add.

"I think you're really cute when you're clumsy though." He mutters looking down. Red paints my face.

"What?" I ask thinking that I heard wrong. His head snaps up with a shocked expression.

"Shit, did I say that aloud? I… Um…" He stutters, his cheeks growing pink in the process. "I didn't mean… I mean I did…. But not like that… Uh…" He groans with annoyance as he puts his face into his palm. Finally he takes a deep breath and fiddles nervously with his tie.

"What I meant to say was, "Would you like to dance?" He asks as he offers a hand to me. I blush as I consider it. I would really like to talk to Boris, but I equally want to take this rare opportunity with Elliot. I peek at Boris over Elliot's shoulder. _One _dance couldn't hurt could it? Besides Boris seems to be preoccupied with Gowland's cheerful rambling at the moment.

I can't find the words to say, so instead I just nod sheepishly and put my hand in his while I stare at the floor. He grips my hand tight and leads me to a large open space in the middle of the dance floor. I want to shield myself behind him from all angles, it feels like everyone is watching. It's much too open.

The music changes here, from a heavy orchestra of strings to a soft tune with a easy-going slow beat. Elliot arranges us in the standard waltzing position and I'm struck with panic.

"I really don't know how to dance." I admit to him hurriedly. He disregards it as he closes his eyes and smiles.

"Don't worry, just follow me." He says as his feet begin to move to the music and a voice starts singing.

_ You've got the best of both worlds. _

_You're the kind of girl who can take down a man_

_ and lift him back up again_

_You are strong, but you're needy_

_Humble, but you're greedy_

It was rickety at first, but my feet are moving almost in sync with his now. I flash him a triumphant smile as I look up from my feet to his face.

_ And based on your body language and shoty cursive I've been reading_

_Your style is quite selective, though your mind is rather reckless_

_I guess it just suggests that this is just what happiness is_

"See, you're a natural." He praises as he spins me. And get this! I didn't trip or fall over! I laugh out as he gathers me back in his arms. There truly is no feeling I can compare this to right now.

_And what a beautiful mess this is _

_Its like picking up trash in dresses _

_Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write_

_ Kind of turn themselves into knifes_

_ And oh, mind my nerve, you could call it fiction _

_But I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear _

_'cause __here we are, here we are_

I've just now noticed how much I like Elliot's hands. They're different from everyone else's. They're rough, even through the fabric of his gloves. Sculpted and hardened over many years of difficult work in the mafia. The hands of a man are in mine-The hands of a mere child. And his eyes! They are my favorite eyes in the entire world. Such a shocking, unique color of purple. A color I've always admired.

_ Although you are biased,__I love your advice _

_Your comebacks, they're quick and probably have to do with your insecurities _

_There's no shame in being crazy, depending on how you take these words _

_I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging_

"So, where is Mister _I Forbid You From Being Alone With Madi_?" I ask, curious to why I've already been alone with Elliot for these few moments.

"Ah." Elliot states as his face turns pink, remembering way he was forbidden to see me in the first place. "He's in the tea room. It's the only reason he comes to these things."

_ And what a beautiful mess this is _

_Its like picking up trash in dresses_

_ Well it kind of hurts _

_When the kind of words you say_

_Kind of turn themselves into blades_

_Kind and curious, is the life I heard _

_But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt, oh dear_

_ 'cause here we are, here we are_

"Ah, how silly of me. I should've known. And the twins?" The moment I ask, I receive the answer from a second source.

"Boo! Chicken bunny sucks!" Rings Dee's voice as the twin pop up behind Elliot.

"Less stupid hare, more awesome twins!" Says Dum as they shove Elliot and I apart. Elliot and I stare at each other confused and disappointed at the unneeded separation. Why do I suddenly feel like knocking Dee and Dum to the ground and throwing myself into Elliot's arms? We are two twins length away, yet he feels so far.

_ Here we are, Here we are _

_Here we are, Here we are_

_Here we are, Here we are _

_Here we are, we're still here_

"Y-You little brats! Wait your turn!" Elliot scolds.

Dum scowls as he takes my hand along with Dee and stick their tongues out at Elliot.

"Shut up stupid hare, you're ruining the mood." Dum says pulling me closes to him in a protective stance.

"We're going to dance with Missy and show her how much we love her!" Dee beams, causing me to blush.

_ What a beautiful mess this is_

_It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes_

"Didn't you think that I was trying to do that too?" Elliot tells the twins angrily. My heart pounds loud in my ears. _What?_

_ Through timeless words and priceless pictures _

_We'll fly like birds not of this earth_

_And tides they turn, and hearts disfigure _

_But that's no concern when we're wounded together_

Oh what will I do? My heart is torn equally between two men. Neither of them have less or more of my feelings than the other, just the same. This would so much easier if both of them didn't express interest in me as well. If I didn't know that my feelings for them would change their perspectives on me. If I wasn't fearful that if I chose one of them, I'll lose the other forever.

My head is spinning as the twins pull me away somewhere. I look over my shoulder at a flabbergasted Elliot, who's dance partner was stolen away from two mere children. I give him an apologetic smile which seems to ease him slightly.

_We tore are dresses and stained our shirts, but it's nice today_

"I'll wait for you." He calls after me. A sheer happiness breaks open in my system. He doesn't know the true impact of those words for me. He is simply talking about waiting form me to come back so I can dance again, but I like to pretend in my head that he means that he'll wait patiently until my heart has made up it's mind.

_Oh, the wait was so worth it._


	44. We're Gone

**Song: Heartbreak World**

**Artist: Matt Nathanson**

...

The one dance that I planned to have before confronting Boris has turned into ten. I had danced with the twins several times- They kept fighting over who would dance with me first so they passed me between themselves when I suggested that they should take turns. I am still dizzy from all of the spinning.

I've danced with Gowland, that was the most fun out of all of them. We didn't dance in any particular fashion at all, just strutted across the dance floor as he nearly picked me up and swung me in the air.

Danced with Peter after I saw him get shot down for the fiftieth time with Alice. He didn't want to, but I forced him into it with the promise that he could just pretend I'm Alice. That one was not fun, I think he was focusing to hard on trying to see me as Alice that he got too into it and got a little grabby.

I somehow roped Alice into a dance as well. I simply grabbed her hand and brought her into a tight hold like I was some man lusting after her. She tried to be mad, but it was no use. We gathered more than a few stares as we danced and laughed hysterically in the middle of the ballroom.

I was beginning to grow worried though. It seems like I have danced with everyone, _but _Boris. Is it that he's avoiding me or are we simply missing each other by a thread? Either way, I am desperate to see him other than just across the ballroom.

When I finally see him talking to the twins a few feet in font of me, I'm about to explode from the hope of finally getting to talk to him. I take off in a run. I don't care if I trip and horribly paralyze myself because of my strong desire to see his smile- I need to see it. I'm maybe five feet away from him now. It looks like he hasn't spotted me yet, but it will be better if I surprise him. I'll sneak up behind him and pull the old "I'll tap on the opposite shoulder that I'm standing behind." trick, he'll look away from me, confused. Then look in my direction and he'll be surprised to finally see me at last and we'll have a good laugh and the rest is unwritten. I'm so close! Nothing could possibly get in my way this time! Until… Vivaldi sideswipes me.

I skid to stop and gulp apprehensively. She wears an angry face which is clearly directed towards me. She still looks lovely as ever, despite her anger distorted face. She wears a gown much like her normal attire. Same colors, same style generally, this gown looks a little more carefree and casual than her other dress though.

"You have not visited the castle in a long period of time, Madi. Have you been ignoring us?" She persists with her foot tapping, her arms crossed and a stare that could strike a man dead.

"I… Um…" I stutter feeling completely pressured. It's not like I'm ignoring her. I simply didn't want to run into a said knight or a certain maid who hates my guts. I was hoping to make amends with Lottie this evening, but she doesn't appear to be here. Ace on the other hand, can die in the middle of the forest for all I care. He deserves to pay for his grotesque actions. The story is far to complicated to explain to Vivaldi right now.

"Of course not, your majesty!" I say as I feign cheerfulness with a light laugh. "I just thought that it be much more pleasurable to see each other after a long time apart. It's a wonderful feeling to see a good friend after being apart, right? May I say I am shocked to see you tonight, I almost forgot how beautiful you are." I schmooze masterfully.

For a split second I peek over Vivaldi's shoulder at Boris. The twins have run off somewhere and he's alone now. It looks as if he's sighing as he looks around. Of course everywhere, but right at me. I want to jump up and down waving my arms while screaming his name like a madwoman. And I would, if the queen wasn't right in front of me. So I change my focus from Boris and shoot her another fake and nervous smile.

She stares at me like she sees right through me little act and I fear what the punishment may be. Mere seconds later, she's smiling that picturesque smile of hers.

"You are absolutely right. We are pleased to see you now that much time has passed. Now you must catch up with us." She chimes as she hooks her arm and begins walking, _dragging _me away from Boris. I may just cry.

"We hear you are living at the clock master's again. How is Alice?" She asks.

"Wonderful." I say, sounding so incredibly dreary. Vivaldi sighs as we come to a sudden halt.

"That dreadful clock master is surely does not realize his luck, having both foreigners under his roof. It's a real shame because it is well known that We love you the most." She pouts as she brings me into a loving embrace. I can not appreciate it in full though. All I can think about is how I _could _be in Boris' arms right now.

"Well, well. Turns out your seduction does not end with just men." I cringe at the appearance of Blood's voice. As soon as Vivaldi's embrace loosens he also comes into view. The suit he's wearing now is very similar to his normal suit, just minus the top hat.

"I suggest you leave Hatter, before We take your head and mount it above our fire place." Vivaldi warns, bearing her teeth. Blood does not seemed threatened. If anything he looks amused.

"Oh no. I prefer to stay and watch. I'd like to see how Miss Delaine works her magic." He says leaning against the wall casually.

I sigh and close my eyes hoping to avoid the near headache entering my system. _Please go away. I am not in the mood to deal with you this evening. _I will him to disappear by the time I open my eyes. When I do, he's still there looking smug as ever.

"You speak as if she were some sort of temptress." Vivaldi states. I think she's trying to defend me, but I can't help but think that a small part of her believes that her statement is a possibility.

"Of course she is. She's seduced my entire staff and countless others if I am assuming right." He says as he gives me a cold glare. I am about ready to throw myself at him and tear him to sheds. He has no right defiling my image in front of Vivaldi, let alone anyone. And I didn't _seduce _anyone!

I think we're both caught off guard when a boisterous laugh escapes the queen. She leaves my side and points her finger like a bullet through his clock.

"We see now. Could it be that your jealous that Madi finds you repulsive and hates you, yet she likes your lackeys? Yes, it's written all over your face." She laughs again- Louder this time. People are trying to ignore the situation, but I feel that they are watching through the corners of their eyes. Vivaldi points at Blood mockingly and holds her sides as if she is tearing at the seems. There's some trace of childlike innocence in her after all.

What is the strangest thing of them all is Blood's expression. It looks as if he's considering Vivaldi's words as the truth, but he scoffs before I can tell for sure.

"As if I could even be even the slightest bit interested in a girl like her." He states. My eyes turn themselves into a glare. What a filthy liar. He's told me on several occasions that he told me I was _fascinating_. Now that we're in public he refuses to admit it. What a shady man.

A twinkle appears in Vivaldi's eyes as a devious smirk appears on her red, full lips. She floats to me in a fluent graceful motion and places a dainty hand on my cheek which I don't think much off.

"So you are not interested in darling little Madi at all?" She asks in a motherly voice, like she's speaking to Blood as if he were still an infant. Blood shakes his head in a firm no, but I can tell he's raging a war with Vivaldi through his eyes. The queen chuckles as she turns my face upwards with her hands. This raises an eyebrow or two from myself.

"So you wouldn't mind one bit if We did this?" She asks. Still Blood stands his ground, but you can tell he's slightly confused, as am I. What does she mean _this-_

Suddenly she brings my face to hers and she places those plump lips against mine. My shock is indescribable as is the entire ballroom who shares a simultaneous shocked gasp and my eyes grow so wide I fear that they might fall out. I can't force myself to pull away though, it's all just too unbelievable. Is this all just a weird dream? Did I truly fall and hit my head while running to Boris and am I really in the back of an ambulance having crazy delusions? She finally breaks the kiss, but leaves her hands on my face. Never have I seen her look so accomplished.

"Did that truly not bother you?" She asks Blood, sounding strangely serious as her hands falling to her side. I instantly take this chance to jump away from her and clap my hand over my mouth. I would still would believe this to be a hallucination if I did not taste traces of her lipstick on my lips. It somehow tastes what I would imagine a rose to taste like. Sweet and robust.

Being kissed by a woman is much different than being kissed by a man. It was more gentle, more thoughtful. It's like receiving a kiss made of pure feeling. My face stains itself red as I press my palm against my lips harder. I was kissed by a woman, in front of the entire country. And I didn't _hate _it

My eyes shoot up to scan the crowd. Everything has stopped dead. No dancing, no music, just staring. I catch sight of Alice and she looks like she's about to have a stroke. Every last one of the men look more excited than shocked. Including Elliot and Boris.

Goddamn bloody perfect. _This _was secretly how I wanted to debut my existence at the ball to Boris, however did Vivaldi figure out my plan? Oh, the joy's of sarcasm. It's probably the only thing that will keep me from drowning myself in the garden fountains right now from the everlasting embarrassment.

"Not. A. Bit." Blood stresses out. My shy eyes dart to him. He's not looking at us, but his facial expression pushes away all my worries and brings a whole new storm of confusion.

He could be… He might be… He most definitely is…. Jealous. I could be just making things up in my head by this point, but can anyone else see this? The way his frown is so tight and his eyes look so angry? He wouldn't have any other reason to look that way, would he? But how in any way, shape, or form could he feel that emotion for my sake?

"You just proved my point that she'll accept love wherever she can get it." He states crossing his arms.

And nothing is said after that. Everyone is scared to push the situation any further. But his words really chip away at me.

Could this be the truth? Do I really care about Elliot and Boris or do I just like that they're showing some sort of love towards me? I was so deprived of it in my world that am I just greedily gathering their affection for my own self worth? And not just with Elliot and Boris, but with everyone. I never put up a fight when someone steps over the line of just friendship. I accept it without a second thought like it's just part of average day life. I make myself sick.

Blood sees my defenses break down and sees a chance to strike. Payback for showing his true nature.

"You know I truly believe she's a Siren. A woman who lures men into their clutches by song." He purrs as he takes fluent steps towards me, only stopping a few inches away from my face.

"She really does have a magnificent voice." He says, but I don't believe a single word of it. I muster up all the remaining confidence in my body and focus it into my stare. I will always take on the challenge of those intense blue eyes. I refuse to surrender to him without a fight first. But his eyes look different close up. Behind the intensity there's something else. A faint sincerity, I think.

Before I can decipher it, Vivaldi outright pushes Blood out of the way and now instead of staring into angry blue eyes, I'm staring into angry lavender ones.

"What! You sang for him and not us? This is an outrage!" She shouts at me. I wince slightly.

"Well I didn't really sing for _him_-" I try explaining, but I'm cut off.

"We demand that you sing right now!" Vivaldi orders. I sigh in defeat because there is no refusing that. Unless you don't value your head still attached to your body.

The crowd splits as I begin walking slowly to the tiny stage in the ballroom as if I were Moses parting the Red Sea. Still no one speaks and for once, I'm thankful for it. I don't want to be spoken to at the moment, instead I want to be the one speaking and truly be heard. As I climb onto the stage I stare out into the crowd that has gathered.

These are the people I've surrounded myself with, my life will be shaped depending on the choices I have to make with these very people. It's been so long since I've come here, but at the same time it seems like little time has passed. And even with all that time, I still can't decide if this is the place I need to stay. I have caused more problems than solutions here, at least in my world I usually wouldn't cause an unbearable pain to form other than outside of my own body. Everyone else could be happy because of my suffering.

Julius, Dee and Dum, Gowland, Elliot, Boris, Blood, Peter, Vivaldi. These people all proved a significance in my life and now that I see them all gathered in one space, it seems wrong. To have so many people that I would consider friends within my grasp. Things like that just don't happen to me. Then there's Alice. When my eyes catch her's I can't possibly think of ever looking away. Those large sea foam eyes staring at me with such a large amount of silent questions. The physical feature that only we share. It was the thing that attracted me to her in the first place, but behind those eyes there is such pain and sadness that only a foreigner could understand. So I open my mouth and sing our stories.

_Lets all pack up and move this year_

_Slip the lines and disappear_

_Leave memories for auctioneers _

_And those just standing still_

_They'll miss the taste of wanting you_

_Call out your name like I still do_

_They haven't said a word that's true_

_And they only hold you down_

I'm tired of pretending. Pretending that I don't care if Alice goes home. Pretending that I don't despise her sister. Pretending that I can't live without her anymore.

_In this heartbreak world of just imagine_

_With tired talk of better days_

_In this heartbreak world where nothing matters_

_C'mon lets make this dream,_

_that's barely half awake come true_

I can see this is really getting to Alice. She keeps shaking her head and mouthing the word _no, _over and over again as if she's trying to stop me. We have not forgotten of Alice's insane hysteria over her dream, we simply decide not to speak of it because she is so conflicted over it. I want to make her decision easier- I want her to stay _here._

_Lets move out of Los Angeles_

_And just drive until the summer gives_

_Forget the lives we used to live_

'_cause we're gone_

_In this heartbreak world of just imagine_

_With it's tired talk of better days_

_In this heartbreak world where nothing matters_

_C'mon lets make this dream,_

_that's barely half awake come true_

_In this heartbreak world of just imagine_

_With it's tired talk of better days_

_In this heartbreak world where nothing matters_

_C'mon lets make this dream,_

_that's barely half awake come true_

Tears spring to my eyes and stream down my face. Everything ends here. Alice will soon leave, it's just the type of person she is. And I will most likely be forced to leave as well. I will never be able to figure out the complexities of love. I wasn't meant for it, It wasn't meant for me. But why does everyone take every opportunity to prove that fact false? Why does everyone love me when I was born to be hated? Is this really all just a dream like Alice insists?

_In this heartbreak world _

_With tired talk_

_In this heartbreak world where nothing matters_

_C'mon lets make this dream that's barely half awake_

_C'mon lets make this dream that's barely half awake, come true_

My voice dies as I watch Alice bolt through the crowd and scream at the guards to open the doors. They do and she runs out with tears running down her face. Julius chases after her and I sincerely wish that Julius realizes that he is the only person that could sway Alice's choice.

In the end, there is no applause. No sound as I cry without a single sound or movement for all to see. Everyone seems to expect more from me, like I should've song a happy song that goes against every feeling I feel right now. They don't understand that I am a thoroughly disappointing girl all around. After a few moments an awkward polite applause breaks out as if to mask that I've crashed the good mood of the ball.

Then I simply walk out of the ballroom and no one tries to stop me, when truly… That's all I wanted someone to do. That's always all I ever wanted- For someone to show that they care.


	45. Stay Away From Suicide Sea

**In regards to Suicide Sea. Sugar-filled Sea is indeed a poem I wrote for my father when I was in the third grade. Whenever Halloween would roll around he would eat himself sick from all the candy. I twisted Sugar-Filled Sea into Suicide Sea specifically for this story because both poems end badly from over indulging. There you go, there's your fun fact for the day.**

...

I'm running all around the castle trying to find an exit. Being the hopeless soul I am, I am beyond lost. This was a stupid idea after all. Nothing ever goes the way I'd like it to, so why did I expect that the ball to go smoothly? Perhaps it would've if I had not attended. Yes, it would've been a grand event and Alice, Julius and I would've had our own party at the clock tower- WHERE IS THE EXIT!

I sigh into my hand as I drag it in a frustrated gesture down my face. Why is a wrong turn waiting in every direction I step towards? Not just in the castle, but in life as well. I feel as if I'm a marionette. I may have it in my mind that I want something, but the puppeteer would much rather watch me suffer. He's quite a sadistic character, he enjoys when I am met with misery. Thinks it's hilarious. Well I'll show him!

I do a complete three sixty and stomp down the hall. My heels stab at the ground and it's cry echoes off the deserted hall. I will find a way out if it kills me! I am determined I'm headed in the right direction, but there's an invisible sign that screams, _Run! It doesn't matter where, just run! _Instead, my body chooses to freeze entirely as the knight of hearts smiles a breathtaking smile at me.

"Hey stranger." _Sadistic_, I tell you.

I let my utmost rage towards this man out power my fear. I raise my nose in the air pertly and turn away with him as if I merely was just hearing things in the wind. After all, his existence in my mind died the same time Ada did. I hope he will simply acknowledge I am ignoring him, but the sound of his footsteps beat quick and loud behind mine.

"Aw, are you still mad about that maid? I'm sorry, I didn't think it would be such a big deal, but it's common manners to forgive someone after they've apologized." I resist my urge to turn around and skewer my heel through his skull.

"Fine, will you forgive me if I was more like this? Oh dear Madi, I am truly sorry for killing your friend. I realized I can't live without your grace-" He bellows in a dramatic voice which pisses me off even more. I turn around and jab my finger at his Adam's apple like a blade.

"It doesn't matter how you apologize, I will never forgive you Ace!" I snarl, pressing my finger so hard against his throat that I will it to go straight through him. Responding to him at all was the first mistake.

He throws me against the wall, pinning my arms above my head and my legs between his. My fear cuts through me from the inside out. I know what he's capable of, I've seen it with my own eyes, but I still decided to open my mouth and offer a challenge. I flinch away as his face nears mine.

"What if I apologize like this then?" He whispers. The air passing out of his lips licks against my cheek and I begin to tremble. I recognize that smell, one I haven't picked up in a long time. It's alcohol, like the kind Mitchell drinks. I did spy a table laced with wine earlier today, Ace smells as if he's drank all that was offered. "What if I force you to forgive me?" His voice becomes sharper, his grip on my wrists tighter.

I look to both sides of me, looking for someone to save me. Ace and I are the only souls that exist outside of the ballroom itself. I can only save myself. I gulp down my fear soaked throat and look Ace dead in the eye.

"Perhaps the _old me_ would give into to such threats, but I'm a new person, as you say. And the new me isn't scared of you." I snap, trying to be fierce. I'm sure he isn't convince though. I'm sure he can hear the tremor in my voice, see the uncertainty in my eyes.

I'm caught of guard when he lowers his gaze to the floor and chuckles. What have I said? Does he find my seriousness funny? Ace always was a backwards person though. He's the type to smile when he's sad and frown when he's happy. When he's told to go right, he goes left. He is a living opposite of everything.

"Foreigners..." He mutters, mashing it in with his laughs. I begin to think he's forgotten I'm here, so I try to slip my hands out of his sneakily, but the second I move my hands an inch he shoves them hard against the wall.

"Always changing aren't we?" He asks, giving a too wide smile. I think his teeth are too white and too sharp to be meant as friendly. "Tell me, have you heard of the nursery rhyme _Suicide Sea_?" He asks.

I cock my head to the question produces a hazy thought process to run through my head. _Suicide Sea? There's no such thing… wait, there was something like that though… Does he mean Sugar-Filled Sea?_

I do recall my father sitting next to me on our old piano bench singing out a tune he wrote when I was born. He called it _Sugar-Filled Sea _and I adored it. On impulse of suddenly remembering, I can't help but sing it out.

"Are you, are you

Thinking of the sea

Then take your mother's hands and go play in the sands-"-

"Completely wrong!" Ace cuts off, laughing. I furrow my eyebrows and scoff. _I was not wrong! That's how it goes!_ I'm about to start up again, but suddenly Ace is staring at me intently. The sight of his eyes so serious make my airway close up. They're the color of fresh blood. He has blood in his eyes for me, I've decided. He leans ins close to my ear and whispers a sinister tale in my ear

"_Are you, Are you_

_Dreaming of the sea_

_You know your mother forbids it, but you can trust me_

_It's all fun and games,_

_Love, It's just bruises and scraped knees_

_Are you, are you _

_Crawling to the sea_

_Really, Don't be shy_

_The sun is much more bright, the people more kind._

_It wouldn't kill you to come play for one night"_

My body tenses beneath him. It most definitely _is Sugar-filled Sea_. But my father's sweet dream-filled words have twisted themselves into those of a nightmare. He's _erasing _those sweet moments I had with my father, making them seem fearful. I can't help but think it's my father telling me such scary things and not ace.

"Stop." I whimper as a single tear streams down my face. Ace does not stop, instead he presses harder, speaks louder.

"_Are you, are you _

_Walking to the sea_

_You can go first and I'll follow_

_It's your turn, don't mess up!_

_Make sure not to take more than you can swallow_

_Are you, are you_

_Running to the sea_

_With the waves that crash_

_And the salt that stings_

_Now why are you crying. You wished this upon thee"_

I kick and thrash beneath him, I can't bear it anymore. It feels as if my father is giving me warnings from the past. Saying that I should be careful what I wish for, that coming to this world would be the death of me.

Ace lowers his head to my chest and plasters it there. I try and claw him away from me as the tears increase. My father would not say such things to me!

"Madi..." Ace whispers, lowering his head to my chest. "I can make your heart beat faster." I grab two fistfuls of his hair and yank him away from me.

"Because your stupid stories are scaring me!" I shout as I try to run. Ace grabs me by the wrist, twirls me so that I'm back to back with the wall again. My blood pumps heavy and thick through my body as a feral grin slowly widens on his lips.

"Or," He leans in close, eyes half lidded. My eyes have never been so open, I knew what he was going to do. He's going to kiss me. I am paralyzed to the core I squeeze my eyes shut tight as I press my head hard against the wall, as if I wish hard enough the wall will turn to liquid and I will sink away from all danger.

"Could it be you've fallen for me?"

I don't know if it was the adrenaline or the self-defense finally kicking in, but one moment I'm beneath Ace, the next I'm clutching at his suit and shoving him as hard as I can against the wall.

"Never!" I scream, my body shaking with pure rage. I am no longer in control of my body of my mind, I only know one thing. Ace, the knight of hearts needs to die.

"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" It's the only thing I can say. Because right now that's the only way to describe the way I'm being eaten inside, the pain of loosing so much to him. For what he did to Ada. What he did to me

Three parallel welts form red lines across Ace's check. I realized that I caused it, I must of scratched him at one point. The sight of his blood is like cocaine to me, I can't get enough. I start laughing, that kind of laughter that is uncontrollable and similar to a mad person's. I want to smash his head so hard across the concrete that his brain turns to liquid, the smile forced off his face.

After all he's always smiling. Even now as blood begins to trickle from his scratch wounds and I intent on bashing his head in. He begins laughing too, mocking me. I growl as I raise my fist up, winding it up for a punch. He wanted a kiss didn't he? He'll receive one all right; From my fist. You know what they say, a kiss with a fist is better than none. Give a man what he want, hmm?

As I throw my fist at him I see something flash in his eyes. It's like you see him, and he's a person, but if you look close enough, you can tell he's not. I always thought that underneath he was a hollow and empty person. Look further and you see some part of him is there, trying to find his way out. He's not hollow, he's been rotted out by some unknown cause. This thought makes my knuckles stop a mere millimeter away from the bone of his jaw.

His smile widens, waiting. Ace's smile is wide and sunny and happy. Rotten, sad, dead inside, underneath. When I smile in this moment, I think mine looks like his.

I am mortified at my actions, my thoughts. I let him go, shaking from the tip of my toes to the hairs on my head. If I hit Ace, I'm no better than him.

I stumble backwards over my feet distancing myself from him. Ace leans forward a bit, wiping the blood from his cheek, rubbing the red substance in between his fingertips. I feel sick. The smell of blood is all I can focus on- The blood that I spilled. I feel the need to apologize, but I can't. Not to him. Instead I turn around, trying to stop my shaking hands. I begin walking away as if nothing happened at all.

"I… I don't think you should come around me any more." I call back hesitantly. Just because I control myself this time, doesn't mean I wont next time. "So… Goodbye." It is a relief when I don't hear him chasing after me and when I'm almost at the end of the hall, I think that this will be the end of the conflict between Ace and I.

"You can't get rid of me that easily, Madi!" He calls after me. I linger for a moment before wearily turning around. In all my days, I have never seen him so serious. "I've left my mark on you," He laughs darkly. My throat aches at where a grotesque scar lays beneath fabric of my dress. "And you've left your mark on me." He raises his bloodied fingers from his wound to his mouth, smirks as his tongue glides across it.

I find it so disgusting that I am forced to look down. He's right though, he has branded me like cattle. In this way, I will always have some sort of connection to him. It is like we are the same person sharing the same blood. One does not exist without the other.

I look up quickly to say some smart remark, tell myself that these truths are terrible lies. But by the time I do, Ace is already at the opposite end of the hallway facing away from me, bellowing in a merry tune,

"_Are you, Are you_

_Trapped in the sea._

_My, did such strange things happen here._

_Perhaps your good old mother did know her fare share._

_When she sang; stay away, stay away from Suicide Sea"_

…

I have a found a way out of the castle, not an exit sadly. I just need to be outside, my skin burns with fear and rage and other unknown feelings. The night air is still as I stare up at the stars from the balcony I stumbled upon.

It isn't the least bit cold, but I find that I am shivering. Ace's words keep echoing in my head, burying themselves deep within my thoughts. It all seems so clear now.

A warm lightness swims through my head. This world outside of mine is too wrong. Too dangerous. I understand that now, My stomach feels hollow, the fear corroding it from the inside out. I'm not supposed to be here. It's not allowed. It never has been, it never will.

I let out a sigh as I bend down, resting my chin on my arms which are folded over the railing of the balcony. There it is: The story of my life. My existence is forbidden everywhere. This world and the next. I really was born to reap no happiness.

"You're the talk of the ball." A voice says, breaking my train of thought. I sigh again and slump further on the railing, my lack of enthusiasm deflating my body,

"Am I?" I ask sounding not the least bit interested. Blood walks in my direction, mimics my position on the rail. Much more sophisticated looking than me, much less a wreck. My eyes roll lazily upwards to watch his expressions and wonder. Wonder about how he found me and why he thinks I want to talk to him right now.

"Of course, Miss Canary." He says smirking. I give a lazy half finished huff at the weird persona he has made of me.

"Okay, say I am a canary." I say, pretending to play along with him "If I'm a canary, why do I feel so trapped? I am not pretty to look at and I am so depressed I may never sing again. I'm much more suited to be turkey vulture." I mumble hanging my head. They are ugly and scavengers. Flying around looking for things they can not get themselves and when they find it they devour it whole. Making a big, bloody mess out of everything they touch. Oh yes, that is me all right.

"Perhaps." Blood produces a laugh which does not make me feel better at all. I bring my hands to my eyes feeling the need to cry.

I want to tell Blood that I am so confused and broken and I don't know what to do. That my body is fine, but the rest of me is lost and that every breath I take I feel like I'm leaving the person I used to be behind and becoming something new entirely. But he would just say I'm stupid and laugh.

"You are rough around the edges, savage like a turkey vulture. No manners. " Blood says suddenly. I remove my hands quickly to study him. He's staring off into the sky like he's talking to himself alone, thinking deeply about something. "And here you are stuck in a wasteland doing the impossible. Surviving." He smiles at me at this sentence. It's not a smirk or a grin, just a smile. A nice one with no devious meaning behind it. A new side of Blood.

"But." He says pointedly, turning towards me. I can't help but peel myself of the balcony railing and face him. "You are delicate and breakable when pushed too far. You are impossibly lovely for such a small little thing and when you sing people are mesmerized by it. You will always be a canary in turkey vulture's clothing ." He says, taking a step forward.

He's so right. I try to be strong, brave and aggressive when in reality I possess none of the qualities. I'm still a little girl on the inside that will never grow up despite how hard I try. Tears trickle down my face as I try to keep my composure.

"I-I'm so scared." I cry out, wiping the snot pooling beneath my nose with the back of my hand. I feel ridiculous as I sob so loud and unrestrained in front of Blood. I always wanted to prove that I'm not some stupid kid to look down upon, but he always saw through me.

Blood shushes me quietly, closing in on me. Surprising me as one hand rests gently on my shoulder the other against my cheeks, wiping away the tears with his thumb softly.

"Stop that. I've never known a braver girl- No, woman." Everything stops in that moment. My cries. My tears. My heart.

We've been alone so many other times before, but something has shifted tonight. I am suddenly much more aware of how broad Blood's shoulders are, how strong his hands. How he looks at me and the sound of his breathing.

And I can't tell if something really is changing between us or the calamity of the entire night has just caused my senses to become jumbled. Music floods out of the ballroom and it consumes my thoughts.

It seems that I'm not the only one thinking this. Blood distances himself from me, bows and offers a hand to me.

"May I have this dance?" He asks. I bite my bottom lip in hesitation.

"Wouldn't you rather dance in the ballroom? You could show people that you have a foreigner on your arm." I propose. I choose my words carefully, I think it is a very Blood thing to say if I do see so myself.

"No. I'd rather keep you all to myself." He says reaching an inch further towards me, beckoning me. I bite into my lip harder. That is also a very Blood thing to say.

It's not like I don't want to dance with Blood, but I feel like I shouldn't. I don't know why I think that, but I do. My hand finally makes up my mind for me, pushing against the thick air between us until it is joined with his.

Blood puts his other hand in position and I have to bite back the squeak gathering in my throat. His hand is too low, resting his palm against my hip. I don't mention it though, he wouldn't change anything even if I did.

He spins me slowly and masterfully. There is so much space between us that a third person could stand between us. I refuse to look up from our feet that move in artful patterns.

"I think this would be easier if you weren't pulling away." A quiet blush forms on my face.

"It's not that bad." I reply.

He pulls me closer to him forcefully, far closer than appropriate. There is but a whisper of a space between his chest and mine. Instinctively, I look around, but there is no one to see us but the stars. I gasp as the space between our faces suddenly disappears. It's as if the whole world holds it's breath with me.

His lips are hungry and rough against my mine. It's not like anything I've experienced before, but I would might like in a different environment. The sensation in my stomach is like birds flapping around as I pull away.

"Please don't." I strangle out. Blood's eyes search my expression, confused and maybe angry.

"It's because I'm a mafia boss isn't it?" He asks. I shake my head no vigorously because it's true.

"No-" Before I can tell him why his mouth is on mine again, suffocating me. I struggle against him, but he keeps pushing me back to him. I told him to stop because it feels wrong. My heart is not on fire in my chest, my senses aren't blurry. I am aware and not enjoying it.

A sound pricks at my ears and Blood allows me to pull away slightly to investigate. The sight makes my stomach drop and I swallow down a cry, feel it burn in my throat. _Boris._

He saw us. He saw us kiss and it's wrongness and he doesn't understand. He is broken, the look he gives me is similar to being stabbed in the heart. He glares at me as if I tore his heart, laughed in his face and tossed it over the balcony for the animals to fight over. Tears form as I try to explain.

"Boris, I… it isn't… No…" Every word is like spitting out lead, I release myself from Blood and take a few steps toward him. He responds by taking some back. I choke out his name again. "Boris-"

"Shut up!" He screams making me jump back some. His fingers curl into tightly coiled fists at his sides, the knuckles white. I reach out towards him, a sad plea for him. He flinches back, hissing at me. "I don't know why I fell for someone like you anyway! Have fun with your man, stupid bitch!" He screams throwing his hands up in the air, turning and stomping down the hall.

My knees almost buckle beneath me, I have to catch myself on the railing. Tears stream down my face my hand covering my mouth, as if I can catch my sobs and push them back down. It hurts. Really, really hurts. Everything inside of me feels broken. It is as if my blood has reversed its flow and runs backwards through my body. I want to dies, sink right though the floor and disappear. Because I know that if I let Boris go, I will never see him again. All those feelings I felt for him will cease to exist when he does.

I take a hurried step toward him, ready to stop him from running out of my life. Blood's hand clamps hard around my wrist jerking me backwards.

"Leave him." Blood says holding me close, kissing the skin of my bare shoulder. It's not a suggestion to stay, it's an order. Well I'm tired of taking orders.

I jab my elbow into his stomach and rip myself away from him. I run to the doorway leading indoors and turn towards Blood quickly and momentarily.

"I can't leave him because…. Because…!" I can't finish my sentence. I don't know the end of it. So I just take off running after Boris like my life depended on it. I'm so very thankful that he's not out of my sight yet.

"Boris! Boris, please!" My words come out in a terrified torrent. He does not stop, does not slow down. My heart smashes itself into a million unfixable pieces. Why did it turn out like this? Why do I feel the unconscious need to push everyone away from me? "Listen to me, God damnit!" I scream, my feelings overcoming everything else in my body. I am screaming and I can not stop.

"It's not like that- Please stop! Stop running and we'll talk! Just stop!" In my entire life I have never begged as hard as I am begging right now. I quicken my pace, land wrong on my heel and fall into a pillar. I cry out, but I could care less about my shattered ankle. Boris is leaving and he's taking my heart with him. I can no longer walk and I notice we are by the exit now. Boris trudges outside and I think of the only thing that could possibly get him to stay.

"You said you would always care for me! No matter what, Boris!" It's a shallow thing to say, I have no right to repeat those words, especially now. I think I see Boris hesitate for a moment and the last shred of hope I have ignites inside of me. I pull myself up the pillar, making myself look composed, which I am not.

"I lied." Boris snarls and then he is gone, and he will not return.

I stand completely still for a moment, tears the other thing that remains of myself. I wrap my arms around the pillar, needing something that I can hold and will not run away. I squeeze and squeeze, but my actions are not returned. Not now, not ever.

I need to run. Away from this castle, away from this pain, away from Boris. But I can't move, so I just scream. One word; his name. Over and over and over again.

My legs turn to jelly beneath me, I start slipping to the ground, but someone catches me. I can recognize Elliot's rough, strong hands curled on my shoulder, laced through my bangs, holding me back from myself. I push against the pillar still pouring my lungs out. Salt from my tears tangs my tongue.

And I just fall though the floors of myself, waiting for someone to catch me. Elliot tries, but no matter how hard he tries he can't save me. I am like a yoyo suspended on a twine string. I never fall fully off that string, yet whenever I'm pulled up Elliot just keeps missing my yoyo body. I will forever keep plummeting up in down in a dark space that never ends.

Later- I can not tell when because time has lost all meaning, but it is when I have scream so loud and long that I have lost my voice and there is no more tears I can produce- I hear a voice willing me to stay strong, to keep playing until I win. It just isn't possible though, I have learned what this terrible game I am in is at last. This is a game of gore and heartache, and no matter how long, or how many times you try…

There will never be a winner.


	46. What Living Dead Girls Want

**Okay. So after months of trying to juggle moving, school, babysitting, insane amounts of homework and just plain writer's block, I have returned! Sorry to keep you hanging everyone, especially on the last chapter, which seemed like an ending but secretly wasn't. This chapter also seems like an ending, but I promise it's not. Two more chapters after this one hopefully :)**

...

My misery is reaching epidemic proportions.

Boris is gone. My heart has gone missing. My ankle hurts. Rain is flooding out of the sky. I am wet and cold and broken.

Elliot drapes his suit jacket over my shoulders, but it does not cease my shaking. He was kind enough to walk me back to the clock tower and I find it puzzling. People tend to run away from me as fast as they can, you see, but not Elliot. He's always there to help me, even though I offer him nothing in return. I really am awful.

We arrive at the clock tower after a long silent trip. Elliot asks if I will be alright. I don't respond. I don't even give him a shake of the head. Instead I look into a puddle forming near my feet. I look at myself in it and it waves me into a strange, distorted creature, a shadow of something or someone.

I look wrong. I look dead, but I'm only partway there. I'm a living dead girl, lost like the hope that elegant ball gown dresses and cute butterfly hair pieces bring. And I think that image in the puddle is what everyone sees in me- The real me. I'm starting to wish that the rain will erase that girl. Make her skin melt off and reveal that she is a shiny alive girl that no one could hate. But it doesn't because I am a living dead girl, inside and out and that's all I'll ever be.

I turn to walk up the stairs, do not bid a farewell to Elliot, do not thank him for walking me home- For everything. I just hand him his jacket and leave. When I arrive at the door, I couldn't imagine things getting any worse than they already are. Like usual, I was wrong.

Alice stares at me with a horrified expression as I bump into her on her way out the door. She stumbles backwards over her feet and Julius catches her by the shoulder. My brain is so fried it takes me a few moments to put everything together.

I step inside, dripping living dead girl all over the floor. Alice looks ashamed as she looks to the ground. Julius has his usual face on, unreadable, but you can tell he's worried at my sudden appearance. It's like the two of them have been hiding a deep dark secret from me. My heart- Whatever's left of it gets caught in my throat as my eyes catch sight of the vile in Alice's clenched fist. It's filled to the top with that unholy red liquid.

She's going home.

"Tell me it's a lie." I croak out. Alice keeps her eyes trained on the ground as she brings the vile to her heart. Her head shakes a slight _no_. Julius moves to go outside, let us have our last moment together.

I fall towards her with trembling hands. I touch her all over. Her hands, her arms, her face. Gracing over the one thing that I haven't lost for good yet.

"You can't leave. Your home is here. Here with me and Julius." I lace my fingers around the sleeves of her apron, hold on so tight that she could never think of running away. I'm laughing and crying at the same time, if Alice leaves I will truly loose my mind this time. Anguish shows on Alice's face as she examines the state I'm in and I realize we look the same. We're all just living dead girls on the inside after all.

"No. It is time for me to go home. My _real _home, with Lorina. It's where I belong." She means to sound confident, but her words are hallow and flat. She doesn't believe her own words.

_Liar, liar, blue dress on fire._

My hands shoot out to pry the vile away from her as I finally snap.

"But what about us, Alice?" I almost scream, as I claw at the vile which is locked tight in Alice's finger caging. "Boris and Gowland? The Hatters? Everyone at the castle? What about me and Julius, Alice? We all love you so much!" I cry angrily as I seriously ponder breaking Alice's fingers to get what I want. That tiny, breakable vile is the only thing that rests between mine and Alice's happy future together! So why wont she give it to me! She hates me doesn't she? She never even liked me in the first place, did she? Everything between us was a lie! She's such a filthy Goddamn liar!

She catches me by the wrist, stopping me. I look deep into her eyes hoping- Praying that she'll see how much I need her.

"It's not enough." She whispers softly. The horror those three words create races through me as I fall limp to my knees. I can barely hold myself up. I want to curl up into a ball and realize this is all a nightmare. I'll wake up in bed and realize that it's the day I met Alice.

If I could stop time, stop the rotation of the world, I would have done so long ago. I would have stopped it in the first night I spent in Wonderland. Boris would still be here, Ada would not be dead, so many things would have stayed the way they should've. It would've been just me and Alice. Just her and I, too large nightgowns and broken coffee mug pieces. I would have held us in that eternity forever

But of course, everything presses forward, making a mess of reality. This world is not a fairytale, I am not a princess, and there is no happily ever after.

"I'm sorry, Madi," Alice reaches towards me, but I shrink away "I wanted to leave without saying goodbye. It's because I knew it would hurt people- Hurt you, and I just couldn't bear it…" She sniffs like she's going to cry. I wish she would. Then I could see the truth in her words clearer.

"I'm sorry." She repeats. I expect her to fall to her knees and breakdown- That's what I would do. But instead her face falls into a well trained mask that betrays no emotion.

She could put that talent to good use here, she could perhaps become a skilled actress to thrill Wonderland's stages. Instead she uses it for a terrible reason like proving to me that she really doesn't want to stay here. I now see she could be a good magician as well as an actress, for she knows how to make herself disappear. Vile in hand, I watch as Alice marches towards the door for the last time. Her shoulders are straight and her eyes are blank, and her movements are shaky, almost like they're half thought out. She's walking her walk of shame. To my surprise she turns towards me. I know she's waiting for some hint of kindness- a kiss, an embrace, even a smile. I can't seem to muster up any of them.

"You're a fine sister." My words are like a slap.

"I know." She answers, offering a slap of her own.

She lingers for an all too short moment before turning again and stepping over the threshold. I could rush after her, give her a kiss on the cheek, send her off with a good note between us. I could do that and it would mean the world to her. I could, but I can't move. _Could_. Meaning that I have the ability to, but wont. Such a cruel the word _could _can be.

Finally she turns and walks out the door, leaving me gasping like she has stolen my lungs, my entire body shaking from the shock and an even larger hole in my chest than before. I sit silently as Julius and Alice descend the stairs and watch until they are nothing but a pair of dark specks moving away from me.

A cry sticks in my throat as I cling to my chest, as if to locate my broken heart. I have learned that this is a pain I have not felt before. I have lost many things and I thought that no pain could compare to that. But when I lost things before I had been given time to recover. The pain does not go away, but I find that time becomes a morphine to a shattered soul. But compared to the abrupt loneliness of suddenly losing everything important to you in life, the steady cracking and eventual breakdown is a lot easier to suppress.

"Goodbye." I whisper at last when it no longer matters and there no one is there to hear it besides the half revived clocks on Julius' desk

…

Let me tell you something.

Absence is a funny thing. When the people you love are gone, the memory of them screams inside of you until the obvious lack of their presence slowly eats you from the inside out. Now that Alice has left, the room is too big and I am too small. Try as I might, I can not fill the space that remains. The feeling of severe loneliness hits me like a brick to the head.

"A-Alice?" Looking around I see that she is nowhere to be found, but I can _feel _her. Memories are painted on the walls and it's me and her I see in them all.

"Alice?" I call out again, like somehow this will make her appear from thin air. The floor sings with her forgotten footsteps. That aloof, unintentionally cheery sort of dance that her movements created whenever she walked.

"Oh God," I gag on my words, cupping my hand over my mouth like I might spill the sickness down the front of my dress. The air is too thin, I can barely breathe. There will never be enough of it until she is here breathing it with me. "Alice!" Before I know it, I'm scrambling to my feet and out into the rain.

"Alice! Alice! Alice!" I am screaming a prayer to some greater power. Whether it be God, or whoever created this terrible game. It doesn't matter, as long as I'm not too late.

_Hey Alice? Did you know? I'll always be calling your name._

Stairs have always proved a problem to the balance my body maintains, that much is already known. About ten rushed, clumsy steps in, one foot catches on the other and I take a nasty tumble down the stairs. Flesh unzips itself like a winter jacket through the length of my right leg. Thick, red, hot, metallic blood paints my body from all the other scratches let alone the butchered meat of my leg. I don't even think I can stand let alone run, but that doesn't stop me. I can't stop. Never stop.

"Alice!" I call out, my voice trembling. Scared. Hurt. Alone. Hopeful. I don't know where she is, but I know I'm going the right direction. It is like she was an invisible rope that pulls at my middle towards her. I suppose it's what you call a _gut feeling. _

_No matter how long, no matter how loud…_

"Alice, please." The word _please _brings an eruption of tears that even my barricades can not keep at bay. Only now, when I've lost everything I see what has been shoved in my face all this time. Everything good, everything bad, everything is because of her. I am here because of her, without her, I would not be living this sad but wonderful life I am now.

She is existence. She is life. She is _everything._

_I will keep calling until you hear me._

When I catch sight of her hair glowing like a flame that refuses to go out in the downpour, my sheer joy explodes with in me like fireworks. I slow to a stop and fall sideways, thankful for the wall as support.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I should run up to her, beg her to never leave, _love _me, but I just can't move. No matter how hard I tell myself to, my limbs wont start moving. The generator in my system has broken down and all I can do is watch in a useless silence.

"Well…" Alice trails off looking at her feet, clutching onto her vile for dear life. She doesn't want to say it, wants to conceal the truth. Doesn't want to bring up the abandonment she is leaving with us all, the big gaping whole that can never be refilled.

"What will you do," Julius inquires looking to the sky, letting it consume him. The darkness of the sky and the pain of her leaving. "once you've returned?" Alice snaps her head up, her face going slack, her mouth falling open in a confused _o_. She wasn't expecting conversation. Get out and go, she thought.

"What I always did, I suppose." She replies. Her answer hangs in the air like the plague. Such a stubborn girl, that Alice. Afraid to step outside normality, experience happiness, because what if it doesn't end up to turn out like a fairytale ending? She'd rather spend the rest of her life wrapped up in the wanting, the yearning, the dreaming rather than making all of those silly little wishes come true. Because you can't lose what doesn't exist.

"The chores will have no one to tend them without you around." Julius mumbles. I see what he's doing, indirectly begging her to stay. Well played, Julius. Alice will surely lose, but not without a fight. The rain seems to lighten over head, some divine being has decided to give us hope.

"You managed them just fine before." She argues, tongue scalding and tired. She would have left ten minutes ago if she knew how to. Julius is like the key holder to Pandora's box. If he slips, even just a little bit, misfortunate will befall us all.

"Madi will be lonely." He says, going straight for the kill much too early. Beneath her sticky and rain soaked hair I can see guilt rise to her eyes. She quickly pushes it away, crosses her arms in an attempt to hold everything together.

"She will be fine." The words are like a shotgun to the chest. I will not be fine. I will shrivel up like a rotten fruit waiting to be thrown away. But looking closer, I can see she is rocking to herself, eyes shut tight in prayer, singing a lullaby of, "Fine. Just fine."

"Who will make the coffee?" Julius asks, hoping to move the subject away from me. To mine and Julius' equal surprise, a strangle of a laugh escapes Alice's throat and dies almost as suddenly.

"You always hated my coffee, admit it." She somewhat orders.

"It's terrible." He deadpans. Alice's nails dig into her arms, her mouth forming a tight line. She did not want that answer even though she asked for it. She chews on her bottom lip like taffy, trying to hold every opinion back.

"I've gotten better at it since I got here." She points out, a forbidden smile forming on her lips as her eyes meet his "A seventy-two point average is certainly an improvement, right?"

"If you're okay with being average, but don't you strive for something more, Alice?" Something changes in Julius' face at this. No more beating around the bush, no more treating her like a spoiled child. He takes a step forward, grips her tight by the shoulders and leans down so they are eye-to-eye. "You are always thinking of what is best for others, the least troublesome. You always act like no matter what situation you're in, as long as everyone else is happy, it's okay! Don't think about that right now, Alice! Tell me what do _you _want!"

"What… I want?" Alice repeats unsurely. Julius just stares, burning a hole through those nasty barriers of hers. The corners of her lips dip down, tremble a bit as she opens and closes her eyes, tries to blink away the upcoming moisture in them. In the end, the silent demanding stare proves to be too much and she collapses in on herself, bringing the back of her arm to her tear producing face and finally throws up a white flag. Her words escape her in a torrent of sobs and child-like screams.

"I- I want to make a perfect cup of coffee! I want to have tea parties with the Hatters! I want to listen to Gowland's terrible violin playing and go on stupid amusement park rides with Boris! I want to punch Peter in the face next time he stalks me and I want to complain about boys with Vivaldi! I want to get lost with Ace, then get mad at him because he's so freaking clueless! I want to be friends with Madi and make her smile and laugh like she used to! I want to stay in this clock tower and…" She pauses here, her entire body quaking. She squeezes her eyes closed tight, lifts the key to our world high above her head. "And I want you to love me!" With impossible swiftness, Alice swings her arm down, letting go of the vile.

In that moment, everything seems to slow down. The reality of her actions has become so unbelievable that it is hard to swallow. I swear as the vile collides with the ground that I can see every individual shard break apart, every drop of liquid scatter.

Alice is taking deep breaths either from yelling so loud, or from fear, or she has begun to cry again. I can not tell, but I find that I am doing much of the same. It's over. She can't go home anymore. I cup one hand on my mouth, the other around my stomach. I am sick with happiness. It will be short lived of course, but for now, I will accept it and enjoy it to the fullest. I force my gaze upwards, thrilled to see how Julius will react to Alice's confession.

"You really are naïve after all." Julius smiles. A sincere one- Not one of those ones he musters up for the sake of making everyone think he isn't a robot after all- an honest to God, truly happy, smile. Alice looks up as fast as a rubber band snapping, furious and teary eyed. Only Julius would respond to a love confession with a blunt remark about a certain someone's naivety.

"I've always loved you, stupid, _impulsive _girl." He leans down, presses a firm but gentle kiss on her lips. Her eyes widen out of shock. I think she even tries to pull away a little bit. But after a short moment of hesitation, her eyes slip closed and stay that way.

I am beyond ecstatic for the two. Things worked out. The stingy old clock master got the princess in the end and they will live happily every after in their clock tower castle. Alice will no longer be known as foreigner, but clock mistress. I will be there also, intruding, but accepted all the same. The sight of them finally being romantic with each other brings a sort of school girl giddiness into my system, but I can't help but scrunch up my face in a disapproving manner.

"Ew." I snicker to myself. "You two better not be doing that in the house when I'm around!" I call, placing each of my hands on either side of my mouth, making absolutely sure they can hear me. Alice jumps away like she has just got stung by a bee, a dark red slowly painting her face as she sees me emerge into the open. Julius sighs as he always does, I will surely hear no end to my selfish interruption later but for now, we celebrate. I throw myself into her, wrap my arms around her middle and hug the life out of her. We are flawed, impossibly so, but that's what makes us perfect for this stupid bloody amazing world.

Maybe this is all a dream, but it's a damn good one. We will keep living our lives with eyes shut closed. We will stay in this wonderful wonderland and forget the places we once were in. We will not give up. We will play this game until, in the end, everyone is a winner.

"Alice Liddell," I press my face into the fabric of her dress, let the blue absorb my tears. The sun breaks through the clouds, Alice is a permanent being in this strange Country of Hearts, Julius is mumbling about his unfinished work _again _and everything is absolutely perfect. "I love you!"

She places a gentle hand on the back of my head, urging me closer. I feel a trace of a smile in my hair as she settles her mouth next to my ear. It's in the form of a whisper, but it doesn't make her words any less meaningful.

"Yeah, I love you too."


	47. Melancholic Girl

Then came a time I could hardly even begin to describe: a season underground. A bird with one broken wing trapped in a cage wielded by her own foolish actions. It's all her fault- Everything. She broke the rules, there was bound to be a consequence, but she didn't expect it to be so catastrophic.

My dreams, when sleep _does _come, certainly are a storybook of all my mistakes. A taunt to show what I could have done differently. What I could have done _right_. Last night's was especially frightening.

I dreamt of grass gone black as charcoal and I was thrown into a place of stone and ash. In the glow of the blood-red moon, a vast army of love obsessed men fought vigorously for what sat in the middle of the battlefield. Perched upon the highest branch of a dead tree was a single yellow canary singing to itself as if to drown out the chaos around it, unknowingly luring the soldiers to it as it did so. Above me, the dream demon whispers words of wisdom into the blood soaked air.

"_When dreams end, reality begins. Don't forget to lose sight of that, Madi." _

But here, the dream changes. There I am, at the top of a orange rollercoaster, the one I went on when I first met _him_, the one we went on when hewas still here. As the coaster climbs a mountainous orange hill, hescoots closer to me, the skin of our knees making a wondrous sort of contact. Hishand curls over mine and I'm forced to look at him. His lips hover over mine for so long that I think I might just start crying. Finally, he presses that sweet heat to my lips, speaking those words that I cling onto so preciously -even now- without removing his mouth from mine.

"_I really care about you too. I always have and always will. Remember that, Madi."_

The rollercoaster descends, and then he is gone. I'm suddenly thrown into the Hare's room, held firmly in his arms and I'm pondering how he gets the scent of carrots to stick. I want to stay there forever. I feel comfortable, safe, _loved. _But the more I desire to stay, the more I feel myself fading into the background. I press my body closer to him, try and save myself from being forgotten.

"_I couldn't forget even if I wanted to."_

He whispers as I dissipate into a million little pieces of dust. I find myself whole again in Blood's room with us side-by-side on his couch, a single cup of tea placed between us on the coffee table. In a flash, his breath is on my neck, a finger twirling an askew strand of my hair for his own selfish game of cat and mouse. I try to push him off, but he always pushes harder.

"Stop," I order in a voice much too strong to be my own. "You don't even know why you like me, so why are you doing this?"

He leans in, smirking as he leans in dangerously close to my lips.

"_Why indeed? But shouldn't it be enough knowing that you'll win over every ounce of love from our country's hot blooded men? Temptress."_

I woke quickly, covered in a cold sweat and my eyes raw from crying. I looked everywhere in my room to make sure that I was alone, that it really was just a bad dream, but nothing was there except the furniture of my room.

"Madi?"

I couldn't tell whether to be relieved or saddened at that moment. Relived that I had escaped the company of those that haunt my thoughts regularly, or saddened to find myself yearning for them. Anything to escape the feel of complete loneliness in the air.

"MADI!"

The use of my name steals my empty stare from the outside world of this clock tower. Alice stands before me, looking more worried than anything. It's a permanent expression she uses in my company. She realizes it too. How I'm becoming lost with the dark cave walls of my thoughts.

"Hmm?" The hum escaping me is produced in a robotic hum.

"Really now, you've been staring out that window for half an hour, are you even listening to me?" She huffs, plastering her hand to the skin of my forehead. Checking for signs of fever, no doubt.

"Sorry," I apologize, pulling back. "What were you saying?"

"I _was _saying," She states loudly, checking for hearing problems too. "That now's a good as time as any to open presents. Who knows how long the day could really be? We wouldn't want to wait until its too late and we missed our chance would we?" She ushers me up by the shoulders, and returns to her rightful spot beside Julius.

The room feels of family. Alice and I had discovered a fireplace behind several boxes of clock parts one day which, at the time, we treated like the greatest treasure in Wonderland to be found. Light from the fire inside it overflows into the room, basking it in a happy sort of glow. Our tree, a fat, jolly evergreen stands in the center of the room, it's branches outstretched in a welcoming and safe gesture. A minefield of brightly colored boxes lay beneath it.

And somehow, lost in all this searching for something I can not name, Christmas arrived.

"Well, come on." Alice pats the empty spot next to her on the floor as she begins shifting the very few presents we have for each other. I walk over and plop down next to her as if I'm not happy to be there. Because I am happy.

I think.

"I think we should begin with this one. It's addressed to both of us." Alice says in cheery voice, pulling the largest box in our possession to her knees. It is wrapped in beautiful heart-printed wrapping paper and a pompous gold bow. It's obvious that the gift is from the queen. She's the only one who bothered to send a gift. Alice pushes it towards me, an invitation to start the merry making. I muster up a smile- though I'm sure it looks like a frown, and politely push it back towards her.

"You go ahead." I tell her. She stares me down for a moment with an unspoken sense of trouble, before nodding and ripping into the present.

I close my eyes and I think of the horrendous shift that occurred.

So much has passed and changed in all this unorganized time. People have killed, and been killed. Love has been in vain and there have been enough tribulations and tears to drown this Godforsaken country- _Twice._

But mostly it's _his_ absence that has torn at my skin the most. He is gone from this place. Wiped from existence. He has been gone for sixty-two long cycles. Two months time. Sixty-two cycles too long.

"Oh, wow!" Alice exhales holding her present to her chest. It's a beautiful white winter coat, the color of undisturbed snow. I could only imagine how much it would cost, certainly a very large number with many digits. One could not put a price on something so extravagantly rare for someone like myself or Alice.

"You're bound to spill something on it." Julius says in that nonchalant tone he uses. Alice attempt at a merry Christmas is thrown out the window.

"I will not!" Alice defends, clutching it closer to her chest. "Besides, it's very rude to make personal comments about such things! I should ban you from this holiday as punishment!"

"Thank goodness," Julius sighs attempting to move from his place on the floor, which Alice struggled so very hard to get him in. "Can I return to work now?"

"Of course not!"

Alice pounces on him, fighting to keep him seated. An ever so common lover's quarrels that takes place in the clock tower. Somehow, it hurts to look at it. So instead I look to the opened box, pulling it slightly towards me. I pick up a note card with my name written in careful cursive. I recognize it as Peter's, and I feel a tiny spark of relief unfurl inside of my system.

Peter's equally or worse off as I am. Ever since Alice and Julius declared their relationship to the general public, Peter has lost all faith in humanity. He's shut himself off from the world, lost all his naivety and oblivious hope. I'm glad to see he hasn't hung himself yet. I really ought to visit him. He might understand what I'm feeling, even if I'm not all too certain myself.

I set the card aside, intending to keep it as well, and remove my gift from the box. It's a dress. A dress so exquisite it make my mouth go dry. It's a solid black, made of a material my commoner fingertips cannot recognize. It's long sleeved and should fall just above my knees. The breast of the dress is a different, lighter material. Pale yellow, almost white in color. Lace runs along the bottom hem in the same color. Looking into the box I find even more extravagancies. Knee high black boots with pale yellow fur around the top, black chocker rimed with the same lace from the dress and a large ruby gem hanging off it, and hair piece with two large live yellow roses and pearls strung about it.

I'm afraid I don't know how to react. Mostly I can't stop thinking about how much _he _would like this dress.

"Wow, Madi! Vivaldi really outdid herself!" Alice exclaims, scurrying to my side and taking a peek at all my new treasures. I glance over at Julius, grumbling, still locked to the floor. He never was very good at going against Alice's word.

I compare mine and Alice's gifts. Her's so simple, yet gorgeous. Mine so loud, complicated, gorgeous in a different way.

She always was such a simpler girl than I.

"Here, this one is from me and Julius!" She announces, hastily pushing a blue wrapped box into my hands. I look at Alice, then Julius, then the slightly heavy box. Silently, I unwrap it.

It's a book. A book called _The Art of Survival._

"You guys…" My eyes feel moist as I look to my friends. Alice smiles, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"We saw it in the bookstore the other day and we couldn't think of anyone else who that book was written for." She explains.

I clutch the book to my chest and close my eyes, savoring this feeling. Everybody needs a religion and I have found mine. This book, my bible. Yes, I will be fine. Alice always catches me at the end. Keeps me steady. Keeps me breathing. How could I have forgotten?

"Thank you." I whisper to her, meeting her gaze. And in the reflection of her eyes, I see a girl. A girl who's been gone for sixty-two cycles and counting.

"I got you something too." I tell her, placing the book amongst my new dress. I dive under the tree, reaching desperately to the back where I previously thought it would go unnoticed. Gingerly, I hold out an unwrapped box to Alice. She takes it, looking as thrilled as if it were her first Christmas.

She removes the top of the box, gazes in and clearly becomes confused about the contents inside. Laid out in two straight lines are two braided strings. One alternating colors of blue, white and gold. They other, yellow, white and black. I pick up the blue one and begin tying it around Alice's wrist.

"Friendship bracelets." I explain, tying the ends together then fashioning the yellow one around my wrist. "A reminder of who we chose to trust and love, and to commemorate making it this far despite going through quite the trouble to get there."

Things are changing. Changing so dramatically and quickly that I need to start assuring myself that I can't get my way. No matter how much I kick and scream about it. But I would like an anchor of sorts, something I could return to if I really needed it- keep myself grounded. And this is the only thing I could think of to hold on to that completely naïve idea.

I am hugged, and bestowed a kiss on the cheek from Alice and she laughs and admires it up to the light. Praises it is the best present she has ever received and boasts about it to a non-interested Julius, and the scene is just so perfect that I may just cry.

But I've made promises to not cry before and it's about time I started to follow through with that.

"Oh, and I've made something for you, Julius." I say, holding his gift out for him. His is encased in an envelope which he takes from my hands with a rather unreadable, but not unexpected, facial expression.

"Now, I wasn't quite sure what to get you," I tell him as he splits open the envelope, feeling oddly shy for the first time in quite some time. "But, I think you'll rather like it."

An odd sound fills the air as Julius observes his present, which definitely catches myself and Alice off guard. A chuckle invades the air. And it most certainly didn't origin itself from Alice or I. We look to Julius, who is back to emotionless. Simply looking over his present again sternly. It's over as quick as it began.

My grin is uncontrollable.

Oh, joyous day! I made the stingy old clock master- _the _Julius Monrey laugh! Even for the slightest moment, _I _made him laugh! It is a day for miracles indeed!

Alice curiously peeks over his shoulder to read what I have written to him on a tiny slip of paper.

_This worthless piece of paper hereby grants you, Julius Monrey, as much free coffee as you'd like, made by your one and only freeloader, Madi Delaine. (Guaranteed to be at least fifteen points better than coffee made by Alice Liddell!)_

"Guaranteed, you say?" Julius says almost absently.

"Useless!" Alice yells, referring to the bracelet I have made her. She pushes and pulls, trying to rid herself of the flimsy thing. "Absolutely pointless! I have no friends!"

"No!" I jump on her and struggle to keep it attached to her somehow. "It was a joke, Alice! Honest! Julius liked it!"

"It was a rather tasteless joke then!" She hisses.

"Just like your coffee?" Julius interjects from the side, which results in my thrashing from Alice.

I wish Christmas Julius was around all year long. I don't know what's gotten into him, but I'm rather found of this side of Julius.

"Worst Christmas ever!" Alice groans beneath me, giving up the fight. I giggle and give her an apologetic and teasing look.

Because I seem to disagree with her.

Something inside of me is irreversibly broken, that is already painfully obvious. The gears don't quite fit together anymore, and maybe there's a moment far from now when this emptiness will fill itself up. All I know is that something today made it so I began to feel things again- good things that have hidden themselves in the dark. Whatever I was, and whatever I am now, I feel like I'm finally on the cusp figuring out how to make happiness stick. I can't say for sure what that is yet, but the cogs have started turning, and I know that whatever this discover may be, it's going to be big.

Explosive, even.

…

Alice and I have ventured outdoors, clad in our new jackets, dresses plus other extravagancies and friendship bracelets, which look very ugly in comparison.

Giant handprints of dark clouds paint the sky. Every inhale brings a cold breeze to nip at my lungs, and escapes in a thick billow of frozen air on exhale. The snow from the last cycle lays undisturbed in a fresh sheet on the ground. It feels like anything can sneak up on you in this weather. I don't know why I feel that way. I just do, and I find it unsettling.

The Hatter's mansion comes into view and along with it, two little boys dressed in red and blue. For once, they do don't hop on me and pull on my clothes in all sorts of directions to show me of all they have to show me. What an odd day indeed.

"What are you boys up to?" I ask, leaning over the identical boys kneeling in the snow.

"Trouble, no doubt." Alice says beside me.

The two's eyes pan up to meet ours and the sheer excitement is clear to see.

"Missy and big sister!" The two exclaim, each one choosing a girl's middle to hug, then switching.

"We've made snowballs!" Dee announces, very triumphantly if I may add.

"Missy and big sister should have a snowball fight with us!" Dum exclaims as Alice and I are pulled down to their snowball making station. I laugh a bit.

"I don't see why not!" I tell them. Internally I am ecstatic at the fact of stumbling upon Dee and Dum doing something normally little boys do. For once they're not wielding a weapon or playing a game of die or kill with people! I'm certain it's Christmas' merry nature to thank for this.

I reach for an already made snowball, ready to engage and quite honestly, surpass everybody in a snowball fight. But upon closer inspection, the blood rushes from my face and cower backwards a considerably safe distance away.

"T-There's-" I gasp, trying to assure myself not to be surprised. It isn't working. "There's razor blades in those snowballs."

"Neat-O, Right?" Dum questions, holding a prime and _very _sharp example of their concoction to me.

"They're holiday appropriate toys, don't you think?" Inquires Dee.

"But you'll hurt someone with those!" Alice sheiks. The twins exchange a look.

"That's the point!" They insist. Alice goes off into a lecture of their terrible morals, which I should also engage in, but my attention has been snagged on something else.

"Travis!" I call, standing to match the faceless servant's height to the best of my ability. He's out of breath from sprinting from wherever he spotted me first to where we stand now, but it doesn't damper his spirit.

"Hello, my lady!" He says, smiling immensely. This title has replaced my name in Travis' book, no matter how much I fuss about it "Here to see Master Elliott again?" He questions. I nod in response.

Everyday I visit the mansion and spend time with Elliott. Now, as to why, I'm lost for an answer. But my hand's don't shake when I'm around him nearly as much doesn't ask many questions to why I am the way I am. That I like.

"I'm afraid that he's out right now. Would you like me to take you to his room to wait?" Travis asks.

"Yes, if it's not too much trouble." I reply and I swear Travis would roll his eyes if her had any and take me by the arm gently to be led away.

"Goodbye, everyone!" I call behind me, but my attempt is in vain. Alice and the boys' argument is too intense right now to be interfered with a silly farewell. Oh well. I tried.

As we walk, snow begins to fall in a powdered sugar texture which begins to blanket itself in our hair and our clothes. And as we enter the monstrous-sized building, I am aware of the weight in my pocket.

"Oh Travis," I say fishing through my pocket. "Merry Christmas." I say holding a white plastic sheet, fat with contents and tied at the top with a white bow. He takes it somewhat hesitantly and pulls on one end of the bow so the gift unwraps itself in his hands. Chocolate chip cookies have never had such a grand entrance before.

"I've made them myself, so they don't expect them to be very good." I warn him. "But I wanted to get you something because, you know, we're friends."

"Oh, thank you!" He is way too happy for just receiving cookies. Even if they are his favorite. But then he gives me a solemn look as he continue walking. "I'm afraid I have nothing for my lady in return though."

Oh, how conflicted he seems. But my concern is elsewhere.

"Who is that girl, Travis?" I ask, indicating to a girl hiding behind a pillar several feet in front of us. I have seen this girl an oddly great number of times before out and about the mansion.

She was tall and well portioned. A faceless girl with curly blond hair and a permanent blush glued to her face. She was always spying on Travis, wherever he may be and was quite particular and glaring at me with those non-existent eyes.

I may be wrong, but I think she may like Travis. A lot.

"Who? Where?" Travis questions much too loudly, searching all around, being not very discrete at all.

"Don't be so obvious, moron." I chide continuing to look forward and not slowing my pace, even for a tick. "That girl- The one behind the pillar."

He follows my instructions and turns his head just slightly enough to look at Miss Mystery Stalker. His eyebrows knit themselves together.

"Oh," He exhales. "That's Mary Ann. She's a maid here as well."

"Talk to her often?" I question. His puzzlement does not cease."I've exchanged a word or two with her I believe, but she's always quick to avoid me. I wonder why that is?" He asks aloud. _I knew it, _I think triumphantly.

"Then chase after her." I state. We have arrived at Elliot's room, I recognize the surroundings, but I'm sure Travis has stopped because he is much too confused by my words.

"M-my lady?" He questions. I fold my arms across my chest and lean back against the wall slightly and grin.

_I know a secret that you don't._

"That's what I want you to do for my Christmas present." I tell him. "Walk over there and talk to her. And if she runs away, chase after her. Make conversation and be friends with that girl."

"I'm afraid I don't understand what you're trying to do, my lady." He confesses. I sigh and close my eyes.

"_Please_, Travis," I'm on the verge of begging. "Trust me on this, okay?"

When I open my eyes he's looking in the direction of this Mary Ann girl. He looks at back to me, as if to ask permission.

"Well, go on!" I laugh, giving him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. He nods and starts walking toward her.

"Oh, Mary Ann!" He calls, waving at her. She squeaks considerably loud and immediately makes off for an exit. Travis increases his pace and the volume of his voice. "I say, Mary Ann! Do wait up!"

I smile as the two race off down the halls and become blended with the walls, until I cannot see them anymore. I slide gently down the wall outside of Elliott's room and begin to hum to myself, and hope that this is the beginnings of love for those two.

…

I wait, and wait, and wait, but Elliott is taking an awfully long time.

I've been alone too long and those thoughts of disparity are catching up with my unoccupied mind. Oh, I do wish he comes soon or else I don't know what ridiculous things my mind will tell me!

"Well, well." A voice says. _Oh please, no._

"Christmas day has brought a lovely foreigner to my mansion."

"Go away, Blood." I try and order calmly, but it sounds frightened whisper.

Blood Dupre. Or as I affectingly refer to him within the sanctity of my mind as He Who Inflicts Misery Simply By Breathing.

It is entirely his fault that _he_ left. Blood used me to drive him away. Or maybe… I used Blood to drive him away, because deep down, I knew that he would be much better without me? Maybe he's happier without me. Did I ever stop to consider that?

The terrible thoughts are much louder when Blood is around. I want to box the silly things straight from my head.

"Is that anyway to say hello to the man who's residence you are in?" Blood asks, demanding as ever.

"Where is Elliot?" I ask, standing as if to show him who's really boss around here and offer up a demand of my own. Blood's expression changes to annoyance which is fairly common when he is in my company.

"Out doing his job," Blood counters. "Would you like a cup of tea while you're waiting?"

"I don't want anything from _you_." I scowl, making a move to lock myself in Elliot's room been though that's terribly rude. Blood blocks my way of course.

"I don't see why not." He breathes in an angry tone on my neck. It feels like poison to the skin. "I could provide for you anything in the world. What else do you want from me?" I turn to him in an angry rage, pushing him away from me with all my might.

"It's bloody well clear that you could buy me anything, I don't doubt that, Blood! But I don't want your materialistic things like dresses and jewels and castles! All your money and power couldn't buy me anything that counts! Could you buy me happiness, Blood? Could you buy me answers to the thoughts that swim about me head? Could you buy me time, so I could take it back?" My words escape me as a cannonball with such intensity I couldn't place, and when Blood stands silent with no response to my rapid fire, I downright explode.

"COULD YOU?" I scream at full volume, which leaves a ringing to sit in my ears.

For the first time, since I've met him, I see that someone else words have actually impacted him in a way that makes him to maybe, even just a tiny bit, regret the character he has made himself into. He still doesn't speak, but he fingers something in his pocket for some quite time with a conflicted expression hanging off his face.

"Perhaps," He whispers, taking my hand and shoving a tiny velvet box in my hands and forcing my fingers to curl around it.

I seize fire as I stare at the box and the shaking begins.

"What is this?" My head begins to spin. The floors and walls will not stay in place.

"It's exactly what it looks like." He states as if the world's law has not just been obliterated.

"What the _hell _is this!" I scream, panic setting heavy in my bones. My body has become an earthquake of delirium, complete insanity- a force to be reckoned with.

He stays quiet, gently prying the box open revealing a ridiculously big diamond on a gold band. I snap the thing shut quick as a bullet, acting as if were just as deadly. And Blood's face- his face! Why is it so soft and gentle in this time of complete calamity!

"It's a question. One you would be wise to say yes to." He says in that tone that makes it seem like he's ordering you, even if he doesn't intend to.

I am about to chuck this unholy box at such a velocity that it shall catch fire and burn through all his idiotic and repulsive intentions, but then he says something that stops me entirely.

"So many rules and not enough time, my dear." He whispers.

_Th-thump. Th-thump._

"The Game won't wait forever for him." He turns his back, deciding he's lost interest with the toy he's made of me for the moment.

_Th-thump, th-thump, thump, thump, thump._

"Time is running out." And then he is gone. His words decide to hang in the air despite his absence.

_THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!_

My body's shutting down. I'm blacking out. My heart are strings straining to ward off the upcoming heart attack. I slowly fall to my knees and I stare at the floor tiles with wide ghost ridden eyes. I can't even muster up the strength to blink, yet somehow, I mange to take the lone item in my dress.

And I stare, and stare, and stare. Unable to take my eyes from the velvet box in my left hand and the vile in my right.

The world is blurry, but the voice in my head is clear as day. Screaming wicked, wicked words.

_NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! THE TIME IS NOW!_

And I kneel there for a time that seems endless, just staring at the horror that has presented itself. Elliot finally decides to show up, but he's shown up late. Such an untimely man, that one.

And he's shouting my name, and helping me up, and trying to shake the sense back into me, and asking me if I'm okay. My tongue is the same texture as cotton. Can't speak, can't respond.

But no, Elliot. I am disintegrating to ruins. I wish he could see how the sun has just fallen from the sky. That the oxygen is fading from the world.

_Tick tock, the time is up._

…

I am stationed to sit at a table in Elliot's room, a piece of carrot cake placed in front of me to chase away my woes, seeing as carrot cake solves everything in Elliot's eyes. My position has not changed from the one I held in the hall. I still haven't blinked either.

"Madi," Elliot says worriedly from the seat across from mine. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened."

I place both items in my hand in the middle of the table absently- lining up all my little soldiers from the war raging inside me in order.

"Your boss gave me this," I get out my words in a hoarse whisper and turn the box and open it. I don't want to look at that disgusting thing. And I don't even want to begin with the vile.

Elliot's registration is first furious, than sad, then emotionless.

"You're not going to wear it?" His eyes refuse to meet mine. "Not even as a normal ring?"

"A ring means something, Elliot." My head is still pounding a jack hammer of _NOW!NOW!NOW! _into my head, and it hurts to make a coherent thought to form sentences.

"I see." Elliot whispers quietly. And then the silence appears and stays there.

And the _NOW!NOW!NOW!_'s tear open the seams until I do the one thing that I will know that will get them to stop.

"Let's run away, Elliot!" I propose, and I was right. The drilling has stopped. At least for the moment.

"E-Excuse me?" A very flustered hare exhales breathlessly.

I grip the fabric of my dress in tightly wound up fists and look to my knees.

"Let's leave this place, Elliot! We wont tell anyone or make any specific plans to where we might go! Let's just pack our bags and leave! Together- Tonight! And we'll make a life of the thing!"

Yes, that's what we'll do. We'll leave and be done with all these rules and all those other people who have pushed us to this point. Alice will by disappointed in my choice to leave here so abruptly without a proper goodbye, of course, but she will forgive me. One day, maybe. And I wouldn't want to start over with anyone other than Elliot! He is such a good man to me. He'd assure me a steady hand and hopeful promises, like he has already. And though I'm uncertain if I really, really love him or not, but I'm sure I could come to love him! Eventually. Yes, if we leave, that can be assured.

We'll leave just like _him… _and…

"You're not serious are you?" Elliot asks, determined that I'm playing him for an early April fool. But still, there's a sliver of hope in those eyes.

And I stop to think a moment and all I come up with is _NOW!_

"Yes." I reply, loosing luster. But that is not the answer Elliot hears. He hears that split second of hesitation and spins a web that I will never escape from.

"Heh," He smiles, but oh, it's such a sad smile. So broken down and forced. "You don't fool me, Madi."

"Pardon?" I squeak, falling apart at the seams.

"Admit it. Even though you're speaking to me, you're thinking of him."

And _his _face invades every corner of my mind. Every moment, every word, every touch. Everything I've dammed up until now.

I kick back in my chair with my legs, throw my head between knees, and press my palms to my ears. Squeezing, squeezing. Trying to push this pain out of my system.

"I don't know why!" I strangle out. "He is gone! He doesn't concern me anymore! If he's not here, I want him to stay the hell out of every minute of every thought and stop making me feel like this!"

I begin rocking to myself like a small child lost in the dark, chanting quietly to myself to rid the ghosts from my thoughts.

"Go away, go away, go away…"

"Madi…" Oh, and Elliot's tone! He's so very hurt! I'm a wicked child for torturing him so! For torturing everybody is this twisted game! I shall announce him winner, so I can never hurt anyone again!

I feel the slightest of touches run through my hair, and when I look up though these crazed eyes, Elliot's expression is so sad, yet very happy at the same time and I'm left wondering how that can possibly be.

"I love you."

And I begin to cry. Hard, wretched sobs and may hands are all over to try and stop all the leaking that is being produced from my eyes and nose. Elliot's slab-like calloused hands gently usher mine away and take over the job.

"But for you, it's not about who you love the most, Madi." His face is so close to his, cupped in those hands that are so much older than mine. Never have I seen eyes filled with such melancholy. And I can't help it's because he's staring at such a melancholic girl. And then he whispers something in my ear as if it was the biggest sin to ever exist.

"It's about who you can't live without the most."

And the cogs begin to turn at full speed. I begin to overheat at the realization. Elliot cracked the case that no one else could. And it both brings hope and destruction to this illogical world.

"Oh Elliot," I whisper gently to him, as I press my forehead to his, trying to burn directly into his skull how much he means to me and how much I really and truly love him. I bring my hands to his hair, and intertwine them within it.

I pull his lips to mine and let go. Let go of uncertainty and pent up feelings. And our lips move in perfect sync, lost in all the passion. And his lips taste of carrots and the saltiness of tears, which do not belong to me.

He knows what this kiss means. For us- for The Game. And pulling away is so very hard, but it must me done. And I rest my forehead to his and look in those eyes pooling amongst the violet. And I pull on his hair so very tight to stop myself from doing the same and giving into the easy way out.

"I am so sorry." I whisper, retrieving my hands back, letting my fingertips pull back on all his features so I can remember them in the long while I will not see him. And the fault line I have created is unfixable. This marks the end of something and it's so sad that I can't help but do the right thing and not let it weigh me down.

And Elliot chokes out something that isn't coherent and nods, which thereby, cut the strings that tie me to him.

And then I run. I run, and I don't dare stop.

I run straight into a great and terrible explosion of discovery.


End file.
